View Full Version : How to deal with so called 'friends'
Miss Alpinestarhero
20-01-10, 01:43 PM
So…I have this friend who has an amazing knack of always being unwell, or having something mind boggling ridiculous happen to her. A lot of the time this results in us not being able to meet up.
Most recently she almost screwed up my birthday plans by texting me 3 hours before the event to ask me to change the venue because a work mate had invited her there for drinks and said she definately wouldn’t come if I don’t change it. Needless to say, I told her to bugger off :smt075 The next day she texted me (on my birthday) demanding why I didn’t change the venue, and that I should have because then she could have come along. I’ve no idea how I kept my cool!!! :o
I am now at a point where she has annoyed me beyond recognition but I’m unable to get rid of her because my parents and her parents are very good friends. Sods law! Some of you might be thinking that she obviously doesn’t like me and that I should ignore her, but she still leaves messages on my facebook or texts asking to meet up :rolleyes:
Other amusing excuses she’s come up with (she must think I am such an idiot) are:
“I can’t come out because I have to clean my mums house and it will take the entire day” (she doesn’t live at home and her mum is a clean freak)
“I’m waiting for a phone call and have to be home to get really good signal otherwise I wont get the call at all”
“I’m so ill, I’m dying ” (despite being ill almost every week beforehand)
and the best one I’ve had is:
“I couldn’t text you because the o2 network was down for my phone and no-one else’s” :smt043
Is anyone else in a similar situation with a so-called friend or have they been in a situation before? How did you handle it? What’s been the stupid excuse someone has given you?
Ah, the old 'you two have to get along because her Mum and Dad are friends of ours'
******** to that, Maria! :D
Just tell her to go take a running jump. If she acts like that she's not really a friend, is she? Your parents will get over it, they always do! Eventually! :p
Sorry don't know anyone like that... unless everyone thinks its me.
Even though your parents are friends with hers I would still just be tempted to tell her to get lost.
missyburd
20-01-10, 01:52 PM
She sounds a right selfish cow by the sounds of things. What about all your other friends you would have ended up inconveniencing if you had changed your birthday venue? :rolleyes:
I too have the odd friend who I end up doing most of the running for, if I want to catch up with them then I will get in touch but they rarely if ever get in touch with me. I stopped bothering a while back though. Life's too short. Try chucking some of her excuses in her direction, give her a taste of her own medicine, she might get the hint then :lol:
As for the whole parents/friends thing, tell 'em to get stuffed, you choose your own mates and thankfully you're an intelligent lass who can no doubt pick em well...I'm one so you must be :-P :-D
speedplay
20-01-10, 01:57 PM
We had a "friend" that turned out to be a pain in the a**.
They did all sorts of stupid things and in the end, were better off without them.
A "friend" that causes grief and hastle just isnt worth having.
As mentioned before, Lifes too short to be dealing with people like that.
As everyone else has stated, ditch this friend!
You're the one doing all the running around, going out of your way to fit to her plans and she doesn't seem to be reciprocating.
Remove her as a f/b friend, then delete all emails from her and remove her number from your phone contacts. Um, basically, move on! You've nothing to lose, yet loads to gain without a bloodsucking vampire in your life.
wyrdness
20-01-10, 02:03 PM
I wouldn't tell her to get lost, but I'd ignore her as much as possible until she decides to grow up a bit.
All you are getting is grief. Dump the grief
plowsie
20-01-10, 02:11 PM
We had a "friend" that turned out to be a pain in the a**.
that.
Sorry mate, I did call you back in the end lol. Don't delete me out of your life as a friend please!
Miss Alpinestarhero
20-01-10, 02:27 PM
Remove her as a f/b friend, then delete all emails from her and remove her number from your phone contacts. Um, basically, move on! You've nothing to lose, yet loads to gain without a bloodsucking vampire in your life.
:lol: I love your choice of words. But so true! I do ignore her now and only respond if she contacts me first.
So no-one else has similar issues? I must be pretty unlucky :-k:D
She sounds a right selfish cow by the sounds of things. What about all your other friends you would have ended up inconveniencing if you had changed your birthday venue? :rolleyes:
Exactly! I dont think she even has half a brain
I too have the odd friend who I end up doing most of the running for, if I want to catch up with them then I will get in touch but they rarely if ever get in touch with me. I stopped bothering a while back though. Life's too short. Try chucking some of her excuses in her direction, give her a taste of her own medicine, she might get the hint then :lol:
:lol: although its out of character for me, I want to do the direct route and tell her face to face how rubbish she is! TBH I dont even think anything subtle would work :rolleyes:
CheGuevara
20-01-10, 02:29 PM
Phase her out if she's that lame. Life is too short to waste on useless people.
That said, there seems to be a big dependency on texting/facebook in this relationship. Why not pick up the phone and have a proper conversation? You might manage to sort some things out.
Sorry I don't have time to read your thread. I'm expecting an email and I need to keep my computer clear for that. :rolleyes:
Miss Alpinestarhero
20-01-10, 02:31 PM
Phase her out if she's that lame. Life is too short to waste on useless people.
That said, there seems to be a big dependency on texting/facebook in this relationship. Why not pick up the phone and have a proper conversation? You might manage to sort some things out.
She doesnt do phone calls :rolleyes: and TBH I hate using the phone as well due to my hearing impairment. I only use the phone at work because I have to.
Jayneflakes
20-01-10, 02:36 PM
Easy way to get rid of irritating friends. :D
Change your name, move to the other side of the world, get adopted, become a Moonie and change your phone number. :why:
Worked for me! :smt107
Or just tell her what a **** and a ***** and a pig****** and a **** ***** *** ******* **** ****** ****** cow bag she is!
That will do it... :smt043
Miss Alpinestarhero
20-01-10, 02:41 PM
Thanks for your replies all :D I did not mean for this thread to degenerate into an advice thread, I also asked the following (but Ive now made it more obvious in my original thread...just in case it got missed!) :D:D
Is anyone else in a similar situation with a so-called friend or have they been in a situation before? How did you handle it? What’s been the stupid excuse someone has given you?
Thought it might be amusing to share silly excuses that others have been given, although it does not necessarily have to be restricted to friends.
Maria
No I haven't had anything similar but if I did I would confront the issues head on but in a nice way and say that you're unhappy and ask her to stop being so feeble.
I'm assuming that said friend isn't a member on here? :lol:
Mind you, if she was then this thread could do the trick ;-)
She doesnt do phone calls :rolleyes: and TBH I hate using the phone as well due to my hearing impairment. I only use the phone at work because I have to.
In that case text her to come over, then when she walks through the door smash her face in with a frying pan. When she's laying bleeding and battered on the floor tell her she's a crap friend. She'll maybe get the message then
your 'friend' is giving you grief to make herself feel better.
Speedy Claire
20-01-10, 04:21 PM
She`s not a friend Maria.... I wouldn`t hesitate in ending the friendship and it sounds to me like it`s one sided. I`m sure your parents will understand x
TheOnlyNemesis
20-01-10, 04:38 PM
Start using excuses back and when she gets annoyed just say, yeah annoying isn't it. Remind you of anyone?
-Ralph-
20-01-10, 04:49 PM
If your parents are an issue then you don't need to fall out with her, you just need to "engineer" a drifting apart. Which can be achieved by ignoring messages and calls, and making an excuse as to why you can't meet up, and when an arrangement falls through, don't entertain any arranging of alternative dates, just leave it as an open ended "some other time maybe". She'll soon get the message and find a new best friend.
Then when your parents ask, you say "No, we haven't fallen out at all, just not got so much in common as we used to, I suppose we have just drifted apart".
As said you can choose your friends, but not your family. In my experience families are enough hassle, without having problem friends as well.
EDIT: That said I have friends that I wouldn't allow us to fall out easily and it would upset me if we ever did, but those are good friends, who have been friends for a long time through thick and thin, and loosing them would be like loosing a family member or someone important to you. It would probably take a few years of such problems continuing with nothing to explain that behaviour, before I would ditch them. She doesn't sound from your OP like she is that kind of friend, as it doesn't sound like she has a lot of time and respect for you. If she isn't that close or important to you, get rid.
Tiger 55
20-01-10, 05:42 PM
What’s been the stupid excuse someone has given you?
"I didn't realise it was a firm arrangement." :rolleyes:
Didn't matter anyway, shortly afterwards that mate met a girl and vanished off the face of the earth.
One thing though, were you ever really friends or just pals/mates/buddies? True friendship is a rare thing, not to be given up lightly. Otherwise just give her a damn good ignoring.
johnnyrod
20-01-10, 09:15 PM
In that case text her to come over, then when she walks through the door smash her face in with a frying pan. When she's laying bleeding and battered on the floor tell her she's a crap friend. She'll maybe get the message then
The good old Reeves and Mortimer approach. Lozzo can always be relied upon for direct action.
Given the thing with your parents, I'd say the best advice is to ignore her completely until she either gives up or gets her **** together. Either way you get the right result. She's some sort of sociopath/egomaniac, anda s much as you'd like to sit her down and tell her she's a useless cow and this is why, after a quick trip round the goldfish bowl, all she'll remember is that she's annoyed with you for something. Even if you writ her a letetr so she can re-read it, she'll just end up justifying herself somehow. So, the passive response is the one. If her'your parents ask then tell them she just does your head in and leave it at that, at least they're more likely to be sensible enough to get it.
For the record, this isn't my mother you're friends with is it? Cos it could be!
speedplay
20-01-10, 09:18 PM
Sorry mate, I did call you back in the end lol. Don't delete me out of your life as a friend please!
Not you mate, love you long time!
*Even if your rubbish at answering your phone, text and ringing back when you can be bothered.
fizzwheel
20-01-10, 09:28 PM
I am now at a point where she has annoyed me beyond recognition but I’m unable to get rid of her because my parents and her parents are very good friends. Sods law! Some of you might be thinking that she obviously doesn’t like me and that I should ignore her, but she still leaves messages on my facebook or texts asking to meet up :rolleyes:
So talk to your parents about your friends behaviour, put them in the picture, talk it through with them. If you decide to bin her off, ( personally I would ) then your parents will know what is going on so if her parents moan at them about it, then you can put your side of the story across...
-Ralph-
20-01-10, 09:54 PM
Even if your rubbish at answering your phone, text and ringing back when you can be bothered.
Never understood this needy thing some folk have and want to get a response to every text and message within 24 hours, and think your ****ed off with them if you don't :confused:
Phone rings
"Is everything OK?"
"Yes, why?"
"Are you not talking to me?"
"Of course I am why?"
"Because you didn't answer my text"
"Did you ask a question in your text?"
"No, but I thought you'd reply and when you didn't I thought you weren't talking to me"
"The last time I spoke to you I was talking to you, and we haven't spoken since, so what could we possibility have fallen out about?"
"OK, it's me being silly, forget it"
Yes that conversation was with a female friend before anyone asks :rolleyes:
xXBADGERXx
20-01-10, 11:04 PM
Write the word "BOLLOX" on your hand in reverse , then when you see her , apply it to her forehead at high speed and then flip her off and walk away .
Jayneflakes
21-01-10, 12:01 AM
Send her a parcel of a Lunch Box full of Turds. That always gets the message across. :smt107
I had a friend I shared a house with and he threw me out when he found out I was an "alternative" sexuality. He phoned me up in tears a few days later because his girlfriend dumped him. I struggled to offer sympathy. :why:
He phoned me up in tears a few days later because his girlfriend dumped him. I struggled to offer sympathy. :why:
Did you get her number? ;)
yorkie_chris
21-01-10, 12:07 AM
What the fook have parents got to do with who your mates are?
davepreston
21-01-10, 12:14 AM
well the easy way has been stated earlier by half the org the harder way is just as effective and the 1 id use
do the same back
phone her tell her to change her arrangements
dont phone back and make up obviously bullsh1t excuses
and all the other thing that she does to you, she how she likes the other end of the stick
BanannaMan
21-01-10, 02:07 AM
+1 to what most have said.
She is no friend.
I'd cut her loose despite the parents. Just do so in a quiet way.
Don't answer messages or e-mails or return calls.....ever again.
If she says anything tell her (or your parents)you've just been busy and act like it's no big deal.
Sooner or later she'll get the message.
If you don't rid yourself of those causing misery in your life, you are dooming yourself to a life of misery.
It took me a while to learn that but no regrets now.
I really don't have time for people like that!
thedonal
21-01-10, 10:42 AM
I had a mate from school who I hung around with loads in late teens/early tweens.
But he got this girlfriend and became super-flaky (I'm sure loads of blokes have done it)- I'd ring him before setting off to meet him at the pub and find out he wasn't going and he wouldn't have called me about it either.
Really p!ssed me off and I got sick of being left at loose ends.
In the end, I just stopped bothering to call him or arrange anything. Some people just aren't worth bothering with. When hindsight comes, you tend to see it was the right decision for many other reasons.
As for the other stuff re your birthday- sounds like she enjoys getting her own way. The excuses given are childish to say the least. She may have other issues going on- but they're her problems, not yours! Give her a wide berth for a while at least- if she asks why, tell her straight. Be polite enough about it. But don't give an inch. As soon as you do that, she'll revert back to old behaviour.
If your folks do comment, tell them straight. As said above, just cos the parents get on, doesn't mean the kids must as well.
missyburd
21-01-10, 04:38 PM
Don't answer messages or e-mails or return calls.....ever again.
It's easy enough to do. I once had one of these so called friends, she was a great pal...until she decided to spread rumours around that she'd slept with my fella...grrr I was not impressed, cut her loose straight away, friendship disintegrated just with a snap of my fingers.
The reason I tell you this is because for the first time in 4 years she got on a bus I was on today, I didn't even look at her face, no idea if she recognized me or not but I'm afraid I have no repsect for people who have to shamelessly draw attention to themselves by pulling others down. Get rid Maria :smt023
the_lone_wolf
21-01-10, 04:42 PM
Is she fit?
If so...
Pics?
;)
burger it, invite her round for a cuppa and kick her in the crotch, then tell her to f off.
thats what a man would do. life is far to short to go pussy footing around azzhole people like that.
burger it, invite her round for a cuppa and kick her in the crotch, then tell her to f off.
thats what a man would do. life is far to short to go pussy footing around azzhole people like that.
They do say never annoy a scotsman. :crutches:
Spiderman
21-01-10, 05:18 PM
Is she fit?
If so...
Pics?
;)
Beat me to it!
Failing this...whats her name? I'll make friends with her on FB and arrange for her to meet with a tragic accident if you like?
Too extreme Maria?
;)
the_lone_wolf
21-01-10, 05:20 PM
Failing this...whats her name? I'll make friends with her on FB and arrange for her to meet with a tragic accident if you like?
I wouldn't go as far as to call dinner with you a tragic accident mate:p;)
:smt064
Von Teese
21-01-10, 06:10 PM
Is anyone else in a similar situation with a so-called friend or have they been in a situation before? How did you handle it? What’s been the stupid excuse someone has given you?
Nope! My friends are AWESOME!!!
On a serious note, like I said it sounds like she is a liar and very attention needy!
I've had friends like that in the past and wish I hadn't wasted my time.
Get rid!!!
Miss Alpinestarhero
21-01-10, 07:51 PM
Is she fit?
If so...
Pics?
;)
Depends what your definition of fit is ;)
I'll make friends with her on FB and arrange for her to meet with a tragic accident if you like?
Too extreme Maria?
;)
LOL ohhh dear spidey you are naughty! :lol: Made me burst out laughing though :D
On another note, cheers for the replies all :D I've decided to get rid and phase her out. If she contacts me i'll ignore her or if im feeling really kind, I'll come up with the silliest, most un-realistic excuse i can think of not to meet i.e. "i need to stay at home cos if i move the earth will collapse into itself" :lol: If I see her...well...I'll figure it out at the time :cool:
the_lone_wolf
21-01-10, 07:54 PM
Depends what your definition of fit is ;)
Guess you'll have to post the pics and let us judge then???:confused:
:p
Kalessin
22-01-10, 12:26 AM
Is anyone else in a similar situation with a so-called friend or have they been in a situation before? How did you handle it? What’s been the stupid excuse someone has given you?
*looks at feet*
I have been that so-called friend.
I found myself making excuses to cancel arrangements: "Sorry, I can't make it tonight, I have to work overtime" (that I'd volunteered for). "Sorry, I was up ridiculously early this morning and I just fell asleep when I got home". And so on.
Each time, I told myself that I just didn't fancy going out that night, but eventually I realised I was deliberately avoiding this person because they were dull and needy.
I knew I had to man up, and deal with the situation.
So I engineered an argument about an unrelated matter, and haven't spoken to them since. There's only so much manning up I can do in one day.
Now, I'm not saying you're dull or needy, but it seems that your so-called friend has no respect for you and will drop you in a heartbeat if she gets a better offer.
My advice would be to respect yourself and lose the leech.
metalangel
22-01-10, 10:31 AM
I've got a friend like this, he loves socializing but unfortunately this does mean that he's got lots of people to meet up with during the day so sometimes I go and meet him and he's still with the last bunch and then we're on our way to meet the next bunch!
Annoying, but on the other hand I do sometimes get to meet cool people so maybe I should just shut up.
I'm not saying you're dull or needy
That reminds me of this sketch taken from Channel 4's Jam: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTGtb3-AVq4&feature=related
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