View Full Version : How do you get them to move out from home?
timwilky
23-03-09, 06:15 PM
Another thread is advising the OP to stay at home with his parents. Boot on the other foot. How the heck do you get them to sod off?
I have managed to get rid of two, but the 3rd is 25yrs old and won't go. Says she cannot afford. I funded her degrees and accommodation and then she came back home. But enough is enough I am made to feel like I live in her house, I cannot leave anything out, She shifts everything. Decides what is on TV, decor schemes etc. She moved out of her room into the guest room as it was bigger etc.
We need our independence, time for her mum and I to enjoy our life. I tell her to go, she says no. Do I pack her bags and change the locks?
speedplay
23-03-09, 06:18 PM
pay for her to go on holiday and then move while shes away.
kwak zzr
23-03-09, 06:21 PM
make life really difficult :)
Tell her she has to start paying her share of the extra council tax, utility bills and food bills she puts upon you, If she don't pay up send the heavy's in to get her!!! I have to pay my way at home and it would work out near the same for me to rent somewhere but i'm saving slowly for a deposit on a house, will take time but i don't expect my mum to subsidise me in the process. You need to sit her down have a serious chat with her and tell her how you both feel, don't let her control your life it's your home, shes outgrown it tell her to begger off!!!
timwilky
23-03-09, 06:25 PM
Pay, now there's an idea.
Mum, lets start charging her board and lodging
Thingus
23-03-09, 06:28 PM
Jeez yeh just charge her. It ain't harsh to ask for rent, she can expect to pay a decent sum just for the room, if she takes food from you and doens't do washing etc then heck even better.
Nothing malicious involved in that it's just the way it goes :p
kwak zzr
23-03-09, 06:30 PM
hey tim it sounds a good old life at your house can i move in please :) i'll throw you £20 board a week :)
Geoffrey
23-03-09, 06:30 PM
i paid half of my sons mortgage deposit to get him out
timwilky
23-03-09, 06:31 PM
hey tim it sounds a good old life at your house can i move in please :) i'll throw you £20 board a week :)
only if you polish my bike
gruntygiggles
23-03-09, 06:32 PM
Another thread is advising the OP to stay at home with his parents. Boot on the other foot. How the heck do you get them to sod off?
I have managed to get rid of two, but the 3rd is 25yrs old and won't go. Says she cannot afford. I funded her degrees and accommodation and then she came back home. But enough is enough I am made to feel like I live in her house, I cannot leave anything out, She shifts everything. Decides what is on TV, decor schemes etc. She moved out of her room into the guest room as it was bigger etc.
We need our independence, time for her mum and I to enjoy our life. I tell her to go, she says no. Do I pack her bags and change the locks?
No tricks are going to work here. I reckon your best bet is to sit her down and tell her that the only reason she can't afford to move out is because she is not prioritising her money. Ask her if you can help her with that over the next three months and get her in a position where she can rent a room and still have a little spare to treat herself.
If she just says no and that she's staying at home, tell her she's being selfish. Say that you and her mum have devoted the last 25 years to her and your other two and it's time you got to live your own life again.
I think you're going to have be firm on this one as she's obviously not taking any notice at the moment. Tell her how much you have had to work to pay the mortgage, keep the house together, the sacrifices that you and your wife have made as parents and that you now want to be able to have the house you worked so hard for to yourselves again.
I really do think you need to just tell her and give her a timeline. Has to be out in say, 6 months......that way you give her time to sort out her finances, but put a date on it.
Good luck, my mums best friend had to pay the deposit for her 34 year old son to move out and when he came over (everyday) for whatever silly reason, she would open the door and wait for him to tell het what he wanted, then tell him he needed to grow up and sort it out himself.
Her best line was, "I'm 74, you need to grow up quickly or you'll be living here and wiping my backside in a few years"
kwak zzr
23-03-09, 06:37 PM
only if you polish my bike
£20 per week, sorted lol
I can't help, I left home at 17... Charging rent sounds the best way, tough economic times and all that. GF of mine her Mum charged her rent from the very first day she started working, but her Mum kept that money aside, when she finally moved out her Mum dropped her the bit of wedge, minus a handling fee I believe...
Some of you sound like push overs for parents, my mum took money from the first pay packet i got and that was 5 years ago, she must have had £10000 of my wages over the years if not more. Stamp your authority, when i have kids i'll be doing the same it's sure taught me to put abit aside i know my mum won't be able to bale me out of any **** i get myself into..
_Stretchie_
23-03-09, 06:45 PM
i paid half of my sons mortgage deposit to get him out
Daddy???
Daddy???
I thought same :rolleyes:
dizzyblonde
23-03-09, 06:52 PM
Im Indoors' parents 'lived in' at the private school they taught in for a few years, so between 17 and 25ish he lived in their house rent free with his brother, and were left to their own devices:shock:
When the parents decided to move back into their home, they decided it was about time both lads flew the nest. So they decided to have the flat roof over the extension replaced, which incidently was over both their rooms, and they told them both they had to move out for a while, whilst the repairs were being done........
...how convenient:D
They never moved back in!!
My 50 y/o uncle still lives with his mum and dad..
Theyre around 80, and still do everything for him..
Thats taking the ****..
I am moving out as soon as fianacily(sp) possible.. :)
Amplimator
23-03-09, 07:16 PM
i was 'asked' to leave at 15 and went into social services care til i was 18, my older bro moved out when he was 24 (thats 7 years after i left) an my lil bro stayed till he was 21 too!
ffs you would av thought i was a lil terror or summit!
at the end of it all it did me good, made me who i am today....boot her out i say tis harsh mebe but thas life!
BanannaMan
24-03-09, 02:14 AM
Rent is good.
I paid my parents rent when I started working.
'Tis is only right they help out if they've got a job.
get her married off to some who lives far far away....
get her married off to some who lives far far away....
lol !
Bluepete
24-03-09, 07:50 AM
get her married off to some who lives far far away....
Come on Tim! Post a pic, I'm sure the .org can find a gentleman willing to help out :D
Pete ;)
Dave20046
24-03-09, 08:00 AM
make them feel clostrophobic
We did the rent thing with my stepson from the day he dropped out of college and started working.
The spin my wife put on it was to stash the money into an acount to help fund him moving into his first house - but we never told him about it.
So he thinks we're being very generous but it is his money - nice!
TW if you go down the rent route I suggest that you start fairly gently as it's going to be a bit of a shock for her, but agree up front "inflation" ie every year on her birthday for example the rent goes up.
There will come a time when she will work out that it's cheaper to move out than stay at home ;)
Pay, now there's an idea.
Mum, lets start charging her board and lodgingYou mean she lives there for free!! Cricky, no wonder she wants to stay. I was paying £280 to my mum every month before i moved out.
Bris-Rob
24-03-09, 08:35 AM
im 21 and have payed rent since i started work at 16. As my pay increased i wasnt asked for more money, i offered it as i knew i was still getting a good deal! Now in process of saving for a deposit, bad times
I joined the RN at 16 and a bit, so I didn't stay at home long after finishing school, but when I moved back in with my mum after leaving the service I paid rent right from the off, even though I was sleeping on the floor in the living room because she'd got rid of my bed :D
It was an incentive to get a place of my own though, I only stayed back there for 3 months and got a place of my own!
Ceri JC
24-03-09, 10:22 AM
I don't have kids, but based on what my parents and my friends' parents have done, I'd say the following is the solution:
Start charging her and make it enough that it's "market rates" for rented accomodation. Once there's no financial incentive to stay, she'll probably go. If she still claims not to be able to afford it, demand to see her bank statements/finances: If you're subsidising her in any way and she wants your help, you have every right to. Make your own judgement on whether or not she really can't afford it, or if she just "needs" more money for going out on the sauce or buying new shoes. If the former, work out a budget with her and take a slice of her earnings in rent. If you can afford to (from the sounds of it you're more concerned with her being in your house, rather than the finances of it), stick some, if not all of the money she's giving you in some form of savings account. After a couple of year, surprise her by putting down the deposit for her on her own place using the money you've saved from her rent.
Needless to say, if instead it turns out that she could afford to move out, don't hesitate in giving her a month's notice.
punyXpress
24-03-09, 10:29 AM
TW if you go down the rent route I suggest that you start fairly gently as it's going to be a bit of a shock for her, but agree up front "inflation" ie every year on her birthday for example the rent goes up.
There will come a time when she will work out that it's cheaper to move out than stay at home ;)[/quote]
Think Tim's hoping she won't be around for too many more birthdays ?
If any.
pay for her to go on holiday and then move while shes away.
Haha! :p
Does she have a job yet? My cousin returned from university last year i think, and being in his 20's i thought it was strange him still being at home. But how can he afford to find his own place just after finishing a degree with no job. Does your daughter have a full time job?
+1 to the comments about making her pay. Charge her so much that its not even worth staying at home anymore. It would make me want to move out...
SoulKiss
24-03-09, 10:36 AM
I paid rent from when I started working - admittedly my folks were not too worried if I had to miss a payment due to unexpected expenses - like new tyres on the car I needed to use to get to work etc, but only essentials.
Just tell her to go, no scheming, not plotting, no making life difficult for her, just be honest.
You could always downsize the house too - seems you have at least a 3-bed, look for a 2-bed if you still feel the need for a guest-room or even go 1-bed - if doing that pays off the mortgage and so frees up more "fun" money for you and the missus every month then even better :)
Dave20046
24-03-09, 11:00 AM
Become a nudist :mrgreen:
I would just like to add Tim, that i didnt move out until i was 36!
KnightRider
24-03-09, 11:54 AM
There seem to be lots of nice parents here. My mum told me that I would have to start paying rent, food and bills from the moment I went to Uni. Yes she was going to help subsidise me a little but only on the condition that I had job at the same time.
Even though I didn't have to move away for Uni I still deceided to leave home as I wanted the freedom.
I would suggest you take a multipronged approach:
1. Come to an agreement with you wife as nothing above will work unless you both agree a plan.
2. time to get her to start paying 1/3 of all bills
3. make sure that she is doing her fair share of all house chores like cleaning etc. Ensure that you are not helping her out by doing her washing etc.
4. seperate your meals and food shopping. She pays for her own food and cooks her own food. Obviously Sunday dinners etc can be an exception.
5. seperate your lives a bit. The living room is yours and in the evening make it clear that you want your space and that she should watch TV in her room.
I am in a similar situation at the moment except it is my girlfriends Dad who has moved in with us (due to money issues that he is having). We manage this by seperating our lives completely. Yes he moans that we treat him like a lodger but in reality that is what he is and we dont want him with us forever. Alas he is not getting the hint and is not making great strides to saving a deposit to move out.
Note to self - time to start talking about moving house so he realises his time is up.
Dave20046
24-03-09, 11:57 AM
There seem to be lots of nice parents here. My mum told me that I would have to start paying rent, food and bills from the moment I went to Uni. Yes she was going to help subsidise me a little but only on the condition that I had job at the same time.
Even though I didn't have to move away for Uni I still deceided to leave home as I wanted the freedom.
I would suggest you take a multipronged approach:
1. Come to an agreement with you wife as nothing above will work unless you both agree a plan.
2. time to get her to start paying 1/3 of all bills
3. make sure that she is doing her fair share of all house chores like cleaning etc. Ensure that you are not helping her out by doing her washing etc.
4. seperate your meals and food shopping. She pays for her own food and cooks her own food. Obviously Sunday dinners etc can be an exception.
5. seperate your lives a bit. The living room is yours and in the evening make it clear that you want your space and that she should watch TV in her room.
I am in a similar situation at the moment except it is my girlfriends Dad who has moved in with us (due to money issues that he is having). We manage this by seperating our lives completely. Yes he moans that we treat him like a lodger but in reality that is what he is and we dont want him with us forever. Alas he is not getting the hint and is not making great strides to saving a deposite to move out.
That sounds perfect for both partys.
The Guru
24-03-09, 12:05 PM
Just use the tactful line... "Look B!tch, F**k off"
Ohhhh this one is easy and the current news could help a lot.....
One night when its just you and your daughter wait for the news to mention the 'Joseph Fritzel' case. Then slowley turn your head towards hers and mutter 'mmmmmm daughter in a self contained underground flat....mmmmmmmmm'
She'll be out by the morning.
The Guru
24-03-09, 03:22 PM
Ohhhh this one is easy and the current news could help a lot.....
One night when its just you and your daughter wait for the news to mention the 'Joseph Fritzel' case. Then slowley turn your head towards hers and mutter 'mmmmmm daughter in a self contained underground flat....mmmmmmmmm'
She'll be out by the morning.
:smt103
Might work though :-k :smt044
Geoffrey
24-03-09, 03:22 PM
Daddy???
he paid me back over 6 months and hasn't since asked for any help
mum took money from the first pay packet i got and that was 5 years ago, she must have had £10000 of my wages over the years if not more.
Don't knock it mate! Twice that amount would still be pretty reasonable for all acccommodation / bills / food. :p
timwilky
24-03-09, 04:16 PM
get her married off to some who lives far far away....
Come on Ritchie, she shouted at you, but you were too p1ssed to know it. Why should I inflict her on some poor unsuspecting bloke.
He would soon be looking at the marriage certificate for the expiry date.
blue curvy jester
24-03-09, 04:36 PM
extreme nakedness, shagging loudley ( obviousley faked) , and ann summers cataloges left lying around
3 weeks gone or in the nut house
job done
SoulKiss
24-03-09, 04:42 PM
extreme nakedness, shagging loudley ( obviousley faked) , and ann summers cataloges left lying around
3 weeks gone or in the nut house
job done
You mean he should become a duplicate of that new Al Murray character ?
Don't knock it mate! Twice that amount would still be pretty reasonable for all acccommodation / bills / food. :p
I know but i've only been on full pay for 18months before that i was on apprentice rates, started at £65 a week then £100 a week and the minimum wage for a year up until i qualified so the majority of that has come from the last 18 months!!!
punyXpress
24-03-09, 09:14 PM
Is she the one that works in the pub?
If so, how about a lock-in? a permanent one.
How come nobody has asked the obvious here? Is she single and good looking eh Tim?
vBulletin® , Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.