View Full Version : Oooops, I just parped in the office...<snigger>
Sorry, I just had to share this. I just let one slip in the office but it was far louder than I expected it to be. :-)
I'm sitting here chuckling to myself.
All ex forces in the office around here. There is a permanant green cloud above our desks. All the BT Regulars look at us in total disgust.
There an old chap at my work that does that... just lets it all out.
The rest of us sit here sucking them back up and blaming the gurgling rumble noise as a hungry stomach... no one will ever admit to it but everyone knows what it really is ;)
...... and they always smell worse when they are someone else's :thumbsup:
dizzyblonde
16-03-10, 11:52 AM
Best one when you can give em the creeping death.
Walk from one end of office to other without being noticed then sit back at desk, as if nothing has happened, then watch their faces change slowly to horror!
hehehehe they is all surrounded ;-)
Best one when you can give em the creeping death.
Walk from one end of office to other without being noticed then sit back at desk, as if nothing has happened, then watch their faces change slowly to horror!
hehehehe they is all surrounded ;-)
I know that as carpet bombing!
metalmonkey
16-03-10, 12:08 PM
The best to place to fart it on a packed tube train 30 seconds before you get off...
Watch the horror on the face of those people packed in:smt099 :smt046
MCN_LiamM
16-03-10, 12:32 PM
Everybody just lets it all out here.
Windows stay open.
chris8886
16-03-10, 03:00 PM
Sorry, I just had to share this. I just let one slip in the office but it was far louder than I expected it to be. :-)
I'm sitting here chuckling to myself.
did anyone turn and look at you?
i think most of the customers who've been in the shop today have walked out in a daze, i've been letting off some real nasty ones! :smt003:-P
did anyone turn and look at you?
i think most of the customers who've been in the shop today have walked out in a daze, i've been letting off some real nasty ones! :smt003:-P
I didnt even flinch.....just carried on working :-)
i have the "pleasure/advantage" of working close to a water treatment company. covers most tracks, except the occasional follow through
chris8886
16-03-10, 03:53 PM
I didnt even flinch.....just carried on working :-)
good man! :cool:
Noble Ox
16-03-10, 04:03 PM
i have the "pleasure/advantage" of working close to a water treatment company. covers most tracks, except the occasional follow through
that humoured me lots! :D
Specialone
16-03-10, 04:58 PM
I've started doing old persons parps, they come out without warning.
Bit embarrassing when you bend down in a customers house and one pops out.
Mark my words young uns, you have less control over them as you get older.
dizzyblonde
16-03-10, 05:07 PM
Why is it when blokes fart everyone laughs, and when a woman does it, people fall over in surprise?
Personally its a natural occurence, better out than in, and much better to not go bang with spontaneous combustion...much less mess :-)
Dave20046
16-03-10, 05:16 PM
I'm not joking I've just had to literally run out of our office, I was at the other end of the sales floor and I could hear one of the girls moaning about a smell coming from the toilets at that end (the only way out of the sales floor). I heard the MD trying to get her to shut up 'poo, smells' etc. and then after about 5 minutes the smell must have hit him as he gagged loudly and everyone pretty much had to evacuate.
It smelt like dead people :(
Specialone
16-03-10, 05:16 PM
Why is it when blokes fart everyone laughs, and when a woman does it, people fall over in surprise?
Personally its a natural occurence, better out than in, and much better to not go bang with spontaneous combustion...much less mess :-)
I find women parping horrible :(, i can stomach a man doing it as part of the 'fart game', but a woman, gross.
I hate men that do parps that smell like a womans (veggie) as well, not right at all.
Specialone
16-03-10, 05:17 PM
i'm not joking i've just had to literally run out of our office, i was at the other end of the sales floor and i could hear one of the girls moaning about a smell coming from the toilets at that end (the only way out of the sales floor). I heard the md trying to get her to shut up 'poo smells' etc. And then after about 5 miutes the smell must have hit him as he gagged loudly and everyone pretty much had to evacuate.
It smelt like dead people :(
pmsl...
Dave20046
16-03-10, 05:19 PM
pmsl...
Worst thing I've smelt in all my life, I was laughing at first but when I actually had to walk out that corridor I felt pretty sick (we're talking a whole top floor of a building cloaked in this stench). The web guy tried to open the window in the toilet....I won't expect him in tomorrow.
dizzyblonde
16-03-10, 05:24 PM
I find women parping horrible :(, i can stomach a man doing it as part of the 'fart game', but a woman, gross.
I hate men that do parps that smell like a womans (veggie) as well, not right at all.
pmsl...
see what I mean!!
I find it as hilarious as a bloke finds it hilarious. I must have something wrong with me then.
What do people expect to come out....lavender:smt120
Dave20046
16-03-10, 05:26 PM
Slightly more on directly on topic worse time I've done it at work was when one contractor managers was holding a ladder for me (yes 4rse at his head height) I was getting pretty frustrated doing the work I was doing and let my mind slip for a second...and a fart. About half a minute later the overwhelming smell of bins hit me and I realised I must have nastyguffed right in this guys face. I probably could have saved it by saying 'sorry mate you might wanna take a minute' but every time I tried to speak to the guy a laugh crept in so I just turned round and went back to work in this cab letting out the odd giggle.
He was odd with me when I came down from the ladder; I couldn't tell if he just thought I was an odd giggly bloke who just plain smelt like bins or whether the situation was crystal clear and that I'd just infact given him a mouth full of nasty guff and laughed.
dizzyblonde
16-03-10, 06:05 PM
Dave.....you stink ;-)
What do people expect to come out....lavender:smt120
Eat half a pound of Parma Violets and you will guff lavender. Trust me :thumbsup:
This so isn't fair, I have a bad throat, and it's now agony cos I'm laughing so much at this! I'm with Dizzy blond, I really think that I have toilet humour!
Tom_the_great
16-03-10, 07:03 PM
haha what an ace thread !!! im the only lad in our office so just try for dear life to hold till im away or risk getting slapped :(
Jayneflakes
16-03-10, 10:47 PM
If I quoted every comment that had me in fits of giggles, I would have to copy every one here! I swear to you I am crying here. :smt005
Dizzy and Lou, I am so glad that I am not alone in finding farts funny. Jenny Eclair once said
A fart is just a laugh in the wrong place.
She also said
I used to eat Egg sandwiches and have a crafty fart at the same time!
Top quote of the day though that had my tears flowing had to be
It smelt like dead people :(
closely followed (how apt) by
i have the "pleasure/advantage" of working close to a water treatment company. covers most tracks, except the occasional follow through
This is the funniest thread I have read anywhere for ages. Thank you folks. Right I am off to play the pull my finger game. :shock:
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oh my god, I am literally crying with laughter here. what the hell have I started?
You can angle you're @rse to make different sounds, it works great on the hard plastic old school chairs... Haha
I get alot of gas when travelling long distances in a car, no idea why, maybe my less then good diet..
I was flying back from Amsterdam recently. Had a messy one, and hadn't gone for a dump in days. I simply destroyed everyone around me on the plane. They weren't going anywhere, and nor was I or my guffs. It was relentless, about 1 every 5 minutes, each worse than the previous. It was awesome!!
And as for women not farting as much as men. Well all humans make about the same quantities of gas, so if y'all hold it in, I'm afraid all that means ladies is that you are just farting away in your sleep when your sphincter muscles are relaxed and you have no control over the matter.
Specialone
17-03-10, 12:03 AM
I laughed that hard earlier reading some of the posts i actually let a few unforced out :o
I also had tears in my eyes, why do us twisted people find farts so funny?
squirrel_hunter
17-03-10, 12:53 AM
Ok this has amused me so heres a little story of my own...
Me, Stretchie, and Mac99 did a track day with Buell at Mallory Park. We decided to make it a bit of a break away and arrived the night before and checked into a cheap hotel with the plan of getting some takeaway once we arrived. Luckily we didn't need to leave the hotel as there was an Indian restaurant on site. The food was really nice and was good value. We enjoyed the meal and then retired to our rooms for the night.
In the morning we meet ready for the track. At this point we all comment on last nights curry and how in one way or another it was still with us.
At the circuit waiting for the safety briefing to start I can feel something brewing. I decide that its best if I just go for a short walk out to the balcony to relieve myself. Lucky no one was around I think to myself as I return to the room and sit back down.
At this point I learn a very important lesson...
Leathers.
Leathers keep the air out. They also keep the air in.
That is until you sit down and expel any air that may be trapped by the leathers.
Mac99 and Stretchie got hit first, followed by the bloke in the row in front and a couple of guys behind.
That night we went out for some food.
barwel1992
17-03-10, 01:57 AM
my best one must have gone on for about 15 seconds :D and the best thing about it was..... i was sitting on the GF at the time, as she was anoying me when i was doing work so decided to fart on her (how imature :P ) but i dident know it was going to be a thunderously loud and smelly fart :D she wouldent talk to me for about a hour after HEHE now i just have to say i will fart on you and she run's in the opposite direction
I work on the factory floor on nights. It's like that scene from Blazing Saddles all night every night ( can't put up a youtube link because it's blocked at work ). You can tell who's dropped one by the sound. It's like a signiture.
Farts are like kids... you kinda like your own.
Ratty
PsychoCannon
17-03-10, 08:20 AM
Why is it when blokes fart everyone laughs, and when a woman does it, people fall over in surprise?
Personally its a natural occurence, better out than in, and much better to not go bang with spontaneous combustion...much less mess :-)
I don't know I like the occasional spontaneous bang =p
PsychoCannon
17-03-10, 08:28 AM
And as for women not farting as much as men. Well all humans make about the same quantities of gas, so if y'all hold it in, I'm afraid all that means ladies is that you are just farting away in your sleep when your sphincter muscles are relaxed and you have no control over the matter.
Tell me about it!!
The missus practically snores out her ass some nights!
Defo need to alter the diet there I think.
tell me about it!!
The missus practically snores out her ass some nights!
Defo need to alter the diet there i think.
pmsl :d
The missus practically snores out her ass some nights!
Thought that people snored on inhalation? Your missus has a rare talent :thumbsup:
And I now have an unfortunate mental image.
Tell me about it!!
The missus practically snores out her ass some nights!
Defo need to alter the diet there I think.
I think her married her sister.
It doesn't help that my missus has colitis and can kill an elephant at 100 paces. I've even gone and slept in another room some nights.
metalmonkey
17-03-10, 10:11 AM
So who does this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs2g5XyMnn0
and this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO1MFF75egc
I bet some of you are like this when trying to sleep
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEiIyiHRIew
Then of course the fart contest;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zX31wZtRcQ
All viedos are U rated.
Look if you ain't laughing by the end well...I need to do something useful like store up farts up for work!
Pedrosa
17-03-10, 11:20 AM
Just the other day I experienced something not altogether amusing. I entered a building and called the lift.It arrived and the doors opened and a bloke stepped out.
I then boarded the lift and selected my desired floor which was 4 stories higher.
The doors closed and my journey began. At that same instant I realised that the dude who had just exited, had left behind a green calling card. I was trapped in a lift with this ghasatly pong and no escape!
In addition,when I started my engineering apprenticeship way back when, there was this guy who seemed to delight in the fact that when he blew one out he could make the sound peak to a climax as it prolonged. Very odd indeed. It made me wonder how long had he taken to perfect should a "skill" and what kind of accidents might have befallen him in perfecting it.
PsychoCannon
17-03-10, 11:31 AM
The worst is when you get OUT the boobytrapped lift at your destination and invariably a good looking lady steps IN and you have to resist the urge to turn around and yell IT WASN'T ME!!
dizzyblonde
17-03-10, 11:35 AM
So there are Ladies that think farts are funny, thank fook fer that.
I must say my crowning glory was at a bike rally years ago, when I made a whole bunch of Satan Slaves turn green instantly:shock:
Didn't half make me giggle, thats what happens when you have a diet of burgers, beer and veggie pizza on the menu all weekend:D
Jayneflakes
17-03-10, 08:42 PM
The fart thread... This has had me in tears and I keep coming back. Keep them coming folks, I have not laughed like this for ages.
Mind you, I will add that I have spent a day laughing at Fart Gags on You tube. I also had a radio controlled fart machine at one of the schools I worked in and could create a riot in any class room I hid it in. The joy of being support staff really...
Dave20046
17-03-10, 08:49 PM
Was listening to the radio t'other day and they were doing 'teacher confessions', a teacher rang in who'd accidentally let slip a beaut at the front of the silent class and when the smell started to arouse suspicion he took action...and told the class no one would be leaving til the 'culprit' owned up - a poor kid on the front row took one for the team and took the blame!
dizzyblonde
17-03-10, 09:28 PM
Its best when you can blame the dogs ;-)
Dave20046
17-03-10, 09:35 PM
Its best when you can blame the dogs ;-)
It's worst when it's actually the dogs. :puker:
dizzyblonde
17-03-10, 09:40 PM
well in ours cases....deffo.
Its errrr rancid!
I work in some houses where my ar5e gas is regarded as an air freshener. You float a rancid air biscuit in them and the whole place smells far better.
At those sort of houses I make a point of wiping my feet on the way out back to my motor.
Fruity-ya-ya
17-03-10, 09:44 PM
It's worst when it's actually the dogs. :puker:
The in-laws cat farts stink worse that the dogs but they are more cunning than their dogs, they have a way or dropping one then slinking off past the dogs so the Mum in law ends up stiffing the dogs backside. :D
Dave20046
17-03-10, 09:47 PM
The in-laws cat farts stink worse that the dogs but they are more cunning than their dogs, they have a way or dropping one then slinking off past the dogs so the Mum in law ends up stiffing the dogs backside. :D
lol! Cats are sly little *******s.
dizzyblonde
17-03-10, 09:53 PM
Dont you think its funny when the dog farts, then stares at its butt as if its never happened before :-)
I have three cats, but fortunately for them the dogs are so rancid, theirs are never noticed!
Milky Bar Kid
17-03-10, 10:18 PM
Dont you think its funny when the dog farts, then stares at its butt as if its never happened before :-)
I have three cats, but fortunately for them the dogs are so rancid, theirs are never noticed!
We have 5 dogs and they all do that! Then they look at you as if it was your fault!
Me and my mates used to play a lot of poker, usually on our living room floors = perfect chance to grab the ol' head while the chips are being sorted out, and plant one in there face. Kept you on your toes.
Shower guffs are pretty rancid. The water vapour seems to make the smell travel the speed of light, whilst simulataneously amplifying the pong.
Ok funny as this thread is, someone is trying to kill me in the office as this foul stench is floating around, feel sorry for the victims!!
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/muppet/images/d/d4/Bogofstench.jpg
Nooooo - not the bog of eternal stench!!!!
Dave20046
18-03-10, 04:56 PM
Shower guffs are pretty rancid. The water vapour seems to make the smell travel the speed of light, whilst simulataneously amplifying the pong.
It clings aswell :puker:
Had to have words with a colleague I was away with after he dropped one after getting out the shower ... smell only hit me as I was brushing my teeth. I didn't feel clean until lunch time.
It clings aswell :puker:
Had to have words with a colleague I was away with after he dropped one after getting out the shower ... smell only hit me as I was brushing my teeth. I didn't feel clean until lunch time.
haha, im not surprised. brushing teeth in fart vapour, nasty.
Was in a pub last night, and this old irish guy dropped one...
Wow, thats the worst I have ever smelt.
Old man fart, coupled with umpteen pints of guiness, is not a good combination...
keith_d
18-03-10, 06:47 PM
[QUOTE=dizzyblonde;2215019]Dont you think its funny when the dog farts, then stares at its butt as if its never happened before :-)
[QUOTE]
They're checking they didn't follow through.
dizzyblonde
18-03-10, 08:28 PM
Bubbles in the Bath....by Ivor WindyBottom ;-)
_Stretchie_
18-03-10, 11:54 PM
Mac99 and Stretchie got hit first, followed by the bloke in the row in front and a couple of guys behind.
ANd what about tonight in your garage you smelly bottom
Another day and more rancid smells, i know its not me i reckon its the new guy whos started and sitting next to me.
Gonna bring some of those air freshners in for my desk lol.
Dave20046
19-03-10, 10:17 AM
Another day and more rancid smells, i know its not me i reckon its the new guy whos started and sitting next to me.
Gonna bring some of those air freshners in for my desk lol.
Aw someone's let a right'n off... via process of elimination I'm thinking it was me :smt109
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