View Full Version : How to prove your wife is speeding!
-Ralph-
27-04-09, 05:36 PM
In the car that is....
My wife always has a go at me for speeding (probably justified as I spent this morning in the Edinburgh Sheriffs Court!), but what annoys me is that she drives FASTER than me, but does so unaware so is actually more dangerous, and then she denies it.
Even when you are sitting next to her and point out that shes doing xx mph, she lifts her foot, then points at the speedo and say not I'm not, yes you were, no I wasn't! Get the picture.
So we're on the motorway now and she was doing xx mph again, so I stabbed the cruise control ON button. Of course she lifted her foot but the car maintained the same speed, the evidence right there on the speedo! Ha ha, finally caught red handed you little liar! ;-)
Now she has the cruise control set at 75mph and shes in the huff!
I prefer the non-dangerous method - which is to take a sneaky photo whilst yawning - which is not interferring with the driver controls whilst a passenger...if someone played with the cruise control whilst I was driving I'd kick them out the car at the next junction!
suzsv650
27-04-09, 05:40 PM
Wiiimen! Stupid things hehe
My parents pick me up on one hand on the steering wheel, 'speeding', taking corners too fast ect.
They are worse than me, sounds like double standards.
They try to validate this by saying, its old habits, can't be broken, been driving up 28 years ect. Since theyve been driving longer than me, it gives them the right to drive worse??
Speedy Claire
27-04-09, 05:54 PM
lmao.... I think I`d probs do the same as your wife Ralph and then act all innocent
Spiderman
27-04-09, 06:04 PM
Good catch Ralph.... but i'm guessing no sexy times for you for a while.
Girls, they hate to be proved wrong ;)
My girlfriend genuinely does not speed......ever. Not even with a bit of encouragment.
Bluefish
27-04-09, 06:09 PM
my wife has been caught twice by gatso's, which she drives past all the time and still got caught. i have been caught twice in 20 years once 93ish mph tother 103ish, not caught by gatso's i hasten to add.
Bluepete
27-04-09, 06:53 PM
I'm a perfect driver.
I must be, I'm a traffic cop and we're perfect aren't we?
Mrs BP, now she's a liability behind the wheel, does her make-up, speeds, phones, the lot. I'll give her a ticket one day, after all, a tick's a tick!
Pete
I'm a perfect driver.
I must be, I'm a traffic cop and we're perfect aren't we?
Mrs BP, now she's a liability behind the wheel, does her make-up, speeds, phones, the lot. I'll give her a ticket one day, after all, a tick's a tick!
Pete
The ones around here are not, they drive into houses, people and allsorts :D
What is a perfect driver though......different by everyone definition I imagine.
Spiderman
27-04-09, 07:04 PM
I'm a perfect driver.
I must be, I'm a traffic cop and we're perfect aren't we?
Well even if you do have "a moment" you now all have the famous "I was getting accustomed to my new car, M'Lud" line to use as a good defence ;)
Mrs BP, now she's a liability behind the wheel, does her make-up, speeds, phones, the lot. I'll give her a ticket one day, after all, a tick's a tick!
Pete
Harsh...but fair :lol:
Owenski
27-04-09, 07:35 PM
brilliantly thought!
Specialone
27-04-09, 08:02 PM
Hey Ralph, Just out of interest, have you and your missus got points on your licenses?
If so, who has the most out of the two of you?
punyXpress
27-04-09, 09:44 PM
I'm a perfect driver.
I must be, I'm a traffic cop and we're perfect aren't we?
Mrs BP, now she's a liability behind the wheel, does her make-up, speeds, phones, the lot. I'll give her a ticket one day, after all, a tick's a tick!
Pete
And your status in the BP household reverts to that of a tick on the scrotum of a warthog? :confused:
-Ralph-
27-04-09, 10:47 PM
Hey Ralph, Just out of interest, have you and your missus got points on your licenses?
If so, who has the most out of the two of you?
I went from a clean license to 3 points in court today after being clean for a month ;-( The judge intimated that he had also been "caught out" by the rediculous speed limit, so he said he was being lenient with me (60 in a 40, but it used to be a 70 limit, and if common sense was applied it still would be). My wife license is currently clean, but she only does about 6-8k miles a year, compared to my 30-35k per year. The last time she was caught it was a bright yellow Gatso, but that was more than 4 years ago so has expired.
I have had three points on my license almost consistantly throughout my driving career, I get caught every 4-5 years, but I just take it as going with the territory when your doing serious mileage, I've been up to 50k miles some years.
With the amount of scameras strategically placed in places where the majority of ordinary drivers find themselves speeding (75% of all vehicles sppeding according to the stats for the 40mph limit that I was caught on) anyone can get caught for speeding these days (waits for the smart ar$e comments), and when you do high mileage your x number of times more likely to get cuaght out. All of my sepeding tickets have been when I least thought I was at risk of getting a ticket, wasn't particularly making swift progress.
I suspect my number of tickets per 10 years ratio will drop off significantly after this one simply because I'm getting older, I now have a child in the car, and I just tend to bimble along in the car nowadays.
EDIT: EXCUSE THE TYPING PLEASE IM ON A PDA
yorkie_chris
28-04-09, 12:04 AM
Out of curiosity, for 60 in a 40, why was that a court job?
Kilted Ginger
28-04-09, 08:24 AM
Out of curiosity, for 60 in a 40, why was that a court job?
He couldnt work that out either, neither could the judge, although he did say that he would normally dish out 4-6 points and £100+ fine for that speed in court, but it does fall outwith the guidelines for not offering a fixed penalty. -ralph- didnt get the option of a fp, the first letter was "go to court, go directly to court"
He is however likely to be back in the dock soon for his light fingeredness:-k
plowsie
28-04-09, 08:26 AM
I just show my mum the trip computer, shows average speed and max speed :D
Tiger 55
28-04-09, 08:28 AM
60 in a 40, but it used to be a 70 limit, and if common sense was applied it still would be.
Now if you're going to go around applying common sense to things, you're not going to attempt a 90 minute journey (http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=Comrie,+Crieff,+Perth+and+Kinross,+United+Ki ngdom&daddr=A822%2FDrummond+St+to:A823+to:56.222741,-3.433914+to:EH11+1DL&geocode=Fcc6XAMdPDbD_w%3BFRKPWwMdqH7F_w%3BFbTNWQMd jLLI_w%3B%3B&hl=en&mra=dpe&mrcr=0&mrsp=3&sz=11&via=1,2,3&sll=56.175757,-3.543777&sspn=0.17735,0.439453&ie=UTF8&ll=56.175757,-3.543777&spn=0.709397,1.757813&z=9) in 40 minutes are you?
On someone elses bike.
In the rain.
Good fun though. :)
Anyway, glad to hear the Beak was lenient. 3 points is almost as good as clean from an insurance point of view, so I'd say that was a result.
PS - Never, ever, touch my cruise control!
Sometimes being a woman has it's advantage...
I got stopped in the BMW going home for a visit...sitting at roughly 80mph...
PC Plod - "that was a bit fast"
Me - "yeah, my boyfriend has set the cruise control though, and i have no idea how to work it, I cant seem to get it to slow down, it seems to sit at 80, I'm sorry...I dont usually get to drive his BMW..."
PC plod talks me through turning off cruise control and sends me on my way. :D
If you don't mind me saying - if it's Mrs Ralf in your Avatar, I'd let her drive exactly as she wanted :D
RatchetJob
30-04-09, 03:54 PM
My wife always has a go at me for speeding (probably justified as I spent this morning in the Edinburgh Sheriffs Court!), but what annoys me is that she drives FASTER than me, but does so unaware so is actually more dangerous, and then she denies it.
Ralph,
You could try something like this: link (http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Bluetooth-GPS-Receiver-Key-Ring-Data-logger_W0QQitemZ280337200927QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_ CE_GPS_Accessories_Software_ET?hash=item2803372009 27&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=66%3A2%7C65%3A7%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C 301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50)
Its a GPS data logger that saves GPS position and time data to an internal memory card so you can record a journey etc.
Then when you get home you download the data using the software and it plots your route and gives speed / distance information.
yorkie_chris
30-04-09, 03:57 PM
Inforad will do that and warn you about scameras. Not much more dosh either.
Mrs Ed irritates me cos she won't overtake anything. So we sit behind wagons crawling along at 40, she complains that they won't pull over, but still won't overtake. I'm not a good passenger. But then she complains at me cos she thinks I drive too fast, and when I overtake she tends to look out the side window. Can't think why that should be:confused:
-Ralph-
30-04-09, 07:24 PM
He is however likely to be back in the dock soon for his light fingeredness:-k
Just in case anyone wondered what on earth I've been stealing, Kilted Gingers keys are on the left, mine on the right....both sets are now in Solihull...oops!
http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd82/colinbal4/IMAG0004.jpg
Warthog
30-04-09, 07:30 PM
And your status in the BP household reverts to that of a tick on the scrotum of a warthog? :confused:
And what's THAT supposed to mean? :smt093
:-P
Sometimes being a woman has it's advantage...
I got stopped in the BMW going home for a visit...sitting at roughly 80mph...
PC Plod - "that was a bit fast"
Me - "yeah, my boyfriend has set the cruise control though, and i have no idea how to work it, I cant seem to get it to slow down, it seems to sit at 80, I'm sorry...I dont usually get to drive his BMW..."
PC plod talks me through turning off cruise control and sends me on my way. :D
Errr - you did use your wiles, if you convinced Plod to let you off with not knowing where the brake pedal is.... :rolleyes:
punyXpress
30-04-09, 09:26 PM
Abject apologies, Mr W
Red Herring
30-04-09, 10:54 PM
Sometimes being a woman has it's advantage...
I got stopped in the BMW going home for a visit...sitting at roughly 80mph...
PC Plod - "that was a bit fast"
Me - "yeah, my boyfriend has set the cruise control though, and i have no idea how to work it, I cant seem to get it to slow down, it seems to sit at 80, I'm sorry...I dont usually get to drive his BMW..."
PC plod talks me through turning off cruise control and sends me on my way. :D
Ummm....any traffic cop worth his salt knows that cruise controls get knocked out when you stop, so the setting can't be set from the previous journey. Perhaps he wasn' looking at your instruments....
Red Herring
30-04-09, 10:57 PM
I just show my mum the trip computer, shows average speed and max speed :D
My Sat Nav stores maximum speed etc. I took it on holiday once and managed to get it to record over 400mph by holding it next to the plane window. I left that on the display for months whenever I went to the local bike meet....
Sometimes being a woman has it's advantage...
I got stopped in the BMW going home for a visit...sitting at roughly 80mph...
PC Plod - "that was a bit fast"
Me - "yeah, my boyfriend has set the cruise control though, and i have no idea how to work it, I cant seem to get it to slow down, it seems to sit at 80, I'm sorry...I dont usually get to drive his BMW..."
PC plod talks me through turning off cruise control and sends me on my way. :D
what colour hair do you have ? :smt061
as every car that I've owned that has had a curise control option you had to reach that speed first, then set the curse control, and if you touched your brake or accelerator pedal, the cruise control cut out.
That is the standard BMW setup too.
:-$but I wont tell anyone.
Thingus
01-05-09, 07:13 AM
I had an auto 306 for the last two years so i forgot was speeding was O.O
Oh and then i bought a bike.
Spiderman
01-05-09, 01:09 PM
what colour hair do you have ? :smt061
as every car that I've owned that has had a curise control option you had to reach that speed first, then set the curse control, and if you touched your brake or accelerator pedal, the cruise control cut out.
That is the standard BMW setup too.
:-$but I wont tell anyone.
I was thinking that....but then again how thick was the cop to not know any of that!!!! Or maybe he was too busy looking into her eyes...or down her top as he was telling her, who knows, lol.
A female friend of mine was stopped doiing way over a ton on a motorway once when i was with her. As the cop got out of his car she said to me "watch this" and turned on the most convincig waterworks i've ever seen! Cop get to her window and instantly gives me a dirty look like it muctt be the blokes fault the girl is crying ffs.
She says some rubbish about having jst caught her boyfriend cheating on her when she'd got off work early to go and suprise him, bla, blah blah. Officer says i should drive from here and why wasn't i driving anywayif she's in this state and she says its all her fault cos its a company car and its only her who's insured to drive it so he tells her to drive carefully from here on and maybe stop at the next services for a break!
That was it!!!!
I've never trusted a woman when she cries since.
Kilted Ginger
01-05-09, 01:22 PM
I've never trusted a woman when she cries since.[/QUOTE]
I've never trusted women. How can you trust something that bleeds for a week but refuses to die.
;)
Spiderman
01-05-09, 01:43 PM
And gets angrier while it bleeds too. Scary bloody things really, eh?
Red Herring
01-05-09, 06:22 PM
Ah but when they are good they can be very very good.....
-Ralph-
01-05-09, 06:30 PM
I've never trusted women. How can you trust something that bleeds for a week but refuses to die.
PMSL, ROFL, :smt082
:smt038
Haha! :smt040
Isn't it the young ones who are supposed to be doing the de-railing/posting drivel?
See, it isn't always the young/new/immature members!
Just a note to the leaders of the witchhunt :)
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