View Full Version : Abandon child to social
Well we are at our wits end, even having discussed if a child can be literally pushed through the doors of the social services with a note of abandonment. Its nearly 2.30 am again and we are all awake and I am soon not going to be able to function at work which will put my job at risk. Then its everything lost. This is me on a really low ebb, a very very rare thing.
Sorry for the personal rant, just need a sound off before I go a tear up the neighbourhood in the cage like a demented teenager.:hackedoff::mad:
are you talking about your child?
Red Herring
20-08-09, 05:29 AM
How old is she........
Well we are at our wits end, even having discussed if a child can be literally pushed through the doors of the social services with a note of abandonment. Its nearly 2.30 am again and we are all awake and I am soon not going to be able to function at work which will put my job at risk. Then its everything lost. This is me on a really low ebb, a very very rare thing.
Sorry for the personal rant, just need a sound off before I go a tear up the neighbourhood in the cage like a demented teenager.:hackedoff::mad:
Our eldest, now 26, gave us 4 nights sleep in the first 18 months - it was hell. It was cholic, so almost constant crying.
She's now a Barrister with the Dti, and a fab person.
How did we get thro' it?
Make best use of all the available services. Set up a support network within the family so between you you all you get some decent sleep - sleep makes the world of difference. And try and sleep when the young 'en sleeps - whatever you're doing, if they drop off stop doing what you're doing and get your head down.
Good luck
mcsmarts
20-08-09, 08:49 AM
best advise must be an email to madonna....
timwilky
20-08-09, 08:55 AM
As they say what age?
Youngest daughter gave us so much trouble that the police would say good luck when they would bring her home at 3 in the morning.
We pleaded for help from social services who had no interest.
Speedy Claire
20-08-09, 08:57 AM
You`re too vague... is this your child or another child causing you the problems?
My child 6 years old, its vague but it was early hours.
However, added problems she is autistic and cannot communicate. So disabled too top it all off. Sorry for my outburst last night.
My family is non existant, my wifes family are not interested. the only person who could and did help was the mother in law who sadly passed away 2 years ago.
And pretty much all the rest of family have turned away and left us to get on with it. Its such a shame because we were once a really happy household. The Mrs even asked me to leave saying "it's not fair this has wrecked both our lives, you should leave with my blessing because there is still hope for you". What a predicament eh?
Again sorry for the outburst.
Speedy Claire
20-08-09, 09:18 AM
Don`t apologise, you obv need to let off steam. I can`t begin to imagine how you both must feel but it must be serious if your wife has given you permission to leave. Obviously i`m sure you`ll both stay together to support each other.
I`m sure you`ve been down all avenues and have asked social services for help. My first thought is what are the chances of your child going into respite care for a couple of weeks to give you and your wife a total break and time to recharge your batteries?
Speedy Claire
20-08-09, 09:20 AM
Doing a quick web search I see there are quite a few schools specifically catering for autism... some are even residential. Does your little girl attend a school such as this where you would (I imagine) get support and advice?
fizzwheel
20-08-09, 09:36 AM
No need to apologise
My friends Son has Autism, its quite severe and he when he was little couldnt communicate at all with anybody.
She got him into a School where they worked with autistic kids and the difference in him a few years on is amazing. You can have a conversation with him now and talk about stuff, the difference is like night and day.
I think she had to battle to get him in there but it was worth the fight. I can only speak from what I saw but I would trying to get your little un into somewhere like that if such a place exists in your area.
Have you been to the GP and talked to them, maybe theres somewhere they can refer you to so you can get some more help ?
PM sent and many thanks for all the replies above.
Spiderman
20-08-09, 09:52 AM
Dude...the Org is your extended family, are you not aware of this?
Good luck with it.
Luckypants
20-08-09, 10:01 AM
A friend of mine has an autistic child (not severe) and they needed help with care when he was young to get some sleep. We were able to have him for a few nights, so they could catch up on sleep. Then family and friends would have him for a week or so in his teenage years so they could get a holiday. So no need to rely on family, friends can help to.
He is now grown up and attending college for a computer qualification, he has an aptitude for them. His mum and step-dad are now supporting him to live on his own, not entirely independently but he is in his own place. So you see the future is not necessarily bleak :D
As others have said, get some help or respite care and catch up on your sleep. Once back on an even keel you will be able to think straight and plan your way out of the hard place you find yourself in.
In the meantime, feel free to rant on here, every little helps ;)
DanAbnormal
20-08-09, 10:08 AM
My sister is autistic and has torrett's as well so I can sympathise. She's 30 now and living with carers who are there 24/7. When she was younger though it could be hell. She would go from being sweet as you can be to headbutting and clawing within seconds. How my mum looked after her for 27 years is a mystery and still had 4 other kids to tend to. Oh, Social though decided that my mum was not fit to look after her 3 years back so took her away from my folks. It's worked out nicely now but I will never, ever trust social again. You should have read the stuff they came out with. I now have to phone up and ask if I can see her, most of the time they say "No, Lisa doesn't want any visitors today". As such I have not seen her since before christmas. :(
dizzyblonde
20-08-09, 11:45 AM
You can apply for restbite care IIRC.
Before my best friend moved to France, her youngest son was in a special school and two days a week he stayed either there or a restbite place. Not too sure on details as its been five years since she moved abroad.
Her youngest is now 14 but is still perhaps aged about 6 mentally.To look at hin hes a regular 14 yr old, but talk to him and its pretty apparent that hes very young inside. It can be very draining on parents,..but there is help out there, it takes time and can be frustrating....you don't need to deal with it all on your own.
ArtyLady
20-08-09, 12:13 PM
I sympathise - my daughter is profoundly deaf and was an extremely difficult child. Because she was wrongly diagnosed with speech and language impairment she couldn't communicate at all until she was properly diagnosed at age 9.
Then she began to learn to communicate once I got her to a school iwth a unit for hearing impaired children and all hell broke loose through her teens - she was frustrated and angry that she was different - most of it directed at us :(
I couldnt' get her into the residential school I wanted her to go to (I wasn't coping very well and would have benefited from the break during the week) because the authorities wouldn't pay for it :rolleyes:
When I asked her social worker (sensory disabilities team) for help/respite etc there was always reasons why it was not available.
Fortunately she has now grown up into a lovely well adjusted young lady with children of her own :D
Good luck in your quest for respite care :)
timwilky
20-08-09, 12:36 PM
I too sympathise, I know from friends with an autistic spectrum disorder child that the system is stacked very well against you.
You will probably have to spend at least the next 18 years fighting for what should be yours and your daughters rights.
Social workers, LEAs etc will all want to do what is right for themselves, and not necessarily in the childs/parents interest.
I hope you have the strength for the battle and don't cave
richie95
20-08-09, 01:10 PM
my mum told me once, she went into the social (when i was v/young) with me and my sister and said you feed them and walked out (obviously came back later) because some benefit had been stopped (this was late sixties/early seventies)... scarred for life me...
gruntygiggles
20-08-09, 02:01 PM
Firstly, don't apoligise and remember you can come here to rant or vent as much as you want, whenever you want. Sometimes, just being able to scream and get the frustrations off your chest can relieve the pressure a little and get you through the next minute/hour/day.
I don't have much experience of Autism, but my family and I have had plenty of battles with social services, the education system and the NHS in trying to get the proper help for my cousin and it's a battle that can be completely overwhelming.
There have been some great suggestions on this thread, I'm sure you and your wife have probably looked into most, but all I can offer in advice is to keep going. Stay together as a family unit and fight, fight, fight! In the deepest, darkest hours, let your Org family help supprt you and in the good times, let us cheer you on!
Sometimes a good way to get things changed is through the media. Have you considered shaming your local authority into improving services? I'd be inclined to invite a reporter for a local paper to live with the family for maybe three nights to a week so that they can see for themselves and report on the harsh realities of being in your situation and maybe have them attend meetings with the social to report on the dispicable lack of support.
Thoughts are with you all.
Is your daughter on any medication to help with her autism? My neighbours son has aspergers which is on the autism spectrum and ADHD, when he is on medication he is much better. He is a wonderful child but not without his moments.
If you would like I can put you in touch with her family as it is always good to have someone who knows a little of what you are going through to talk to. She may be able to guide you down avenues you might not have approached before and would be more than happy to talk to you and your wife.
As above, don't apologise, there's no need.
My son suffers from a mental disorder not too dissimilar to Autisim (I've posted on the .Org before about it - some may remember).
If you need to vent/have a chat, either do so publically, or drop me a PM. It seriously does help to talk to people, in however little detail as you're happy with.
I was on the cow and gate baby forum for a few weeks. 1 lady on there had severe problems with her 12 year old. He went to special school. She was 6 months pregnant and struggling to control his violent outbursts, he threatened to stab her and burn house down. she asked for any advise other mums could offer. Most of us advised her to contact social to seek respite care. After about 6 weeks, they decided it was best if her son was taken into care. She was absolutely devastated, she only wanted some help. So needless to say I would be cautious about seeking help from social. But I do hope you get it all sorted soon.
ArtyLady
23-08-09, 04:58 PM
I was on the cow and gate baby forum for a few weeks. 1 lady on there had severe problems with her 12 year old. He went to special school. She was 6 months pregnant and struggling to control his violent outbursts, he threatened to stab her and burn house down. she asked for any advise other mums could offer. Most of us advised her to contact social to seek respite care. After about 6 weeks, they decided it was best if her son was taken into care. She was absolutely devastated, she only wanted some help. So needless to say I would be cautious about seeking help from social. But I do hope you get it all sorted soon.
That's awful - makes you wonder how many people don't get the help they need because they are worried about something like that happening :(
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