View Full Version : Naming Offs
SoulKiss
08-02-08, 10:19 AM
There I was, filtering up the road when out from in front of a van steps a woman, looking only in the opposite direction.
No, calm down - I didn't drop the Viffer, and no, it wasn't because of the ABS (which I hate).
So after yelling at her a bit, I realised that in my head I considered myself "nearly-Grinched" following his drop the other week in similar circumstances.
So here are the new names for types of offs/drops.
Soulkiss's 1st - A highside involving a steaming pile of horse cr@p at low speed
Soulkiss's 2nd - A lowside involving a patch of gravel on a poorly maintained corner.
Soulkiss Somersault - SMIDSY involving someone turning across your lane into a sideroad.
Grinch'd - losing it while avoiding a pedestrian who stepped out in front of you without looking.
Any more ?
David
PS. The purpose of this thread is mainly for humour value, and to let any newbies who read all the "X down" threads know, that while it happens - and sometimes hurts, in many cases its not the end of the world. I had a couple of other names ready but think that other people should choose to add their "maneouvers" themselves - although I added being Grinch'd as it was the inspiration for this thread :)
plowsie
08-02-08, 10:20 AM
Plowsie'd, ran over a body part!
It had to be coming!
If there's a straw hat involved it's a TSM ;)
Plowsie'd, ran over a body part!
:lol: :thumbsup:
Ping creek'd... Bike's been off the road repeatedly for long durations since bought due to something always going wrong with it.
:rolleyes:
Learner Rider - duffed it whilst filtering on the motorway, my bad, too much front brake and down she goes. I was ok, 50mph accident. Wasn't actually a learner though.
Death Race 2000 - Had some ol duffer walk straight out in front of a van without looking, only to hear my horn, looks up, covers his face, bang straight into his side breaking his ribs :lol: I come off, I damaged my foot but was fundimentally ok. 15mph.
Pay No Attention - Got taken out by a car doing a U turn on a very busy road (Tooley Street, London) without looking or indicating. No-where to go, bounced off the car and flicked me off balance and down the road. Another 15mph accident.
Thats it touch wood. 3 accidents worth mentioning, and all i've walked away from, so in effect, whilst they were poo, im actually quite happy to have been mincing around and walking/talking still :D
If anything, that "instant" you know you aint gonna save the impact is bloody exciting, till you realise you've got to land somewhere hard :lol:
Ceri JC
08-02-08, 10:43 AM
"Throwing it down the road, after trying to ride on ice I later found out I couldn't even walk on without slipping on" x 2
"Mystery front end slide at 60mph, possibly due to sticky tar, given the deposits on my boot and the second bike crash in exactly the same place, 15 minutes later."
"Lowsiding courtesy of the myopic old ****er who pulled out on a gravel-strewn roundabout, far too late for me to do anything to avoid him."
"Falling off at walking pace after turning into a road covered in 2" of mud at night, when I was a n00b"
Other ones that didn't technically involve me coming off:
"Nailing a deer at 60mph and splattering it over my boots and engine casing, whilst it selfishly entangled itself on my back brake lever, when it had already upset the front of the bike so much it banged from full lock to full lock, denting the stops in the process"
"Bike blowing over in spite of being in gear and properly on the stand & with a side puck when parked on the Veranda in the beacons in high winds"
"Dropping the bike moving it in the garage and being too weak with flu to catch it as I had in the past"
"Running wide after stupidly misreading roadsigns and going into an unfamiliar corner too fast. Completely my fault and resulted in my putting it up the grass verge on the opposite side of the road."
SoulKiss
08-02-08, 10:44 AM
Daimo/Kitkat
This isn't just another "list your offs thread"
You have to come up with a name for that type off off, and you cant rename someone elses.
So come on people some names please :)
Gotcha, will try to edit with new names ;)
Edit, i cna't think of anything decent :(
plowsie
08-02-08, 10:53 AM
"Nailing a deer at 60mph and splattering it over my boots and engine casing, whilst it selfishly entangled itself on my back brake lever, when it had already upset the front of the bike so much it banged from full lock to full lock, denting the stops in the process"
Thats a Dizzyblonde!
Pedro68
08-02-08, 10:58 AM
"The filtering/flying Pedro" - caused by filtering too fast, and not giving other road (cage) users the consideration they deserve, so when they decide to change lanes, you selfishly plant your bike into their front wing, and head straight over the bars, performing a 180 degree somersault (with a half-twist for good measure) and landing flat on your back in the space that the cager intended using :rolleyes:
"The Blind Pedro" - occurs when taking any sort of "blind bend" without careful consideration for what might be around that bend ... in my case, an unsigned junction, which I proceeded to slide out of on my ar$e, and watching the bike skid a few feet in front of me (lowsider).
Ok, and this one isn't an off, but you may as well make use of my stupidity for your own amusement (like Plowsie) ...
Pedro (verb): meaning to forget to put oil in your bike and suffering a catastrophic engine failure in the process. eg. I pedro'd it :( literally meaning to kill the bike by not giving it the loving, care, maintenance, and respect it deserves.
Baph'd - Cold tarmac, cold tyres, too much front brake going into a bend causing a lowside.
Note, this is different to Nieo's recent off, which I won't post in this thread, as that's his to claim the glory for.
chunkytfg
08-02-08, 11:38 AM
Northwinded - which is when you highside yourself while still in the grounds of your own home and traveling at no more than walking pace
"Doing a Lozzo" - falling off at 40mph on the copious amounts of oil your own car dumped whilst parked outside the shop an hour earlier....yes folks, this really did happen.
pencil shavings
08-02-08, 11:55 AM
penciled in - saving a highside only to drop it once the bikes stopped after spinning 180 degs!
"Doing a Lozzo" - falling off at 40mph on the copious amounts of oil your own car dumped whilst parked outside the shop an hour earlier....yes folks, this really did happen.
Now THAT's a claim to fame:smt025
I've had a few off's and I have named them. I've named them even before they have actually happened.
The going round a bend whilst looking at the speedo to how fast I was going round (going to crash it turned out as was not paying enough attention to the corner) I named "Oh S**t".
The highside in front of an audience of builders was named "Oh crap this is going to hurt".
The one where I drove into the side of a bus at about 30mph (bus jumped red light) was called simply "F**k".
The one where I flew over the top of a volvo that just pulled out right in front of me was called "You F**k*ng W**k*r".
The big one suprisingly got the tame name of "Oh bugger".
1 off on the SV...Doing a u-turn at 3-4 mph on wet leaves at a deadend down near Black Bush Market. Busted thumb.
1x off on an old BSA Fleetstar many many moons ago . Engine seized and locked the rear wheel as I was going around a bend up in the Lakes.
The 'airborne assault' back in the day when post office vans were yellow, I was thrown off the back off me mates RD 400 in Elgin,Bonny Scotland, which included a powerful take off, a beautifullly symetrical airborne journey with a sustained flight, and possibly the words 'Geronimo' as I flew over the top of me mates head before hitting a van a glancing blow at approx 40 mph, causing a large proprtion of the van to become a nice shade of 'Bell star orange ' and me too repeatably ask any passer by 'what appened there ?' and 'wheres me mate ? ', happy days :D
Pulling a 'Left Hand Charlie'...
... first you need to find the right bit of road. The requirements are what used to be a single carriageway, going up a hill with a steep embankment on the left - which then meets a cross roads just past the embankment so traffic approaching from the left (which has priority) has only 10 or so yards to see you before the junction.
Then change the uphill road to a dual carriageway and thereby change the priority of the crossroad so that traffic approaching from the left now has to stop.
Then proceed up the hill on a little 100cc bike, stuggling to maintain 40mph, and be broadsided by a car at about 60mph who a) didn't see you because of the afrementioned embankment and b) had ignored the signs abotu the change in priority and still thinks that the single carriageway road he is on has right of way.
If you can fullfill the road requirements then there is only one single, tiny, insignificant little detail you must observe. It is a vital one though because if you dont' then you'll miss out on pulling a successfull 'Left Hand Charlie' and probably end up doing an 'RIP' instead.
Remember to attempt to jump off the bike at the very last minute when you see the car hurtling toawrds you out of the corner of your eye!
You'll know if you've don it right as you'll have multiple compound fractures to your left Tibea and Fibula, a dislocated knee, greenstick fractures to your left hip, the left side of your pelvis, four left ribs, your left humerus and ulna and a left shoulder that dislocated, but you put back in when you bounce!
The 'Left Hand' is obvious - the 'Charlie' is when you are asked to stay still, but also whether you are comfortable and where it hurts by the in very worried tones (because various parts of your leg are trying to vacate the premises) by the theatre nurse and GP who were passing and have stopped...
... and you reply that everything feels fine but complain that your right ankle is killing you because it's twisted a bit. :roll:
Baph'd - Cold tarmac, cold tyres, too much front brake going into a bend causing a lowside.
Note, this is different to Nieo's recent off, which I won't post in this thread, as that's his to claim the glory for.
why thank you kind sir!! :eek:
yeah, neio'd cold tyres, greasy road, losing the back end then lowsiding infront of teenage school kids!!! :(
DanAbnormal
08-02-08, 01:38 PM
Hooligan'd:
When you crash due to trying to get your kneedown.
I only did this once 2 years ago in winter......doh! :rolleyes:
Filipe M.
08-02-08, 01:40 PM
These ones happened with a pushbike, but since there are loads of people in here who ride them, thought I might join in.
Philly Pie: failing to clean your clip-on pedals after a ride through mud, then proceed to fail to unclip your clip-on shoes while coming to a halt in front of a bus stop in rush hour. Watch the look on peoples faces as you desperately try and unclip your foot from your pedal with a swinging movement that actually accelerates the rate at which you fall to the side. Fall on sidewalk, sit on the floor and proceed to remove the bike from your feet. Note: you might have to remove your shoes from your feet to accomplish this otherwise effortless task.
Super Pie: having a chain breaking on you when you're sprinting on tarmac. Get thrown over the handlebars and while you're scraping and sliding on tarmac on shorts and t-shirt (probably banging your head - with helmet - on the ground), you carefully listen to the sound of expensive metal parts rolling and tumbling and think to yourself "wtf is my cycle computer doing bouncing on the ground 10 inches from my face?". Get up, check that your bones aren't more damaged than your pride and acknowledge that tarmac rush hurts like f***. Pick up bike, head to mates' shop and look at their faces as they see you walking in and say "... I don't even want to know what happened!"
Bluepete
08-02-08, 01:46 PM
1 off on the SV...Doing a u-turn at 3-4 mph on wet leaves at a deadend down near Black Bush Market. Busted thumb.
1x off on an old BSA Fleetstar many many moons ago . Engine seized and locked the rear wheel as I was going around a bend up in the Lakes.
Don't forget the "sidestand slam" caused by too much amour on Wrynose Pass? ;)
The shoelace shuffle - trying desperately to get your shoelaces untangled from the pedals of an FS1E whilst stopped at pedestrian lights right outside Bedford High School for girls. this always results in you falling off to one side still caught up in the aforementioned pedals, while a crowd of extremely pretty, short-skirted 5th form schoolgirls cross the road in front of you, laughing at your predicament.
As a follow up, 15 years later you can sit in the corner of your front room embarrassed to hell as your then girlfriend recalls how some stupid show-off muppet on a gold FS1E fell off sideways at the crossing outside school, because he got his trainers laces' caught up in the pedals.
How the hell was I to know I'd end up living with one of the pretty 5th formers
The shoelace shuffle - trying desperately to get your shoelaces untangled from the pedals of an FS1E whilst stopped at pedestrian lights right outside Bedford High School for girls. this always results in you falling off to one side still caught up in the aforementioned pedals, while a crowd of extremely pretty, short-skirted 5th form schoolgirls cross the road in front of you, laughing at your predicament.
As a follow up, 15 years later you can sit in the corner of your front room embarrassed to hell as your then girlfriend recalls how some stupid show-off muppet on a gold FS1E fell off sideways at the crossing outside school, because he got his trainers laces' caught up in the pedals.
How the hell was I to know I'd end up living with one of the pretty 5th formers
:winner: There can be no better example than the one aove. Excellent.
yorkie_chris
08-02-08, 02:24 PM
"Doing a Lozzo" - falling off at 40mph on the copious amounts of oil your own car dumped whilst parked outside the shop an hour earlier....yes folks, this really did happen.
Lol!
The "make 2 diff make of bikes into one" I rear ended me exes zx9 with my sv-the sv won
The "Ice slide"-hit black ice and down we slid
The "bonnet ornament "-car driver obvs thought me and the sv would make great bonnet ornaments.
The "Coke-up".... plant your 16" front wheel on a coke can while going round a bend and watch it exit stage right....
sv-robo
08-02-08, 04:08 PM
at 110 mph lost front end on some loose chippings on the road,the bike went from underneath me and i hit a tree(neck broken in 2 places,fractured arm,broken hand and other scrapes.
oh and a visit from the vicar to read me the last rites.
this happened many years ago and i,m fully recovered.
I AFFECTIONATLY CALL THIS ACCIDENT...BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE:lol:#-o
Last orders - crashing your then girlfriend's Kawasaki KE100, which you'd bought her, through the 3" thick solid oak front door of a packed town centre pub at kicking out time on a Saturday night at 50mph. These accidents are caused by a combination of enough alcohol to make it impossible for you to get your Suzuki GT750 off the centre-stand, wet roads, a desire to eat chips from the chippy 5 miles away not the one 200 yards down the road and a 90 degree corner. To make this accident complete you will need to spend 3 weeks in a coma, 4 weeks in ICU, and a total of 4 1/2 months in the orthopaedic ward of the local hospital, followed by 3 months in a rehab unit. When returning to camp your CO will then place you under arrest for being AWOL (you were meant to be back at camp at 6pm on the day you crashed at 11pm) and you'll do 3 months in nick before being given a dishonourable discharge.
C'est la vie.
Tim in Belgium
08-02-08, 05:01 PM
"The Map check Man Handle" - Having finished doing another alpine pass and heading into Bourg St Maurice I looked down at my tank bag to check my map. Looking up again I noticed the Ford Focus in front had stopped, so I grabbed way too much front brake, causing the front to lock and wash out. The bike and I hit the deck at about 5mph, my soft oxford panniers, my leg and crash bung taking the blow. Trapped under the bike outside a french cafe at lunch time meant I was soon surrounded by french workers on their lunchtime break, who manhadled the bike and I to the kerb in one fell movement, leaving us both shocked but undamaged.
Badger Bounce.................hitting a dead badger in the dark, flying over your mates head, sliding up the wrong side of the road with car headlights coming straight for you and having the deep, mystical thought 'Oh sh*t. Who's going to feed the cat?'
w302977
08-02-08, 05:13 PM
" Punted up the datehole!"
Any accident when hit from behind whilst stationary.
\\:D/
flibble
08-02-08, 05:17 PM
Doing a flibble - wobbling at 5mph in traffic, looking over shoulder to pull onto motorway, car in front breaks as he's been cut up by a black beema. Look round as the bike tire kisses rear bumper of car in front, bike is way too heavy and lands on leg, break lever is pivot point for snapping some bones. Doh!
SoulKiss
08-02-08, 05:20 PM
" Punted up the datehole!"
Any accident when hit from behind whilst stationary.
\\:D/
Sorry, already named by Paws
The "bonnet ornament "-car driver obvs thought me and the sv would make great bonnet ornaments.
yorkie_chris
08-02-08, 07:45 PM
The "£1.20 to town"
Forget about a speed bump while going round a corner, (in the one way system round your own flats), grab the front on some overbanding, and slide to a sparky stop on your ar$e, right next to the bus stop. Complete with about 40 half cut students on their way into leeds center.
Ow.
phil24_7
09-02-08, 06:20 AM
Not strickly a crash but it's the beginning of many.
i call it the endo, nut crunch!
Pull into a one way street behind a bus and a mini, check my mirrors to see what's behind me look back round and notice bus has stopped at a bus stop. Mini driver obviously isn't paying attention as she SLAMS on her brakes making me grab TOO much front brake. Back end comes up, body decides to try and create a testicle shaped imprint in the tank before back end drops to the ground. Leaving the rider trying desperately to keep the bike up whilst removing said testicles from stomach!!
"Pulling a Bear": Any accident caused from looking at astounding anatomical parts: IE Ibishu's ass on a ride out in Herts with the Soho massive, coming round a right hander admiring said body part, realised how close I'd got while cornering hard, grabbed the front brake and down we went.
"Raf's 'That Looks Like A Laugh'" On the same rideout, having seen me crash Raf rides ahead to tell the guys in front and ends up with half a bush in his bike
The "Asking for trouble" Going on a track day with mates in brand new leathers on a bike you have just sold to your brother and letting the red mist descend...
Grinch-slapper - Ridding a mini-moto in a yard at Portsmouth Trade Sales, and causing the mini-moto to 'tank-slapper' and then falling off backwards as the front comes up. Which you then hold the bikes spinning real wheel a few inches from his 'privates' with the throttle open as you try not to damage someone elses bike.
SoulKiss
16-04-09, 06:48 AM
I think with the recent efforts of the Soho Massive, we need to re-visit this thread :)
plowsie
16-04-09, 07:14 AM
Mine still stands. I think, to add to it. Locking the front whilst braking hard has to be awarded to me, last two times I've bit the dust has been from locking the front.
I spose we could add not wearing suitable riding gear to Plowsie'd, or that could just be called tw4t!
I squashed a body part last one :D my knee with the tank :D
davepreston
16-04-09, 08:29 AM
the kenevil pop: hitting a humpback bridge at 70 going airbourne, landing, tankslapper, saveing bike but dislcoateing right shoulder
£300 well spent: getting pushed by a van into the kerb, high side sliding face first down the pavement before stopping just before a lamppost, broken shoulder, fractured spine, f ed shoei
Chompster'd - Very similar to Soulkiss's 2nd, only it's the third time you've done it.
:D:D:D
fizzwheel
16-04-09, 08:37 AM
Lozzo's one is hilarious how I missed this thread the first time around is beyond me.
I'd like to submit this one
"The I'm late for work"
Wakeup late, see its frosty out and the road is white, conjure up the genius plan of, I'll take the bike because I'm late and if I stop to defrost the car I'll be even later. Get the bike out the garage. Ride 100 metres or so down the road and then bin the bike at the first corner when you loose the front. Break the gear lever off, try to pick up the bike but cant stand up on the road as its to slippery to stand on. Realise neighbour is sat in her car watching and feel very embarressed and then am even later for work than I would have been if I had just taken a few minutes to defrost the car and I now have a broken bike.
How about "Bendered"....................the art of interfacing a motorcycle with a taxi?
:D
plowsie
16-04-09, 09:06 AM
How about "Bendered"....................the art of interfacing a motorcycle with a taxi?
:D
I thought about that on the way in this morning :lol:
Last orders - crashing your then girlfriend's Kawasaki KE100, which you'd bought her, through the 3" thick solid oak front door of a packed town centre pub at kicking out time on a Saturday night at 50mph. These accidents are caused by a combination of enough alcohol to make it impossible for you to get your Suzuki GT750 off the centre-stand, wet roads, a desire to eat chips from the chippy 5 miles away not the one 200 yards down the road and a 90 degree corner. To make this accident complete you will need to spend 3 weeks in a coma, 4 weeks in ICU, and a total of 4 1/2 months in the orthopaedic ward of the local hospital, followed by 3 months in a rehab unit. When returning to camp your CO will then place you under arrest for being AWOL (you were meant to be back at camp at 6pm on the day you crashed at 11pm) and you'll do 3 months in nick before being given a dishonourable discharge.
C'est la vie.
:winner:
These posts are brilliant.
You read the first few by Lozzo and don't think they can be improved on, then you read the above! First class!
Dave20046
16-04-09, 09:38 AM
The speedcamera of death:
Required: fast road, very bright, blinding low sun, a speedcamera with an invisible unsigned road 50yards or so past it, an indecisive,unsympathetic driver in a hard car, lack of brain.
This one's nice and simple just take the above after a long hard ride back off to 50mph for the speedcamera just as the jebend in front slams on the anchors, check your speed, look up and feel all your hopes of children crush against the SV's enormous tank. This smashes your pelvis and pelts you up and off the bike as it crunches through his boot and your face will go square into the crossbeam across the top of the rear windscreen, somersault and perform a landing of your choice. I went for 'land on head with numerous rolls'. To complete the bike'll do a back flip and a 180. You now should be surrounded by drivers you've just overtook,teary eyed young bikers,cluless powerrangers, a christian man praying for you and an old lady telling you not to try get up. Note, don't try to get up you can't move your legs and it just adds to the humiliation. Cherry on top is the fit student doctor inspecting your black coin purse and the male doctor trying to finger rape you (infornt of said student doctor)
Dave20046
16-04-09, 09:47 AM
The Stoner:
Also known as the half asleeper, rush hour nod off and general typical cager.
Long stationary queue of traffic, approach with caution - headlight on. White line along the vehicles carefully. Get adjacent with your assailent (after backing off for the wafts of smoke and heavy dub) just as your level with him his indicator will flash on and he'll plow through you. Impact with the side of his car, feel all last hopes of children crush against the tank get pelted up and over the bike but this time there isn't enough momentum to take off so land with your gentlemen squarely on the mirror and rip it off as you crash over the front of the bike. Throw all dignity out of the window while you march around, hold your crotch and scream 'check your ****ing mirrors' at the unphased rastaman.
SoulKiss
16-04-09, 09:50 AM
The Stoner:
Also known as the half asleeper, rush hour nod off and general typical cager.
Long stationary queue of traffic, approach with caution - headlight on. White line along the vehicles carefully. Get adjacent with your assailent (after backing off for the wafts of smoke and heavy dub) just as your level with him his indicator will flash on and he'll plow through you. Impact with the side of his car, feel all last hopes of children crush against the tank get pelted up and over the bike but this time there isn't enough momentum to take off so land with your gentlemen squarely on the mirror and rip it off as you crash over the front of the bike. Throw all dignity out of the window while you march around, hold your crotch and scream 'check your ****ing mirrors' at the unphased rastaman.
This one is NOT to be attepted in South London, as said Rastaman AMY be the main local dealer who will then proceed to get a 9mm from under the passenger seat and pop a cap in yo ass :)
Dave20046
16-04-09, 09:53 AM
This one is NOT to be attepted in South London, as said Rastaman AMY be the main local dealer who will then proceed to get a 9mm from under the passenger seat and pop a cap in yo ass :)
that's true tooled up rastas get a bit trigger happy at the high pitched ball-less screaming part.
Nice surprise though - he had insurance.
Drew Carey
16-04-09, 10:10 AM
"drew'd" - face planting the motorway, at 70, in a straight line and for no apparent reason. Doh. :-|
Ice Pick - Sliding the bike down the road on ice.
Ophic'd - car pulls out of side junction without looking. Successfully avoiding car whilst locking front wheel and splattering oneself all over the road in the process. Proceeding to shout very loudly at driver.
Sid Squid
16-04-09, 03:33 PM
"drew'd" - face planting the motorway, at 70, in a straight line and for no apparent reason. Doh. :-|
Eh? :confused:
Mr Speirs
16-04-09, 03:58 PM
Almost off: The wibble wobble:
Cars pulls out on you on a roundabout, break hard whilst leaning over causing the front end to lock and the handlebars to go full lock in the opposite direction so hard that it leaves a bar end shaped dent in the tank but you don't go down the bars return back to normal and you ride away. Feels like the bike had a massive wobble.
plowsie
16-04-09, 04:04 PM
Have we had "The Seggons"?
Attempt for a corner and think, 'nahhh, fu(k it!'
;) Love you mate xxx
BanditPat
16-04-09, 05:45 PM
The slide - Take half a day from work to do college work but decide on the way home your going see how quick you do the 13miles from where you work in the rain, overtake abut 80 cars going up hill on a dual carriage way and then proceed through the town at the other end go onto the straight bit of road and get your bike flat out. Then when you get to the bend that you didn't slow down for try it any ways resulting in a slide into the buss stop and hitting the kerb at about 85mph watch yoru bike leap up the wall, fall over, dig into the ground and flick its self onto the road so it can slide another 20 meters while you land in a bush and then hit the wall and the pavement on the way down landing on your ar$e. Get up and watch every single one of the people you had overtaken a couple of minutes earlier pass you without stoping then fall to the floor because your ankles wont take your wheight. When some one does stop and ask you if you want an ambulance tell them "its fine, help me get my bike up and i can ride home" bearing in mind that your bar wrapped around the frame, your subframe is bent you have no clocks, no clutch and no foot rest hangers.
Knee down learner - Try to overtake your friend on a moped the day you pass your CBT and try to get your knee down going about 15mph and watch your bike slide down the road with more sparks than a fire work.
Failed - Fail your test then get on the 125 that isnt yours and try and get back as quick as you can, dont put your gloves on you wont need em. Slide through the patch of diesil that has been left out side the test centre shout a bit get on your bike flag and old man off because you "thought" he was going to pull otu infront of you.
School - Go into school for a lesson that isnt even on and slide along the floor after hitting a patch of diesel left by the school bus. Get laughed at by all the kids and get back on your ruined bike and go home.
fizzwheel
16-04-09, 05:53 PM
Have we had "The Seggons"?
Attempt for a corner and think, 'nahhh, fu(k it!'
;) Love you mate xxx
:D
seedy100
16-04-09, 06:22 PM
The Roundy Roundy Splat.
Equipment
SV650
Roundabout
Exit Road
Rain
Idiot
Method
Ride the SV towards the roundabout in the rain
Realise that the SV is traveling a to high a velocity
Use the velocity retardation devices fitted to the right handlebar and the lower left side of the SV
Successfully negotiate the roundabout, uttering the obligatory "thank F*** for that"
Relax, use the increase velocity control on the right handlebar with vigor.
At this point you should feel the front wheel slip away from you. If not increase vigor until it does.
The SV should make contact with the road on its left hand side and slide gracefully away from you leaving a wake of broken plastic. If you get this exactly right you will hit the traffic island so thoughtfully left there to ensure that you maximise the damage to you and the SV.
To ensure that any uninjured areas of you body get there share of pain immediatly leap up and pick up the bike, straining your back at the same time.
Conclusion
It hurts, it is expensive and people laugh at you.
seedy100
16-04-09, 06:26 PM
Oopps did I say lower left side, perhaps I meant lower right, or perhaps thats where I went wrong!
plowsie
16-04-09, 06:36 PM
The Roundy Roundy Splat.
Equipment
SV650
Roundabout
Exit Road
Rain
Idiot
Method
Ride the SV towards the roundabout in the rain
Realise that the SV is traveling a to high a velocity
Use the velocity retardation devices fitted to the right handlebar and the lower left side of the SV
Successfully negotiate the roundabout, uttering the obligatory "thank F*** for that"
Relax, use the increase velocity control on the right handlebar with vigor.
At this point you should feel the front wheel slip away from you. If not increase vigor until it does.
The SV should make contact with the road on its left hand side and slide gracefully away from you leaving a wake of broken plastic. If you get this exactly right you will hit the traffic island so thoughtfully left there to ensure that you maximise the damage to you and the SV.
To ensure that any uninjured areas of you body get there share of pain immediatly leap up and pick up the bike, straining your back at the same time.
Conclusion
It hurts, it is expensive and people laugh at you.
Is it wrong that I am laughing?
redbouy
16-04-09, 07:54 PM
Creamed
Me as a pillon riding along side a airforce base during an air show.
Milk truck stops, we don't, I fly over the bike in to the full cream/milk bottles breaking a few.
Get out of the back of the truck and chat with mate who is driving the truck.
Push bike on to truck and get ride home.
dizzyblonde
16-04-09, 08:27 PM
Have we had "The Seggons"?
Attempt for a corner and think, 'nahhh, fu(k it!'
;) Love you mate xxx
I thought that was the 'SV bush surf'
I'd put in the 'Bambikiller'...but a) we've heard it all before b)I didn't fall off. But it did severely damage the bike...but only after noticing after 2k miles!
Edit
Furry animals were harmed in the process of this story :-)
Chompster'd - Very similar to Soulkiss's 2nd, only it's the third time you've done it.
:D:D:D
haha i was just writing about mine i like the name :D
Kate SV650
16-04-09, 09:04 PM
Sock shocker - years ago a mate decided to pull his right sock up by putting his left hand on the throttle to keep the bike going, while using his right hand to pull his sock up. Doof! down he went! He's a high flyer over in America now! Still managed to crash his Fireblade in first on an 'on ramp' though. Some things never change!
Muppet mangler - I got taken out by a 'lady driver', but to add insult to injury, after I had parted company with my bike, my bike spun around and left a nice tyre mark up my helmet!
You now that cliche about Mum's saying "Make sure you go out with clean underware on", well you should also make sure you shave your legs girls! I hadn't ,obviously, and the nice young doctor was grappling with my leg, with me with legs like Desperate Dan! Well, it was the winter!
kurtis.randle
16-04-09, 09:11 PM
"Throwing it down the road, after trying to ride on ice I later found out I couldn't even walk on without slipping on" x 2
"Mystery front end slide at 60mph, possibly due to sticky tar, given the deposits on my boot and the second bike crash in exactly the same place, 15 minutes later."
"Lowsiding courtesy of the myopic old ****er who pulled out on a gravel-strewn roundabout, far too late for me to do anything to avoid him."
"Falling off at walking pace after turning into a road covered in 2" of mud at night, when I was a n00b"
Other ones that didn't technically involve me coming off:
"Nailing a deer at 60mph and splattering it over my boots and engine casing, whilst it selfishly entangled itself on my back brake lever, when it had already upset the front of the bike so much it banged from full lock to full lock, denting the stops in the process"
"Bike blowing over in spite of being in gear and properly on the stand & with a side puck when parked on the Veranda in the beacons in high winds"
"Dropping the bike moving it in the garage and being too weak with flu to catch it as I had in the past"
"Running wide after stupidly misreading roadsigns and going into an unfamiliar corner too fast. Completely my fault and resulted in my putting it up the grass verge on the opposite side of the road."
thats alot
Relax, use the increase velocity control on the right handlebar with vigor.
At this point you should feel the front wheel slip away from you. If not increase vigor until it does.
Not doubting your story, but I find it hard to understand how giving it a handful will cause a FRONT end slip? Can anyone enlighten me?
(This is a genuine question and not a p-take by the way!)
plowsie
17-04-09, 09:19 AM
The gods, it's the gods.
Suppose it may be possible, maybe not lol.
warrenpridgeon
27-08-09, 08:03 AM
I know this thread is old an all...but lemme add something...
NORMALLY, when you do something stupid there aren't camera's around...well this time there was a camera...
Wheelie Wally -
Ingredients:
1X Wally - saying "catch this on camera"
1X Mini Moto 2 stroke demon possessed bike thing
1X Wheelie attempt
1X Photographer
Mix together and we get:
http://forums.sv650.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=5095&stc=1&d=1251359980
http://forums.sv650.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=5096&stc=1&d=1251360022
http://forums.sv650.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=5097&stc=1&d=1251360073
Serve chilled :rolleyes:
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