I'm opening my heart up to the org (a tiny bit)

[Paul the 6th]

Relocating - who's done it and how did you cope?

In may I moved from my home town in west yorkshire to York to continue my relationship with the missus. She moved down from middlesbrough to be with me last year in november. She never really settled and struggled being so far away from home. She had plans in place to start work at leeds university as a research assistant but the professor guy was a bit rubbish and it never really came together.

We moved to york to reduce the distance between her & her family, and also because she successfully gained a place on a PhD (at york university starting this october), and because I felt I was ready for a change of scenery & to broaden the mind etc...

This is the tricky bit - I've not really "integrated" into the local area at all since I don't 'have' anything in york. I'm self employed so even if I moved my office from west yorkshire, I still wouldn't have any work colleagues as such, I'm not in any form of education i.e. university, and I don't have any family over here. I've had a few friends over for weekends and been back home for nights out etc, but it's a pretty lonely lifestyle I'm leading lately.

I was wondering if anyone might have any advice from their own experience of relocating. Also, I've been considering getting into some volunteer/charity work around york as a way of getting out & about, and also to meet like minded people. Could anyone offer any advice about this sort of thing?

Any advice/ideas etc is properly appreciated :)

p.s. I love her a lot so there's no point in saying "get rid" or "move home" etc... just looking for others' experiences on how they adapted and started new lives/found ways of making new friends in a new area :)

thanks in advance, paul w

[lukemillar]

I moved from London to Sydney about a year ago! Only person i knew was my GF who moved with me! I guess the biggest difference for me is that i work for a company with a lot of other similarly aged people (late 20s early 30s) so meeting people has been pretty easy.

Also there is a very good bike forum for riders in the area and through them I have done a load of (discounted) trackdays and met a load of other bikers.

Some of the Aussie guys/girls I worked with in London, put me in touch with their friends over here and I have since hooked up.

Now after a year, I'm planning on heading over to NZ in january and will have to start all over again!

[Paul the 6th]

flippin heck... lol.

I think that's one of the main things for most people who relocate - meeting new friends through work. I guess self employment isn't all it's cracked upto be lol?

[gettin2dizzy]

Also, I've been considering getting into some volunteer/charity work around york as a way of getting out & about, and also to meet like minded people. Could anyone offer any advice about this sort of thing?

Sounds like you know the score already. Concentrate on what means the most to you, and friends will reappear.

A chance to reinvent or even have time to yourself is something that most of us dream about.

Enjoy.

[Biker_Billy]

Me and my fiancee moved from Sheffield to Cornwall in Nov 2006 - all our family and friends are in Sheffield, but it seemed a good opportunity to move down here. I am in a similar boat in that I work from home (not self employed tho), so I too don't go to an office full of people either...we didn't know anybody down here before we moved either...

We have integrated ok (as much as we want to with the old banjo players:p), and found that joining some sort of club helped (we joined a rowing club, as we live so near the sea) - a good way to get to know people...

One benefit tho it that when friends and family come to visit, they tend to stay for at least a few days, and get chance to spend some decent time with them....the downside is, I can't just pop out for a pint with my uncle....

On balance, and with hindsight, we would still have moved...better pace of life and a much nicer area to live in...just gotta work at it...

HTH,

BB.

[JamesMio]

I'd echo the club/organisation idea - sports/gym/IAM/Rospa even.

[Tara]

I relocated from Lancashire to Berkshire 2 years ago to be with my now husband. I still miss my friends and family but have settled down here i have not made many friends to be honest but then thats not really an issue as people visit we go up north and we are kept busy most of the time.

go for it give yourself time to settle don't expect overnight

[Dan]

In March 2003 I moved from East Anglia to the North East. I bought a house in a particularly insular mining town. I haven't integrated all that much, mainly because I'm not that bothered about doing so as I'm a naturally shy, introverted and retiring individual - but I have made a few good friends from work, and of course that reprobate Richie moved in nearby a couple of years back.

Don't regret it for a minute.

[Viney]

Verna moved from the depressing north to the vibrant south east 2 and a half years ago. i know she misses her family and friends a lot and she was worried that she was going to be nobby no mates, but she has made new firends and i hope, she really likes it, and its only a 3 hours journey back up north!

[Tara]

its only a 3 hours journey back up north!

yep it is :D

[Gazza77]

Relocating - who's done it and how did you cope?

In may I moved from my home town in west yorkshire to York to continue my relationship with the missus. She moved down from middlesbrough to be with me last year in november. She never really settled and struggled being so far away from home. She had plans in place to start work at leeds university as a research assistant but the professor guy was a bit rubbish and it never really came together.

We moved to york to reduce the distance between her & her family, and also because she successfully gained a place on a PhD (at york university starting this october), and because I felt I was ready for a change of scenery & to broaden the mind etc...

This is the tricky bit - I've not really "integrated" into the local area at all since I don't 'have' anything in york. I'm self employed so even if I moved my office from west yorkshire, I still wouldn't have any work colleagues as such, I'm not in any form of education i.e. university, and I don't have any family over here. I've had a few friends over for weekends and been back home for nights out etc, but it's a pretty lonely lifestyle I'm leading lately.

I was wondering if anyone might have any advice from their own experience of relocating. Also, I've been considering getting into some volunteer/charity work around york as a way of getting out & about, and also to meet like minded people. Could anyone offer any advice about this sort of thing?

Any advice/ideas etc is properly appreciated :)

p.s. I love her a lot so there's no point in saying "get rid" or "move home" etc... just looking for others' experiences on how they adapted and started new lives/found ways of making new friends in a new area :)

thanks in advance, paul w

In a way sounds similar to me; other than that I work in an office. I've just moved in with my gf and without knowing whereabouts in W Yorks you were from, it sounds like a similar sort of distance. I have no family or friends were we are, though her family are only about a 10 min walk away! I don't mind it most of the time, but there is the odd time I miss being round people, such as tonight when I will be sat in alone (rather than in the pub with mates as I used to be) whilst my gf is out for a meal with work colleagues.

Stick at it is all I can say. Try to speak to the neighbours. Be sociable with the regulars at the bar when you go for a pint. Give it time, and I'm sure you will get to know people. You will also find that you will get more used to seeing people less as time passes and that it bothers you less also.

As well as looking for social outlets, might another interest help? You're less likely to feel lonely if you're busy...

[zunkus]

I think that hobbies/interests will get you out of this one in more than one way. You'll spend time on doing it, you'll make friends through dedicated forums and maybe find nearby clubs/new mates. A gym membership is always a good idea in my books, at least you'll keep fit.

[Gazza77]

On the plus side, I'm saving a fortune on socialising, because all my drinking is done at home now!

[kitkat]

i moved from scotland to aldershot couple of weeks ago to be with bf. Not had time to miss scotland yet - miss my mum and not being able to pop round to see her at weekends (saying that she lived 100 miles from me). Im not working at the moment but hope to get a part time temp job til baby is due. Ill notice difference once kids are at school but its ok just now.

good luck with your choices.

took me 4 years shift my butt down south. but its the right thing for me and my kids (i hope) lol

[anna]

I moved from Bristol to London about 2 years ago to start a career change.. I worked in a pub to start with alongside college and that obviously introduced a lot of new faces in a short period of time.

I was very lucky to have the .org who have always looked out for me from the time I moved down here and made sure that I wasnt on my own.

[Ed]

We moved from Cornwall to Shropshire in 1996 - job moved. We rented a house in Shrewsbury town centre and we had a lovely neighbour, Jane, who was so kind. Sadly she died a few years ago. But she was so friendly and welcoming. Otherwise, I got to know people through the local running club. It wasn't easy for Anne as she worked from home. It all changed when our daughter arrived 2 years later. Having a kid/kids makes a huge difference because people stop to coo over babies, and there are loads of baby and toddler groups.

[BernardBikerchick]

i am the re location queen !!

[Ceri JC]

I've done it twice before and I am about to do it again. As you say, tends to result in living for the weekend and a lot of going back home during leave and weekends. I am really into my music, so I treated the isolation as a time to spend on that. In the most recent 2 years I was away (during which I didn't have the internet at home) I'd say my music improved the equivalent of 4 years on it when I was back home with other distractions. Another thing that I found worked well was studying part time and really throwing yourself into that. Doesn't have to be a degree if there's nothing you fancy: Even something like a motorcycle maintenance nightclass gives you something to do, more people to natter with etc. Clubs are good too, I joined a sailing club last time, likely to join a Judo one this time.

Edit: Oh and if you're into computer games, playing online with your mates back home is good too. I'm hoping I can arrange for 3 of my mates who I normally play games with to have a 'regular' game of online GTAIV etc.

[sarah]

I'm relocating in a few weeks time to live with my OH. Although it's where I grew up I don't have many friends who live really close by. My plan is to join a couple of clubs to try and widen my social circle there :-D

[BernardBikerchick]

Verna moved from the depressing north to the vibrant south east 2 and a half years ago. i know she misses her family and friends a lot and she was worried that she was going to be nobby no mates, but she has made new firends and i hope, she really likes it, and its only a 3 hours journey back up north!



awww honey - yes very happy xxx:love::love:


Paul 6th - its hard mate it can be very very hard, i hid away for the first few months when i first came down as I was slightly nervous of the south and venturing anywhere but once i found my feet and got out and about i met loads of people - finally last year moved in with the viney a year ago and never been happier !! - i do still miss me family a lot loads but they'[re coming down next weekend. It kind of depends on the area as well - i think the charity work is a good idea also sounds as though you are a little hidden away coz of your job. hang in there clearly you're with the right bird it will all work out !! x

[Paul the 6th]

well thanks for all the positive replies everyone - I think i might have sounded a bit desperate in my first post lol. I've already transferred my gym membership to the bannatynes gym around the corner (bloody expensive but ever so posh I say....)

I've always been big on rowing in the gym and have already looked at the york rowing club. I've been looking to start building my own kitcar for about a year (www.LocostBuilders.co.uk) have loads of info on it, for some strange reason I really think I can do it, and there's a few guys in the york area who are either building theirs right now or have passed the SVA and have their cars legal for the road. The only thing I've been waiting for is the 6 week welding course at the local college which starts in october. Asside from that, I love fixing or making stuff out of wood or metal so I'll have to see what I can do with that.

Me and the missus were talking in bed last night and we thought up alsorts of different bits of charity work I could get involved in so I'm doing a bit of research today.

It's a bit strange with my friends, I've gone back home after a few months away and recognised how many of them (early to mid 20's) are over-caning the booze from friday lunchtime to sunday night and don't really do much else. Even if I ever wanted to go back to my previous life, people have changed that much in the past few months that there isn't space for me or a space I'd want to fit into.

Life's a funny old thing innit?

Ah well, I never complain and I don't give up until I'm bleeding or drunk (or both) so I guess it will just take a bit of time. Thanks for all your personal insights and advice, it's nice to know your not the only one feeling a bit funny from time to time :)

p.s. "Paul the 6th" on xbox live (I'm a closet geek = Forza 2, MotoGP06, SBK08, GTA IV, R6 Vegas, Test Drive Unlimited, Skate, Fifa 07) add me for a whooping :P

[BernardBikerchick]

we're all a great big family on here i like to think !! x