View Full Version : Real world tortures for theiving chavscum
following on from my last post - we've established the TCS (theiving ChavScum) is gonna cost me £200 prolly, having attempted to steal my bike.
He was also seen hanging around in next doors garden later...hoping to try again praps ...
Spose he comes back tonight. and im lying in wait with a net and baseballl bat , and capture the TCS, waht would you do to him ???
Im talking real world stuff, not crush with him your Chieftain tank or get medieaval on his **** with some pliers and a blow torch (altho that might work !):cool:
Beat the crap out of him, i'd rightfully defend my own property.
you seen american history X ??? put your teeth on that curb boy!!!!!!!!!
yorkie_chris
14-11-08, 03:22 PM
Get a couple of your mates to cop hold of him, pin him down, trousers down. Hold a combat knife to his b0llocks and inform him that it may be a bad idea messing around with your property.
Ceri JC
14-11-08, 03:45 PM
Waterboarding? Terrifying and leaves no marks. Easy enough to rig up without any special equipment too... ;)
you seen american history X ??? put your teeth on that curb boy!!!!!!!!!
that just made me curl my toes!
efiing good film tho
Junior hacksaw slowly between each finger on each hand, and then between each toe on each foot.
Nobbylad
14-11-08, 04:19 PM
Prob not worth confronting him as a) you might lose your rag and go to town on him b) he knows where you live and has nowt else to do all day than get high/terrorise you (with his mates) and c) if you threaten him, ironically he'll get the bizzies onto you and you'll get done.
ive got a hacksaw n all -= oi Zig - whats the name of the big guy with the nitrous ZX9 ? i reckon he could hold a TCS easy , mebbe if we waited then strolled round nonchalant and then GRAB HIM - the fun could begin ....:cool:
eviltwin
14-11-08, 04:22 PM
Yay, see how he likes his ignition barrell being screwdrivered!
neillfergie
14-11-08, 04:41 PM
Tie him to a chair and make him listen to Radio 4 . . . .
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/darkpowers/chav.jpg
He will fooking hate it!!!!!!! lol
Honestly, what would i do?
Socks in his mouth, tape so no-one can hear him muffle/scream (he'll alrady be scared).
Hand out, hammer down, break a few fingers.
Then i'd drag him by his hair (or now broken fingers) to a dark ally, i'd give him a few punches, a few kicks, then leave him be.
Hurt, scare, but not kill ;)
best thing to do is .. you and a few mates grab him ... take him in and give him a cup of t. take a photo of him. then explain that if you see his sorry excuse of a face around your area again that the consequences will be totally different..
don't get exited and stay cool, don't raise your voice, and keep calm. they don't expect it...
if he sits there with a smirk on his face... get the steam iron out plug it in and put it in front of him .. then tell him its his choice..
if he says anything about getting his mates/family round, go right up to his face and say 'you really don't want to play that game'.
also rifle threw his pockets and see id he has any ID on him .. but i very much doubt he will. if he has not his address down.
Honestly, what would i do?
Socks in his mouth, tape so no-one can hear him muffle/scream (he'll alrady be scared).
Hand out, hammer down, break a few fingers.
Then i'd drag him by his hair (or now broken fingers) to a dark ally, i'd give him a few punches, a few kicks, then leave him be.
Hurt, scare, but not kill ;)
Get's my vote.
My approach would be rather more subtle than some have suggested.
I have multiple IP cameras around the house already, it wouldn't take much effort to set one of those to trigger the house alarm (as that's what they're there for, just not configured at the moment). I have the ability to set a specific zone within a camera's view, and that can trigger the alarm in several modes, from silent to full blown air raid siren. Somewhere in the middle, so it's enough to wake me up if I'm sleeping, but not loud enough that they hear it.
Then, I have a katana, for display purposes, "securely" attached to the wall above the bed. Although it's display purposes, it has a live blade.
Door open, sprint, katana in hand. If they outrun me, they definately wouldn't come back quickly. If I'm quicker than them, replace YC's post, specifically the words "combat knife" with "katana."
yorkie_chris
14-11-08, 06:08 PM
Meh. Looked at katanas and such but thought one would be too bulky for home use.
Meh. Looked at katanas and such but thought one would be too bulky for home use.
Nope, not if you know how to properly handle them. I have a Bo staff too.
Ah, the good days when I used to do things like jiu-jitsu, and later moved into more specialist areas like iaidō.
Nope, not if you know how to properly handle them. I have a Bo staff too.
Ah, the good days when I used to do things like jiu-jitsu, and later moved into more specialist areas like iaidō.
i'm a dab hand at karma sutra...
i'll get ma coat....:smt090
charris
14-11-08, 06:23 PM
best thing to do is .. you and a few mates grab him ... take him in and give him a cup of t. take a photo of him. then explain that if you see his sorry excuse of a face around your area again that the consequences will be totally different..
don't get exited and stay cool, don't raise your voice, and keep calm. they don't expect it...
if he sits there with a smirk on his face... get the steam iron out plug it in and put it in front of him .. then tell him its his choice..
if he says anything about getting his mates/family round, go right up to his face and say 'you really don't want to play that game'.
also rifle threw his pockets and see id he has any ID on him .. but i very much doubt he will. if he has not his address down.
I like this one the best, if you can keep your cool and still scare someone then its on!
AndyBrad
14-11-08, 07:29 PM
Get's my vote.
mine too. although tbh i would tie him up and leave him in the cellar fo a few hours. then take his trousers off him and lt the **** hop home still tied up.
Warthog
14-11-08, 08:12 PM
i'm a dab hand at karma sutra...
That would scare him off :lol:
scottjames
14-11-08, 09:31 PM
i think i realisticly i would go with bibio, if you give them any reason to go against you then they will. Get some mates round, sit him down and show him that you are patient and your getting to the end of your nerves and he can see how serious you are and if he carrys on then things are going turn for the worst. then he might give in and admit hes been a pain and give it a rest.
if he doesnt then, well show him what you mean. find out where he lives if its still with mum give her a word cos mums are the worst (some times). if shes not interested then beat the little sh*t.
ive got an air rifle by my bed with a clear shot at my garge. :smt035
Wideboy
14-11-08, 09:50 PM
do bibio idea, then knee cap him
Stuff his mouth with his own socks and tape them in, then crush his fingers slowly in a bench vice whilst repeatedly kicking him in the genitals as you do it.
kwak zzr
15-11-08, 11:52 AM
Take his burberry cap and hoodie off him, anyone seen felon?
ethariel
15-11-08, 12:45 PM
Go with Big Apes solution or get a few mates round and Post him!
I would probably break a leg tackeling the scrote whilst accidentally face planting him onto the drive or side of the house. Cable ties and duck tape, garden hose him down and leave him outside for a few hours before calling the cops just before sunrise.
stevo_sv
15-11-08, 03:49 PM
kidnap the c**t and tie him to a tree in the middle of Epping forest or something similar.
he'll soon regret touching your bike
A particularly nasty person I know from Doncaster used to lend money to 'sub-prime' borrowers (he was a loan shark). If someone couldn't pay he'd dump them in a van and take them into the woods just outside where I lived and tie them blindfolded to a tree. He'd then pour what smelled like petrol all over them and start clicking a zippo lighter. The stuff he'd pour over them wasn't really all petrol, it was 95% water with the rest petrol and wouldn't have caught light in a million years, but the smell of petrol was distinctly there and scared the living daylights out of the borrower, before giving them a few well placed kicks and punches - they were always suitably scared enough to pay up very soon afterwards.
Last I heard someone firebombed his house and 2 Mercs while he, his wife and two kids were asleep inside.
a vice and some haribo jelly sweets believe me they wont try it again.
custard
15-11-08, 04:23 PM
if you really want to upset him, give him a job...
err - not sure about the sweets and the giving him a cup of tea and a nice chat ...this guy looked like he was going thru withdrawals and was gutted he'd failed to have it away with m bike ....i think whats needed is some way of saying to him "whoever youre gonna theive from - do NOT try to thieve my bike again cos youve just cost me £100 / £200 ....:(
this guy was beyond any reason....
i actually like the crossbow / air rifle suggestions cos i dont have to get down n dirty with him, so he cant take reprisals as he wont know me...
btw , Choo or any other coppers on here, whats your suggestion ???
yorkie_chris
15-11-08, 08:25 PM
P.s a crossbow will kill as surely as a bullet. So be carefull. Air rifle can kill in the right place, or just seriously annoy.
:Derr - not sure about the sweets and the giving him a cup of tea and a nice chat ...this guy looked like he was going thru withdrawals and was gutted he'd failed to have it away with m bike ....i think whats needed is some way of saying to him "whoever youre gonna theive from - do NOT try to thieve my bike again cos youve just cost me £100 / £200 ....:(
this guy was beyond any reason....
i actually like the crossbow / air rifle suggestions cos i dont have to get down n dirty with him, so he cant take reprisals as he wont know me...
btw , Choo or any other coppers on here, whats your suggestion ???
nah the sweets are for you the vice is for his head:smt067:D
Take him to one side and say " now look here old chap you must not do this sort
of thing".
We are British don't forget.
Take him to one side and say " now look here old chap you must not do this sort
of thing".
We are British don't forget.
if you wanna do it proper british get a glove slap him round the head with it and challenge him to a duel :smt003
if it was me I'd offer him a sound kicking or the chance of not getting one by promptly disappearing and telling his mates to not mess with my property.
DANINPLYMOUTH
20-11-08, 01:27 PM
Got a trusty footlong adjustable spanner under my bed and a nice high power torch. Therory is if any idiot breaks into my shed the alarm echoing in there will deafen them then i get to shine my l.e.ds in there eyes so there blind then proceed about beating them with a big lump of metal.
Would you think i was wierd if i told you i would probaly get off on beating some scumbag within an inch of his life?
Remember to break all his fingers his toes and at least 1 kneecap
Still cant get over the 1 who got away, about 2years ago 1 tried breaking into our old garage, heard us get out of bed and legged it. How nice it would have been to have him cornered in the garage, me with a hammer, my brother with his golf club and my dad with a baseball bat. 10secs later and he would have copped it
jimmy__riddle
20-11-08, 01:44 PM
make a potato cannon, the aerosol powered ones. that would really hurt, and put them off coming back. plus biodegradable ammunition!
make a potato cannon, the aerosol powered ones. that would really hurt, and put them off coming back. plus biodegradable ammunition!
hmmmm eat the evidence - I like it.....
Spiderman
20-11-08, 03:54 PM
ive got a hacksaw n all -= oi Zig - whats the name of the big guy with the nitrous ZX9 ? i reckon he could hold a TCS easy , mebbe if we waited then strolled round nonchalant and then GRAB HIM - the fun could begin ....:cool:
Holly hellfire!!!
Talk of torture and pain and my name crops up right away. Do i give the impression i enjoy hitting people who deserve it?
i'm a quite timid mouse, me. until of course some scum feks with my bike/frinds/family/loved ones/apples in garden/sneezes too close to my road etc and then well, lets just say i think i may be a little bi-polar or something shall we, lol.
Pete its Mike you're thinking of and like me he's also a very nice tranquil and quiet guy.
Sadly i'd have to agree with whoever said it above about leaving him well alone. The cops will take his side and having him know where you live is just a total freak out mate.
Karma will get him, hopefully he'll get hit by a bus and spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair or something :lol:
yorkie_chris
20-11-08, 04:17 PM
hmmmm eat the evidence - I like it.....
You plunging your hand into the gaping wound in still-twitching corpse... pulling out the slug of spud covered in blood and gore... then whistling nonchalantly as you chop it up and drop it in the chip pan lmao...
Oh dear lol.
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