View Full Version : special friends
widepants
22-03-10, 08:07 PM
Just come back from the pub where I was having a chat to mates about having a "special friend" if you are single.
We were disgussing the pros and cons of it and it became quite heated.
What are your thoughts?
I'll have a look back in here later ,on my return from my "friends"
Discuss
ceeshaw
22-03-10, 08:16 PM
hmmm... special friends = special problems
:thumbdown:
Iansv II
22-03-10, 08:19 PM
I was having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day...
she currently has 4 special friends and wanted to know if I thought it was bad...
:|
What cons?
No commitment.
I was having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day...
she currently has 4 special friends and wanted to know if I thought it was bad...
:|
If you're one of her more 'special' friends...oh dear! :rolleyes:
Iansv II
22-03-10, 08:27 PM
haha, no i'm not... I was pretty shocked
Mr Speirs
22-03-10, 08:36 PM
Had a 'special friend' once. It was great :)
I thought that most of your friends were "special" ;-)
Sorry, I'm missing the point...... must be getting old. What does the OP mean by "special friend"?
fizzwheel
22-03-10, 08:48 PM
What does the OP mean by "special friend"?
Special as in "Bedroom" I suspect.
fastdruid
22-03-10, 08:49 PM
Sorry, I'm missing the point...... must be getting old. What does the OP mean by "special friend"?
I'm guessing 'Friends with benefits'.
Druid
Special as in "Bedroom" I suspect.
Thought so...... a "f*** buddy". It all becomes clear. Man, I'm thick!
fizzwheel
22-03-10, 08:52 PM
If you're both single and know what you are getting into then I dont see any problem with it. However the problem I suspect will develop when one of you wants more from the relationship than just being a "special friend" thats when I could see things going wrong and somebodies feelings getting hurt.
I dont know if I could do it. I reckon I'd end up with my head being messed up or hurting somebody, or being hurt myself.
dizzyblonde
22-03-10, 08:54 PM
NO
That is all.
It's a pretty empty feeling before, during and afterwards, believe me I know. If your special friend is that special, why not have a relationship with her, or is it just an excuse for both parties to sleep around and not feel bad about it, because 'special friend' sounds nicer than being called 'slut' or 'man-slag'
As you've probably guessed, I've been down that road before and found it rather unfulfilling, emotionally and physically
Milky Bar Kid
22-03-10, 08:58 PM
NO
That is all.
Agreed.
It's a pretty empty feeling before, during and afterwards, believe me I know. If your special friend is that special, why not have a relationship with her, or is it just an excuse for both parties to sleep around and not feel bad about it, because 'special friend' sounds nicer than being called 'slut' or 'man-slag'
As you've probably gueesed I've been down that road before and found it rather unfulfilling emotionally and physically
you have a heart, blimy :p
ThEGr33k
22-03-10, 09:10 PM
Sounds like its being covered. Not good, from what I seen from friends (fortunately? I haven't had anything like this...) it kinda gets complicated when one of them either wants to break it off cos of a relationship, carry on while having a relationship (I know if I was the 3rd unknowing member id be upset) or want more out of it when the other dont.
Pretty much not good.
Either have a relationship or stay "just frineds" is my advice.
As to the Girl with 4 "special friends" a.k.a slag, no offence intended... well... yea.
ChrisSV
22-03-10, 09:14 PM
Still being rather young (im 18) i tries this, living me youth like, and it causes nothing but trouble, cause everyone ends up with everyone, and when one person wants more etc. it just ends with a lota fights and trouble, with many people being hurt. Whats nice or fulfilling about that??
Iansv II
22-03-10, 09:52 PM
As to the Girl with 4 "special friends" a.k.a slag, no offence intended... well... yea.
Well I put it a bit more gently but yeah I think she got the jist... and probably got other stuff she doesn't even know about :p
Bah I disagree...
And Greek, a girl having 3 'special' friends doesn't make her a slag.
If a guy had 3 female 'special' friends, slag wouldn't be the word uttered about him, more like stud etc.
I thought he might have been on about the 'special friends' on the ends of his arms...:laughat:
Specialone
22-03-10, 10:03 PM
If its 2 single consenting adults, i dont see a problem personally, probably not for me though apart from that im married as well.
All my friends are special ;)
Would never ever consider a special friend whilst in a relationship.
yeeh aint that called cheating, lol!
Special friends,hmm. Well I guess you gotaa try it for yourself and see. Who knows, you both might end up feeling more than just special friends, so it could be worth it.
If not, well then you got some practice under your belt and it wasn't meant to be.
yeeh aint that called cheating, lol!
not always
cuckold
not always
well yeeh it aint if the other half knows about it, but thats just weird if she's all good with that!
you have a heart, blimey :p
Bigger than anyone would ever give me credit for :D
Bigger than anyone would ever give me credit for :D
you cry too then... new age man... :)
:thumright:
DarrenSV650S
22-03-10, 11:13 PM
It's better than the knuckle shuffle
Noble Ox
22-03-10, 11:30 PM
Its just so much better... She has no right to complain when you say your at the gym/playing footy/riding motorbikes/seeing the lads (the list is endless)
No arguemnts and no stress.
Saying that, my ex and I started like this. She got attached, told me so, then after a week of deciding, I thought why not. Lasted a whole year!!! On reflection I can say 'special friends' are the way forward. No need to go level some guy in the club for thinking he can get with her!! i.e I experience no jealousy with a special friend, yet you make it offcial and it all changes.
I have a special friend just now, alls well.
I had one, who got attached, after she suggested the concept, wasn't that good mates before, so no worries...
you cry too then... new age man... :)
:thumright:
Oh christ no, but I'll buy them a christmas or birthday card even though I don't believe in all that rubbish. I buy my daughters flowers when they acheive something special and on their birthdays etc, my son usually gets a crate of beer instead.
That's what I meant by having a heart, crying is for gays and girls
Oh christ no, but I'll buy them a christmas or birthday card even though I don't believe in all that rubbish. I buy my daughters flowers when they acheive something special and on their birthdays etc, my son usually gets a crate of beer instead.
That's what I meant by having a heart, crying is for gays and girls
awwww, holding up the fort i see....
GeneticBubble
23-03-10, 12:28 AM
Women have a habit of making everything complicated whether there a "special friend" or not ;)
widepants
23-03-10, 03:17 AM
It's better than the knuckle shuffle
just spat my coffee into my lap:D
just spat my coffee into my lap:D
It's better swallowed, fella :thumbsup:
I've heard swallowing after coffee isn't very nice...
Anyone seen my coat?
i think its fine as long as both parties know what there getting involved in. i've had 2 of these types of 'friends' one of which kept thinking if she slept with me it would eventually turn into a relationship. that never worked out.
where as the other one was a perfect situation. we were friends, so she would sometimes come round, watch tv or a film have a few drinks, then we both go home happy! which suited us both as we knew we didnt need to do the whole couple type thing during the week or anything like that.
Owenski
23-03-10, 09:38 AM
Had a 'special friend' once. It was great :)
+1 great if you have one, but not so great if they have multiple.
As long as your not a bunny boiler and can understand the difference between been friends with benifits and a realationship.
crying is for gays and girls
thats what my old man always told me, crying is for fairys!
metalangel
23-03-10, 02:24 PM
Special friends FTW! So long as you avoid the bunny boilers, yes.
I think the key is not fancying them properly, but obviously enjoying the "special" bit. The moment you start to fancy them things go all pete tong
It can never be someone who is in your life on a day to day bases, just doesnt work
rpwoodman
23-03-10, 03:12 PM
There was an article in the Sunday Times a few months back about this and there is a "dating" website called (I think - I don't intend to look whilst I'm at work!) forgetdinner.co.uk where you could meet up (or get) with such "friends".
I'd have thought a one-off could be ok for the right sort of person (people) - as soon as it becomes a regular occurence, it's only a matter of time before things go wobbly.
Biker Biggles
23-03-10, 03:14 PM
There was an article in the Sunday Times a few months back about this and there is a "dating" website called (I think - I don't intend to look whilst I'm at work!) forgetdinner.co.uk where you could meet up (or get) with such "friends".
I'd have thought a one-off could be ok for the right sort of person (people) - as soon as it becomes a regular occurence, it's only a matter of time before things go wobbly.
Would that be "wobbly" as in knees trembling?:D
God theres so many miserable people in here, relationships, sex, what does the other person feel blah blah blah. man get some balls some of you lot.
My previous special friends conversation "what you doing", "not much", "fancy me popping over" "sure, you got to be gone in an hour though as im going out", "fine with me"
Over there, hanky panky, quick natter, off you go.
No-ones hurt, no-ones moaning, the birds gets to explode, the bloke gets to clean out his pipes, no-one knows, everyones happy.
If it gets more involved, go find another pipe cleaner, or get involved yourself.
Funny how its the women saying no, and some blokes saying yes :lol: Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, its sex.
Triv650
23-03-10, 03:17 PM
Whatever floats your boat I reckon.
metalangel
23-03-10, 03:18 PM
There was an article in the Sunday Times a few months back about this and there is a "dating" website called (I think - I don't intend to look whilst I'm at work!) forgetdinner.co.uk where you could meet up (or get) with such "friends".
I'd have thought a one-off could be ok for the right sort of person (people) - as soon as it becomes a regular occurence, it's only a matter of time before things go wobbly.
I suppose The Times can't really talk about stuff like AdultFriendFinder and F*ckbook, etc. But 'forget dinner' sounds classy and witty!
Noble Ox
23-03-10, 03:19 PM
no-ones moaning
???!
OK, so there might be some moaning ;)
Noble Ox
23-03-10, 03:20 PM
Well, we'd like to hope so anyway!
metalangel
23-03-10, 03:23 PM
Oooh aaah just a little bit
OOOH AAAH A LITTLE BIT MORE!
God theres so many miserable people in here, relationships, sex, what does the other person feel blah blah blah. man get some balls some of you lot.
We agree on something! Bring on the special friends! I'll take them all on... well I would if I was single. Probably wear them all out. But I'm not so er... pass.
tbh, i wasn't really that bothered. Both there to sort yourselves out, not the other person lol.
Noble Ox
23-03-10, 03:29 PM
Yer, but it makes you feel like 'a stallion, baby' (shrek stylie)
Noble Ox
23-03-10, 03:36 PM
Yeahh I Know its donkey! But I thort some of the slower ogers may not understand 'donkey stylie' to mean donkey from shrek. Due to the topic of the thread!!
God theres so many miserable people in here, relationships, sex, what does the other person feel blah blah blah. man get some balls some of you lot.
My previous special friends conversation "what you doing", "not much", "fancy me popping over" "sure, you got to be gone in an hour though as im going out", "fine with me"
Over there, hanky panky, quick natter, off you go.
No-ones hurt, no-ones moaning, the birds gets to explode, the bloke gets to clean out his pipes, no-one knows, everyones happy.
If it gets more involved, go find another pipe cleaner, or get involved yourself.
Funny how its the women saying no, and some blokes saying yes :lol: Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, its sex.
lol oi its not all the women saying no. Plus its sometimes the men that are the ones that get attached
I totally agree it has its place tho. Some people are just unsure of where that is
I guess it depends on your view of sex. Like if you have a view that it is very special and should be meaningful then special friends is not something they would do, whereas if your view is that its more a recreational fun time activity then having someone to mess around with can be great. Plus sometimes its easier to push boundaries with someone your not in love with or anything
+1 great if you have one, but not so great if they have multiple.
.
tell me why, sir.
isnt the object to get your jollies, for both of you to have a bit of fun and frollicks betwixt sheets. or bonnet of a car. or field. or office.
so what if he/she's got multiple. you're not attached....
widepants
23-03-10, 07:02 PM
tell me why, sir.
isnt the object to get your jollies, for both of you to have a bit of fun and frollicks betwixt sheets. or bonnet of a car. or field. or office.
so what if he/she's got multiple. you're not attached....
:cool:
God theres so many miserable people in here, relationships, sex, what does the other person feel blah blah blah. man get some balls some of you lot.
My previous special friends conversation "what you doing", "not much", "fancy me popping over" "sure, you got to be gone in an hour though as im going out", "fine with me"
Over there, hanky panky, quick natter, off you go.
No-ones hurt, no-ones moaning, the birds gets to explode, the bloke gets to clean out his pipes, no-one knows, everyones happy.
If it gets more involved, go find another pipe cleaner, or get involved yourself.
Funny how its the women saying no, and some blokes saying yes :lol: Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, its sex.
Not all the women are saying no ;)
Some of us can see all the benefits you blokes are talking about, and some more too!
Dave20046
23-03-10, 07:28 PM
I have a few mates who are spastics, does that count?
phil24_7
23-03-10, 08:34 PM
Dave, are you saying you sleep with spastics?!?!
Paul the 6th
23-03-10, 08:50 PM
it's all good as long as you don't put your back out..
"well paul, it was like going to bed with a stallion and waking up with an OAP" as I hobbled around the bedroom trying to rub my lower back :crutches: :razz:
Funny how its the women saying no, and some blokes saying yes .
Hint: They're only saying no to you ;)
El Saxo
23-03-10, 08:58 PM
Nothing wrong with having special friends - I had one who lived across the road!
I say 'had' because we are now just friends without the 'extras' IYKWIM, so it is possible for it all to work out ok, it doesn't have to be all or nothing!
Von Teese
24-03-10, 05:59 AM
I think its personal morals and opinions, how you have been brought up etc, what you think is acceptable and of course how you perceive sex.
Personally I'm quite fussy and have only had (yes shock horror) one ex husband and 2 long term boyfriends before Mr VT. I believe in enjoying someone you are in love with and putting all the effort it when you are in a relationship.
One night stands and 'special friends' ME PERSONALLY...(and I dont have a problem with people who do have the above)...
.....I couldnt!
Red Herring
24-03-10, 06:29 AM
I think its personal morals and opinions, how you have been brought up etc, what you think is acceptable and of course how you perceive sex.
Personally I'm quite fussy and have only had (yes shock horror) one ex husband and 2 long term boyfriends before Mr VT. I believe in enjoying someone you are in love with and putting all the effort it when you are in a relationship.
One night stands and 'special friends' ME PERSONALLY...(and I dont have a problem with people who do have the above)...
.....I couldnt!
Spoken like a true lady.....
Hint: They're only saying no to you ;)
No no my misguided colleage. Thats just your reflection in the mirror.
I don't have this problem ;)
SoulKiss
25-03-10, 01:57 AM
Whatever works for people should be applauded, not treated as something wrong.
Whatever makes two people happy can only be a good thing, as long as no one is being hurt by it.
Lifes too short, and when done properly, and for the right reason (which can be as simple as 2 people in the mood having an hour to spare together), sex can be one of the best things there is.
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, who is anyone to judge what works for other people.
Kate Moss
25-03-10, 12:54 PM
2 consenting adults, (or more ;) having "fun" shouldn't be a problem. As many have said it depends on whether anyone falls for the other person, that's when it gets complicated.
My only issue with it is, when/if a person gets into a relationship, can they leave their "special" friends behind? Must be an enjoyable lifestlye to say goodbye to.
Whatever works for people should be applauded, not treated as something wrong.
Whatever makes two people happy can only be a good thing, as long as no one is being hurt by it.
Lifes too short, and when done properly, and for the right reason (which can be as simple as 2 people in the mood having an hour to spare together), sex can be one of the best things there is.
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, who is anyone to judge what works for other people.
Spot on!
To add anything else would be waffle
omg this thread is about sex???!!! you HEATHENS :laughat:
metalangel
25-03-10, 02:03 PM
I say 'had' because we are now just friends without the 'extras' IYKWIM, so it is possible for it all to work out ok, it doesn't have to be all or nothing!
It is a bit strange though, being in a social situation and looking at them and thinking what the two of you used to do. And it's stranger than exes because it was no strings attached!
My only issue with it is, when/if a person gets into a relationship, can they leave their "special" friends behind? Must be an enjoyable lifestlye to say goodbye to
I was okay with it... I went through a few relationships and then back to one special friend, and so did she. Suppose that can be a bit comforting, know that even if you get dumped so long as the special friend is also single you're guaranteed a tumble. I look back on it fondly (if you can't tell!)
Kate Moss
25-03-10, 03:02 PM
Is it possible to be just normal friends having been a special friend?!
interesting question kate
I dunno, i think the tempation will always be there. Or it might have just fizzled out natuarally so maybe mates would work
fastdruid
25-03-10, 03:11 PM
Is it possible to be just normal friends having been a special friend?!
No different from being friends with an 'ex'. Some can manage it, some can't. Although sometimes ex's can be 'special friends' too.
Druid
Noble Ox
25-03-10, 03:14 PM
+1. Ex for special friends.
Kate Moss
25-03-10, 03:15 PM
I think a special friend would always be just that! They have shown that they are "up for it" and would be there to sort you out. There would always be the memories of the fun they had etc
fastdruid
25-03-10, 03:31 PM
I think with ex's it depends on the time and reason you split. Do it 2 weeks after you split and there might be the expectation that its getting back on again, do it 3 years later[1] and it can just be fun.
Druid
[1] I did this once, wasn't planned just happened, talked about it afterwards and we both thought the other one 'started it' lol. :)
rpwoodman
25-03-10, 05:05 PM
I think you're probably more likely to push boundaries with a special friend, which could be seen as "training" or an "investment in time" for "the one" (when you find him/her/it).
fastdruid
25-03-10, 05:08 PM
And some might be more honest as to what they want without the fear of scaring someone off.
Druid
Is it possible to be just normal friends having been a special friend?!
Yes... well it has been for me.
My 'special friend' was a lass I'd lived with for some years previously. We both knew the score and although we'd once been very tied emotionally to each other we found it relatively easy to do what we did without getting involved again.
Maybe we found it too easy because we have both talked about that second relationship and found it lacking in everything except physical satisfaction - that's something we both really didn't like about it, we wish there had been more to it that still stopped short of a full on relationship.
We've both decided that even though we enjoyed that physical side, we wouldn't have that kind of arrangement with anyone else. However, we both agree that a one or two night session of absolute debauchery with someone exciting is a good thing and would do that if the chance arose.
rpwoodman
25-03-10, 05:41 PM
we both agree that a one or two night session of absolute debauchery with someone exciting is a good thing and would do that if the chance arose.
You'd both have to agree on who that "someone exciting" was? :-)
metalangel
25-03-10, 06:13 PM
You'd both have to agree on who that "someone exciting" was? :-)
Special Friend comes out with just a can of whipped cream.
Lozzo comes out with a whip, handcuffs, rubber suit (with the bottom cut out) and a car battery.
rpwoodman
25-03-10, 06:15 PM
Lozzo comes out with a whip, handcuffs, rubber suit (with the bottom cut out) and a car battery.
and shaking his head, saying "amateur..."
widepants
25-03-10, 06:33 PM
some good thoughts here.I find it works fine at the moment(notice I said "at")
Im really busy with work and the kids and the same for her ,and it can be so honest to have a type of relationship without all the "fluffy clouds and little kittens"of a big romance.
I also find that there can be a different type of honesty if that makes any sense
fastdruid
25-03-10, 07:53 PM
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3073/2669186954_612df3b189_o.jpg
Druid
Im really busy with work and the kids
You don't have any kids
Nobbylad
25-03-10, 09:07 PM
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3073/2669186954_612df3b189_o.jpg
Druid
:D
i'm 'special' who wants to be friends.
i'm 'special' who wants to be friends.
This is the .org darling!! We are all special and most of us are friends. :cool:
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