Lonely Hearts Ads.

[Lissa]

Following on from a daft conversation I had with Pete last night, how would you sell yourself in a lonely hearts ad? :D

Mine would read

'Midget with bike seeks pilot. Must like sheep!':p

What would yours say?

[madness]

'Sad 40 something, who spends far too much time sat in front of his computer, in need of rescue!' ;)

[Mr Speirs]

'Handsome, tall, intellectual, millionaire seeks gullible stunner'

[shonadoll]

Frumpy old trout seeks plastic surgeon.

[Dave20046]

Man seeks woman, must be alive....or atleast still warm.

[Lozzo]

Desperate male seeks female with pulse and no moral standards

[plowsie]

Large overweight 20 year old, seeks anything with a pulse, breathing is not a requirement.

[Dave20046]

We have some like minded blokes here.
lozzo, plowsie I admire your tastes in women

[Stingo]

Pirate seeks beer-laden wench. Must have experience of barnacle removing from bottoms. Water sport participation an advantage.

[Kilted Ginger]

Ginger kilted hairy biker seeks female with food preperation and bike washing experience

[fizzwheel]

Grumpy Male 36, seeks female with lots of patience

[Viney]

Dunno, but this one is word for word from one of the free papers a couple of weeks ago


Short fat ginger bloke with no discernable talents, 31, seeks woman with low standards and poor eyesight and low standards. Pulse prefered!


Made me chuckle.

[Stig]

God's gift. Please form an orderly queue.

[Quiff Wichard]

Are you a Goer ?

Apply to *************

Females preferred

[timwilky]

cuddly grump seeks nymphomaniac bar owner

[Jabba]

Aging, balding, slightly overweight ugly bugger seeks stunner with GSOH to send him to his grave a happy man.

[El Saxo]

I think mine would have to include the phrase 'built for comfort, not speed'. :lol:

[dizzyblonde]

I can add my own real life one here. Its not a lonely heart ad, but it may as well have been. When me and Im Indoors were best mates I sent him a text message one morning, as a joke/boredom thing.

''Wanted young stud to replace grumpy old get, must be good with bikes, and make me laugh, answers on a postcard to Www. bored housewife . com.''

the answer came back

''sold...when do i collect?''

I certainly didn't expect it, thats for sure, I didn't actually know what to reply to it.

I said something like

''ahh you cheeky git, stop being silly''

he said

''I'm not, I'm as serious as a heart attack''

[Alpinestarhero]

Mine would read:

bike-mad chemist seeks woman to help with the other aspects of his life

[Stingo]

'Ancient mariner seeks buxom wench with bigs jugs of beer. Bottom scraping a must. Must be able to pop her ears'.

[Zombie Jesus]

musky sly old foxy stoaty stoaty stoat seeks pig

[keithd]

how's your gag reflex ladies?

[jambo]

Lankey future dictator, seeks arm candy for more ballanced public image.

Bring beer.

[Rai86]

God's gift. Please form an orderly queue.

LMAO :smt044:smt043

[Graciepants]

student doctor seeks rich consultant :smt057

[gruntygiggles]

how's your gag reflex ladies?

What gag reflex???

[Gene genie]

student doctor seeks rich consultant :smt057
well helloooooo.

[shonadoll]

how's your gag reflex ladies?

Working, after reading that.

[Gene genie]

Working, after reading that.
:oops:

[anna]

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6592990

This one was my personal fav:-

Attention male London Review of Books readers: 'Greetings, earthling -- I have come to infest your puny body with legions of my spawn' is no way to begin a reply. Female, 36 -- suspicious of any men declaring themselves to be in possession of a 'great sense of humor.'

[keithd]

Working, after reading that.

discarded...

[Sally]

What gag reflex???

Well hello...;)

Male, 17, Student, seeks female, any ages below 20, (even jailbait accepted), must not be skinny, must be curvy, but not too curvy, must enjoy a bevvy often, doesnt mind smoking, doesnt have a problem with men with commitment issues, not the jelous type, not religious, isn't demanding, must also know their place, (ie after the bike).

No wonder am single.. :(

[Dave20046]

Well hello...;)

Male, 17, Student, seeks female, any ages below 20, (even jailbait accepted), must not be skinny, must be curvy, but not too curvy, must enjoy a bevvy often, doesnt mind smoking, doesnt have a problem with men with commitment issues, not the jelous type, not religious, isn't demanding, must also know their place, (ie after the bike).

No wonder am single.. :(
Think I know one like that...only one drawback - she's in your imagination.

[Sally]

If only eh?
Al keep looking.. :)
(and failing miserably i may add)

[Messie]

95 year year old short sighted millionaire with a heart condition sought by someone who will really care for you (briefly)

[Essex of Essex]

Balding pilot seeks lady with own aircraft and hanger, must have photograph (of aircraft)

[keith_d]

Scuba diving, Biking, Good Food, Photography. Match three from four to win the free prize.

[28 day refund available if you don't like the free prize.]

Keith.

[John 675]

'Fat disgusting "gorilla" like man, ploughing the loneliest furrow in yorkshire. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Anything accepted Species NON-SPECIFIC..

Man, 51.'

[Mej]

student doctor seeks rich consultant :smt057

My next door neighbour is a rich consultant, head of surgery at poole hospital, but i think he is about 55, lol

[MoDaddy]

SIngle male seeks single female for
dating, romance, meeting the folks, wedding, honeymoon, nights of indescribable passion, picking out our first house, credit card bills, dog, cat, children, burnt dinner, smelly diapers, arguments, unforgivable in-laws, working late, more bills, more children, more arguments, adultery, lawyers, divorce and finally,

sweet death.

Was it good for you, dear?

[_Stretchie_]

"Must say yes..."

[steve.s]

tall average looking man,30, with own house, two cars and a bike, seeks woman with triple garage.

[Stig]

God's gift. Please form an orderly queue.

LMAO :smt044:smt043

I was beginning to wonder if anyone else thought it was funny. :lol:

[Miss Alpinestarhero]

Athletic 23 year old seeks tall, dark, handsome (& colourful) biker who can teach her to ride.

[Gene genie]

tall, dark, handsome biker, willing to give lessons.

[redshift]

human seeks human

[DarrenSV650S]

Wanted: female

[Miss Alpinestarhero]

Wanted: female

Pretty broad request ;)













just realised what I said has a double meaning :lol:

[DarrenSV650S]

Yep I'm desperate lol :lol:

[seedy100]

"Dirty old man seeks dirty young woman"

[El Saxo]

"Must say yes..."

What was it you said to me yesterday - "'No' means a challenge"?!? :lol:

[Sally]

Yep I'm desperate lol :lol:

Are there any nice women in Dundee?

Legend has it, that it has a very much so lack of birds..

[DarrenSV650S]

They are there. They're just not interested :lol:
I'm very unsociable

[Lozzo]

There are no women left in Scotland, I think half of them live and work in the Kings Cross area of London judging by the accents I hear whenever I get off a train there.

[Sally]

Mmmm how come? :(

[davepreston]

six foot drunkin squadie requires small red head with crackin **** must serve beer

mrs giggles responed

[MR UKI (1)]

Athletic 23 year old seeks tall, dark, handsome (& colourful) biker who can teach her to ride.

Where do I apply? :)

Joking of course if Mr Alpinestar is reading.

[MR UKI (1)]

musky sly old foxy stoaty stoaty stoat seeks pig

Rik Mayall in Bottom I believe? :cool:

[Frank]

" Have money ,can travel"

[Miss Alpinestarhero]

Where do I apply? :)

Joking of course if Mr Alpinestar is reading.

lol :lol:

[Kinvig]

Man bites dog.