Roadside shrines

[Magnum]

What is your opinion of them?

I think it is a terrible idea, they look tacky, and i think the idea of placing flowers where someone was horribly killed in a car crash is pretty morbid.
There is one near me, sadly a couple were returning from a night out just before their honeymoon and tipped over the car and both died. It is a really sad story, but i dont think the way to honour someones life is to put flowers next to the mangled fence the car plowed through.

There was also one near to me where a young boy of 19 stole a car, and killed himself joyriding after crashing it. There were tonnes of flowers and even graffiti scribbled all over the ground and walls. Nice to have an excuse to graffiti isn't it without the threat of the police saying anything, because that would be insensitive. I don't exactly have sympathy for someone who stole a car, and could have killed pedestrians with dangerous driving. Better him than anyone else he may have killed.

But really the main point i am making is that i think this is a bad way to remember someones life. Plant a tree, or place flowers in a memorial garden in their memory, not next to a busy polluted road.

What are your opinions?

[MiniMatt]

I kinda suspect it's a way for acquaintences and "casual" friends to really just have a think about who they've lost. It's an odd one, I'm sure the dead don't care but I've been to two biker friends crash sites before now, along with others and none of us were really that close to the victim to be solid friends, or perhaps even funeral attending worthy, but they were close enough that folks just wanted to take some time out, pause and remember the fallen. It's daft but I guess the crash site is as good a place as any just to take that time to think.

It's an odd one, I definitely get what you mean and like I say, I'm sure the dead don't care; but I guess part of it is just human nature.

[ArtyLady]

It's a relatively new thing - never saw it before about 15 years ago.

[keithd]

i believe one or two members of this forum have lost their lives and have memorials near or on the spot where they fell, killed through no fault of their own, so think its a delicate subject.

i therefore shall just say its not for me, but dont have a real issue with it

[Speedy Claire]

I`d also say it`s not for me but I can understand that people want to place the memorial as a mark of respect.

[Biker Biggles]

Not for me either but a slightly different reason.
The most tragic thing for me is that these shrines demonstrate how we do actually forget these incidents over time.They start with regular attention and new flowers every day or every week but slowly they get neglected and eventually become a bunch of dried stalks.Human nature Im sure,but Id rather not have started in the first place.

[fizzwheel]

We put flowers at the place where my friend was killed, after his funeral, they were cleared away as his family didnt want that place becoming a shrine. I walk / drive / ride past the accident spot quite frequently, but I dont need to have a specific place to go to remember him.

I think its Ok, until theres a more suitable place such as a grave where they can be placed.

[Lissa]

It's a relatively new thing - never saw it before about 15 years ago.

I wonder if it's another Americanism that's made it's way over here?

Pete and I are in agreement about this issue, and it's not for us either.

[jimmy__riddle]

i think they can have a positive effect on others. i think it can help some people be more aware that some roads are dangerous, might make people think a bit more.

personally im not keen on permanant memorials, like benches, as over time they get neglected and look bad, and end up disrespectful IMO, things like planted trees are much better as they need no maintainance and so only get better with time.

[Warthog]

It's popular on the continent, certainly there were loads in Corsica when I went. After Mark's death we put some flowers at the spot but they were cleared away after a while. I don't think we need a permanent shrine there like abroad, but I always give a nod when I ride past there now.

[Dangerous Dave]

If it is the families wishes then I have no objection.

[Speedy Claire]

I wonder if it's another Americanism that's made it's way over here?

Pete and I are in agreement about this issue, and it's not for us either.


Not sure about America but I think it`s more of a continental thing... In Europe we saw loads of them but rather than a bunch of flowers there were actual marble shrines and altars

[Bluepete]

I see it a lot, but I have told Mrs BP that if, heaven forbid, I kill myself on the roads, she must not put flowers up. I just don't like it.

The most flowers I ever saw was after a fatal bike crash. The bike was stolen, the rider was a prolific thief. No other vehicles were involved. The railings were covered in hundreds and hundreds of flowers etc for months. In the end, it smelled like a compost heap.

But, each to their own. If that's how you deal with grief, carry on. No-one should be able to stop you.

Pete

[Supervox]

I wonder if it's another Americanism that's made it's way over here?

Pete and I are in agreement about this issue, and it's not for us either.

I don't think it's an American thing - I don't recall seeing any when I lived over there - I'd say it's more of a Europeanism. if you travel to Greece for instance you'll see one on just about every bend on the 'back roads'; and not just a few flowers or cards either - they go much further and actually build 'proper' shrines or place stone tablets with pictures etc !!

Personally, I think that in the immediate aftermath of the event it gives (as has been said before) a focal point where people, be they friends or just nodding acquaintances can leave flowers, a card or a memento of some kind.

The only time I have contributed to one of these was when a very good friend of mine was killed on his bike at the back end of 2007; apart from visiting the scene to say a little prayer I left a bottle of Magners cider (along with other dozen or so that were already there !!). Even now when I pass the spot I always blip the throttle just to make sure that Rat's awake & let him know that I'm thinking of him - silly ? bizarre ? - possibly, but that's just me.

[missyburd]

i think they can have a positive effect on others. i think it can help some people be more aware that some roads are dangerous, might make people think a bit more.

What I was going to say. There's one on the moor top road near me at home where a biker was killed, horrible corner it is and everytime we ride past I always think to slow down (even though I'm not in control of the bike if that makes sense? :confused:).

I do agree that it is a sad thing to see a neglected collection of dying posies on the roadside though. I would prefer to remember someone by planting a tree somewhere, that way not only means you can visit it in your own time without having to replace it and also benefits the environment a wee bit :)

[Lozzo]

My three younger kids place a single small bunch of flowers at the spot where their real father died in a car crash though no fault of his own when they were all very young - they do it on the anniversary of the night he died every August. It helps them to remember a good dad and it's their way of showing some repect for someone they still love very dearly.

Having said that, I don't want anyone doing that for me if the worst should happen cos I don't particularly like flowers. I'd rather my kids went out on the lash up town or something similar.

[ArtyLady]

I wonder if it's another Americanism that's made it's way over here?

Pete and I are in agreement about this issue, and it's not for us either.

I don't know if it is an Americanism, but it wouldn't surprise me Lissa.

Edit - just read the rest of the posts!

[G]

Its one of those things. I remember people who have died with memories.....I'm not one for putting flowers anywhere or paying a fortune for yearly prints in the back of a newspaper.

People deal with it different ways.

[seedy100]

There are an ever-growing number of these around me.

They are in various states of repair, with many now in a very decayed state.

I’ am sure that for the people that leave flowers etc at the site they have some positive effect at an emotional time. I do wonder when they are neglected whether the deceased has been forgotten or perhaps the original creators have moved away etc. Conversely some have evolved from a pile of flowers to planted areas with bedding plants and shrubs, obviously those serve an ongoing purpose for their creators and the deceased is still remembered.

From a practical point of view I disagree with planting trees, they are very unforgiving things to hit and unfortunately memorials are in prime accident sites, where roadside furniture and trees could/should be considered for removal.

On balance from a personal perspective I would not want a roadside memorial should I be unfortunate enough to need one.

I would also add that I do slow down when I see them.

[Thingus]

A bunch of guys near where i live were speeding at about 60-70mph on the way to a large roundabout, they failed to stop and went straight through the barrier into the large pit of nothing in the middle of the roundabout, near the motorway. The flowers there kinda remind me that it's not really worth driving like a *****, but it also reminds me that the people who were close to him want to remember him as someone who died driving his car into a roundabout.

I think they're ok, i wouldn't like to drive past the place my friend died and only be reminded by the newish looking crash barrier because the old one was dented by my buddies head.
Morbid indeed, but acceptable, i guess.

[madness]

I don't personally agree with them but I respect the sentiments of those who create them. And they can be a reminder that we are all mortal and need to take care. There is one on Mapperley Plains in Nottingham that has flowers and a motorbike helmet fixed to a lamp post. Personally I think that is taking it too far.

[Stu]

My three younger kids place a single small bunch of flowers at the spot where their real father died in a car crash though no fault of his own when they were all very young - they do it on the anniversary of the night he died every August. It helps them to remember a good dad and it's their way of showing some repect for someone they still love very dearly.

Having said that, I don't want anyone doing that for me if the worst should happen cos I don't particularly like flowers. I'd rather my kids went out on the lash up town or something similar.
Would you be able to say why they choose the roadside instead of his grave?

[missyburd]

From a practical point of view I disagree with planting trees, they are very unforgiving things to hit and unfortunately memorials are in prime accident sites, where roadside furniture and trees could/should be considered for removal.



Do you often take shortcuts through parks/fields/moorland etc then? :) By planting trees I was meaning perhaps somewhere near where the fateful accident occurred or just in memory of them in a different place altogether. Not right by the roadside, that would cause an obstruction.

[Lozzo]

Would you be able to say why they choose the roadside instead of his grave?

They like to pay their respects at the place he died as well. When they were very young we all used to say hello to 'real daddy' as we drove past the point in the road that he died, me and their mum never minded because it kept his memory fresh in their minds. Even now they still speak openly about him affectionately and I wouldn't want it any other way. Kids like ours needed some way of dealing with the loss and they handled it very well considering. Whatever issues they may have or end up with are highly unlikely to be as a result of losing their real father at such an early age.

They lay flowers at his memorial with everyone else who does (other family and friends) at the graveyard too, now they are older.

[timwilky]

some are tasteful like the small bunch of plants growing out the grass on Coroners Corridor and I acknowledge somebody lost their life there.

Then there is one local one where a yobby kid rode his bike off the pavement into an oncoming car, the family then caused the road to be inappropriately reclassified, they moved away and return every year to plaster photos and flowers all over the railings that the kid rode round. Tacky and over the top

[scooby2102]

In the ROI, they do much of the same and have seen actual marble stones, kinda like mini grave stones at the roadside.

Personally, not for me although I can fully understand why people do it.

[arenalife]

Don't bother me, a good reminder of the frailty of life, I usually end up backing off a bit or concentrate a bit more. More of a European than American thing, France has many of them on the back roads, proper concrete jobbies.

[Biker Biggles]

When I was trekking round Southern Greece every corner on the mountain roads had a permanent shrine.I didnt think each shrine was dedicated to an individual though,more a kind of general religeous thing?

[daved407]

Over here there are small crosses, sometimes candles often flowers. Occasionally teddies and suchlike which often indicates every parents nightmare. We put one up many years ago for a work mate at the roadside. Around Bosnia these shrines are granite with etched picture and quite elaborate.

I dont have an opinion on them as everyone deals with death in different ways. If it helps the family its not a bad thing.

[Ed]

No not for me. No likee.

When I'm dead I want a Swedish style funeral where they freeze the body and somehow grind it up into something that decomposes after about a year. I don't want no Victorian style solemnity and all that stuff, just a simple Christian service of committal and then whatever is necessary to dispose of the remains in a simple and dignified way.

[Lozzo]

Humanist funeral for me, I detest religion of any name and form.

[yorkie_chris]

France has many of them on the back roads, proper concrete jobbies.

Oh feckin right idea... MASSIVE pile of flowers = good. Turned into nice soggy compost... still good!

Concrete monument is really gonna hurt, at least with a big pile of flowers you'll just smell like a poof if you slide into them!

[BanannaMan]

They do have them here in America.
(See lots of them on the backroads)
Mostly flowers or occasionally wooden crosses but the state regularly cleans them up so unless someone continues to place them there they are only around for a month or so.

I think it started in Europe though...