View Full Version : dilema
Im in a wee bit of a dilema. I have worked since leaving school in 1983 until last year. I moved down south and was pregnant so got maternity allowance and now that Libby is 9 months old Im signing on.
I applied for a job that was perfect, got interview, didnt get it.
applied for another job and have an interview, problem is I dont know if I want it, but feel guilty about signing on.
Job is in Guildford and is Monday, Wed, Thur - 14 hours total. Annual salary is £5800 so approx £100 a week. Childcare will cost me £90 a week but tax credits should help out. I love my time with Libby and we do lots of stuff.
Part of me thinks being a full time mum on dole is cheating the system and part of me thinks Ive paid into the system why not get something back.
dilema dilema
Dicky Ticker
28-09-09, 10:46 AM
You have paid your dues----DD still pays his and as you would be getting TC's its a catch 22 situation. I know I am old fashioned but would your daughter prefer you giving her tender love and care rather than a total stranger looking after her in her tender years? --------thats the question you should be asking.
Wait till she can go to pre-school and enjoy your time together
gruntygiggles
28-09-09, 10:48 AM
Well, I've always paid my taxes and I don't see any problem in a mother staying home to bring up her children, supported by taxes. I'd have a problem if that money was being spent on cigarettes, booze, Sky+ etc, but yours is a situation that many many people are in, so do what is right for you and the family.
For an extra few £££ a week, is it really worth missing out on the kids for that time.
OR
Maybe it's only an extra few £££ a week, but it will give you some independance back and a life away from being a mum for a few days a week....that can keep you refreshed and happy and be passed on to the family.
If you take a job and it doesn't work out, you can leave. It's a win win so do what is right for you all and makes you feel the most comfortable and happy!
missyburd
28-09-09, 10:49 AM
At the end of the day Libby's only young once, you should enjoy as much time with her as possible before she goes to school and while she wants to spend it with you (i.e. before own opinions develop :-P). You've worked and are capable and willing to pick up work again so it's not as if you're deliberately avoiding getting a job. No point getting tied with a job you may not really enjoy and regretting the you and Libby-time you could/should be enjoying.
My mum was a full-time teacher before she had me, she went back to work when I was 3 and picked up another job no problem.
I know DT, I would need tosend her to nursery as I hate the thought of paying a childminder to do what I want to do. Thought about training to be a childminder but I really dont like other peoples kids. If I didnt need to sign on I would be happier but we need to eat. Right DD get more jobs - who needs a bathroom fitted. lol
thanx GG & MYC - DD would prefer me to stay at home too. I dont feel I need time away from her just now but that may come. I think when it gets to that point I will look into getting something part time.
fastdruid
28-09-09, 10:54 AM
This is something the loverly Mrs FD and I have discussed and we came to the conclusion that it just wasn't worth missing out on the early years and tbh didn't *want* to hand over our child to a stranger, plenty of years left once they're at school to pick up a job again.
Of course we may change our minds in a years time when we're in the same boat as you. ;-)
Druid
Alpinestarhero
28-09-09, 10:54 AM
I'll tell you what kitkat, stay on the dole, bring up your child good and proper. When she's old enough to go toddling off to school, then get a job. But in the meantime, get what you are owed - you've paid your taxes, why not get something back from them? After all, politicians have used your money to fund their high-life and go to war and build that crappy millenium dome
Being a mum is a full-time job. You have to clean, cook, clean more, feed, shop (for essentials, not just for shoes and hats and handbags!), all those things
Hope this helps :)
gruntygiggles
28-09-09, 10:55 AM
Also, there are many schemes available now to get mums back into work and decent jobs at that, so don't feel like you'll ruin your chances by choosing to stay home.
Like MYC and Dicky Ticker say, they're only young once!
gruntygiggles
28-09-09, 11:00 AM
Also, what were you doing work wise before?
If you have an area of expertise, you could look down the route of applying for board memberships for all sorts of different companies. You can get anything from voluntary board memberships to being paid £12-15k per year for SME boards for maybe 3-4 days work a month and quarterly board meetings. There'd be a little extra work, but you'd have that to do in your own time and at home.
Then, when it comes to job hunting in a few years, you'll be able to add £££ to your salary, just for your board experience. I used to assess, interview and place board members for all sorts of organisations, so if you want to explore this, PM me. You don't always have to be in management/highly skilled to get on a board.
I was expecting a pile of 'dolescum' replies but am pleasantly surprised.
I have no advice other than you must do what you think best for you and your family:D
Alpinestarhero
28-09-09, 11:14 AM
I was expecting a pile of 'dolescum' replies but am pleasantly surprised.
I have no advice other than you must do what you think best for you and your family:D
just for ed then
"dolescum youuuuu"
:smt116
dizzyblonde
28-09-09, 11:21 AM
I didn't work for the first 2 years of Dyans life, as I believed that me being a mum was first and foremost. Dylans dad worked full time. It was hard, we did get a little tax credits, but Dylans life was good as his mum provided everything that is lacking today.
I now work stupid hours to bring home a full time wage to provide for my son and keep the roof over my head. My son always has me around during the week, so if he is ill at school there isn't the problem like some working mums have of getting time off etc.....but the downfall is that he has no family life with his mother, like he should have. I have to rely on my parents to give him that part of his life, and it sucks big time. Everybody who is a mum, wishes that they could work part time and be with their kids too, and if you have that choice Kitkat, take it....you'll regret it if you can't spend time with her in her early years
fastdruid
28-09-09, 11:26 AM
I was expecting a pile of 'dolescum' replies but am pleasantly surprised.
I have no advice other than you must do what you think best for you and your family:D
It's very easy to sit on your high horse but when you get down to it the way the system is setup it's not *worth* working, even more so when you consider that working means missing out on your child growing up and I'm willing to bet a lot of the people who cry dolescum would do exactly the same under the same circumstances!
Druid
Look at it this way. You go to work. You earn £100 a week, childcare costs £90 a week, the govenrment then gives you tax credits to pay for your child care. So either way the government pays. Why make yourself worse off than you are now. If you are bored being at home, then look to do something form home maybe? Not sure what you have done in the past, but i am sure that setting up a Typing service or such like would benefit?
Ah, but you have paid all your money into a Scottish financial system, thererfore you are not entitled to anything. So stop skiving and get a job ;)
The fact remains the government will pay no matter if you are on the dole, or claiming Tax credits, so its swings n roundabouts. However, if you want to work then do it.
lol right enough Ill get onto scottish parliament and see if they will send me a wee financial package down lol.
KitKat - My wife had to go back to work because of money when we had our first and I can tell you that she regrets every moment she missed out on and fortunately we didn't do the smae with our second.
Things are really stacked against the working parent.
During the summer holidays I had to have 5 weeks off to look after my two as it would've been well in excess of £250 per week to get them looked after while Mrs.H was at work, which would've meant we bascially broke even.
Tax credits are rubbish, they don't take into consideration things like mortgage etc. they are just based on what you spend on childcare and what you earn.
Stay home and enjoy the time with your child, you will never get the time back.
husky03
28-09-09, 03:12 PM
see to your kids upbringing and when she's older go back to work-my mrs is on maternity leave and might not go back-her choice,no way i'd force her but for us it'd be crazy to pay for someone to look after three sprogs.like her you contributed to the BRITISH government, so your entitled to what ever support you get.
(and if more women stayed at home and brought up there kids the country would be a better place);)
Also, what were you doing work wise before?
If you have an area of expertise, you could look down the route of applying for board memberships for all sorts of different companies. You can get anything from voluntary board memberships to being paid £12-15k per year for SME boards for maybe 3-4 days work a month and quarterly board meetings. There'd be a little extra work, but you'd have that to do in your own time and at home.
Then, when it comes to job hunting in a few years, you'll be able to add £££ to your salary, just for your board experience. I used to assess, interview and place board members for all sorts of organisations, so if you want to explore this, PM me. You don't always have to be in management/highly skilled to get on a board.
never exactly had a career mostly just lots a nd lots of jobs, never stayed in a job more than 5 years. Mostly office based doing basic typing etc, worked as audio typist, legal secretary, estate agency receptionist, WRNS, nanny, creche manager, data input, school secretary, classroom assistant. Most Ive ever earned was £10 per hour as legal secretary but that was during holidays and they were desperate for cover lol.
gruntygiggles
28-09-09, 03:45 PM
never exactly had a career mostly just lots a nd lots of jobs, never stayed in a job more than 5 years. Mostly office based doing basic typing etc, worked as audio typist, legal secretary, estate agency receptionist, WRNS, nanny, creche manager, data input, school secretary, classroom assistant. Most Ive ever earned was £10 per hour as legal secretary but that was during holidays and they were desperate for cover lol.
There's a bit of scope there but in a smaller share of the market. If you want me to make a few calls for you, PM me and I'll give you my email addy. Get a brief CV to me and I can start the ball rolling in getting feedback and possibly even interviews. You'd be suprised at what's out there for this kind of work.
You can find board memberships on a voluntary basis with charities that will do you no end of good when you do decide to go back to work.
It's not so much your experience on paper that counts, but your ability to ensure a company/charity is acting in line with governance and passing corporate decisions for approval where needed. You would not do any of this on your own, you'd be part of the team, but would be given responsibilities. It's actually easy stuff, but you need to be able to do it and do it well as if you're tasked with ensuring the renewal of Health & Safety certs and don't do it on time, the company gets heavily fined.
It's very interesting work, so PM if you want to know more.
Cheryl x
shonadoll
28-09-09, 03:54 PM
You'll never get the time back with Libby,and you have worked damn hard and so has your OH, enjoy your time with her, if you missed her you'd not be putting your heart and soul into your job.
She's still wee.
I stayed at home for ten years, and with zero experience now have a job I adore.
dirtydog
28-09-09, 04:02 PM
you have worked damn hard and so has your OH
All lies! I haven't worked hard since I went self employed ;)
I've missed some of mine taking their first steps, speaking their first words etc. Occasions that will not be repeated.
Take the time off.
thank you everyone for being so nice, I was expecting a few dolescum messages but thankfully those who think that way decided not to reply. Im looking into becoming an avon rep which will bring in a few more pennies. In themeantime Libby and I shall continue going swimming, gym classes, long walks with the dog and trips to library. Thanx for all being so nice and telling me what I already know - she wont be a baby for long, nearly walking already, best enjoy it while I can.
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