View Full Version : A dilema for you
I popped up to have a chat with a mate who owns a local shop today, and as I was outside having a smoke I bumped into an old female friend who used to
live with a mate of mine. When I lived in town 15 years ago she hung
around with me and all my mates before she moved in with one of them.
She's now mid to late 30s, still cute enough and single again, so I
found out.
We've arranged to go out for a drink sometime, but at what point in the
proceedings do I tell her that someone - I'm guessing an old mate,
because it went to my hotmail address and came from an unidentifiable
hotmail address - anonymously emailed me a link to a "post your
girlfriend nude" website that had some very well taken and fairly recent
photos of her "posing" in a schoolgirl outfit that would have got her a detention at the very least?
Maybe she will bring it up before you do..............or pretend "you know nothing":^o
http://www.triumph675.net/forum/images/smilies/xscuseless.gif
Indeed you cant say that and then not include a link. :smt064:smt053
I would choose not to tell her ;).
Yup - I'm with Stu on this one :D
Where are the pictures?/?????
dont tell ... you cant even tell her where they came from .... it will just do her head in.
Even if she confesses to them dont say "oh year I've seen them" because then she will think you are some freak who has been digging up info on her.
Just my opinion!
:D
think of it like ebay, you'ld want to see the pics before you clicked on 'Buy it Now' right? ;-)
think of it like ebay, you'ld want to see the pics before you clicked on 'Buy it Now' right? ;-)
damn straight..........and if you like what you see.........straight on to the road test :smt081
I don't have the photos and I didn't even save the email that had the link. Porn doesn't interest me, I just thought she might like to be made aware that some scum-bag ex has put her pics up on a website, because she's not normally the show-off type that would allow that sort of thing.
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 05:19 PM
Say absolutely nothing mate. If she is inocent then the embarassment caused would only drive a wedge between you and her. Trust me on that one.
Say absolutely nothing mate. If she is inocent then the embarassment caused would only drive a wedge between you and her. Trust me on that one.
+ 1
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 05:28 PM
I`m sorry but I think you should tell her.... she deserves to know that this is going on behind her back. If it were any friend of mine then out of respect for them i`d tell them. Besides i thought this kind of thing had been made illegal now, at least give her the chance to find out who`s behind it and the option to go to the police.
Warthog
15-02-08, 05:31 PM
No no no no no!!! Don't tell her. Just forget about it. If there are naked photos of me on the internet, I don't want to know. In this case ignorance is definitely bliss, as she will be really really sad if they are there and she can't get them removed. Don't say anything.
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 05:36 PM
Say absolutely nothing mate. If she is inocent then the embarassment caused would only drive a wedge between you and her. Trust me on that one.
Don`t think any innocence or guilt comes into it... its her in the pics!
She`s more than likely posed for the pics in total innocence not expecting to have them splashed over the web by some vindictive idiot!
I think that if you`re honest with her and tell her that you`re only telling her this out of respect for her and that you`re willing to help her find the creep responsible she`ll be extremely thankful to you, maybe you`re taking a chance that she won`t be but if someone did this to a woman you really care about how would you feel?
I`m sorry but I think you should tell her.... she deserves to know that this is going on behind her back. If it were any friend of mine then out of respect for them i`d tell them. Besides i thought this kind of thing had been made illegal now, at least give her the chance to find out who`s behind it and the option to go to the police.
This is what I'm thinking, she's a fairly decent lass who maybe made one error of judgement and deserves to know what's happened.
neilfab
15-02-08, 05:37 PM
Wow toughy!! I mean how are you going to bring the subject up??
"How do you fancy going to a school disco, I hear you've already got the outfit" ;)
Its not the sort of thing that just dropped into normal conversation is it?
Don't envy you dude.
Warthog
15-02-08, 05:41 PM
This is what I'm thinking, she's a fairly decent lass who maybe made one error of judgement and deserves to know what's happened.
Noooooo please honestly. Deserving to know, honesty, all that can honestly go hang, ignorance is definitely best. Why on earth would she want to know?! What can she do about it!? It will only upset her greatly. Don't do it.
Just out of sheer curiosity... could you PM me her name?
I might have actually gone to school with her... no really... as in when we were kids you smutty bunch! :roll:
Alpinestarhero
15-02-08, 05:49 PM
http://www.triumph675.net/forum/images/smilies/xscuseless.gif
Definatly. We need to inspect and study these pictures to help you. Post a link!
Its best left unmentioned at the moment; have a chat, and then bring it up with her...say one of your pervy mates came across a link that featured her.
Matt
Ok, let's for argument's sake say this is one of my daughters or one of my sisters, which it isn't. I would feel duty bound to inform them that they were now in the public domain, so they could do something about it. Also, so I could at least get an explanation out of my daughter if it were them (I seriously doubt any of my girls would be quite that daft though)
I'd want them to know what had happened so they can then make a choice as to what they wanted to do. Chances are only one other person knew the pics had been taken (the guy taking them), so it narrows the field down as to who posted them.
I still think she deserves to know.
Just out of sheer curiosity... could you PM me her name?
I might have actually gone to school with her... no really... as in when we were kids you smutty bunch! :roll:
You went to school local to me, didn't you? Pm me a first name and I'll say yay or nay. No need for surnames.
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:04 PM
Massive difference over the consideration of the same scenario involving one of your own daughters. This kind of situation will definitely not bring the lady running to the arms of her Sir Galahad.
Get her email adress from someone other than her, set up an email account yourself and email her the whisper anonimously. Def do not raise the subject yourself. She deserves perhaps to be assisted but if you want a bit of mileage with her then it should not be you telling her to her face.
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 06:07 PM
Ok, let's for argument's sake say this is one of my daughters or one of my sisters, which it isn't. I would feel duty bound to inform them that they were now in the public domain, so they could do something about it. Also, so I could at least get an explanation out of my daughter if it were them (I seriously doubt any of my girls would be quite that daft though)
I'd want them to know what had happened so they can then make a choice as to what they wanted to do. Chances are only one other person knew the pics had been taken (the guy taking them), so it narrows the field down as to who posted them.
I still think she deserves to know.
Exactly... i think that unless somebody for whatever reason doesn`t deserve your respect then treat them as you`d want to be treated yourself
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 06:08 PM
PM me the link and her email addy........... i`ll send her it and won`t say how i got it! then the question of whether you tell her or not won`t be an issue cos she`ll already be aware.
Massive difference over the consideration of the same scenario involving one of your own daughters. This kind of situation will definitely not bring the lady running to the arms of her Sir Galahad.
Get her email adress from someone other than her, set up an email account yourself and email her the whisper anonimously. Def do not raise the subject yourself. She deserves perhaps to be assisted but if you want a bit of mileage with her then it should not be you telling her to her face.
+1 :D
do you want to be friend or lover, if friend then fine help her find it, but you will blow it for being a lover, she will run a mile with embarrassment or be suspicious of why/how you got involved in the exchange of pictures in the first place.
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:09 PM
Lozzo...Nooooo dont do it mate!:? Claire this is a bit more serious than one of your mates telling you that you have just walked the full length of the crowded pub from the toilets with your skirt tucked in yer knickers!:rolleyes:
PM me the link and her email addy........... i`ll send her it and won`t say how i got it! then the question of whether you tell her or not won`t be an issue cos she`ll already be aware.
I didn't save either.
Do you think it would help if I told her the pictures didn't excite me at all, or do you think she'd consider that an insult implying that she's not sexy any more?
I didn't save either.
Do you think it would help if I told her the pictures didn't excite me at all, or do you think she'd consider that an insult implying that she's not sexy any more?
Seeeeee, it opens up a minefield of female insecurities ...... YOU do not want to put yourself there mate believe me ! :D
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:11 PM
A more angry bag of worms you could never ever possibly open than this. You cannot win in any way if you tell her directly yourself.
+1 :D
do you want to be friend or lover, if friend then fine help her find it, but you will blow it for being a lover, she will run a mile with embarrassment or be suspicious of why/how you got involved in the exchange of pictures in the first place.
She was a very good friend until I moved away to oop north, then we lost contact. I doubt there'll ever be any romantic or any kind of physical involvement, she's a friend and nothing more. I do look out for my friends.
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:13 PM
Lozzo...come on fella......you man of the world and all that....you know women think soooooo differently. Dont do it I'M begging yer now!!!!!:confused:
. I do look at my friends piccys.
sorry couldnt resist ;)
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 06:15 PM
Lozzo...Nooooo dont do it mate!:? Claire this is a bit more serious than one of your mates telling you that you have just walked the full length of the crowded pub from the toilets with your skirt tucked in yer knickers!:rolleyes:
I know!
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:16 PM
Oh ok then so your not looking for this to move on to a carnal dalliance? If yourr totally sure of that then tell her. You can then use the "friend" card as your sole excuse for telling her. Dont be too surprised if once again an extened period of non contact develops though!:p
Speedy Claire
15-02-08, 06:19 PM
I didn't save either.
Do you think it would help if I told her the pictures didn't excite me at all, or do you think she'd consider that an insult implying that she's not sexy any more?
nope i wouldn`t mention anything re. excitement or lack of it either way.
Keep it serious, tell her that you realised who the person was, obv saw the pics but then deleted them straight away. That its taken a lot of your mental energy deciding whats best to do and that you`ve really worried over it. That at the end of the day you`re telling her out of respect for her and also because you had to consider how you`d feel if this had happened to one of your daughters.
Tell her the person responsible needs to be taught a lesson and reassure her that she has no reason to feel embarrassed and that we all make mistakes. Also add that if she feels she has to walk away from you then fine but that at least if she does your conscience will be clear cos you feel you`ve acted in the right way.
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:22 PM
nope i wouldn`t mention anything re. excitement or lack of it either way.
Keep it serious, tell her that you realised who the person was, obv saw the pics but then deleted them straight away. That its taken a lot of your mental energy deciding whats best to do and that you`ve really worried over it. That at the end of the day you`re telling her out of respect for her and also because you had to consider how you`d feel if this had happened to one of your daughters.
Tell her the person responsible needs to be taught a lesson and reassure her that she has no reason to feel embarrassed and that we all make mistakes. Also add that if she feels she has to walk away from you then fine but that at least if she does your conscience will be clear cos you feel you`ve acted in the right way.
Claire are you sure you are of the female gender? Using a line like that is likely to get his nuts trapped in a slamming door! That would never pacify a raging female! Pah!:p
nope i wouldn`t mention anything re. excitement or lack of it either way.
Fair points.
She won't be at all embarrassed at the fact I've seen her naked in photos, I saw all that years ago for real when we had a short fling between partners. It'll be the loss of trust in the other person she'll be mortified about.
the other problem is that if she ever finds out about this from somebody else, and also that you knew......
Pedrosa
15-02-08, 06:27 PM
Maybe yes ignore mentioning the word "excitement" but so as not to hurt her feelings just possibly mentioning in a throw away manner...that you did feel a certain stirring..."down below"?
Maybe yes ignore mentioning the word "excitement" but so as not to hurt her feelings just possibly mentioning in a throw away manner...that you did feel a certain stirring..."down below"?
Lol, I'll bear that in mind
Even if you tell her, what can she actually do about it other then get wound up? Can they be removed? Unless she can do something practical about it she is best not knowing, otherwise it will eat her up.
Even if you tell her, what can she actually do about it other then get wound up? Can they be removed? Unless she can do something practical about it she is best not knowing, otherwise it will eat her up.
From what I can make out she can ask for them to be removed by the owner of the website. So there is something she can do...aside from arranging for the perp to have his kneecaps turned into paperweights. She and I do know people in low places.
sv-robo
15-02-08, 07:15 PM
http://www.triumph675.net/forum/images/smilies/xscuseless.gif
+1:)
I'm fairly sure it is a criminal offence to use pictures, especially ones of that nature, on the internet without the persons permission. I seem to recall a instance in the past when it has been done out of spite and charges were brought. So if they are in the public domain and you have been sent the information anonymously then IMO you should tell her. She either will be aware of it and not bothered or more likely upset and want to get them removed.
just my two pennies worth :eek:
Jayneflakes
15-02-08, 08:49 PM
:smt053
Are you completely sure that she is unaware of these images of her on the internet?
It is not uncommon for women of our age to be adventurous, sexual or even down right perverted, so depending on the context of these images, she may well have posted them her self.
I have for instance put some fairly risqu? pictures on a dating website. Nothing came of it, but it was quite exciting having them up there for a while. I am sure that some dating sites exist where people have met some one and forgotten to remove their profile.
Just another thing for you to think about...
I'm well aware of how adventurous women get in their thirties, I'm 45 and quite happily single and taking full advantage of this.
I just think this is totally out of character for this particular woman, she's not the 'flash it around to everyone' sort - she never was and can't see her changing from when I knew her well 15 years ago. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced she had a bit of fun one night with her ex, it led to a camera coming out and after they split he took revenge by posting them to the site. I just cannot believe she would ever consent to them being posted, it's just not her. While she may be adventurous and great fun in private, she wouldn't want her bits splashed all over people's pc screens like that, she's too much of a private person to want that.
There's also the fact that she's very much a family person, with a couple of kids and parents she has a great deal of respect for, there's no way she'd deliberately post pics like that, pics that very clearly show her face.
-Ralph-
15-02-08, 09:08 PM
I'm with the don't do it crowd, but sounds to be like you'd already made up your mind?
Jayneflakes
15-02-08, 09:12 PM
Then tell her. Tell her that you fear that you may risk your friendship with her, but she means so much to you as a friend, you are duty bound to inform her of what you have seen.
Remember, Don't shoot the messenger!
Good luck and may the Gods be on your side. It is your decision alone to follow any of the good and caring advice listed here.
people change. just because she would never do that sort of thing 15 years ago, doesnt mean she doesnt now. if you mention it and she is still not into that sort of thing she will die of embarrasment and never open her mind to such stuff and if she knows about it and you sound a bit disapproving and tell her the pictures did nothing for you - wont endear you to her.
Well, it's all sorted now. I didn't have to say a thing.
Was chatting to a mate of ours on the phone until about 5 minutes ago and I mentioned in passing that I'd bumped into her. I didn't mention the photos at all but he instantly blurted "Jesus, did you hear about the sh*tstorm that kicked up about her nude photos ending up on the net?" then told the whole story about how her ex had put the pics up, emailed a link to everyone she knew from a dodgy hotmail address and that she'd found out within a few days.
Apparently he was visited by some rather unsavoury characters in the middle of the night and shown the errors of his ways. The photos were removed from the site as well.
That's one rather embarrassing situation I won't have to face.
Speedy Claire
16-02-08, 12:05 AM
Pleased to hear it and glad the dilemna`s been resolved satisfactorily... and yes she could go to the police as someone has already queried. I remember a similar case a couple of years ago and the guy actually went to prison.
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