org opinion wanted

[Frank]

I was sat with a friend last night and having a deep talk.The convo came round to partners and secrets.
If you found that your partner had been hiding online conversations and text ,from a member of the opposite sex,would you be angry and hurt.
If they then said that they were a friend and there was nothing to hide ,so therefore nothing to tell,would you still be angry.
How would you feel if after all the rows ,your partner then took you out for a drink ....to the social club where said person worked.
Would it then be ok for your partner to go out for a drink with this person?
As you can see it turned into a very deep coversation.
Its always hard to know what is right and wrong.

[BBadger]

its a hard one.
But all depends and comes down to trust.

[Holdup]

Oposite sex to you or them? Them i quess? not really had much experience on this sorta thing but im a bit of a jealous type and would hate it.

[Gene genie]

if you have a partner then you have no secrets.
if you have secrets then you have no real partner.
you cannot have both.
the end of the lesson.

[CarlosSV650S]

if you have a partner then you have no secrets.
if you have secrets then you have no real partner.
you cannot have both.
the end of the lesson.


That about sums it up m8 !

[Magnum]

Depends what you would define as 'hiding' the conversations and texts. If theres nothing worth hiding then why hide the conversations.
Personally if i was told the other person is just a friend then i would trust my partner. Theres no point being in a relationship without mutual trust.

[thefallenangel]

I don't think personally i'd be happy but i couldn't really say much. If they're both happy with it then why not but the boot must be good enough to fit both feet.

[Frank]

if you have a partner then you have no secrets.
if you have secrets then you have no real partner.
you cannot have both.
the end of the lesson.
thats was what I said to my friend.Even if nothing is going on,the fact that things could be hidden ,would plant a seed that would keep on growing.

[dizzyblonde]

Well I live with the most secretive sh!t I know on earth.
Everything in his life has to be private....sometimes from me. Practically have to beat owt out of him.
Although if questioned about something he tells everything thats needed to know.
Me on the other hand, everything is on the table, nothing hidden.

The way I see it is, if I'm allowed to have private convo's with the opposite sex by text, if I can go out with whomever I want, ride out with whom ever I want etc etc, why can he not have the same?.....seems fair to me. Its all down to how much you trust a person. I know although he is a secretivet git, i can trust him with female friends that he may have.



Although i couldn't trust him to keep the house tidy while I'm out;)

[Milky Bar Kid]

I tend to agree with Dizzy but I suppose it would depend on the individual relationship. Do they normally share everything? If so, then I would be questioning why it wasn't mentioned. If they dont normally share everything thing then I don't see the harm in it really, if it never came up and there was nothing to tell then that would explain it.. Individual situations.......

[Magnum]

A friend of mine found saved MSN conversations that her dad was having with another woman. It turns out hes been cheating on his wife, and she still doesnt know. She never told her mum about the secret conversations... Ironic thing is that he is a vicar :S

[Baph]

+1 to all comments on trust.

However, far far too much of a personal issue, so I won't comment more. Gid, if you want a chat about it, you know how to get in touch.

[Haluk]

Any conversation other than discussing the next birthday present for the person who is denied access should not be secret.

[tonyk]

if you have a partner then you have no secrets.
if you have secrets then you have no real partner.
you cannot have both.
the end of the lesson.
married 25 years...
and this is so so true...no secrets except pressies.
i could not have put it any better myself...very good quote.

[Sally]

Me and my mate hacked my other mates mums msn account..
We thought she was up to something..
I was only 15 at the time..
The filth on her account shocked me..
Cant look that woman in the face anymore..
My mate still doesnt know, i knew his parents were splitting up before he did :|

Is that bad? :(

[Stu]

+1 to all comments on trust.

However, far far too much of a personal issue, so I won't comment more. Gid, if you want a chat about it, you know how to get in touch.
They way I read it, it's his mate getting horned not Gid

[Baph]

They way I read it, it's his mate getting horned not Gid

Who said I was assuming anything? The way I read it, Gid & his mate had a conversation.

I don't want to post my thoughts on the subject, so offered Gid to get in touch if he wants to know my opinion in any sort of detail. :)

[Kate Moss]

It is all relevant to the persons feelings and their relationship. Trust instincts though

[The Guru]

if you have a partner then you have no secrets.
if you have secrets then you have no real partner.
you cannot have both.
the end of the lesson.

married 25 years...
and this is so so true...no secrets except pressies.
i could not have put it any better myself...very good quote.

True... but secretly buying stuff for your bike online and getting it delivered to your parents house so your partner :smt079 doesnt go nuts because you shouldnt be buying bike stuff whilst saving for wedding :kiss: in September.. Surely thats gotta be acceptable :rolleyes:

[Tara]

so she took her other half for a drink where the other person worked maybe she wanted to show there was nothing going on.

trust is a big part of any relationship, falc and i have no secrets and he knows i ahve mates who are male and has no problem with that

[Dappa D]

hhmm tough one dude.....

I have female friends and mrs D has male friends, but if things were hidden then as someone said the seed would be planted....the fact said women took partner to social club where said bloke works to meet him, in my eyes, is more hamful than good because if there was never anything to hide then the woman would have already taken the bloke to meet him, BEFORE questions were raised.

on the other hand, whatever it is they are hiding (if anything) may not be that bad, a bit of harmless flirting with someone other than your partner (even tho you would never cheat) ,IMO, can make you feel better about yourself and thus improve the relationship with your partner (if that makes sense)

these are of course only my personal views and could be completely wrong, no 2 relationships are the same, its all too easy to say "if theres no trust, theres no relationship"....which is true to an extent.....but not entirely IMO

[Jabba]

Doesn't everyone have somethings that they keep to themselves...... things that happened in the past, mistakes made and regretted, stupid things done, etc., that would hurt a loved one if they knew?

There are things that I've done, mainly in my youth and before I met Mrs Jabba, that I keep to myself. It's my past and not part of our lives together. For example, I've never discussed old flames, etc..... most of them are still friends so, for us, it's better that way.

[kitkat]

Just ask outright. But if there is no trust it will make the relationship very hard. God knows they are hard enough. Worse thing is to dwell on it as it will build up in your mind so either ask or forget. Cant see a problem with having friends from the opposite sex though

[ixlr8]

Depends on the usual level of intimacy and sharing in the relationship and whether the (secretive) behaviour related to this newly uncovered friendship is uncharacteristic. If so, my index of suspicion would be rapidly escalating.