View Full Version : My god I'm.... Project manager
_Stretchie_
20-05-08, 04:45 PM
If you haven't seen the thread please cast your eyes over here
http://forums.sv650.org/showthread.php?t=110437
Or here is a summary..
The lads got issues and can't ask a girl out, been building up for a while, (sorry Kinvig, no pun intended ;)) and we need to bring this to a close for the lad.
What we need for this is a proper Project manager.. Anyone done Prince 2 and can help out.
We need a PID creating, and a list of resources needed with a clear concise plan of action and perhaps some testing involved.
All those that may be able to please add your 2p in here.
Guys together we can do this remember, this is a .ORGER we are talking about..
ONE OF US..
There is no I in team!!
But if you look closly you can see 'me'
fizzwheel
20-05-08, 05:08 PM
You're going to need a Business Analyst. I nominate me.
I guarantee you that I will spend ages throughly researching the situation, I will draw up a nice set of documentation showing all the options and which one represents the biggest benefit versus budgetary spend, hell I'll even do a board presentation for you with some nice powerpoint slides. I guarantee to do this in 3 months.
I also guarantee that I'll charge you a fortune and that the eventual outcome will be exactly what you could have worked out for yourself in a day or so and at least a 1/8th of the cost.
I've also done a Prince 2 course, I'm familiar with "Agile" business models and I am a whizz with Microsoft Project.
Hows that sound ?
If you need a logistics and transprt manager count me in, plus Ive got me own gloves as well :D
Speedy Claire
20-05-08, 05:14 PM
If you need a nurse to catch him when he faints at her saying yes count me in...... plus i can give advice on contraception :D
If you need a 'big stick hitter-with-er' to stop him being such a chicken, I'm eminently suitable for that position:D
gettin2dizzy
20-05-08, 05:18 PM
I am a whizz with Microsoft Project.
So you draw up really vague project plans for people with unrealistic deadlines which help not one bit other than to line your own pockets? ;) We have your sort in work too!
I'll be the Papua New Guinea Ambassador if that helps :king:
Wayluya
20-05-08, 05:24 PM
No need for any management......just keep throwing money at the problem, sooner or later some of it will hit the right spot - or the problem will be declared "solved" due to no one willing to admit that after that many resources it hasn't been :cool:
So my vote is to have a whip round, raise a Million pounds and see her eyes :smt042 open wide or........see what she will do for ?1.97 :)
_Stretchie_
20-05-08, 05:28 PM
Great, I nominate this be the 'Excessive re-numeration within the nation getting with her with no hesitation HIT SQUAD'
You are all hired I will immediatly contact our customer and tell him he has hired us... Like it or not and we promise not to deliver on time or come in ANYWHERE near burdget
Thanks guys
fizzwheel
20-05-08, 05:28 PM
So you draw up really vague project plans for people with unrealistic deadlines which help not one bit other than to line your own pockets? ;) We have your sort in work too!
I'll be the Papua New Guinea Ambassador if that helps :king:
No thats what I have assistants for. God man you actually think I dirty myself by touching the keyboard
*shudders at the thought*
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 05:39 PM
No need for any management......just keep throwing money at the problem, sooner or later some of it will hit the right spot - or the problem will be declared "solved" due to no one willing to admit that after that many resources it hasn't been :cool:
So my vote is to have a whip round, raise a Million pounds and see her eyes :smt042 open wide or........see what she will do for ?1.97 :)
As I work in Finance I would like to suggest that throwing endless amounts of money at this will not lead to a solution.
Does anyone have a budget in mind?
Wayluya
20-05-08, 05:41 PM
As I work in Finance I would like to suggest that throwing endless amounts of money at this will not lead to a solution.
I think we may move in different social circles :)
I can be Sound Technican, i have CD's and a CD player and could walk behind him with said CD Player blurting out "I'm Horny" by Mousse T, Or "Let Get It On" or many other fitting songs. :)
yorkie_chris
20-05-08, 05:45 PM
As I work in Finance I would like to suggest that throwing endless amounts of money at this will not lead to a solution.
Does anyone have a budget in mind?
The price of a bag of chips.
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 05:47 PM
Ok.......think that we can stretch to some chips......I'm slightly concerned at the escalating of the costs of this project by having to pay all these people to jobs that no-one really has a clue what they are doing. lol
_Stretchie_
20-05-08, 05:48 PM
The price of a bag of chips.
AARRRRGH, you beat me to it :thumbsup:
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 05:49 PM
Large or small?????
Lily wants to know what she could do?
Ok.......think that we can stretch to some chips......I'm slightly concerned at the escalating of the costs of this project by having to pay all these people to jobs that no-one really has a clue what they are doing. lol
Hey, I don't want paying.................I just like hitting people with big sticks:smt077
_Stretchie_
20-05-08, 05:53 PM
Large or small?????
Lily wants to know what she could do?
Why?? Does she only like large ones?
:smt104 :smt045 :thumbsup:
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 05:54 PM
Hey, I don't want paying.................I just like hitting people with big sticks:smt077
Ok.......but do we have to buy and supply the stick?
Ok.......but do we have to buy and supply the stick?
Nah, got a lovely big knobbly one with nails in the end:D
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 05:55 PM
Why?? Does she only like large ones?
:smt104 :smt045 :thumbsup:
Doh......I fell into that big ole....lol :D
(But yes my girl only like em large........chips that is!!!!)
Ah - now - see - I also have prince 2 to my long list of credentials. But it would seem as though we already have a project manager...so I would like to put myself forward as the documentation librarian as I have unlimited access to many useless databases such as spomanager, TAFMIS and JPA.:D
Oh and BTW, has anyone done the mandate yet?
I'm a Project Manager and I am always worried about "feature creep."
What if the requirements change to a newer, better model?
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 06:56 PM
I have also been involved in many projects......but.....one thing always on my mind is the next version......how will it work moving to Mrs Chippy 1.1?
Give the project over to the usless toss*rs that are the Atlas consortium rolling out the Defence new computer network DII/F, if anyone can they can 100% guarantee it continaly slips to the right and runs over budget for years!!
Prince 2 Practitioner here as well.
It may start out with a bag of chips but once you start you'll soon see that you'll require salt and vinegar as well and costs will spiral.
Anyway you need a sound business case to start with agreed by the project board ;)
So can I start hitting people with my big stick yet?:p
By the way, don't write the PID 'till you have achieved your goals; makes showing success much easier.
yorkie_chris
20-05-08, 07:23 PM
So can I start hitting people with my big stick yet?:p
Yes. All these managerial types showing the usual business approach. If the person who needed to get on with something got on with it... then that person would be in bed by now!
SoulKiss
20-05-08, 07:30 PM
Shouldn't you factor in the cost of getting Kinvig in as a consultant on how NOT to do it to avoid the sandbanks he hit?
Wideboy
20-05-08, 07:39 PM
i have just seen this thread
lmao :lol:
i have just seen this thread
lmao :lol:
Don't know why you're laughing...................you're for the big stick treatment if you don't ask that girl out SOON!
Wideboy
20-05-08, 07:53 PM
can the budget stretch to a batted sausage or will it push the boundaries of the project risking a depression in the stock prices?
Drew Carey
20-05-08, 07:55 PM
can the budget stretch to a batted sausage or will it push the boundaries of the project risking a depression in the stock prices?
Bless.......the carpenter is trying to get involved with management.....quick...back on the shop floor!!!! :D
There is no I in team!!
But there are four in 'platitude quoting idiot'.
Sorry, but I had to get that in... reminded me of working in an office again.
Wideboy
20-05-08, 08:02 PM
Bless.......the carpenter is trying to get involved with management.....quick...back on the shop floor!!!! :D
JOINER!
carpenter pfft i fart in there general direction
I'm a Project Manager and I am always worried about "feature creep."
What if the requirements change to a newer, better model?
Hmmmmm id be more worried about scope creep.
What if the product becomes available. The client takes on the project only for it to grow into somthing the client cant control. I hope we have a risk assessment officer available.
O yes,,,,,ME!
JOINER!
carpenter pfft i fart in there general direction
i thought joiners nailed together pieces of wood, whereas carpenters made handcrafted furniture. :rolleyes:
SoulKiss
20-05-08, 08:21 PM
i thought joiners nailed together pieces of wood, whereas carpenters made handcrafted furniture. :rolleyes:
Joiners Join Wood, Carpenters Pent Cars (one for the Aberdeen Mini-massive there :P)
Wideboy
20-05-08, 08:21 PM
i thought joiners nailed together pieces of wood, whereas carpenters made handcrafted furniture. :rolleyes:
otherway round.
or where you being sarcastic?
Mike2165
20-05-08, 08:24 PM
There is no I in team!!
There's no F in team either!:roll:
_Stretchie_
21-05-08, 09:32 AM
can the budget stretch to a batted sausage or will it push the boundaries of the project risking a depression in the stock prices?
Please refer to the documented approach by Lissa above the very post quoted above. For ease of use I will paste it below
Don't know why you're laughing...................you're for the big stick treatment if you don't ask that girl out SOON!
Would this qualify for getting a battered sausage :smt036
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