View Full Version : Banter/Whitty Comments Needed...
Noble Ox
08-02-10, 06:28 PM
...so im sending my Ex a valentines card (how cute you may be thinking?)
http://www.code-d.com/tesco-cards/tesco-value-valentines-day.gif
Maybe not?!
Looking to the org for a really whitty comment to put inside.
Suggestions?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Life is much happier
Now I'm no longer with you ........ ????
I saw this card and thought of you ........
Cheap and nasty ????
OUCH :D
Noble Ox
08-02-10, 06:35 PM
Haha love the second one! A bit to raving, but its definitely being considered
davepreston
08-02-10, 06:36 PM
sent you this so you could feel like me when i was with you
excited to start but bitterly disapointed when i found out what was on the inside
the_lone_wolf
08-02-10, 06:37 PM
"I value you"
A little on the nose?
Noble Ox
08-02-10, 07:10 PM
Was thinking something light, but willing to push my luck!
speedplay
08-02-10, 07:15 PM
"Hope you have a happy valentines day,
Ps, your mum was better."
Specialone
08-02-10, 07:18 PM
Roses are red,
Voilets are blue,
WHY DONT YOU JUST DIE BITCH !!
and f**k you too
Ps, angry tonight as you may have gathered
the_lone_wolf
08-02-10, 07:18 PM
Of just wipe your backside with the card and send it?
Your Skin was so nice and soft and tender.
And so much of it!
Bluepete
08-02-10, 07:36 PM
When we made love,
I found myself thinking;
Glad I've not not vertigo!
Pete ;)
kellyjo
08-02-10, 07:43 PM
and they say women are b1tchy :-)
Roses are dead,
Violets are too,
I'm happy this Valentine.
Nough said.
jumjum_0214
08-02-10, 09:15 PM
"Hope you have a happy valentines day,
Ps, your mum was better."
:winner: ha ha I nearly spit me tea out then !!!!!
punyXpress
08-02-10, 09:37 PM
Whatever you do ...
Don't go all quiet on us on the 15th, will you?
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
This Valentine's sucks!!!
and so do ......
actually no, you were ****!!!!
Noble Ox
08-02-10, 10:43 PM
I'm trying to relate the theme of the card to her/us. But nothings working...
I would go all out with the raving ones, but that would'nt be in my best interests, if you know what I mean.
Paul the 6th
08-02-10, 11:01 PM
Happy valentines day :) can stop thinking of you.... falling down the stairs
Wish you were here.... so I could kick you in the eyebrow
Hope this card reaches you before the letter from the solicitors
Was gonna send this card to someone special, but then I remembered you're a complete retard so here's to you
With love on valentines day.. apparently this swine flu is highly contageous... Hugs & coughs & kisses
Or maybe "happy valentines day... f*** you xxx"
These are just samples of my work & more personalised messages are available for a small cost
Happy valentines day :) can stop thinking of you.... falling down the stairs
Wish you were here.... so I could kick you in the eyebrow
Hope this card reaches you before the letter from the solicitors
Was gonna send this card to someone special, but then I remembered you're a complete retard so here's to you
With love on valentines day.. apparently this swine flu is highly contageous... Hugs & coughs & kisses
Or maybe "happy valentines day... f*** you xxx"
These are just samples of my work & more personalised messages are available for a small cost
someone's got issues ;)
:grouphug:
I'm trying to relate the theme of the card to her/us. But nothings working...
I would go all out with the raving ones, but that would'nt be in my best interests, if you know what I mean.
OH!!! Are we not suppose to be bitter and twisted then?? damn I was going at it at the wrong angle :smt066
Paul the 6th
08-02-10, 11:39 PM
Lol I know.... my comedy ain't what it used to be but I might have a few gigs coming up :razz: plenty of time to polish it right up (and maybe even work on my material as well)
Paul the 6th
08-02-10, 11:41 PM
OH!!! Are we not suppose to be bitter and twisted then?? damn I was going at it at the wrong angle :smt066
Just having a word with myself re: sexual innuendos..
What about .........
I spent more on the stamp than I did on the card!
I also hand delivered it cos I was too tight for a stamp!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I was always real tight
so this is all I got you
You weren't as good a sh*g as your mum
Red Herring
09-02-10, 09:53 AM
Worryingly....Amanda seems to be rather good at this....
Perhaps it would help if we knew what sort of message you want to send. Do you want her to miss you? Do you want to stay on talking terms and this is a way of breaking the ice? Do you want to stick the knife in and give it a twist, or do you actually want her back?
On the other hand ignore all of the above, this thread is to amusing with everybody guessing, in fact I'm getting a few ideas for mine....
Dave20046
09-02-10, 10:02 AM
Firsty.... why?
Secondly...
'Happy valentines day. I feel today's appropriate to tell you that recently I've found myself thinking of you whilst sleeping with other women...
...makes me last long time!
Smug Regards,
Noble OX '
martianskippy
09-02-10, 12:01 PM
Firsty.... why?
Secondly...
'Happy valentines day. I feel today's appropriate to tell you that recently I've found myself thinking of you whilst sleeping with other women...
...makes me last long time!
Smug Regards,
Noble OX '
Dave that's class :) Have you got any experience in this matter? ;)
Dave20046
09-02-10, 12:21 PM
No shockingly, not the sort of thing I'd do - thought I'd try n' help a brother out though :razz:
I got this card because it reminds me of you in so many ways.
It's cheap.
It's tacky.
And much like you it opens extremely easy.
And for every card sold, 2 pence get's donated to your favourite charity the home for old slappers!....TESCO "Every little helps"
Grant66
09-02-10, 12:54 PM
The way that I feel,
can't be expressed in words.
Would be much easier,
with dog turds.
CheGuevara
09-02-10, 01:34 PM
I have no witty comments, but I actually did get that card for my wife last year (along with a proper one for her to open after the shock subsided).
speedplay
09-02-10, 08:59 PM
"You have a face like a peach, a football-peach"....
Firsty.... why?
Secondly...
'Happy valentines day. I feel today's appropriate to tell you that recently I've found myself thinking of you whilst sleeping with other women...
...makes me last long time!
Smug Regards,
Noble OX '
This has got to be the winner, Dave numbers I salute you!!
Dave
Bluewolf
10-02-10, 09:43 AM
.
Owenski
10-02-10, 09:51 AM
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have chlamydia,
Now so do you...
Was going to go with something along those lines.
eg, Thought I'd be nice to buy you a valentines card but with all the money I've been spending on HIV treatments this is all I could afford.
Oh yeah, while I remember they're giving free tests down at the local clinic you should go.
Paul the 6th
10-02-10, 10:03 AM
now that is a harsh comment to make matt!
(just don't mention the alternative to the recession party lol)...
dizzyblonde
10-02-10, 11:03 AM
'Tis better to
have loved and lost,
this painful truth I know.
And therefore do
I give thee thanks,
thou two-faced freakin' ho.
Valentines day is
made for lovers,
and gestures that endure.
So I *love* that I
gave you genital warts,
for which there is no cure.
Paul the 6th
10-02-10, 11:05 AM
could just take out a personal advert in the local paper..
"For no strings attached sex, contact my wh0re of an ex on 07876......"
Whats the rest of the number?
Paul the 6th
10-02-10, 12:55 PM
that's actually the start of my number (you can have the rest of it if you want)...
:razz:
dizzyblonde
10-02-10, 12:59 PM
you ol' tart Paul!
Noble Ox
10-02-10, 04:20 PM
You think some of these are bad?
Should see Richie's PM!!!! A troubled soul?
This is a very entertaining read by the way! Keep them coming
There was a young man called Noble Ox
Who used to date a real Fox
Now he's twisted and bitter
he's looking for someone fitter
NOT the inflatable kind from a Box
When Valentines Day came around
Noble Ox felt he was duty bound
to get the ex a card
he really did try hard
but he spent less than a pound
The Ex had broken Ox's heart
and on bad terms they had to part
He spends all his days
thinking of the ways
He could sit on her face ... and fart
So the Ex, you can take a HIKE
We had our doubts you were really a DYKE!
Our hero is fine and dandy
although a little bit randy
He gets better orgasms riding his SUZUKI SV BIKE .....................
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Noble Ox
10-02-10, 05:02 PM
WOW, I'm really impressed! and a little guilty that I've taken so much of your time!
But I like it :) Shame im only known to the org as Noble Ox! - Which btw nobody has every commented on? Maybe its only me who thinks its cool...
Send me the details you want in and I will re-jig???
p.s. I was bored and like being creative!
dizzyblonde
10-02-10, 05:03 PM
Ever thought of a job in greetings cards Amanda? :-)
Hahahaha - Only the alternative, bitter kind!!!
I took this verse out as I thought it a bit too mean ......
"You see the Ex was really not nice
She had gonorrhea and pubic lice
She scratched day and night
cos those beasties would bite
She had to give up her career in Vice!!!!"
Paul the 6th
10-02-10, 05:12 PM
Ouch! Bad amanda
Ouch! Bad amanda
Nah :D I said I took it out ...... That was for the org's eyes only lol
:cool:
martianskippy
10-02-10, 06:14 PM
There was a young man called Noble Ox
Who used to date a real Fox
Now he's twisted and bitter
he's looking for someone fitter
NOT the inflatable kind from a Box
When Valentines Day came around
Noble Ox felt he was duty bound
to get the ex a card
he really did try hard
but he spent less than a pound
The Ex had broken Ox's heart
and on bad terms they had to part
He spends all his days
thinking of the ways
He could sit on her face ... and fart
So the Ex, you can take a HIKE
We had our doubts you were really a DYKE!
Our hero is fine and dandy
although a little bit randy
He gets better orgasms riding his SUZUKI SV BIKE .....................
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
I see a great hidden talent here ;)
your my Ex and thats great,
but when we first met it was Fait.
But the feeling soon parted,
Like a bad smell when you farted,
and now it's your Mother I date.
Valentine, Oh the time it has flew
since we split Im all sad and blue
but now pay-back day
I just had to say
Your mum was much better than you!!!!!
Valentine, Oh the time it has flew
since we split Im all sad and blue
but now pay-back day
I just had to say
Your DAD is much better than you!!!!
IF YOU'RE REALLY BITTER :thumleft:
Von Teese
10-02-10, 07:18 PM
How about:
No hard feelings, here is a valentine's day card for you.
Sorry I didnt get you a Tesco 'Finest'range but after your rinsed my wallet, it was all I could afford.
Have a great one, I certainly will xxx
Noble Ox
11-02-10, 04:44 PM
Thats a gooden ^
So Ive printed the card, just need an envelope and a stamp (Shes a spoilt cow!)
So I was thinking of writing something like:
'I got this card because it reminds me of you in so many ways... Love your Valentine'
Leaving it annonomous. Then just texting her a one liner: Cheap and nasty.
Then depending on how she takes it, i'll send her this whole thread lol
P.S what do you normally say because 'love your valentine' sounds wrong?
Dave20046
11-02-10, 04:47 PM
from your stalker
...return address (back garden,*her address*)
Not sure I'd point to the thread.
Von Teese
11-02-10, 04:53 PM
Why do you need an envelope and a stamp, just nail it to her door like any normal ex would!
Noble Ox
12-03-10, 01:56 PM
How did I forget about this?!! It kept me so amused!
So...
I wrote inside: I saw this and thought of you.... Cheap and nasty
I put it in a really nice envelope, and sealed it with a heart sticker - Just to get her excited. and sent it to her Uni address.
Text on Monday: 'Not amused in the slightest! But I got real ones anyway...'
I replied pretty pi$$ed off: 'Well you never had a funny side anways. Oh thats nice, an alternative way of getting in your pants, no doubt it worked.' - You need to bear in mind that I am male and we are all pure selfish. I don’t want any other mans sweaty body anywhere near her, but I can do, and have done, what ever I want. Thats reasonable surely? lol
To which we didn’t speak for a few weeks.
Spoke to her on the phone last week. Told her what she wanted to hear, I think (and hope) we are cool now. Will find out when she’s back at Easter ;) She still won’t see the funny side!
On the phone she said she was also ****ed off because it was late (arrived Monday - oops!) and I had spelt Charllotte <--- like that!! I asked if its on her windowsill for all to see, you will be all disappointed to find it went straight in the bin. All that hard work you guys put in, shame on her!
Erm I didn't really give you lot a background on us. So if you were curious: We'd been together for about a year and a half. She went to Uni - I stayed at home with a job. Not a relationship when you don’t ever see each other. Ended it as friends - still wanting each other. We both are just enjoying ourselves atm. We hooked up when she was back at Xmas. and will prob at Easter unless she secretly hates me for the card!! or she has found someone else.
So that’s what came of it!
Noble Ox
Edit: Oh and all the lads found some of your replies hilarious. Richies PM to me went down an absolute treat!!!!!!!! If you want a giggle I'll forward it to you! I sent them round to all my mates! They would probably get deleted if I posted them on here! haha
vBulletin® , Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.