View Full Version : Things people say when drunk
A friend was fairly abusive to me over the weekend - it was obvious that she'd had a skinful. I was offended because some of the comments were deeply personal and tended to suggest that she had betrayed my trust on something I'd told her in confidence.
So, was this simply drunken ramblings? Or what she always thought and never had the guts to say so to my face? I called her this morning and confronted her with it. She told me that she would never mean to offend me and that I had misunderstood, that she had never said half the things she did say and that she was offended that I had taken offence at such innocent comments which were well meant.
Am I right to be narked? Do people really say what they mean when they're drunk? Forget it? Thoughts?
gettin2dizzy
10-12-07, 10:28 AM
I've on too many occasions said things with real conviction when ****ed that I have totally the opposite thought to in sober life. Things that have been a bit sensitive to someone so taken seriously :( I've no idea why but alcohol works in hideous ways, I'd just laugh about it and expect a free beer courtesy of the offender ;)
Welsh_Wizard
10-12-07, 10:31 AM
Too right on being narked.
Get in there and give her what for..
One of my pet hates is people thinking they got a 'get out of jail card' just because they've had a few. Utter load of balls in my opinion.. I can be civil (even more so when drunk) so when people try to fob me the next morning with 'awww, i was sooo p!ssed' it normally means they are going to get an extra slap in the chops..
gettin2dizzy
10-12-07, 10:43 AM
ok, she's not in the good books. Being drunk isn't an excuse at all - but it shouldn't be taken as a serious onslaught with truths just becasue she was ****ed IMO.
Samnooshka
10-12-07, 10:50 AM
I think a lot of people have said something stupid when drunk, me being one of them... i think you have less inhibitions when drunk and therefore are more likely to say something you would never dream of saying when sober. I think you do speak what you really feel/think when drunk.
Its a difficult situation, you have confronted her over it, i'd still be pretty narked over it too, maybe speak face to face next time you see her and go from there, if she is genuinely sorry then forgive her for it, but maybe refrain from saying things in confidence to her in the future.
I think a lot of people have said something stupid when drunk,
I DO :D
arenalife
10-12-07, 11:49 AM
Being drunk is no excuse, it's just things they wanted to say when they were sober. Tell her exactly what you think and thank them for letting you know how they really feel.
I think you,ve done the right thing confronting her, personally I would keep her at arms length now particularly as she brought up stuff you thought was in confidence.I suppose it depends on your relationship with her in the first place, personal, professional etc. I would be a bit wary myself.
Looks to me like the problem is she seems to think it's some one else's problem that they have taken offence, Ed's in this case. IMHO her attitude stinks. She gobbed off She WAS ****ed. She needs to apologise and not shift the blame. She appears to be one of these people who are unable to accept the blame for their own actions.
Time for limited sanctions such as stoppage of coffee, minor courtesies etc.
MiniMatt
10-12-07, 01:21 PM
Do people really say what they mean when they're drunk?
Crucial point here - they say what they think, not necessarily what they mean. Ok, example time, one of my friends, great guy, huge ears. Matt gets drunk (as was friend), Matt then points out these huge ears (like he didn't know), "ginormous" was the particular adjective used. Then I and the rest of us fell about over the word "ginormous" (which is a deeply funny word all in itself when you're drunk), and then got all confused over the definition of an adjective. Anyway, turns out big ears hadn't quite gotten over the psychological trauma of going through school with oversized auditory instruments and is genuinely upset. And I feel genuinely bad and genuinely apologetic (that night and the next morning).
Hypothetical example. I'm guessing you like all your friends, on balance they're great people. I bet also that most of them have little facets of their personality that you're not so keen on. You might think they're a little immature, or a bit tight fisted, or whatever; not a whole lot, but just a little bit, and hey, in the grand scheme of things that doesn't matter because they're really good friends. Now you'd never say this whilst sober, you might think it from time to time but you'd never say it. When you're drunk however you might, the engage brain before opening gob bit breaks, and you can also find yourself bigging up some trivial detail of how you perceive that person, making a mountain out of a molehill.
None of this however should excuse the action, I too hate the "soz mate, I was bladdered" get out of jail free nonsense. And the divulging confidential secrets bit is a seperate issue really, I'll leave that to your own judgement it could be huge, it could be minor. If it's "where you hid the bodies" you might want to dig out the concrete wellies before she becomes a witness for the prosecution :D
Alcohol reduces your inhibitions. I'd be narked too, unless I got an honest apology very soon then bye bye.
It's a near neighbour who does some housekeeping for us. It was getting a bit pricey so we decided to cut down. It didn't go down well, and the call to say 'please don't do so much next week' turned into a 'your house is filthy, your bathroom is like crap, and you live like slobs' outburst.
This morning, she denied she's said it. Claimed it was all meant well and she was hurt that we were offended.
Think we'll have to pay a visit to clear the air.
gettin2dizzy
10-12-07, 01:39 PM
You guys are all an unforgiving lot!
Yeah it's not an excuse but it's not like we haven't all fallen victim to alcohol before and done silly things. I don't think alcohol makes you speak the truth one bit! You may lose some inhibitions after a few beers but if you're tanked you talk all kinds of nonsense! Sounds like the alcohol made her aggressive (there's a suprprise!) and she got carried away; I doubt she meant it at all.
El Saxo
10-12-07, 01:45 PM
Playing Devil's advocate here for a moment Ed - I've sort of been in your friend's position a few years back, said something I shouldn't have done when drunk (and instantly regretted it). Things were very awkward between myself and this person for months afterwards but we did talk about it and sort it out, and now we're better friends than we ever were.
Obviously it depends how close you were to begin with to your friend and only you can know just how hurtful the comments were, but don't be hasty & write them off straightaway unless you're sure the friendship isn't worth keeping, you might regret it afterwards.
EDIT just seen your reply while I was writing this... #-o
DanDare
10-12-07, 01:49 PM
[quote=Ed;1362247]
This morning, she denied she's said it. Claimed it was all meant well and she was hurt that we were offended.
[quote]
That's a crap getting of jail free card made to make you feel guilty for bringing it up. She made the comments she must stand by what she said, alcohol is no excuse in my book. She shouldn't hide behind excuses. She should Man up and take responsibilty for her actions.
Stuff like this annoys me! I had a ex-friend who was the nicest man on earth and wouldn't hurt a fly. When he drank he was Dr Jeckyll ( Or Hide ) and upset everyone by hurtful comments then pleaded ignorance after.
So one night I slotted him, I said I didn't remember as I had too much tea that day! Needless to say we are no longer acquitances.:smt013
MiniMatt
10-12-07, 02:01 PM
It's a near neighbour who does some housekeeping for us. It was getting a bit pricey so we decided to cut down. It didn't go down well, and the call to say 'please don't do so much next week' turned into a 'your house is filthy, your bathroom is like crap, and you live like slobs' outburst.
This morning, she denied she's said it. Claimed it was all meant well and she was hurt that we were offended.
Think we'll have to pay a visit to clear the air.
Ok, if this were a TV phone in vote I'd now be a little more tempted to phone the "text this number if you think Ed should give her a break and forget it happened".
Ok, was she an employee first and a friend second or the other way round? You have your own firm Ed, you should know that there is an employer hat and a friend hat, and you have to be very careful not to confuse the two. You have that experience and wisdom to do that, it's definitely the hardest trick to pull off in management. Your friend may well not. Standing in the employee's shoes they may well have not heard "look I'm really sorry but we're having to cut back on expenses a bit" but "we don't think you're doing a very good job so we're cutting your hours". Her financial position may be such that she's depending on that work which may explain some bitterness and mis-interpretation - not that this should concern you, as I've said, seperating the employer hat from the friend hat is hard, but it may offer an explanation.
Anyway, the nature of her work does offer some insight into these intriguing broken confidences. I was right wasn't I? She does know where you hid the bodies! Are they under the patio?
Anyway, the nature of her work does offer some insight into these intriguing broken confidences. I was right wasn't I? She does know where you hid the bodies! Are they under the patio?
They're under the conservatory with a few feet of concrete on top:smt103
All's well...
Kissed & made up. Apology offered and accepted:D
I'm glad I challenged behaviour I didn't like.
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