View Full Version : living with a person with a disability
Does anyone here live with or look after someone with a disability
My son Aiden who is 5 has Autism and it is so difficult everday to do what is best for him.Every week people ask me to discribe what he is like but he is such a complicated little chap, I find it almost impossible .
He is never still he is never quite and he can be so distructive that you really have to keep telling yourself that he cant help it,
would we want him to be "normal"
NO
He is what he is and we love him for it.
the next time you are walking round the supermarket and you are tutting at the child running up the isles shouting and screaming then stop for a min and think
Not all kids are being naughty
Alpinestarhero
15-12-07, 08:47 PM
Maria is technically disabled, having inpaired hearing, which can make some things difficult, like having a conversation when she is driving, but its really not so bad.
I wouldnt want her to be any differant though, her "disability" allows some really cool moments to occur, like when she hears a new sound...the look on her face and the joy of her hearing something new is priceless! Plus she does some funny things, like randomly shout out "laa!" to check if her hearing aids are still running and not died....sometimes she does this when everyone just goes silent and then it all makes us laugh :D
Granted though, its differant to autism...but i think the point is that when you know someone as one thing (deaf, blind, autistic, whatever) and you love them for that, it wouldnt be right if someone made them "normal" becasue then they wouldnt be the person you love
BTW, hello aiden :-D
Matt
My sisters child had severe cerebal palsy amongst other things, it was so hard trying not to say something to people when they were staring and screwing up their faces.
My sisters child had severe cerebal palsy amongst other things, it was so hard trying not to say something to people when they were staring and screwing up their faces.
know just where you are coming from
look to the left and there he is .Love him
Hi Matt,why you have a toybox on your bike
gid
I understand fully. I have a daughter nearly five (in March) who is Autistic. My wife has just given birth to a boy (Tuesday 11th) and we are so worried about him already. The routine with our daughter is totally messed up so she is very difficult at the moment. I keep saying I will get er a T-Shirt made up with "Im autistic - Whats your problem?" but my Mrs is not too keen.
We are part of a local support group and we find it very interesting and rewarding to visit the meets. I am disappointed that not many dads turn up. I respect they are most likely working, but I made the time to go. Afterall, she is my little princess.
gid, if you want to PM me I am happy to discuss further mate. Special diets, routines, sleep clinic techniques etc I would be pleased to share with you. And likewise if you have pointers for me please do.
I love my biking and when Im alone on the bike I can clear my head and ride off into the sunset, its a good release from home life stresses.
My son (7 on Tuesday) is also diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
He is quite mild by other standards and to look at him you would just think he is a quiet shy lad.
I must admit that one of the things that I don't like about it is the fact that he is not interested in joining in with the other kids at play, he is quite happy on his own making his own entertainment. He has got better since going into year 2 but he still needs encouragment to join in with others most times.
His reading and maths skills are top notch though. When I went to parents evening for year 1 I was told that he was ahead of most of the year 3 students with literacy and numeracy.
I have to say that since finding out he was Autistic I have certainly looked at other people in the street with a different attitude.
JessicaRabbit
15-12-07, 10:22 PM
Grinch's little brother is autistic. He's only 8yrs old. Grinch's little sister is 11yrs old and she has ADHD and other personality disorders. It's amazing how many people know of someone who is diagnosed as autistic. Makes you wonder how many other people are out there who haven't been diagnosed...
...I myself, am registered disabled. I have blue badges for the car, although on my 'good' days I try and leave the disabled spaces for someone who is potentially less mobile than myself. But I am constantly amazed and stunned at the amount of people (and I HATE to be ageist, but mainly it's the elderly) who will look at me and shake their heads when I park - legally! - in a disabled space. I'm sure that coz I am a 35yr old woman with a 2yr old child, that they think I'm blagging my case or I'm blatantly deceiving people coz I'm too lazy to park elsewhere.
No I haven't. Have to say I have the greatest of respect for people who find the courage and strength when they find their children have a disability.
Jo (the better half) has burn scars all over her body. She gets stares and double take glances all the time. It has helped me to look at everyone else with a disability as a perfectly normal person who happens to be slightly different than average. I am not over sympathetic or overly polite, I'll be with them just as I am with anyone else.
Hat off to all of you.
Many years ago my best mate Rob had a big bike accident and ended up in a wheelchair. I used to go round and kidnap him to take him to the pub, and what really annoyed me was people coming up to me and whispering 'how is he?'. I always used to say,' Ask him. His legs don't work but the rest of him does!'
dirtydog
15-12-07, 11:10 PM
My brother is deaf and has been since birth and the ammount of strange looks he used to get when we were growing up, as he doesn't what things sound like he did tend to make some strange noises when he talked.
As for being "normal" who is to say what is normal. I think we're all Autistic to some degree anyway aren't we?
Pedrosa
15-12-07, 11:34 PM
People that shy away from those with a disability do not know what they are missing out on.
As a child we used to have a deaf and dumb girl called Debbie stay with us when things were getting too much for her mum. I used to spend many hours passing the time with her. In fact I was well in to my 20's when a pal turned to me and said,"Remember that deaf girl that used to stay with you? I was so impressed how you two would sit there conversing in sign language."
Believe it or not I had not even thought about that for years, didn't at first recall that is what we did! Funny how kids can accept and get on with it a lot easier than adults.
I also had a family member with Down's Syndrome. She was about 20 years older than me but she loved the bones of me. When I went over to visit my day would largely be taken up going out for strolls with Angela.
In my early teens I went on a week holiday where we we were looking after a group of teenagers with all manner of disability. It was hard work to be honest but the feed back and affection you got back made every second worth it.
peterco
15-12-07, 11:37 PM
SV Net....."Im autistic - Whats your problem?"
On a t shirt ??????
That is taking a step backwards and you are labelling a person.
pete
SV Net....."Im autistic - Whats your problem?"
On a t shirt ??????
That is taking a step backwards and you are labelling a person.
pete
hay slow down there :(.You do get to the stage where sometimes you just want to go out without the hassel of the pointing and whispering.
Thinking is not doing!!!!
Being on crutches and for the first week after my accident,in a wheelchair,really opened my eyes to actually how bad people with disabilties are/can be treated, people have let doors slam shut in my face,have tried pushing me out the way when getting into a lift...think the best one was when one of the guys i went nec show with got asked what i'd done etc whilst i was stood right next to him!!! grrrr.
phil24_7
16-12-07, 01:17 AM
My mum used to child mind a deaf kid and he was the cutest most affectionate little boy you'd ever meat, I'd even go and visit him at his house when I had time, it used to bring a big smile to his face and that made me feel good.
Never really treated disabled people any differently, ripped a guy in a wheelchair before for having thin legs (he had a well toned upper body so accentuated it more) and prestine shoes, also called him lazy for not wanting to stand up. Many may think that's insensitive but it was all said in jest and he thanked me when he left for treating him like a person. I've also pushed a guy with no legs off of my bar, but to be fair I didn't know he had no legs at the time!
Sometimes I get caught off gaurd and don't know where to look, mainly when there's a problem with the eye's as I like to make eye contact with people and it can make me feel like I'm doin something wrong and they think I'm only looking at whatever is wrong with them, I'm sure this is only my hang-up though and they don't think this at all.
I generally think that disabled people are a lot nicer, warmer and understanding than the general public.
I myself, am registered disabled. I have blue badges for the car, although on my 'good' days I try and leave the disabled spaces for someone who is potentially less mobile than myself. But I am constantly amazed and stunned at the amount of people (and I HATE to be ageist, but mainly it's the elderly) who will look at me and shake their heads when I park - legally! - in a disabled space. I'm sure that coz I am a 35yr old woman with a 2yr old child, that they think I'm blagging my case or I'm blatantly deceiving people coz I'm too lazy to park elsewhere.
Oooh I know that one.
I've tried very hard not to develop an 'attitude' since becoming a crip, (or 'Mobility Challenged' if you wanna be PC about it :roll:), but I will admit to getting a little inner devilish smile when I see the embarassment on the aforementioned grumpy gits faces as I make an elaborate show of putting my blue badge on the dashboard.
The stranges thing is, I will get stares when I'm parking the car - able bodied looking, young(ish) woman - with a dismissive :roll: when they see me then take the crutches out of the back seat...
... but I get nothing but admiration from folks when I roll up on the bike with my crutches slung over my back. Go figure.
...I myself, am registered disabled. I have blue badges for the car, although on my 'good' days I try and leave the disabled spaces for someone who is potentially less mobile than myself. But I am constantly amazed and stunned at the amount of people (and I HATE to be ageist, but mainly it's the elderly) who will look at me and shake their heads when I park - legally! - in a disabled space. I'm sure that coz I am a 35yr old woman with a 2yr old child, that they think I'm blagging my case or I'm blatantly deceiving people coz I'm too lazy to park elsewhere.
Jo is exactly the same. And yes we have had the exact same response. In fact a person in a wheel chair gave Jo quite a bit of grief over the fact she had taken one of these spaces when she wasn't even in a wheel chair. It seemed to by pass this person that they had no difficulty moving from A to B due to the fact they are already in a wheel chair, whereas Jo has to walk with a knackered ankle. :rolleyes:
timwilky
16-12-07, 11:35 AM
My friends son has Aspergers syndrome. Whilst he is now a young man and has learnt to cope and in reason behave normally, it was not always the case.
Before he had a diagnosis. He could be extreamly "naughty", one that always makes me smile was as a 10 year old he was like all boys a fiddler. But in his case it was that platent that he was described by his teachers as a public masterbater. One shouted at him in class. "Stop that it is not nice". to which he continued saying "It is". Well who was right?.
I also have friends who have a 7 year old with Cerebal Palsey. Once you get over the instinct of there is something not quite right. Him speaking with an American accent is a dead give away there. What a delightful child. It is just a pity that you know life is going to be so cruel to him
wheelnut
16-12-07, 12:02 PM
Many years ago my best mate Rob had a big bike accident and ended up in a wheelchair. I used to go round and kidnap him to take him to the pub, and what really annoyed me was people coming up to me and whispering 'how is he?'. I always used to say,' Ask him. His legs don't work but the rest of him does!'
I had the same with a mate who was injured in a rally car. He could do wheelies in the chair, spin it round on one wheel and could rip houses apart with his arms. But in the pub people would ask me what he wanted to drink:confused:
Ask him yourself, it might be his round next.
i have met jo (big apes BETTER half) and you cant help but notice the burns but after 5 min in her company you forget about them as she has such a strong personality. she is brilliantly funny and puts up with Mr Ape (respect Mrs Ape) lol.
Im doing sign language at college and my teacher is deaf. she has opened our eyes to the way people treat deaf people. I dont think its people being intentionally nasty but just not thinking - ie when they speak they slow their speech down and over pronounce words. My teacher says she now points out she is deaf not stupid
At school we have 2 boys on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder Scale. One has aspergers and is much more intelligent than the other but his social skills are very poor. the other is not as intelligent but very sociable - he will approach people to ask to play - although with an American accent.
My dad had a brain tumour about 3 years ago and was operated on. he is like an old man now but is only 63. feel so sorry for my mum she had to give up work to look after him. he wont leave the house, cant hold a sensible conversation and will not leave the house these days. but she just gets on with it. I dont know if I could
We have a boy starting our school tomorrow who suffers from ADHD, autism and has severe behaviour problems. Its hard dealing with kids like this on a daily basis, I fully admire the parents who have to deal with this behaviour and other peoples attitudes on a full time basis.
454697819
16-12-07, 02:43 PM
My mum who is 47 has ended up living with me as she is epileptic and suffers from grandmal siezures,,
Ist all wrong and iv had enough of it, my fammilly dont help which means its me and my fiance having to sort it all out ...
I am at my witts end...
respect to all those whos child is disabled, i would find that very hard to deal with..
CoolGirl
16-12-07, 03:11 PM
I'm partially sighted and getting worse - we're all havng to learn to adjust to this having had a couple of potentially serious accidents lately as my vision deteriorates. Mind you, means everyone around me tidies up after themselves now!
My other half has Aspergers. He's highly functional and has a job with a lot of responsiblity. We ignore him when he's having a 'turn', or tell him to belt up!
Cloggsy
16-12-07, 03:42 PM
My other half has Aspergers. He's highly functional and has a job with a lot of responsiblity. We ignore him when he's having a 'turn', or tell him to belt up!
I work in a school for Boys with Emotional & Behavioural difficulties; this includes Boys with Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, ODD & alike... All the lads at school have a 'high accademic potential;' meaning most of them are taking GCSE's in year 9/10 & starting their 'A-Levels' etc...
They too can be very destructive; both metally and physically & they are hard work, but that being said, my job can be one of the most rewarding in the world when it all goes right :!:
Besides, it wouldn't do for everyone to be the same would it :?:
CoolGirl
16-12-07, 04:03 PM
I work in a school for Boys with Emotional & Behavioural difficulties; this includes Boys with Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, ODD & alike... All the lads at school have a 'high accademic potential;' meaning most of them are taking GCSE's in year 9/10 & starting their 'A-Levels' etc...
They too can be very destructive; both metally and physically & they are hard work, but that being said, my job can be one of the most rewarding in the world when it all goes right :!:
Besides, it wouldn't do for everyone to be the same would it :?:
It's about putting people in the right situations. He's a great role model for how Asperger's can be used to it's best advantage. Being an opeational commander's been quite challenging for him, but he's about to begin training to be a forensic fire investigator, which appeals to his nerdy tendencies. He'll get a load of letters after his name and get to play with fire for living - what more could a bloke want?!
My mum and her brothers all have mental disabilities from their childhood. Her brothers can drive me mad but I have to remember not to get wound up about it, even if conversations are like groundhog day.. One is 100% certain he took a ferry to Birmingham, some things can make you laugh :)
My mum is bipolar. She's normally too high or too low, if she's not there she's heading towards one of them fairly obviously. After a severe low, she's ended up with her legs pinned, elbow plated and all sorts, she walks a but funny now she can walk again, and people give her strange looks. I can pretty much cope with everything apart from the strange looks.
They can drive me mad to the point where I end up snapping at someone who probably didn't deserve it.
I know how hard it is to live with a parent who is disabled, I have nothing but admiration for parents who look after disabled children.
Would be an easier life for all the above without the problems they have to face.
But.............we all do it and will keep on doing it
Keep on smiling and respect and thanks for being open
Rick
dizzyblonde
16-12-07, 09:59 PM
my best friends son is called Rory. They live in France.He's eleven, however Rory is technically the age of six. He has quite a short attention span, he writes like a six year old, sort of reads, can just about do a 100 piece jigsaw on his own now. He is quite a big lad for eleven, but if you talk to him like an eleven year old you don't quite get the response you would expect. However talk to him like I do my son( who is six) it works wonders. He speaks marvellous French, and is such a loving boy. He can get in some terrible tantrums and every day is different
My friend says what Rory is, is what Rory does. We just know Rory as Rory. He has just got in to a special school in France like he used to be over here, its taken three years for him to get in, he can't cope with life in a mainstream school. There is one thing that Rory can do that astounded me when he did it a couple of years ago, ask him to draw a plan of the house and he will get all the floorplan details in true perspective and scale, a bit roughly drawn, but absolute genius in my eyes. Seein it from a pair of eyes that has studied Art and has done many a huge mural, I thought it was absolutely superb
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