View Full Version : Blast from the past
Miss Alpinestarhero
25-01-09, 05:17 PM
I had a facebook message 2 weeks ago from a girl who used to bully me in primary school. She basically said that she heard that I had a bad time in school and she apologises for what she did. But she put it down to the fact that we were young and stupid and didn't know what she was doing.
Ive been agonising over whether to reply or not. Part of me thought "she doesnt even deserve a reply" whereas the other part thought "if I don't reply she will feel like she has done the right thing & therefore has the upper hand so to speak". Although life is too short to hold grudges, I feel pretty bitter about it. My experience of primary school really was pure hell and there were moments where I wished I didn't have to wake up. Its certainly shaped who I am now - Im not as confident or sure of myself as I should be.
Anyway, I replied a moment ago saying:
I originally deleted your message because I thought it didn't deserve a reply. I've changed my mind and my response is as follows:
I do NOT accept your apology. The fact that you were "young and stupid" (as you so eloquently put it) is no excuse. You still knew wrong from right - all children do. Whats' happened has happened and you will have to live with the guilt and regret that your actions made my life a living hell. I'm a better, stronger and highly successful woman now and have only one thing to ask of you: DON'T contact me again.
No ideas if those words were right but I feel that something has been lifted. I feel like I've finally managed to speak up (in a weird way) and have the last say and upper hand.
I hope none of the others contact me, Im not quite sure if I could handle all that in one go.
Sorry, I just wanted to blabber a bit. Hope you dont mind.
Maria
Thingus
25-01-09, 05:21 PM
Wow, powerful stuff. I think it tells though, the bully ended up on a mental health scheme going through her life apologising to people, and you've got on with it... and you're a biker chick!
Royaa703
25-01-09, 05:26 PM
That was well deserved! I bet it made you feel loads better?
Dave20046
25-01-09, 05:30 PM
Wonder how she'll take it.
gettin2dizzy
25-01-09, 05:31 PM
You've just opened the door to tons of abuse now. Personally, I'd have just left it.
Then again, I didn't have to go through what you did.
I like your reply :grouphug:
You've just opened the door to tons of abuse now. Personally, I'd have just left it.
Then again, I didn't have to go through what you did.
No I don't think so - at least you would know that the original apology was not genuine.
Anyway, can't you block on facebook?
after having eight bells of **** kicked out of me regurlarly at primary school by group's of up to 10 little ****'s and a headteacher that ignored it due to them all being in the a team football squad i completely understand that reply and agree with it i could'nt forgive em.
Dave20046
25-01-09, 05:37 PM
If she does send any abuse you could give us her name and we could all send her abuse. That'd be unpleasant, getting abuse from hundreds of strangers up and down the country.
She obviously feels some sort of guilt to contact you. Your response was spot on!! IMHO.
Now block her on Facebook and forget about her, as you say the 'weight has been lifted' :D
Miss Alpinestarhero
25-01-09, 05:45 PM
You've just opened the door to tons of abuse now. Personally, I'd have just left it.
Then again, I didn't have to go through what you did.
Nope you didnt which is probably why you dont understand why I had to reply.
Anyhoo, I havent opened the door to more abuse. Why should I sit here and let her feel that she has the right to apologise after so many years in order to make herself feel better? Call me bitter but blimey, ive had enough of sitting in silence..
No I don't think so - at least you would know that the original apology was not genuine.
Anyway, can't you block on facebook?
Yup shes blocked. But she managed to squeeze in a reply before i did it. apparently she doesnt remember anything and wont contact me again. Yippee to me :cheers:
Nice one Maria, an excellent reply, you showed her that your not weak and won't take any crap. As Messie says you go girl! I totally understand why you had to do it.
At the end of the day you have an entire forum to support you and many friends while this person has probably pushed a lot of their friends away and if not your the bigger person any way so sit back and feel smug :D
http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/43947555/2878049
Miss Alpinestarhero
25-01-09, 06:22 PM
Now block her on Facebook and forget about her
Forget about who now? ;):mrgreen:
EssexDave
25-01-09, 06:27 PM
If she does send any abuse you could give us her name and we could all send her abuse. That'd be unpleasant, getting abuse from hundreds of strangers up and down the country.
Is this a new service the org is going to offer? cause if it is i'm in :)
pencil shavings
25-01-09, 06:27 PM
personally, having similar experiances of primary school, i would be inclinded to acept the apology. people make mistakes, the entire criminal rehabilitation system is based on this as is the belief that people can change.
while this might not make you feel better, i think acepting the apology is the right thing to do. but u dont have to kiss her ass about it.
anyway, just my 2cents
shonadoll
25-01-09, 06:31 PM
I think you did exactly the right thing. She was looking for you to make her feel better about it, and you wouldn't let her, so good.
she managed to squeeze in a reply
personally, having similar experiances of primary school, i would be inclinded to acept the apology. people make mistakes, the entire criminal rehabilitation system is based on this as is the belief that people can change.
while this might not make you feel better, i think acepting the apology is the right thing to do. but u dont have to kiss her ass about it.
anyway, just my 2cents
Sounds like her first apology wasn't that sincere if she can't even respect your request not to contact you again. :(
Well done :D
missyburd
25-01-09, 07:04 PM
You handled that very well :) Her contacting you in the first place has only brought up painful memories for you and she had no right to do that. Why did she say sorry for the "bad time you had in school" and then in the next message say "she can't remember anything"? Clearly she remembers enough to know you weren't a happy bunny as a schoolkid :rolleyes:
Fair enough she may have wanted to apologise, but to be bluntly honest she probably just wanted to snoop about your facebook and see what you're up to. Sounds harsh but it is for that reason that I deliberately don't accept friend requests from certain people in school. I was bullied at 2 out of 3 primary schools I went to, and for a large part of secondary too, it wasn't until I hit sixth form that people started to grow up a bit :(
It greatly depends on your personality too, if you were willing to stand down and let her feel better about the way she acted then that's fair enough too, some people can forgive and forget certain issues easily enough. I, and by the sounds of it you too, can't do that and IMO rightly so. I personally just don't see why I should, it's not like we would suddenly become "bestest bestest buddies", we're all grown-ups now and need to understand the responsibilities we had then as kids and now as adults. Kids at school are by no means stupid, you can't fob these things off as "being young and foolish", some children can be disgustingly vindictive and can make you feel so horrible your life becomes a complete misery which is no way to spend a childhood :(
Really glad for you hun, she needed putting in her place. Sorry about the epic post :rolleyes:
Kate Moss
25-01-09, 07:19 PM
100% behind you on this one chick!
Hopefully this has made you feel empowered and has given you a bit of a boost and reitterated the fact that you have grown into someone she could only ever wish to be.
Bullying destroys lives, you have been strong enough to come out the other side and stick two fingers up to those who made your life hell. Some people don't get the chance.
The fact that she contacted you and apologised showes she does remember something and knows that it was wrong.
Very proud of you. It takes a lot to rise above bullies. xxxxxx
New Leaf
25-01-09, 07:35 PM
Her mistakes were made when she was at primary school (so she was aged 10 or less?), and it seems like she's changed. :confused:
Personally i'd have just not replied if i didn't have anything positive to say - but if it made you feel better then thats cool. :smt102
You go girl!
I was bullied at secondary school, and if any of them got in touch they'd get much harsher words from me, along the lines of f*** off.
One tried to talk to me in the park a few years ago, both our girls were about the same age and she obviously felt we had something in common, and looked shocked when I blanked her. Now that was satisfaction!
husky03
25-01-09, 07:59 PM
Good on you-she was looking for you to let her off so she could get on with her life with no guilt, but failed to see how much it had had an effect on you-so well done F**k her and her apology-probably find her kids are getting the same grief you got and now the boots on the other foot-i'm still looking out for one or two who gave me a hard time-vengence is a B**ch but four years of hell at school can't be let go if the oppertunity presents itself
a very, well done to you....
Yup shes blocked. But she managed to squeeze in a reply before i did it. apparently she doesnt remember anything and wont contact me again. Yippee to me :cheers:
Why did she say sorry for the "bad time you had in school" and then in the next message say "she can't remember anything"? Clearly she remembers enough to know you weren't a happy bunny as a schoolkid :rolleyes:
Exactly what I was going to say, but more eloquently. Why write in the first place, then claim to remember nothing about it?
Congrats on your stance, and feeling better for it Maria.
I was bullied in primary & secondary school, and one day something 'snapped' & although I still don't regret what I did, if it wasn't for my best friend at the time, my life would of probably worked out very differently (table saw incident :smt083 ). Although, non of the others bothered bullying me after it too :)
You didn't have to go anywhere near what I did, and get the positive effects from it still. :)
IMO, you definitely did the right thing. Should anyone else from school contact you, I think you'd still be right to reply in the same manner to them too. I also like the idea of getting the .Org to send messages to people.
Maria, you are amazing!! Having been bullied at secondary school, I understand where you're coming from.
matt_rehm_hext
25-01-09, 10:48 PM
I think there was nothing wrong with what you said. Personally I'd say much harsher things and maybe add in the odd threat in my blind fit of typing range.
So don't worry about what you said. It's obviously biting away at her that she knows she shouldn't have done what she did.
I wonder if she would appreciate a fresh layer of rubber from many bikes on her property if anyone's up for a ride ;) (Only Kidding)
but now you cant plan your evil revenge
BanannaMan
25-01-09, 11:09 PM
Well done! :thumbsup:
Sort of full circle in eliminating that carp from earlier in your life.
Feels Good huh? :cool:
Each of us control our own happiness in life.
Don't let others steal that from you.
Be it in the past or present.
Burn your bridges where you need too.
Toss out the people in life who make you miserable.
Show forgiveness to those that deserve it.
Life's too short not to enjoy it.
Overcome the things in life that would drag you down.
Choose to be happy.
BernardBikerchick
25-01-09, 11:40 PM
I had a facebook message 2 weeks ago from a girl who used to bully me in primary school. She basically said that she heard that I had a bad time in school and she apologises for what she did. But she put it down to the fact that we were young and stupid and didn't know what she was doing.
Ive been agonising over whether to reply or not. Part of me thought "she doesnt even deserve a reply" whereas the other part thought "if I don't reply she will feel like she has done the right thing & therefore has the upper hand so to speak". Although life is too short to hold grudges, I feel pretty bitter about it. My experience of primary school really was pure hell and there were moments where I wished I didn't have to wake up. Its certainly shaped who I am now - Im not as confident or sure of myself as I should be.
Anyway, I replied a moment ago saying:
I originally deleted your message because I thought it didn't deserve a reply. I've changed my mind and my response is as follows:
I do NOT accept your apology. The fact that you were "young and stupid" (as you so eloquently put it) is no excuse. You still knew wrong from right - all children do. Whats' happened has happened and you will have to live with the guilt and regret that your actions made my life a living hell. I'm a better, stronger and highly successful woman now and have only one thing to ask of you: DON'T contact me again.
No ideas if those words were right but I feel that something has been lifted. I feel like I've finally managed to speak up (in a weird way) and have the last say and upper hand.
I hope none of the others contact me, Im not quite sure if I could handle all that in one go.
Sorry, I just wanted to blabber a bit. Hope you dont mind.
Maria
bullys deserve no sympathy.................. good for u x
markmoto
26-01-09, 12:14 AM
well done great response :-)
Alpinestarhero
26-01-09, 07:32 AM
Maria, you are amazing!!
:winner::rave::drink:\\:D/:smt041
Sid Squid
26-01-09, 08:08 AM
I don't know if that's the right reply or not* - it made you feel better though, which is the right thing in the circumstance.
* But then I'm not sure there is one.
Quiff Wichard
26-01-09, 11:27 AM
its about you Maria.. you went through it and onlyyou know what the response that appeases the pain is.
I would have done exactly the same for what its worth...
personally, having similar experiances of primary school, i would be inclinded to acept the apology. people make mistakes, the entire criminal rehabilitation system is based on this as is the belief that people can change.
while this might not make you feel better, i think acepting the apology is the right thing to do. but u dont have to kiss her ass about it.
anyway, just my 2cents
+1....ish
I get why you had to reply and i think its a good reply for sure. I just think as much as she clearly was a **** at school, everyone deserves a second chance.....as hard as that can be sometimes. Must have been kinda tough (nothing like what you had to go thro mind) for her to write an apology to you. She could have easily not bothered....maybe she shouldnt have.
Meh.
Anyhoo, i hope it has helped you to move on from that part of your life :mrgreen::cheers:
Miss Alpinestarhero
26-01-09, 06:58 PM
You handled that very well :) Her contacting you in the first place has only brought up painful memories for you and she had no right to do that. Why did she say sorry for the "bad time you had in school" and then in the next message say "she can't remember anything"? Clearly she remembers enough to know you weren't a happy bunny as a schoolkid :rolleyes:
Exactly. When I recieved that text I just thought "you stupid b1tch..." lol. Also, she had the cheek to say "i didnt do anything, Im apologising for what OTHER people did" Erm...why? I didn't respond though, she clearly was stuck for words and Im not wasting my time on another reply.
Fair enough she may have wanted to apologise, but to be bluntly honest she probably just wanted to snoop about your facebook and see what you're up to. Sounds harsh but it is for that reason that I deliberately don't accept friend requests from certain people in school. I was bullied at 2 out of 3 primary schools I went to, and for a large part of secondary too, it wasn't until I hit sixth form that people started to grow up a bit
awwww *big hugs* I was bullied until secondary school. I was a bit proactive and on my first day I explained everything about my hearing, told people to ask me questions and said I was a green belt & regional champion at Judo ;) (which was true!).
My facebook is set on private so no-one can look at anything unless they're my friend. All you can do is send a friend request or message :D
Good on you-she was looking for you to let her off so she could get on with her life with no guilt
Which is exactly why I replied :mrgreen:
Well done! :thumbsup:
Sort of full circle in eliminating that carp from earlier in your life.
Feels Good huh? :cool:
Each of us control our own happiness in life.
Don't let others steal that from you.
Be it in the past or present.
Burn your bridges where you need too.
Toss out the people in life who make you miserable.
Show forgiveness to those that deserve it.
Life's too short not to enjoy it.
Overcome the things in life that would drag you down.
Choose to be happy.
Great quote :D
vBulletin® , Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.