Dating ads

[missyburd]

Hi all,

I got given an experiment to do today which investigates human mate choice and sexual selection. I have to look at dating ads in newspapers, on t'internet etc. Here are a few tasters that made me chuckle:

"Princess, 35, fed up of princes, seeks frog."

"Refreshingly receptive, unconventional, unusual, passionate, strong but sensitive artist, 50s, seeks v. feminine, romantic, kind, gorgeous, sexy, stimulating lady to devote himself to." (not much then :rolleyes:)

"Once in a while, a special person comes into your life, are you the one? I have many hidden treasures waiting to be discovered." :-s

"Enlightened, wise, young 42, slim, fit, 5'10, love outdoors, arts, Hendrix, Picasso, Degas, Bach, Dali, Himalayas, pre-Raphaelite, wilderness, simplicity, seeks like-minded F, 20-45."

"Work-a-holic, late 50s, requires M to remind her of the meaning of work and life balance. Do you like a challenge?"

"A submissive, attractive M, 40s, seeks an assertive, elegant, mature lady who expects total dedication." :batman:

"Single, young-looking (???), attractive, genuine, honest, romantic, passionate M, 48, WLTM feminine lady for LTR."


:smt043



So what would you come up with if you were 'advertising' yourself to attract the opposite/same sex? What would you potentially be looking for in a woman/man? No-one will be judged....much ;)

p.s. this just be a bit of fun, not to be included in my investigation!

[Luckypants]

Ohhhh! Where did you see my ad? Which respondant are you?

[Jayneflakes]

:rolleyes: Evil B*tch, seeks bad tempered B*stard, for recriminations, deafening silences and to remind why I lived with my Mother for so long!


Nurse Jayne (35, Raven Haired, ravishing Beauty) looking for patient (30 - 40) so I can take your temperature, check your pulse and administer the biggest enema known to woman kind! Must like the smell of bleach and enjoy that "clean" feeling! :smt100

Furry seeks similar for Yiffing...

[Blue_SV650S]

I think what would be more interesting/fun would be for you to make one up for me!! ;)

Go for it 8)

p.s. Jayne, you are one scary lass!! :D

[Jayneflakes]

p.s. Jayne, you are one scary lass!! :D


:) Thank you :smt023

[Jester666]

Desperate 39 yo seeks willing partner to restore eysight and remove callouses from right hand! :lol:

[missyburd]

:rolleyes: Evil B*tch, seeks bad tempered B*stard, for recriminations, deafening silences and to remind why I lived with my Mother for so long!


Nurse Jayne (35, Raven Haired, ravishing Beauty) looking for patient (30 - 40) so I can take your temperature, check your pulse and administer the biggest enema known to woman kind! Must like the smell of bleach and enjoy that "clean" feeling! :smt100

Furry seeks similar for Yiffing...

:smt082:smt082:smt082

Come on guys, get your thinking caps on!

[Blue_SV650S]

:) Thank you :smt023

To be fair, it wasn't really a complement ... but I am glad you took it that way else I'd be worried I might wake up one day with a severed head on my doorstep or summin!! :shock: :mrgreen:

:smt082:smt082:smt082

Come on guys, get your thinking caps on!

I asked you to get yours on :p

[Jayneflakes]

Dirty Hells Angel (45) seeks skanky crack ho (50+), to hide Public Relations Executive Girlfriend from Parents!


Ex Royal Marine (37, Balding) seeks pretty blonde Punchbag (19 - 25), to help relive the better times...


Satanist seeks Alter, must be shaved. No Christians.

[missyburd]

Dirty Hells Angel (45) seeks skanky crack ho (50+), to hide Public Relations Executive Girlfriend from Parents!


Ex Royal Marine (37, Balding) seeks pretty blonde Punchbag (19 - 25), to help relive the better times...


Satanist seeks Alter, must be shaved. No Christians.

Wow, which one of those is Blue? or does he cover all three? :lol:

[Jayneflakes]

Lonely twenty something, hygiene problem, seeks Grandma for mutual experimentation and exploration. Must have teeth in a jar.


Retired Headmaster, seeks boys for discipline. Call now for Double Latin.


Solipsist seeks self for ownerism


:smt011

[northwind]

Male seeks warm, concave.

[monkey]

I'm just having fun googling Jayne's replies and finding out the meaning of some of the words!

:)

[Jayneflakes]

I'm just having fun googling Jayne's replies and finding out the meaning of some of the words!

:)

That makes me sound awful, thank you! :mrgreen:

[Richie]

Up and Thrusting (40) taxidermist seeks older near death partner for Fun nights of Paxo.
Don't be scared, but if your chicken then contact Henpecked@hotgrill.coma

[Bear]

I think I'm in love with Jayne...

[Bear]

Sub/dom Necrophiliac Bisexual Beastialist nymphomaniac seeks anything to screw...

[Lozzo]

Bloke seeks burd for good times. Pulse optional.

[Kinvig]

"Single, young-looking (???), attractive, genuine, honest, romantic, passionate M, 48, WLTM feminine lady for LTR."
!

Lord of the Rings - Role playing? One for Ping, again another one for Ping!


I went on Guardian Soulmates once, that was a soul crushing experience if ever there was one!

[Kinvig]

Solipsist seeks self for ownerism



nice!

[missyburd]

Bloke seeks burd for good times. Pulse optional.

:laughat:

Lord of the Rings - Role playing? One for Ping, again another one for Ping!


I went on Guardian Soulmates once, that was a soul crushing experience if ever there was one!

That's where my examples came from, some right nutters on there :confused: :p

[Bear]

My favorite used to be the "seen once" section in Time Out. It was full of stuff like: Bakerloo Line between Stonebridge and Harlesden. Me: shy bookish type, you: dark haired woman reading Proust. I looked at you and you smiled. Contact me.

I just love the desperation!

[SoulKiss]

Furry seeks similar for Yiffing...

:) :geek::D

[SoulKiss]

Sub/dom Necrophiliac Bisexual Beastialist nymphomaniac seeks a dead horse to flog

How did you miss that one Bear?

[SoulKiss]

Lord of the Rings - Role playing? One for Ping, again another one for Ping!


I went on Guardian Soulmates once, that was a soul crushing experience if ever there was one!

Shouldnt that be

One Ping to Rule The All
One Ping to Find Them
One Ping to Bring Them All
And in the Darkness Bind Them

[Lozzo]

My favorite used to be the "seen once" section in Time Out. It was full of stuff like: Bakerloo Line between Stonebridge and Harlesden. Me: shy bookish type, you: dark haired woman reading Proust. I looked at you and you smiled. Contact me.

I just love the desperation!

You've not seen Craigslist then?

http://london.craigslist.co.uk/search/mis/?query=w4m

[Bear]

If Ping ever wants to bind me in the darkness, I'm fine with that!

[Steve_God]

01001001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100111 01100101 01100101 01101011 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100001

^^ It's binary for:
If you have converted this, you're the geek for me!
:D

[dizzyblonde]

the following ad is true, as i sent it in a text to Im Indoors, when we were best mates

wanted young stud, to replace grumpy, boring, old fart
Answers on a postcard to WWW...... . Boredho**usewife...... com (http://www...... . Boredho**usewife...... com) ( i hope its not a real website:smt036)

his reply was.....sold, when do I collect?

we've been together ever since.


At the time it was sent as a joke.

[Caddy2000]

Lord of the Rings - Role playing? One for Ping, again another one for Ping!


I went on Guardian Soulmates once, that was a soul crushing experience if ever there was one!

Met my lass through there - been together for 18 months now.
Hit rocky patch :smt085

[Bear]

Purely in the interests of research I have investigated the website named above. It leads to a site for "exotic dancers" who can come to your room in vegas...

[Stingo]

Seeking buxom wench to remove barnacles from bottom. Weapon handling skills would be an advantage.

[Kinvig]

Met my lass through there - been together for 18 months now.
Hit rocky patch :smt085

The most interest I got from ther was a girl asking me the best way to sell her Mac.

[Caddy2000]

The most interest I got from ther was a girl asking me the best way to sell her Mac.

I hope you told her "with fries"
CHEEK!

[Kinvig]

I hope you told her "with fries"
CHEEK!

I said ebay.

[Pedrosa]

Rehabiltated drug addict presently 2 months in to alcohol recovery programme seeks hot babe to push my moped for me when it is being a little troublesome. I am a very happening kind of person and fashion conscious particularly with my shirt tucked in to undies when showing above waist of trousers.
Being a real gent I always give advanced warning of any imminent trouser burps and am a dedicated toilet seat leaver upper. My teeth are not as many or as white as Colgate would have them and I do speak with a pronounced lisp and tend to salivate when doing so. I walk with a limp and suffer the odd nervous tick, but all in all I am a bit of a catch really.

To avoid disappointment, applications will be dealt with on a strictly first come, first deserved basis.

P.S. You will have a more than healthy interest in pleasures of the flesh in order to ensure our compatability.

[plowsie]

Bloke seeks burd for good times. Pulse optional. If not, still warm...
:pukel:

[stewie]

Short ,dark,apathetic non descript ronnie corbett/tom cruise lookalike, with low expectations, seeks tall blonde with low/no aspirations for mutual whatever

[Spiderman]

Frottagist seeks male or female who will stand still long enough. Age and looks unimportant, firmness of the flesh essential.

[Spiderman]

Arrogant, ignorant and verbaly abusive guy looking for girl with low self esteem and no friends to be my soulmate.

[Bear]

Large ursine mammal seeks males, females or undecided for fun and picanic basket based frolics. I'll show you my yogi if you show me your boo-boos!

[ThEGr33k]

:rolleyes: Evil B*tch, seeks bad tempered B*stard, for recriminations, deafening silences and to remind why I lived with my Mother for so long!

Date, time and meeting place and ill be there :smt039.

[monkey]

Homo sapien seeks pogonophobic flea free primate to be my mate. Likes must include frolicking in the trees, banana fun and PG tips. Looks unimportant but bright pink bottom cheeks are a bonus. Must also enjoy ****ing like a rabbit on day release from a life term in a celibasy prison.
:monkey:

[chakraist]

Man, 19, hates catching buses. Seeks F with similar interests.