How do I straighten a gay dog?

[timwilky]

Seriously, I need to straighten out the only gay dog in the village. My son has a 9 month old rescue staff that s definitely on the other bus. It is constantly trying to hump other dogs and getting battered by them jealously guarding their honour and proud of their masculinity?

He has thought of getting his nuts cut, but we are scared that will make him even more the other way. How do we straighten him out and make him a dog a chav would be proud to own. He was supposed to put the fear of god into anyone who crossed his path. Instead they roll out on the floor laughing at him.

[Luckypants]

Don't bother trying, just buy him a pink bandana and call him Sparky. :cool:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/21GAFC38R6L._SL500_AA191_.jpg

EDIT: For reference http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/21GAFC38R6L._SL500_AA191_.jpg

[SuzukiNess]

well i dunno if you gonna be able to make him straight... but my gay basset might be the answer :) he, like your son's staffie also tries to hump all the neighbourhood dogs. said dog owners do laugh at him but only cos he a bassett! :)

[timwilky]

Daft sod called it Rocky. I keep thinking of Frank N. Furter's creation

[Spiderman]

With a large hammer? Thats what i usually turn to when i need to turn bent things a little more straight.

[Bluepete]

Someone should write a screenplay about you and your familly Tim. I can see Ricky Tomlinson playing you and Mackenzie Crook, who plays Gareth Keenan in "The Office" as your son.

Oh, and as for the dog, it's like a Frankie Boyle gag,

"My dog will beat your dog"

"Oh, yeah, well my dog will F**k your dog!"

Pete ;)

[timwilky]

Screen play about my family my arse

[Bluepete]

Exactly!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKMJDP-G4gU

Pete ;)

[zsv650]

buy a new one.

[Jayneflakes]

Like ancient Gladiators, dogs use humping as a way of showing dominance over other males. I was shocked when I found out what Russell Crow should have been doing in that film, but then I guess it would have been a little more specialist! =;

If the dog is gay (and scientific studies have shown homosexuality to exist in other species) then I can assure you, it can't be "fixed".

I used to see a therapist a few years ago who specialised in treating the so called sexual disorders and he assured me that it is not possible to "cure" homosexual feelings and he had been trying since he first qualified in the 50s, when it was still illegal to be openly gay in this country.

Your dog and you may just have to do what I did and just get used to it. If you believe in God, you just have to accept that God made us (your dog and I) gay. :thumbsup:

By the way, my therapist was also a Church of England Vicar and telling him (aged nearly 80) what I got up to, was really quite odd, but that is another story. :smt041

[LK-SV]

Is he gay or bi ??

The way to tell is;

If he's really tidy, very fussy about his weight, and keeps himself clean ... he's gay ...

If he's a right old mess, just a bit randy ...... he's Bi !!! :-)

[barwel1992]

If he's really tidy, very fussy about his weight, and keeps himself clean ... he's gay ...


sounds a bit like the lads in the navy :D

[Owenski]

this is best thread I've seen in ages, the title alone had me laughing til it hurt.

[bikerchick82]

I don;t know how you can turn him straight but if you ever decide to just accept the inevitable then I have a 14 month old boxer/doberman cross that enjoys digging, chasing cats and long walks on the beach.....I can get you his number :thumbsup:

[Bluepete]

telling him (aged nearly 80) what I got up to, was really quite odd, but that is another story. :smt041

Well I'm sitting comfortably, lets begin the story...

Pete ;)

[Bibio]

Well I'm sitting comfortably, lets begin the story...

Pete ;)

+1. waiting impatiently...

[dizzyblonde]

Could be worse Tim, you could have a female dog that likes to hump anything. Then you know you have problems. Can anyone cure my dog? Shes only been doing it for 8 years. Vet said she'd stop after being neutered....yeah whateva!

[Jayneflakes]

Well I'm sitting comfortably, lets begin the story...

Pete ;)


+1. waiting impatiently...

Well, it all started when I young and wanted to get married to the girl next door... :thumbsup:

:nomore:

The rest of it is so dirty you will have to wait until my book comes out. I am half way through writing it, but I have to build my SV streetfighter, pass my test and go touring around Europe first, other wise chapters six through to eleven will be really boring. :smt041

[Bibio]

Well, it all started when I young and wanted to get married to the girl next door.

please come to the GMIII your tales round the CAMPfire would be most welcome :thumbsup:

[Jayneflakes]

please come to the GMIII your tales round the CAMPfire would be most welcome :thumbsup:

My boss told me to write a book because he says I always have some very odd stories about strange things I have got up to over the years. :smt062

The sad truth though is that I am actually rather dull. :roll:

[Biker Biggles]

Think you have problems?My two Spaniels are twins and they sh&g each other stupid.The Jack Russell doesnt know where to look.

[timwilky]

Yeah my Jack Russell had to warn Rocky away when he got amorous yesterday. A growl and snap to his throat that said "You are not getting anywhere near me with that thing".

[Bri w]

Well, it all started when I young and wanted to get married to the girl next door... :thumbsup:

:nomore:

The rest of it is so dirty you will have to wait until my book comes out. I am half way through writing it, but I have to build my SV streetfighter, pass my test and go touring around Europe first, other wise chapters six through to eleven will be really boring. :smt041

"Oh No it won't" -- sorry, panto season

[punyXpress]

Straightener (http://www.reviewcentre.com/modules/rd.php?m=11&t=17&c=551&i=6033&p=4&tb=1&s=0&md=0&ch=8&pid=5&pmid=&lkt=1&lki=1&et=1&mvt=&url=aHR0cDovL3Jldmlld2NlbnRyZS5wZ3BhcnRuZXIuY28udW svcmQucGhwP3BnPX5%2BMTAmcj0xMzM4OCZtPTc0MTE4ODI1MC ZxPW4mbXQ9fn5%2Bfn5%2Bfn55fn5ufm4maz0yZTNiNzIyODk0 MzI2MDhjMGQ2OWQ5ZWM5YzJmZmIwOCZzZWFyY2g9aGFpcitzdH JhaWdodGVuZXJzJmRsPTEmc2VhcmNoX2lkPTM3ZWRhNWJmZDli Njk4YTJjMDFiNTgwOTA3MDcxOTNlJnNldD0xMjYxMjQ5MjkxJn NvdXJjZT14bWxhcGkmbW9kZT1yZXZpZXdjZW50cmV1a19MaWZl c3R5bGVfQQ%3D%3D)

http://i.pgcdn.com/pi/74/11/88/741188250_75.jpg
Any help?

[Von Teese]

Take him to the vet...
Ask the vet to put him on Tardak (which chemically castrates dogs)
If he stops humping things, chop his marshmallows off

If he doesnt then it wont be worth castrating him as it wont stop the behaviour (although I would recommend it anyway)

[Bri w]

Maybe Rocky isn't gay but needs a visit to Specsavers. Does he hump cushions too = bad eyesight.

Imagine his disappointment if the majority of occasions he mounts something only for his tackle to miss the tunnel of lurve and either hit a dead end or find a tunnel of a hole different nature.

You could always educate using aversion therapy. Teach him that if he goes near anything smelling of Lynx he gets his tackle whacked with a wooden baking spoon but if he humps anything smelling of Chanel No5 he's free to get on with it.

Then, when out walking, you could spray the relevant sexed dog with x or y. It might be worth explaining to the other owners just what you're doing or you could either get your lights punched out or find your own garden gate getting taken off its hinges.

If you do go with the wooden spoon method it might be worth wearing a cricketer's box just in case you fall asleep in the chair and Rocky decides to exact revenge.

Good luck :thumbsup:

[timwilky]

At the end of the day, rocky and his confused sexuality is my lads problem.

Still I reckon that once he gets to use it properly he might just find the ladies are a far more interesting proposition.

[Balky001]

does he chase pussys? He may be bi/straight!!

I think it is a show of dominance rather than his preferred goal, a bit like a prison daddy...