bestest childish insult thread

[captainsmelly]

I just thought up - bum cake head

[carty]

beaver nose

dodo face

badger breath

anything with an animal and a body part generally goes well I find!

[carty]

*****

I can see you went to school in Wales Hovis!














:smt040

[Bluepete]

"I fart in your general direction" always goes down well, followed by "poo fart willy bum smell pants" or "You are the biggest piece of perambulating horsesh1t this side of Ascot"

[hovis]

or the good old

SHUT IT YOU SLAAAAAAAAAG

[dizzyblonde]

"I fart in your general direction" always goes down well, "

Or ' I fart on you ' in foreign accent

Im Indoors calls me fartknocker in an affectionalte manner

[dizzyblonde]

or the good old

SHUT IT YOU SLAAAAAAAAAG

yeah but you forgot to add 'cuppa tea 2 sugars' like Jean Hunt

[Mr Speirs]

My favourite is to just call them exactly what they've called me i.e.:

Them...You smelly poo bum hug
Me.....You're a smelly poo bum hug

Them...that's a stupidly sized screwdriver you are using on your bike
Me.....You're a stupidly sized screwdriver Im using on my bike

Makes no sense and infurates when it needs to but tickles people all other times :)

[Binky]

My favourite is to just call them exactly what they've called me i.e.:


Them...that's a stupidly sized screwdriver you are using on your bike
Me.....You're a stupidly sized screwdriver Im using on my bike

Makes no sense and infurates when it needs to but tickles people all other times :)

I love this technique, and that is a great example. :mrgreen:

[Lozzo]

I used to chase my kids round the house with the damp tea-towel whip when they started dishing out childish insults to me. They soon forget about doing it for a while.

My favourite was one my Daniel came out with when he was about 4 or 5, god knows where he heard it - "you're ugly and your mum dresses you funny"

[sv-robo]

Your hard.......where's ya handbag?

Are you talking to me?.....or chewing a brick.

[captainsmelly]

[QUOTE=Mr Speirs;1708448
Them...that's a stupidly sized screwdriver you are using on your bike
Me.....You're a stupidly sized screwdriver Im using on my bike

[/QUOTE]

LOL very much!

but stop talking out of your pi55 flaps

[MCN_LiamM]

When somebody insults you jsut say: "I know you are, but what am I?"

[missyburd]

When somebody insults you jsut say: "I know you are, but what am I?"

Haha that always winds people up rotten :-D

What about the mum jokes...your mum's so thick she spent the whole day staring at the orangejuice container because it said concentrate! :smt040

[Gene genie]

maybe not a pc one but i hear ''at least i live with my mum and dad''.

[Gene genie]

oh another one '' go on make a joke, afterall your parents did''.

[Bluepete]

Your Mums so fat, when she cuts herself, she bleeds gravy!

[Bluepete]

Just found these!

Your mom (mum) is so fat that there is a law that here corsets cannot be narrower than her schwarzchild radius.
Your mom is so big and fat that hikers mistaken her anus for a cave opening!
Your mom had Rutgers University for lunch, Princeton University for dinner, and has the University of California as a teddy bear.
Your mom is so fat she swallowed my mom whole.
yo momma so fat, she comes from both sides of the family
Your mom is so fat that when she walks in front of the TV I miss all the ads
Your mom is so fat the city had to dig a hole through her for traffic to pass through.
Your mom is so fat, she puts mayonaise on aspirin.
Your mom is so fat, when Chris Farley tried to have sex with her he got lost for six days. When he came back out, he had a pet crab named Alfred.
Your mom is so fat her weight is the same as her phone number (with the area code).
Your mums so fat the NASA actually orbits her.
Yo momma is so fat, she started the Revolution revolution!
Yo momma so fat, when she gets on the scales it says "to be continued..."
The escape velocity at your mom's surface exceeds 3 * 10^8 m/s.
Your mom did not understand the previous comment. It means her mass is roughly 500 times that of Sol, the sun.
Your mom is so fat, that when god created the earth and said let there be light he asked your mom to move!
Your mom is so fat, that your dad rolled over three times and he was still on top of her.
Your 'mom' sat next to everybody at school.
Your mum is so fat that I decided to sleep with her, just to say I had.
Your mom is so fat she can't pay the phone bill.
What country is so fat that is makes your mom look slim? None. Well, maybe the United States Of America, but that's beside the point.
Your mom is so fat, that when she completes a revolution, time stops!
Your mom is so fat, she influences global weather patterns.
Your mom is so fat that people practice by climbing Mt. Everest before they climb her.
Wanna know what forever feels like? Try walking around your mom...
Your momma is so fat that she went to the beach and animal rights activists tried to push her back in the water
Your mom is so fat that when she turns around, the half of her thats moving towards you turns blue, and the other half turns red.
Your mom is so fat, the astronaughts keep believing there is a dimple on the Earth
Your mom is so fat that hundreds of horrible jokes have been made at her expense.
Your mom is so fat that hundreds of horrible jokes have been made at her expanse.
Your mom is so fat that she has nine zip codes and none of them border on each other.
Your mom is also Tubgirl.
Your mom is like the Moon, big, round, and influences global weather patterns.
Your mom is so fat, she puts her tits in the overhead compartment on an airplane.
Your mom is outer space.
Your Mom is really a homeless man living in Iraq. The Government does not want you to know this, so they handed you over to some fat bitch
Your Mom thought you were an exceptionally large crap.
Your Mom is so fat, when her beeper went off, they thought she was backing up.
Your mom is so fat, when she is done wiping her ass, the Charmin baby is in its late teens.
Your mom is so fat, she entered a fat contest and won first, second, and third.
Your mom is so fat that Stevie Wonder sees her.
Your Mom is so fat, that when she was in school, she sat by everyone in the class.
Your mom is so fat, her ass has it’s own congressman. (And her congressman was bitch-slapped by Stephen Colbert for being a pussy liberal.)
Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw peanuts at her!
Your mom is so fat, that her period is an exclamation mark!
your mom is so fat, she cleans her clothes on the driveway.
Your mom is so fat and emo she cut herself and bled butter.
Your mom is so fat when she walks down the street she walks down the street!
Your Mom bucked like Bambi in a forest fire while I was riding her last night. I had to grab her love handles with both hands to stay on. No wonder she demanded I tie her to the hood of the
SUV before we started.
your mom is so fat, that when she saw a yellow bus full of white kids go by, she said "stop that twinkie!"
Your mom is Barry the Manny.
Your mom's ass is so fat, that it has its own zip code.
Your mom was the 53rd leader of the free world.
Your mom was subsequently made the 52nd through 78th states, because she was so fat.
Your mom is so goddamn fat that her NASA sent a space probe to orbit her ass. They never heard from it again.
Yo momma so fat, she uses the freeway to iron her underwear.
Your mom is often confused with G.W.B and Abe Lincoln. I'm sorry, but all of them look like monkeys.
Your mom is a creature from outer space.
Your mom is so ugly, yo daddy brings her to work so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Your mom is so ugly, when she went to McDonalds, they couldn't serve happy meals.
Your mom is so ugly that hundreds of other horrible jokes have been made at her expense.
Your Mom is so ugly, that Dracula wouldn't bite her with Wolfman's teeth.
Your mom is so ugly she needs two bags to cover her face.
Your mom is somewhat like Helen of Troy, in that her face launched 1000 nuclear weapons, all of which were pointed at her. Interestingly enough, your mom survived the barrage.
Your mom is so ugly, I wouldn't eat her on Fear Factor
Yo momma so ugly, she make blind mutha****as cry
Your mom went to prom with Merv the Perv.
Your mom is so ugly, she makes my mom look good.
Your mom looks like Condoleeza Rice!
Your mom's moustache makes kitty scared...
I once asked for Your mom's autograph - i thought it was the guy from Lordi
Your mum's so ugly she uses a line of make up called "Why Bother!"
Your mums so ugly that when she stands on the beach the tide wont come in.
Your mom is so ugly that the Devil slapped her for smiling and then gouged his eyes out with his pitchfork.
Your Mom is so ugly, when she looked at a cop, they arrested her for mooning them.
Your Mom is so ugly, someone decided to stop pasting in the words "your mom".
Your Mom is so ugly, when she walked out of the pet store, the alarm went off.
Your mom is still a virgin. She will probably remain a virgin unless you hire her a cabana boy.
Your moms so stupid she sold her car for gas money
Your mom is so stupid she thought that MySpace was a sexual position.
Your mom is so stupid she drove on the driveway and parked on the parkway.
Your Mom is so dumb, she threw a rock at the ground and missed.
Your mom is so stupid she thought that a parental control was an abortion
Your mom's so stupid she thinks that Cross-Dressing is what you put on your salad.
Your mom is so stupid she tells YOU your mama jokes.
Your mom is so stupid she calls you a son-of-a-bitch.
Your mom is so stupid she failed her GED, while TAKING HER DRIVERS TEST! ZING!
Your mom sells her crack for crack.
Your momma has eleven fingers and fifteen toes, and still can't count to twenty-six.

Your mom's vagina!Using 'Your mom' as a comeback became popular again in the year 2000 thanks to bored Indiana residents who decided that the old 80s joke should be born again for
this new "Generation Y.45-802.11bag version 5.1(2800)"
Your Mom is so dumb, that she counts her money like this: "One, another one, another one, another one, another one...."
Your mom is so stupid she took me to the movie theater to see "Closed For The Season".
Your mom is so dumb that she put 20 cents in a parking meter and said "Where the ****'s my gumball?"
Your mom is so dumb she tried to drown a fish
Your mom is so stupid she failed a blood test
Your mom is so old that she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Your mom is so old, her social security number is 1.
And her birth certificate is number 1.
Your mom is so old, she passed her driving test on a dinosaur.
your mom is so old and fat that when she stood up one day she caused the ice age.
your mom is so old she witnessed david killing goliath and she was a waitress at the last supper.
Your mom was 35 when Jesus was born!
Your mom is the age of God!
Your mom is so old when I asked her how old she was, I thought it her phone number.
Your mom is like a Hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your mom is like a vacuum, she sucks, she blows and she gets laid in the closet
Your mom has apparently had sex with everyone you have ever argued with, including herself.
Your Mom is like a Bowling Ball. She gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more.
Your Mom only lets your friends over for sleep-overs because she gets a little action with them while you sleep.
Your Mom was good last night and I left her money under the pillow.
Your Mom gives great hummers!
Don't worry, Your Mom is still a virgin. You were a backdoor baby.
Your mom is like Home Depot, only 5 cents a nail!
Your Mom is Chief Test Engineer for the Jack Rabbit Massager Corporation.
Your Mom is like a tornado, first there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then she takes your house
When someone shivers, she uses them as a vibrator.
She stars in half the hentai videos ever made.
She has done the characters in all your video games.
Your mom has blown off all the dudes in Slipknot, and some of the girls for the hell of it.
Your mom also enjoys using ben-wa gerbils.
Your mom is a cam *****!
Your mom bangs like a ****-house door in a Force 9 gale.
Your Mom wears crotchless panties. And a Peep Hole bra.
Your Mom uses duo-balls to relieve the tedium of shopping.
Your mom is the lady on those truck mudflaps.
She has hepatitus A-O. Now it is expanding to the Japanese language
The term mother****er refers, specifically, to Your Mom.
In a year's time, another term, far worse than mother****er, will gain currency. It will be so scatologically vile that most nations will establish crimes for its usage. It, too, will refer,
specifically, to Your Mom.
Your Mom knows the exact come-on line which lead to your conception.
Your mom got so high once at a Jimmy Buffett concert that she threw her panties at a stuffed parrot, but that doesn't mean it's okay for you and your friends to waste your lives on the devil
weed.
Neil Armstrong wasn't the first man on your mum.
Your mom did the UN yesterday.
She's worse than Paris Hilton. And that's impossible.
Your mom is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by Mexicans.
Your mom is so slutty she is your mom and your sister-in-law.
She managed to bang the doctors during your birthing process and then banged you fresh from the womb. Hey, at least you now know you're not a virgin Hentai lover.
Your mom can't get a record deal because she doesn't want it enough.
Your moms breath smells so bad she the reason people grow old and die
Your mom shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
Your mom is a team killer acording to NYC_bLuNtRoLlEr_444
Your mom listens to Hard House / NRG.
Your mom would be horribly upset that you are wasting your life visiting this site.

I see you're looking for your mom, well you're headed in the right direction. Oh snap!Your mom knows you spank the monkey, but loves you anyway.
Your mom buys extra soft 3-ply Kleenex because she loves you anyway.
Your mom knows all about the monsters in your closet.
Your mom owes me money, you douche!
Your mom fought JFK in one of the greatest movie epics of all time.
Your mom is the mascot for the University of Arizona.
Your mom is my mom. Am I confusing you?
Your mom is so random, she invented the ****ing word!
Your mom's a Jew, which explains why your allowance is low.
Your mom knows what you do right before going to sleep.
Your mom's name is actually Harriet. She's a 90 year old part Irish part Samoan woman who is currently leading an underground resitance against the future British Government.
Your mom makes kitty sad...
Before she was born, she was inside both her mom and dad.
Your Mom secretly likes the smell of her own flatus. Now you know where you get it from.
Your Mom is actually Richard Simmons in disguise.
Your Mom is so evil, she forced this person to continue putting in the words "your mom".
Your mom is really Bill Gates.
Your mom has a ****. And it's **** is bigger than your ****.
Your mom is in love with Mr. Goatse.
your mom is so poor that when i saw her kicking a can down the road, i asked what she was doing.She replied saying i'm moving!
Your mom is so disgusting, she is Crystal Pepsi!
Your mom is so emo she saw a run-over squirrel, brought it home, named it George and bragged about it to her whole friends list.
Your mom is so emo she spends $20 on a worn out, vintage looking shirt that was fresh off the shelf at Hot Topic.
Your mom is so emo the Grim Reaper had to put out a restraining order.
Your mom has just read this. And she is not amused.
Your mom has a peg leg with a kickstand.
Your mom has an afro with a chinstrap.
Your mom is symbolized by the element Urmomium

[missyburd]

Sorry I mentioned it now Pete :lol:

[dizzyblonde]

Your mum.......

ah but they missed out 'your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries':takeabow:

[madness]

ah but they missed out 'your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries':takeabow:

What's wrong with Hamsters?

[Bibio]

as a bloke sticking your middle finget up to another blokes nose and saying 'smell your ma'

[slark01]

as a bloke sticking your middle finget up to another blokes nose and saying 'smell your Da'
funnier

[hovis]

**** off

[Jayneflakes]

When I was at school, we called other kids Joeys... :twisted:

Five points if you know where that came from and an extra point for being old! :smt019

You may find this (http://www.playgroundlaw.com/) amusing.

[Scoobs]

Joey Deacon - Blue Peter.....so I'm told.

[Bluepete]

But then we were all told to stop calling each other "Joey" because he was so special.

So of course, we called everyone "Durrr, Special"

Kids are so cruel

Pete

[Richie]

I just threatened my son Jake with a Broccoli Breakfast, after he just called me Broccoli head...

[STRAMASHER]

"Yer maws baws"

"Haw baw jaws"

A favourite .........

"Get a big black dogs "cork" up ya!" (Fred "Fahn Cahn" Gassit.)


:smt083:)

[Lozzo]

"Get a big black dogs "cork" up ya!" (Fred "Fahn Cahn" Gassit.)


:smt083:)

Ah, another Gassit fan,

Good man

The bottom of my Firestorm number plate had 'Fahn Cahn' as the slogan. I had to tell my kids it was Maltese for something I forget now.

[Alpinestarhero]

Poochunks.

[SoulKiss]

Captain Smelly.....................

[STRAMASHER]

Ah, another Gassit fan,

Good man

The bottom of my Firestorm number plate had 'Fahn Cahn' as the slogan. I had to tell my kids it was Maltese for something I forget now.

I would start buying Superbike again just for him. Wish bike would dump Ogri (sacrilege, I know) and buy him. :rolleyes:

[xXBADGERXx]

I used to have a Fred Gassitt T shirt ..................... V:D

An old mate of mine used to come out with some right childish stuff all the time , but the one that earnt him a slap from his Mrs was when we were playing Tekken 3 and I beat him and he called me a "C0ck-sore kiddy fiddler" .............. I was nearly sick with laughter

[BernardBikerchick]

oh she could eat carrots through a letterbox :p:p:p:p:smt040:smt040

[sv-robo]

oh she could eat carrots through a letterbox :p:p:p:p:smt040:smt040
Or even....your teeth are so goofy,you could eat an apple through a tennis raquet!!:mrgreen:

[madness]

Kn*b Cheese!

[SVDragRacer]

The best and i suppose worst i've ever heard was by 2 kids in year 7, they were bickering at each other, the first one ended up saying "I hope you die" the other replied "I hope you die of aids!", well funny for a couple of 11 year olds.

[northwind]

"My mummy says I'm not allowed to make fun of you any more because it's not your fault you're a spastic"

[CoolGirl]

I just got told to "smoke poo" :rolleyes:

[sv-robo]

"My mummy says I'm not allowed to make fun of you any more because it's not your fault you're a spastic"
:lol:

[xXBADGERXx]

I just got told to "smoke poo" :rolleyes:

So anything off the £4.99 ciggy shelf then :D

[davepreston]

the clasics sweet, how about gayboys say what or for girls trogladite and your the kid that comes to school on the yellow bus with strawberry flavored windows

[yorkie_chris]

Ah yes the old slavver-wagon digs :-D

[Spokey]

Kn*b Cheese!
+1 ... was wondering if someone would post that one :mrgreen: