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Von Teese
23-07-09, 10:12 AM
Got an email at work today with the following, almost believed it for a min, had laugh though!

(see below)

NEW RULES ON FOOT PURSUITS
See the latest proposed rules set out by the home office on foot chases :

Following urgent consultation with ACPO as a result of the recent surge in foot chase incidents the Chief Constable will regretfully have to impose the new guidelines with immediate effect.
* Police officers will not pursue on foot unless they are a designated runner.
* Runners will be selected by the station sergeant and will undergo special training.
* Runners will be under 13.5 stone, athletic build, short hair and chiselled features. Low body fat, good looking, enthusiastic, competent with Sherlock Holmes detecting abilities and basically the puppies' privates.
* Officers, when called out, will attend the scene wearing police trainers with 'bells' on. A special running helmet with blue light, goggles, earmuffs and Lycra shorts with the current sponsors logo on front and rear of shorts.
* When pursuing on foot officers must keep to the pavement area and not force offenders to 'stop'. The pursuit must be aborted if; Pedestrian traffic is heavy, e.g. children coming to and from school; Old people waiting at a bus stop for an 'away day' to Bognor etc.
* Closing in on a potential offender, an officer will, when practicable, shout, "I am a police officer, I would like you to stop please. Would you like a doctor? Do you suffer from any mental illness? Have you injured yourself and do you require any free legal advice?"
* If offender stops comfort him or her, wrap them up in a silver blanket, supply them with an isotonic drink and check their feet for any signs of blisters. After a pursuit a runner's form will be completed, in triplicate, with the detainees signature and they will be informed that a detected pursuit has taken place.
* If he or she refuses to stop, do not engage in any physical restraint and allow them to continue their conduct .
Applications for suitably trained officers are invited, with the appropriate clothing issue form completed for the indent of shorts, lunchboxes (where appropriate) etc.

Nicky S
23-07-09, 10:36 AM
lol now that would be funny to see

ThEGr33k
23-07-09, 10:44 AM
HA HA. Not bad at all :D

Rorshach
23-07-09, 11:10 AM
thats right up there with the ambulance response rickshaw, or the skateboard reponse for trafalgar square...

both appeared in the inhouse rag at the beginning of april

but,

knowing the plod......its a proper document you have there VT. lol

http://www.ukemergency.co.uk/ambulance/dscd0361.jpg

gruntygiggles
23-07-09, 11:27 AM
Haha, that's fab. x

Milky Bar Kid
23-07-09, 11:46 AM
Classic!

Von Teese
23-07-09, 11:50 AM
I have a brilliant one on 'tea making for probationers' along with the relevent competencies that can be signed off and health and safety compliance! lol !
Must dig it out!

Milky Bar Kid
23-07-09, 11:51 AM
The greatest part of getting confirmed is not having to make the tea all the time!

Rorshach
23-07-09, 11:53 AM
VT if you find it , can i have a copy? my current tea bi*ch needs a check list..

Sosha
23-07-09, 12:01 PM
thats right up there with the ambulance response rickshaw,

Don't knock the ambulance rickshaw - Brother turned up at A&E with a very broked leg in one. (Rider had to steal a wheel chair to get him in the building too - what a service :))

Lozzo
23-07-09, 12:12 PM
Oxymoron alert

Von Teese
23-07-09, 01:18 PM
VT if you find it , can i have a copy? my current tea bi*ch needs a check list..

Of course, can't be letting standards slip now! Its hard to find a good tea b'yach these days!

Biker Biggles
23-07-09, 03:02 PM
Oxymoron alert

Wait.It will be a thread on Military Intelligence next.:rolleyes:

Rorshach
23-07-09, 03:57 PM
dont be silly mate...

...everyone knows theres no such thing

Von Teese
23-07-09, 05:33 PM
I found the teamaking notes, unfortunately..8 pages long!
Anyone wants a copy PM me! lol

metalmonkey
24-07-09, 12:39 AM
I found the teamaking notes, unfortunately..8 pages long!
Anyone wants a copy PM me! lol

Would that be the 8 page page long white note per chance:rolleyes:

I did have it being a rookie it was sent to us sigh, I hate the dam stuff as it...

Guess what me being 140lbs, (fully fit) dark hair, quite well built it normallay goes if he runs you will get him right? Well its either me or the porker next to me, who da ya think is faster? I haven't lost one either yet.

Rorshach
24-07-09, 12:44 AM
muchas gracias! PM'd btw

BT ,three and a half tonnes of what ever your driving stops 'em too lol

metalmonkey
24-07-09, 12:47 AM
muchas gracias! PM'd btw

BT ,three and a half tonnes of what ever your driving stops 'em too lol

Yes it does...

Jinxy43
24-07-09, 05:36 AM
The art of being the tea B**ch is an old tradition often not implemented due to not wanting to upset the FNG (F**king New Guy/Girl).

But everyone starts at the bottom and works the way up, after 12 yrs of military service, and then changing jobs, I am a tea b**ch to ppl younger than me, but thats life. Soon I will have my own tea b**ch to abuse. (Sorry its now called character building)

Von Teese
24-07-09, 06:20 AM
Emailed as requested!

Bluewolf
24-07-09, 08:14 AM
.

keith_d
24-07-09, 09:24 AM
BT ,three and a half tonnes of what ever your driving stops 'em too lol

If it weighs three and a half tonnes your Transit is too heavy. Get the guys in the back to jump out and give chase while two of you drive round to the other side of the estate to nick 'em after they think they've escaped.

Von Teese
24-07-09, 11:15 AM
or even easier.....
Can I have a dog please?

Rorshach
24-07-09, 11:18 AM
ahhhhh jinxy! milk and two my good man! (btw ive just been emailed some policy documents that you'll need to sign for) ;)

where you at now?

Rorshach
24-07-09, 11:21 AM
of a PO instructor from gravesend VT ...i want to know how they can curve bricks around corners and bottles under shields! bet they would be better than a dog....lol

Von Teese
24-07-09, 11:36 AM
..i want to know how they can curve bricks around corners and bottles under shields!

Ooooh tell me about it!!!
Mr VT and his mates came to have a 'riot' at one of our refresher courses and they really got into the 'spirit' of things, I got a brick on my calf and a bruise for about 2 weeks!

Von Teese
24-07-09, 04:55 PM
Any of you seen this?
I love Chris Rock and this is one of his best!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0mtxXEGE8