View Full Version : How to get rid of undesirable looking tenants??
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 04:49 PM
A few weeks ago the nice people I have lived next door to for the last ten years moved out as the old lady was ill and needed a bungalow, so the council now have to show round prospective new tenants. These days they aren't vetted and they do it through some sort of bidding system:confused:
Every set of people so far who've come to look have looked like a nightmare. I even got told one lot scaled over my fence and ran through our garden over the weekend(they could have used the gate). , whille I was at work:smt076!!!! I told the nice council man today that under no circumstances can any have access through my or the other gardens on our side, as I have to give permission for that, due to the nature of my house deeds.
Its the only council house in the block and all of us around it are quite worried who we'll have next, especially me, as I will be trying to sell up later this year. In fact theres only a handful of council houses left in the entire street these days, and they are all mostly nice people.
Last time I got new owners of the other house next door they were like the Dingles, luckily after 2 years of hell the house was repossessed and I got nice new people for xmas :-)
SO lovely people of the org, how do we put off horrid looking people? Funny answers most appreciated, I need cheering up:(
Specialone
21-06-10, 05:02 PM
Dont know about where you live, but wear a burka and play bangra music really loud with extra bass at the same time rev your engine a lot, that should do the trick.
Get naked? ;)
jokes babes
Milky Bar Kid
21-06-10, 05:05 PM
How about, ask Sally to visit and he can get naked...thats SURE to get rid...
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:06 PM
Dont know about where you live, but wear a burka and play bangra music really loud with extra bass at the same time rev your engine a lot, that should do the trick.
Nah, nobody would batter an eyelid. Theres nobody of that description here, but walk round the corner and there are plenty. In all fairness, I'd rather have someone of that description move in...apart from the loud music.
I do have a nice collection of Doom and death metal though, which I have contemplated playing if needs must...nobody wants to live next door to a satanic music playing looney(not that I am of course)
Bluefish
21-06-10, 05:09 PM
First chuck a fridge and an old matress out the front of your house along with loads of beer cans or bottles broken bikes etc play hip hop house music really loud, they will then think don't want to live here or think, we'll fit right in here and bingo new neighbours, hth lol.
dress yourself and your kids in army gear and march up and down the street issuing orders.
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:12 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOO, they'll think they'll fit right in then and move straight in Mr fishman. Thats perfectly normal a few streets away :-(
How about, ask Sally to visit and he can get naked...thats SURE to get rid...
I am quite happy getting naked, and that will get rid of anyone, just as long as I am plyed with enough tennants and voddy please?!
Milky Bar Kid
21-06-10, 05:13 PM
Haha! Sure DB will manage that!
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:18 PM
Sally do you burn easy and can you keep a nude pose? I could plonk you on my Landy bonnet for a week and pretend you are some sort of Flying Lady rip off :-)
Dave20046
21-06-10, 05:20 PM
Gas 'em
Milky Bar Kid
21-06-10, 05:20 PM
<<<<<<<<<< I could come and pull some faces for you???
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:21 PM
hmmm yeah Nic, your funny gurning would turn anyone away!!
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:21 PM
Gas 'em
I won't but me dogs could:smt081 they even give out green mist!
Triv650
21-06-10, 05:24 PM
Get all desperate housewife on them and try to get all your other neighbours to be creepily friendly and offputting. They'll be freaked out I reckon :D
Edit: Haha, I think that vid has the best plan :D
Milky Bar Kid
21-06-10, 05:25 PM
hmmm yeah Nic, your funny gurning would turn anyone away!!
:smt081 It is a talent, indeed! My mother dispairs...
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 05:31 PM
ZFpfL-KJZ5Q
hth;)
Love it, absolutely brill:smt038
I do have a Gerry helmet hidden upstairs...unfortunately I don't think my German granny who lives down the street would be pleased if her grand daughter suddenly started dressing up as a member of the gestapo though!
davepreston
21-06-10, 05:45 PM
org week long party, with yc me tim wilky and a few others no one in there right mind would go within 30 mile of the place
i had rubbish neighbours,suspected stolen motoX bikes, untaxed, unlicensed, uninsured pit bikes roaring around at all hours of the night... loud parties, threatening behaviour and general nonsense... then one afternoon some nice men in black uniforms kicked all their doors in and carted them off...
there's a to let sign outside now, less than a week later
yorkie_chris
21-06-10, 07:23 PM
Love it, absolutely brill:smt038
I do have a Gerry helmet hidden upstairs...unfortunately I don't think my German granny who lives down the street would be pleased if her grand daughter suddenly started dressing up as a member of the gestapo though!
Why, she'd know you were ok financially, that max moseley fella has a good few quid
Supervox
21-06-10, 07:36 PM
Wait and see who actually moves in - if they ARE undesirable I'm sure that some Org-ans would be willing to make a trip to the wild & wooly (not to mention uncivilised) North in order to 'persuade' them that it's not worth their while upsetting you !!
Milky Bar Kid
21-06-10, 07:37 PM
Haha! They will be northerners....they're not gonna be afraid of some shandy drinkers....!
*running away*
yorkie_chris
21-06-10, 07:38 PM
Bring sally down and feed him 15 pints. I'm sure his advances after being stuck on an oil rig for a few months with only light buggery will scare the hell out of them
BBadger
21-06-10, 07:40 PM
Am i the only one who has realised dizz has a nice big v twin sitting around at night that most defiantly need running at unsightly hours??
Supervox
21-06-10, 07:46 PM
Haha! They will be northerners....they're not gonna be afraid of some shandy drinkers....!
*running away*
Fortunately, Dizz knows me & quite a few others down this way & will hopefully realise that mine was a perfectly serious suggestion & will ignore your puerile and rather poor attempt at humour.
P.S. I realise that there are a few 3+ syllable words in this post - if you ask a grown up nicely I'm sure they'll explain them to you.
maviczap
21-06-10, 07:47 PM
Napalm :p
Or buy some peacocks, damn noisey, so you may have to move out for a while
BBadger
21-06-10, 07:50 PM
Or buy some peacocks
llamas are a better choise Dam viscous pack animals...and you could make a llama jumper.
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 08:02 PM
Wait and see who actually moves in - if they ARE undesirable I'm sure that some Org-ans would be willing to make a trip to the wild & wooly (not to mention uncivilised) North in order to 'persuade' them that it's not worth their while upsetting you !!
Ahh see I have friends everywhere:smt049
I am waiting obviously, but at the moment, it doesn't look very promising to get anyone respectable living next door as new tenants.
Hopefully I will be proved wrong.
Am i the only one who has realised dizz has a nice big v twin sitting around at night that most defiantly need running at unsightly hours??
Not just the one though eh;)
I wonder if the council will mind a whole load of orgers camping in either of the two fields here over night for a party?, cause I don't have the room for any orgers in my house. My other lovely neighbours will be more than happy to be in on it too!
missyburd
21-06-10, 08:02 PM
Dress Pete up in drag and tell him to go wander through the garden pi55ing on the plants while singing the "Wheels on the Bus go round and round" in his Scottish accent :D
BBadger
21-06-10, 08:03 PM
Not just the one though eh;)
I wonder if the council will mind a whole load of orgers camping in either of the two fields here over night for a party
Sounds like were having a pre Ar party in that case;)
yorkie_chris
21-06-10, 08:06 PM
llamas are a better choise Dam viscous pack animals...and you could make a llama jumper.
Alligators, gotta be alligators.
BBadger
21-06-10, 08:07 PM
Alligators, gotta be alligators.
Dig a moat ....there could be sharks with laser beams, would give you good reason to strike a evil pose also.
dizzyblonde
21-06-10, 08:22 PM
Dress Pete up in drag and tell him to go wander through the garden pi55ing on the plants while singing the "Wheels on the Bus go round and round" in his Scottish accent :D
Oh dear, that would be scary, although he would sound a lot more ferocious if he sang 'the wheels on the bus' in Greek:eye:
Sounds like were having a pre Ar party in that case;)
LOL, yeah, seeing as though I'll be far too fat and preggers to make it to the AR!! The stress might make baby come early.
Dig a moat ....there could be sharks with laser beams, would give you good reason to strike a evil pose also.
Ahh now I already have a digger for your moat, it comes in the form of Bob the dog, but he likes to spread muck all over your bike:( As for laser beams, the only thing he can do is lay some very big land mines:rolleyes:
Bring sally down and feed him 15 pints. I'm sure his advances after being stuck on an oil rig for a few months with only light buggery will scare the hell out of them
My advances are bad enough without being on a rig for a few weeks... :safe:
Its ok, am back now!
Been back for a while!
All fustrations have been taken care of...
Love it, absolutely brill:smt038
I do have a Gerry helmet hidden upstairs...unfortunately I don't think my German granny who lives down the street would be pleased if her grand daughter suddenly started dressing up as a member of the gestapo though!
Dress up and take photos..... :0) gurr baby! :eye:
org week long party, with yc me tim wilky and a few others no one in there right mind would go within 30 mile of the place
I concur Dave...
yorkie_chris
21-06-10, 08:38 PM
My advances are bad enough without being on a rig for a few weeks... :safe:
Its ok, am back now!
Been back for a while!
All fustrations have been taken care of...
Oh so you were getting plenty buggering out there were you :smt081
Supervox
21-06-10, 08:40 PM
Oh so you were getting plenty buggering out there were you :smt081
And the award for Most Subtle Post of 2010 goes to . . .
:smt044 :smt044 :smt044
Rumble bee
21-06-10, 09:00 PM
My uncle had a falling out with his neighbour over some land at the back of his house. Anyway when nxt door came to sell thier house he painted the front of his in black and white checkers, covered up his whole living room window with a sign saying neighbour from hell and to top it off when there was viewings started up his unbaffled TLR 1000, R1 and KTM 640 all of which he keeps in his living room! :smt070Needless to say it didn't sell.
Funny thing is a year later they're friends again :smt017
Oh so you were getting plenty buggering out there were you :smt081
I did actually get asked, 'Go'on, gizza cuddle lovely'
Yeah I was the most womanly thing out there, I ain't that womanly though and its worrying, there were actual 'women' out there also...
dizzyblonde
22-06-10, 07:23 AM
I did actually get asked, 'Go'on, gizza cuddle lovely'
Yeah I was the most womanly thing out there, I ain't that womanly though and its worrying, there were actual 'women' out there also...
:smt107:lol: I'd hate to think how manly the women were then.....you my dear are far from.....er feminine!!!
Red Herring
22-06-10, 07:51 AM
The problem is you need to think of something that will be unattractive to the undesirables, yet appealing to the sort of neighbours you really want. The trick of hanging a police coat in the porch used to work well, nowadays it just means you get your windows put in....
I guess if it's the last council house left in the street you could form an association with the other residents, buy it off the council and rent it out to whom you like. My mother and her neighbours did this in their block of flats, only they kept the flat empty as a "guest house" for visitors.
dizzyblonde
22-06-10, 08:04 AM
RH, this is why I have hanging baskets in the front and a reasonably attractive garden compared to most of them. Its not too bad in the back either. We try to keep bikes hidden for obvious reasons covered up outside under the bushes on their side, ones in the shed are covered too, but the garden itself looks like an older couple live there, as theres no hint of kids either.
timwilky
22-06-10, 08:04 AM
org week long party, with yc me tim wilky and a few others no one in there right mind would go within 30 mile of the place
don't drag me into this. I don't scare people, that's the wife job.
However, I suggest you and your neighbours invite the local mormons, jovies and assorted door knockers round whenever there is a viewing. If the prospect of extreme christianity doesn't scare the prospective tenants away, then you be scared they are probably door knockers themselves.
:smt107:lol: I'd hate to think how manly the women were then.....you my dear are far from.....er feminine!!!
Yes my point exactly...
I think they had to shave more than I did... :smt017
metalangel
22-06-10, 09:12 AM
Get naked? ;)
:winner:
There is nothing that can't be solved with nakedness.
PsychoCannon
22-06-10, 09:35 AM
except maybe hypothermia?
You have to be a real pain in the bum to undesirable neighbours to get them to move.
My house is a middle 3 storey town house which be purchased new 4 years ago. On one side we had a young couple and they were lovely. On the other side we had a Bangledeshi 'family' and when I say 'family' I mean 6 generations of 'family' in one house.
They were an absolute nightmare. They had lots of young kids which ran around like a herd of elephants and screamed all day. Grandma needed the television on full wack to hear it. Then on top of that they had several cars, some of which would be parked on my front garden and driveway if they ran out of space. They also drove into other peoples vehicles when reversing off the drive etc and then claimed it was the milkman even though a few people witnessed it.
In the end we were at breaking point and getting seriously fed up so we had to start fighting fire with fire. At first it started with being equally noisey back, putting music on at midnight to keep the young children awake... and then it went a couple of stages further, some of which is probably not a good idea to be post on here.
It didnt take long for them to get the picture and move out. They could not sell it because of the recession so now they rent it out and every set of neighbours since have been decent folk.
Bad neighbours can seriously ruin your life.
You either need to be at complete and utter peace with them and just co-exist quitely... or you need to be at war with them until they move out.
dizzyblonde
22-06-10, 09:58 AM
The last people to live on the other side of me, before the current owners, were terrible too G. They moved in with two small kids, which looked angelic. We were on quite good terms, would have a laugh, helped them with a few things, as they were new to the house thing....then after a few months it turned in the Dingles worst scenario.
The kids during summer used to use the side gate as a ladder to get in my kitchen window, they knocked the fence down and trampled all over my garden, their garden grew into a forest, where they left rubbish everywhere, they had drugs delivered at all hours of the night, had parties to go with that, had people sat in cars so drunk at the parties with their music blaring out loud, we had a bloke so high he was weilding a meat cleaver around at the sister of the woman next door at 3am...the list was endless. I had two years of it, I could hear everything that went on through the walls from peeing in the bog to wife beating.
Then they got the house repossessed, after they did a bunk, the bank had to fumigate the place with people in paper protective suits! Then we got the new neighbours for xmas one year after. BLISS :-)
AndyBrad
22-06-10, 12:03 PM
I was just about to tell you about the folks at the end of, our lovely quiet, street with cracking neigbours that have started having bbq's late into the night and the one ****ed lass that shouts up the street "you knew what you were fecking doing" at 4am. Or the guy who has a flat screen tv so must be a drug dealer (only drug dealers have flat screen tv's or range rover sports, im not sure if they are mutually exclusive?) However after reading that i think i can cope. Sounds horrible dizz!!!
Tbh if they were acting up i would call round and say look calm it down or ill call the cops and neither of us want that. If it doesnt calm down call em and let them sort it out. But for christs sake dont go wading into something as it just ends in tears...
timwilky
22-06-10, 12:24 PM
We too had a problem with a nuisance neighbour.
They bought the bungalow just down the road from us and had 3 kids. Fine they spent some money and had it converted into a dormer and all seemed well until the kids started to grow up.
Mad parties, all their mates running over peoples gardens and then the burglaries started. Forunately eldest thinks it is funny to put his cig out on my mates brand new carpet whilst he is on holiday and to take a dump on his bed. Daft sod left enough DNA to get convicted. Then dad and younger brother get nicked for burglary.
So eldest comes out and has graduated to minor drug dealing, police raid a few time and cannot find anything until advised by a neighbour that they are keeping something under the window sill of the upstairs bedroom.
Finally he must have graduated into the big boys league.
One of my life long friends has a son who plays in that league, he is a nice pleasant lad, very friendly and always say hello. But business is business and when someone threatens your livelihood you have to take measures.
He kicked in the door, first to stand up gets the baseball bat followed by the rest of the family. 3 ambulances and about 6 police cars on the door step.
2 days later the house is up for sale, I am advised they moved the far side of preston (about 8 miles away) and did not bother to tell son no 1 where they had moved to.
Ironically another family friend then bought the house, spent a small fortune on it and discovered several staches under floor boards and wall cavities. He being an ex bare knuckle fighter soon scared off the ex owners number 1 son when he thought he had come home on his release from prison to find mummy/daddy had sold up and moved on.
So advise from me, is if you get any problem neighbour. Invite your local gangster round to sort out your problem.
AndyBrad
22-06-10, 12:36 PM
note to self buy timwily a drink and keep him sweet !
barwel1992
22-06-10, 12:39 PM
like RH mentioned with the police coat/jacket on view in the house get every one in the street to do it, then they will think you are all police :D
454697819
22-06-10, 01:05 PM
We too had a problem with a nuisance neighbour.
They bought the bungalow just down the road from us and had 3 kids. Fine they spent some money and had it converted into a dormer and all seemed well until the kids started to grow up.
Mad parties, all their mates running over peoples gardens and then the burglaries started. Forunately eldest thinks it is funny to put his cig out on my mates brand new carpet whilst he is on holiday and to take a dump on his bed. Daft sod left enough DNA to get convicted. Then dad and younger brother get nicked for burglary.
So eldest comes out and has graduated to minor drug dealing, police raid a few time and cannot find anything until advised by a neighbour that they are keeping something under the window sill of the upstairs bedroom.
Finally he must have graduated into the big boys league.
One of my life long friends has a son who plays in that league, he is a nice pleasant lad, very friendly and always say hello. But business is business and when someone threatens your livelihood you have to take measures.
He kicked in the door, first to stand up gets the baseball bat followed by the rest of the family. 3 ambulances and about 6 police cars on the door step.
2 days later the house is up for sale, I am advised they moved the far side of preston (about 8 miles away) and did not bother to tell son no 1 where they had moved to.
Ironically another family friend then bought the house, spent a small fortune on it and discovered several staches under floor boards and wall cavities. He being an ex bare knuckle fighter soon scared off the ex owners number 1 son when he thought he had come home on his release from prison to find mummy/daddy had sold up and moved on.
So advise from me, is if you get any problem neighbour. Invite your local gangster round to sort out your problem.
yeah till unlike me the local gangster pleads stupid and is moved next door to you under a whitness protection scheme..
they found him, shame they didn't kill him
dizzyblonde
22-06-10, 01:40 PM
I was just about to tell you about the folks at the end of, our lovely quiet, street with cracking neigbours that have started having bbq's late into the night and the one ****ed lass that shouts up the street "you knew what you were fecking doing" at 4am. Or the guy who has a flat screen tv so must be a drug dealer (only drug dealers have flat screen tv's or range rover sports, im not sure if they are mutually exclusive?) However after reading that i think i can cope. Sounds horrible dizz!!!
Tbh if they were acting up i would call round and say look calm it down or ill call the cops and neither of us want that. If it doesnt calm down call em and let them sort it out. But for christs sake dont go wading into something as it just ends in tears...
Is ok, they don't live there anymore. I've had a nice set of neighbours in that particular house for three years now. Its the other side thats empty I'm worried about, so you can understand why I'm naturally anxious about who we get there.
As for calling round, I've stood nose to nose with that woman in my last post with a large sharp grass cutting knife thing in my hand, after trying calmly to ask nicely for the ummpteenth time....be nice or else. It wasn't until this moment did she realise that being nice she could push me over with, and Dizzyblonde snarling profusely meant her family better behave!! Wading in for me on that occasion worked, and they kept low, sort of.
Some people don't get calm requests, only snarling, snappy ones.
However today Peg has found my zoom pedal and electric guitar rather appealing, so anyone coming round to view today is getting an earbleeding session;)
DB - how about a few 'performers' I need the pratice and I'm sure that they will not appreciate the fumes and the fuel storage the music that goes with it and basically what ahuge fires risk i can be - esp if we get a few mates round to practice - Call it and open air BBQ night - flame grilled my speciality!
gruntygiggles
22-06-10, 03:41 PM
Go to your local exotic pet store or order online and get a few dozen frozen mice...not very expensive, but hide them about next doors house (outside obviously) in this heat, they'll stink within hours and last for days!
dizzyblonde
22-06-10, 05:32 PM
Go to your local exotic pet store or order online and get a few dozen frozen mice...not very expensive, but hide them about next doors house (outside obviously) in this heat, they'll stink within hours and last for days!
not with my cats around, I'll end up with them in my house instead:puker:
You and your street should join forces and buy the house from the council, do it up, sell it on and then share out the proceeds. Job Done, oh wait... you are moving..
BURN IT DOWN
Just a thought - while your playing your thrash metal at its loudest whilst revving up the bikes with your old freezer and a knackered sofa in the garden and your mates flashing everyone whilst ****ed up - the 'undesirables' looking around might think - woohoo this is our kind of neighbour!! We will fit right in! :smt082
Bluefish
22-06-10, 10:47 PM
Just a thought - while your playing your thrash metal at its loudest whilst revving up the bikes with your old freezer and a knackered sofa in the garden and your mates flashing everyone whilst ****ed up - the 'undesirables' looking around might think - woohoo this is our kind of neighbour!! We will fit right in! :smt082
Well in that case take up morris dancing and put up a pole in t middle of the garden (may be used for other types of dancing as well). :cool:
keith_d
22-06-10, 10:52 PM
You're probably too young to remember "The Good Life", but maybe a few Margo and Gerry impersonations are in order. Make a point of being ridiculous snobs whenever a dodgy tenant comes to look round. Encourage the neighbours to do the same...
Keith.
P.S. Embedding members of the polish community in the front lawn is unlikely to work.
Bluefish
22-06-10, 10:55 PM
I thought of that at the time of writing, lol.
gruntygiggles
22-06-10, 10:55 PM
OMG.....not too young to remember it....neither is Lou (in a good way)...lol.
Yep, should do the trick...lol. Being REALLY over friendly when they come to look at the place usually does a good job of putting people off as well.
Electro
22-06-10, 11:04 PM
Every time someone comes round to visit, grab ur fella n snog his face off and with a bit of dribble down the side of ur mouth introduce him as your brother in a mongy voice lol.
Every time someone comes round to visit, grab ur fella n snog his face off and with a bit of dribble down the side of ur mouth introduce him as your brother in a mongy voice lol.
:winner:
:smt035 (imagine music from Deliverance lol)
gruntygiggles
23-06-10, 12:12 AM
:winner:
:smt035 (imagine music from Deliverance lol)
Ding a ling ding ding ding ding ding ding!
Awesome Muddi...that is all :-)
Biker Biggles
23-06-10, 09:04 AM
Park a caravan with no wheels in the front garden and borrow some dags.
keith_d
23-06-10, 10:25 AM
Park a caravan with no wheels in the front garden and borrow some dags.
Dag (n): scrappy canine seen on outback sheep farms. Dags are believed to be a hybrid of the domestic dog and Australian sheep farmer.
Jayneflakes
23-06-10, 12:19 PM
There is a couple in our block who are a pain. First of all is the parking, two cars right outside the front door and one of them hardly moves. The other is a company car and it gets cleaned about once a month, so there are leads and hose pipes and vacuum cleaners trailed out the door. :smt013
Musically, they are pain. One is in a rock band and the other is into really violent Death Metal, the really sick Norwegian stuff too. They play music at all hours of the night and the younger one often goes out looking like she is going to a funeral. :smt088
They have cats that have the run of the place and they spend almost all day coming in and going out through the always open windows. :smt045
The worst part if it though is the other hobby they have. Damn noisy motorbikes and at least three of them too. To cap it all, the lad in the middle flat got on with them really well and he got a motorbike too, so we now have four living in the same garage. They turn up at all hours, bring their biker mates over and fix their bikes in the street. It looks awful to non bikers. :smt056
To cap it all, they are a pair of filthy Lezzas! =D>
Yes, it is us. We get on great with all of the other people in our block. I listen to a lot of music and like it loud, so have an MP3 player. Our young neighbour needed a place to park his bike, so we let have a corner of our garage. I look like a horrible Goth a lot of the time and to be honest, we are hardly what you would imagine would make great neighbours, yet we are part of the local community and have a really happy block. The woman next door is currently very ill in hospital and we helped to look after her for a while.
So be careful about judging too harshly. Just in case the scary looking maniacs actually turn out to be quiet living kind folk. Mind you, you really don't people like us next door, you can hear my swearing from half a mile away! :D
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