View Full Version : How to drive hire cars
DarrenSV650S
17-03-09, 09:42 PM
I'm getting my own back at the hire car company for conning me out of £20 worth of petrol. At first I was thrashing it everywhere taking it to 6k rpm every gear, but it was using too much petrol.:rolleyes: So now I'm taking my revenge on the tyres by putting it in second, flooring it, then putting on the handbrake (on my private road).
What else can I do without loosing the deposit ?
the_lone_wolf
17-03-09, 09:44 PM
**** the deposit...
Spikenipple
17-03-09, 09:44 PM
Wear out the e/window motors by constantly opening/closing the windows?
Jinxy43
17-03-09, 09:45 PM
Drive it like you have stolen it.
I'm getting my own back at the hire car company for conning me out of £20 worth of petrol. At first I was thrashing it everywhere taking it to 6k rpm every gear, but it was using too much petrol.:rolleyes: So now I'm taking my revenge on the tyres by putting it in second, flooring it, then putting on the handbrake (on my private road).
What else can I do without loosing the deposit ?
Accidentally drop a mackerel or a piece of raw chicken behind the inadvertently loose door lining before you realised that it had come loose and put the lining back as it should be.
hide a dead fish under the back seat
I pretty much destroyed a hire car a few months back...was delivered to me with 4 miles on the clock...wasn't even run it and after a couple of days in my hands the gearbox was not sound healthy...was only a 1.4 astra though! :(
Just use the first 3 gears!
Wideboy
17-03-09, 09:47 PM
make the aircon filter grow mould
give it to me? :smt102
A colleague of mine has just given a hire car back (it was a 1.4l Fiesta IIRC).
Amongst the list of things he did (because the garage have been scamming the insurance company, and haven't repaired the car properly...):
- Hide & seek, off road. Versus a couple of other work lads in 4x4's.
- Private road, red line in 4th, handbrake.
- Donuts (drawing, not eating).
- "kiss chase" - the cars need to "kiss" each other, in practice it's a little rougher than that. On a beach, with dunes. Something made a serious snapping noise I'm told.
Then there's one that is so deserving of an ASBO that I won't post it in public, PM coming...
DarrenSV650S
17-03-09, 09:49 PM
Liking the fish idea. The gearbox already feels like siring porridge but I'm trying not to use the clutch when changing gear. I think it's a 1L or something
I'm getting my own back at the hire car company for conning me out of £20 worth of petrol. At first I was thrashing it everywhere taking it to 6k rpm every gear, but it was using too much petrol.:rolleyes: So now I'm taking my revenge on the tyres by putting it in second, flooring it, then putting on the handbrake (on my private road).
What else can I do without loosing the deposit ?
Water in the oil, oil in the water - block the radiator and disconnect the cooling fan to force an overheat and blow the head gasket.
Sand in the engine?
Tea bags in the fuel tank will dissolve and cause multiple blocked fuel filters (so I'm told!).
Have an 'accident' after a curry, on the front seats and floor.
Get a child to be sick in the car, because it will stink for months.
Spill a pint of milk under the floor mats just before you hand the car back.
'Fray' the timing belt with a Dremel.
'Fray' the auxiliary drive belt with a Dremel.
Remove hub bearing nuts, pack bearings with sand, refit nuts.
Buy a couple of mice and leave them to breed in the car.
Carborundum grinding paste on the windscreen wipers.
'Accidentally' drive over a lot of large nails just before handing the car back.
Post the number plates all over the internet and encourage cloning to introduce administrative hassle.
Report the car as stolen after handing it back.
There's plenty more, but that's a start.
cb5_keith
17-03-09, 09:56 PM
My personal fave way to **** around/bald the tyres - go as fast in reverse as possible, clutch down, first gear, revs upppppppppppp, clutch out!
nothing like going backwards in a plume of smoke, then shooting off forwards :D
keith_d
17-03-09, 10:27 PM
It sounds like you're already making good progress. Here's a few more suggestions:
1) If you know when the local farmer's getting his muck spreader out, park it behind the hedge. That way they can't just wash it and send it out again. Failing that find somewhere muddy and drive through a few times to return it coated in crap.
2) Wherever you go, keep the revs up and rest your foot on the clutch pedal (wears out the clutch release bearing).
3) Find a nice steep road and practice your hill starts at 5000 rpm to see what a burnt out clutch smells like.
4) If you know any seriously bumpy roads, drive 'em at rally speed and see if you can boil up the dampers.
5) Pop to the local chinese supermarket and buy a pot of kapi (fermented shrimp paste). It's stinky stuff and would be really hard to remove if there was an accidental spill.;)
6) I think someone has already suggested donuts. Most hire cars are front wheel drive, so you'll have to do 'em in reverse.
7) A pint of diesel in a petrol tank before you fill the tank will result in fouled plugs and plenty of smoke. A quart of petrol in a diesel tank before you fill it up and they will probably end up replacing the injector pump.
If you want to cause serious damage there are lots of options with a spot of valve grinding paste, but they are clearly deliberate and likely to involve you denying all knowledge when Mr Plod comes calling.
Have fun,
Keith.
keith_d
17-03-09, 10:29 PM
Oops - forgot one.
8 ) When you fill it up prior to return you might accidentally leave a sheet of cardboard in front of the radiator. Just fill up close to the hire place 'cos if you drive too far you'll boil up the engine.
DarrenSV650S
17-03-09, 10:36 PM
2) Wherever you go, keep the revs up and rest your foot on the clutch pedal (wears out the clutch release bearing).
Yeh I was experimenting with that today. Might try some doughnuts
speedplay
17-03-09, 10:37 PM
My favorite when the company car went back after a redundancy is drop out the sump plug, go for a drive in the country with the car with a friend following, taking bets on how far it will go with no oil in it.
When it does finally die, open the oil plug and put the oil back in.
Then call the hire company complaining about how you have been let down by their car, had to get a taxi home ect ect...and leave the car where it dies.
appollo1
17-03-09, 11:49 PM
if you can get access to a beach, drive around in the sand and through the shallow water - salt water will play havoc underneath.
Bring it over to Fife - i know a good off road track!!!
appollo1
17-03-09, 11:50 PM
what kind of car is it? if you know someone with similar car swap wheels if they are alloys or just swap wheels for better tyres.
-Ralph-
18-03-09, 12:09 AM
Bought the engine and gearbox off it's rear mounting once in a hired punto. The engine was bouncing around in the engine bay whenever you lifted or dipped the clutch. They looked around it for dents in the car park then returned my deposit :D Do anything you like so long as they can't see it when you take it back you're sorted.
metalangel
18-03-09, 07:20 AM
Have an 'accident' after a curry, on the front seats and floor.
What, **** himself? ;)
Best I can come up with is to avoid using the brakes as much as possible - rely on engine braking. Oh man, the lights just changed. Into 1st/2nd!
STRAMASHER
18-03-09, 08:31 AM
FIELD! FIELD! FIELD!
MUD ON THE ROOF! MUD ON THE ROOF!
Go for the whole Colin McCrae experience. Rally the **** out of it! Get that engine smelling of carrots. (You will see, if you are doing it right;) )
Dave20046
18-03-09, 08:33 AM
*best thread ever*
Scooby Drew
18-03-09, 11:29 AM
*best thread ever*
most criminal thread ever - you guys! ;)
gruntygiggles
18-03-09, 11:42 AM
if you can get access to a beach, drive around in the sand and through the shallow water - salt water will play havoc underneath.
Bring it over to Fife - i know a good off road track!!!
Slightly off subject, but where??? Me and Stretchie are coming up in 10 days for a holiday and just got some new traction track off road tyres on the Discovery so any decent off road lanes that won't require a winch would be very welcomed by us!
Stay in first and second gear without using the clutch to change, and take it on a motorway with the rev limiter ticking for a few miles.
To be honest, its a lot of damage though for £20? Just lay a brick in the glove compartment.
gruntygiggles
18-03-09, 11:46 AM
Try to drive absolutely everywhere in 3rd gear. If you stop at lights, leave it in third. Yes, you'll be slow and will **** of the drivers behind you but that little engine will have to struggle like **** as you ride the clutch and drive it off before revving the life out of it on the motorway. Doesn't work in a disco, I can drive the disco everywhere in 5th gear and it will still pull away quite nicley from standstill without really bothering the engine. Tried it in my old Saxo and nearly killed the car!!!
gruntygiggles
18-03-09, 11:47 AM
Find a kerb that is not so high that it will damage the bumpers or wings, but that you can go up at a decent speed to really give the axles and shocks a good working!
Just watch out for the airbags!
vardypeeps
18-03-09, 12:06 PM
Stay in first and second gear without using the clutch to change, and take it on a motorway with the rev limiter ticking for a few miles.
To be honest, its a lot of damage though for £20? Just lay a brick in the glove compartment.
Will a house brick fit in the glove compartment? Be a bit messy with the mortar
Paul the 6th
18-03-09, 12:44 PM
Loving the "report it as stolen once you've returned it to the rental place" idea...
You could just curl out a big steaming turd on the roof of the car and then return it. If anyone asks just do a great big *SIGH* and say "We've been having a bit of trouble with our dog lately"
Fill up with fuel and drive off without paying immediately before returning the car? Might be slightly illegal though, so just double check that one
To be honest, I'd just practice my best get away driving on an industrial estate: monster handbrake turns, J-turns, reverse donuts, maybe build a small ramp and stack some cardboard boxes in front of the landing point = don't forget to video it with some cheesy 70's guitar music....
Wee in the radiator? pop the air filter our and fill the airbox with Icing sugar...
take pictures of the car and advertise it for sale on autotrader as a mint condition 2,000 miles ultra low price.... all with the phone number of the garage of course. This will cost you a bit of money but it'll wind the garage right up.
Get some parking tickets for ridiculous parking then leave them in the glovebox for the garage to deal with?
just a few of my pathetic childish thoughts... :)
vardypeeps
18-03-09, 12:54 PM
There is so much mischief going on in this thread I love it!
Alpinestarhero
18-03-09, 01:19 PM
rally driving.
Alpinestarhero
18-03-09, 01:20 PM
My personal fave way to **** around/bald the tyres - go as fast in reverse as possible, clutch down, first gear, revs upppppppppppp, clutch out!
nothing like going backwards in a plume of smoke, then shooting off forwards :D
that might also cause the g/box to implode....yea, go for it!
Alpinestarhero
18-03-09, 01:22 PM
do some cheap boy-racer mods to it
Miss Alpinestarhero
18-03-09, 01:34 PM
Water in the oil, oil in the water - block the radiator and disconnect the cooling fan to force an overheat and blow the head gasket.
Sand in the engine?
Tea bags in the fuel tank will dissolve and cause multiple blocked fuel filters (so I'm told!).
Have an 'accident' after a curry, on the front seats and floor.
Get a child to be sick in the car, because it will stink for months.
Spill a pint of milk under the floor mats just before you hand the car back.
'Fray' the timing belt with a Dremel.
'Fray' the auxiliary drive belt with a Dremel.
Remove hub bearing nuts, pack bearings with sand, refit nuts.
Buy a couple of mice and leave them to breed in the car.
Carborundum grinding paste on the windscreen wipers.
'Accidentally' drive over a lot of large nails just before handing the car back.
Post the number plates all over the internet and encourage cloning to introduce administrative hassle.
Report the car as stolen after handing it back.
There's plenty more, but that's a start.
You talking from experience? :p
This thread is so evil is brilliant..! :spiderman::D
Mr Speirs
18-03-09, 02:00 PM
Slightly undo every single bolt on the car. Obviously not the ones on the wheel that would cause a nasty accident but every other one.
Quality thread! :lol:
I think most of them would leave an obvious mark though! Thrashing the nuts off it everywhere (especially from cold) and clutchless gearchanges are the way to go though I think.
Remind me never to buy a second hand car from you lot! :lol:
Alpinestarhero
18-03-09, 03:34 PM
Quality thread! :lol:
I think most of them would leave an obvious mark though! Thrashing the nuts off it everywhere (especially from cold) and clutchless gearchanges are the way to go though I think.
Remind me never to buy a second hand car from you lot! :lol:
I like that idea of thrashing from cold. To make it better, dont use 1st gear other than for engine braking. In the mornings, pull away in second, right to the rev limiter!
Accidentally drop a mackerel...
Insert the fish somewhere in the ventilation system - inaccessible and it'll reek forever. Preferably somewhere where it gets warm from the engine.
You talking from experience? :p
This thread is so evil is brilliant..! :spiderman::D
All things I have either witnessed or been told about. I have NEVER done any of these things myself.
Except the auxiliary drive belt/Dremel interface. I used that one to get out of driving a Vauxhall Astra for work once. It was away for a week whilst the garage investigated the mysterious snapped belt, and I got to drive around in a Fiesta which didn't give me backache.
DarrenSV650S
18-03-09, 06:40 PM
Had to take the car back today at 12:(
I was trying to put it in gear at high revs with no clutch. Making a great noise but then the engine light on the dash flicked on then off so I thought it was time to stop that. I was trying to get the fuel as low as possible but didn't have enough time. It did sound pretty rough on idle when I was taking it back. Oh and guess what car they gave me a lift home in!:o He had to go fill up with petrol as soon as we left the place. I was just waiting on something going wrong :lol:
I missed this thread and have not read all 5 pages BUT all you needed to do was pour some milk into the ventilation system.....within a week it will have gone bad and the car will forever be stinking
Ironically the rental company 1car1 went into administration this week!
Dave20046
18-03-09, 07:33 PM
A big steamy dump under the bonnet and lots of fish slapped on top of the engine too would have smelt lovely...
speedplay
18-03-09, 08:10 PM
cant believe you took it back already!
I was going to mention that I managed to drag my company car 4 and a half miles with the handbrake on until the tyres burst.
Dave20046
18-03-09, 08:20 PM
cant believe you took it back already!
I was going to mention that I managed to drag my company car 4 and a half miles with the handbrake on until the tyres burst.
they burst! thought the brake cable would have been the first to snap. Nice going.
jimmy4237
18-03-09, 08:33 PM
Rally drive the crap out it. Standard practice.... take it back when the tyres are near bald, the brakes don't work properly, and the clutch pressure plate is at it's operating limits. You had to press the clutch pedal all the way to the floor before you could change gear:spiderman: Talk about the calf muscles of the terminator!!!
That's what we did to a rental ford '57 plate transit 85bhp swb van in two weeks, because the service company was taking too long to get ours back to us... ever seen a transit van power sliding?:smt038:rolleyes: on empty roundabouts:smt038:smt038 The rear tyres don't last too long...
well a lot of the obvious has been stated, wheel spins at every junction/set of lights etc are always fun.
a personal favourite is brand the Olympic rings into somewhere on the car interior with the ciggarette lighter!
the best story of hire car abuse was when a team were away was when stopped side by side at traffic lights someone ran out of one car and kicked in a headlight then jumped back in the other car and sped off!
I want a hire car now :(
i don't - sounds like many of them are really badly broken :smt017
SV-Sexy-virgin?
19-03-09, 04:39 PM
fill the pollen filter with icing sugar sounds good , next time some one turns the heaters on pooof lmao
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