Marriage...!

[Rai86]

Since we have a wealth of knowledge and experience here on the org....a question for you...

Do you think that a relationship is complete when said people are married? Or can a relationship be just as fulfilling without being married?

If you feel comfortable, please post your opinions

[yorkie_chris]

Like many things in life I do not see a bit of paper as being worth much.

[ophic]

Makes no difference. The only time it does is when the two people concerned have different views on it - then it's more that the "lack of marriage" is perceived as a lack of commitment.

It does make the kids surnames a bit easier to decide on though.

[davepreston]

i wish to know which "her" we all have experiance of and do we all need to visit the doc :)

[Viney]

Since we have a wealth of knowledge and experience her on the org....a question for you...

Do you think that a relationship is complete when said people are married? Or can a relationship be just as fulfilling without being married?

If you feel comfortable, please post your opinionsI believe that if you truly love and trust that person that a bit of paper isnt going to change that. That said, i know of a couple of marridges that went pear shaped once they got married after many (Read 10's of) years of living in sin so to speak. It does change people. It also depends on both people in the relationship feeling the same way. All this is an aside as Law gets in the way sometimes if one person dies etc.

My 2 friends have been together for 35 years and are not married and dont want to be either. Bless them.:smt061

[Rai86]

i wish to know which "her" we all have experiance of and do we all need to visit the doc :)


lol changed

[G]

I have been with Kerry for 10 years. We would both like to get married but it's expensive and the money can be better spent elsewhere right now.

Should more disposable income become available then its on the list of things to do but it does not massively effect out relationship not being married.

[kellyjo]

I've been married twice.

After the first divorce I didnt want to get married again but my second husband was considerably older and it was important to him that it was 'official'. As far as I was concerned I made the ultimate commitment by having a child with him, from that point on he would always be a part of my life. In a way he blackmailed me into marriage by refusing to have a second child out of wedlock, knowing that I would give in because I didnt want our daughter to be an only child. Our decree absolute is due anyday.

Even having said that, I wouldnt rule out marrying again, I will just need to be absolutely certain first and that wont be easy, the longer i live alone the harder i think it will be to live with someone again.

[Jayneflakes]

For me marriage is like the final icing on a very wonderful cake. However, if the relationship is a bit rocky, Marriage wont repair it.

Never been married and never will be. However, gonna get me a civil partnership with the wife when we can actually afford to do it properly. Until then we are very happy together and know that we just don't have to rush it. Feels lovely to be honest.

[BIGSTEVE]

I have only been with my girlfriend about 8 months and have previously been in a 10 year relationship resulting in 2 kids.

I am a believer in marriage but this is my own personal view.

To break a wee bit of news, I'm getting down on one knee in about 2 weeks time while on holidy in a log cabin near oban. Fingers crossed she says yes!

If you meet the right person and sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them then getting married is your ultimate comittment.

If you live together and are happy with the situation then there is nothing wrong with that either. We all have our own way of looking at life and have our own views, choose what is right for you and your better half.

Just my 2p

[ophic]

For me marriage is like the final icing on a very wonderful cake. However, if the relationship is a bit rocky, Marriage wont repair it.

Never been married and never will be. However, gonna get me a civil partnership with the wife when we can actually afford to do it properly. Until then we are very happy together and know that we just don't have to rush it. Feels lovely to be honest.
I hate the phrase "civil partnership". I fully support the idea, but it's just such an unwieldy name. What is the 'equivalent' of "married"? Civilly partnered?

[Scoobs]

Why do you ask Raimondo? Are you thinking of proposing to me?

[keithd]

it's for some people, and its not for others

some people will like the feeling of additional security others wont

i hope thats is clear.

[Viney]

You ever thought of being a relationship counciller Mr D?

[Tara]

i don't think being married makes any difference in feeling fulfilled at all. I am married (again) but our relationship hasn't changed because we are married we are just as committed to one another now as we were before we got married.

[Rai86]

I have only been with my girlfriend about 8 months and have previously been in a 10 year relationship resulting in 2 kids.

I am a believer in marriage but this is my own personal view.

To break a wee bit of news, I'm getting down on one knee in about 2 weeks time while on holidy in a log cabin near oban. Fingers crossed she says yes!

If you meet the right person and sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them then getting married is your ultimate comittment.

If you live together and are happy with the situation then there is nothing wrong with that either. We all have our own way of looking at life and have our own views, choose what is right for you and your better half.

Just my 2p


oo congrats, hope it goes well

[timwilky]

Marriage is the best thing that has happened for me. Our relationship was secure before, and it is 18 years for us in August.

[pookie]

Being married and having kids has big affect on the fathers rights to access from what I recall. The question really is did people have more fun before they were married vs after ;)

Go do it if you have the cash and get those pre nups in

[G]

I have only been with my girlfriend about 8 months and have previously been in a 10 year relationship resulting in 2 kids.

I am a believer in marriage but this is my own personal view.

To break a wee bit of news, I'm getting down on one knee in about 2 weeks time while on holidy in a log cabin near oban. Fingers crossed she says yes!

If you meet the right person and sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them then getting married is your ultimate comittment.

If you live together and are happy with the situation then there is nothing wrong with that either. We all have our own way of looking at life and have our own views, choose what is right for you and your better half.

Just my 2p


I'll rock the boat here no doubt, but I dont think 8 months is long enough to truely know you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with someone.

8 Months is still in your honey moon period where you tip toe around each other not trying to upset each other in my opinion.

[Rai86]

that is a interesting question. But is the answer actually due to the marrage or the length of the relationship?

[Viney]

i don't think being married makes any difference in feeling fulfilled at all. I am married (again) but our relationship hasn't changed because we are married we are just as committed to one another now as we were before we got married.
Dont lie, you just sit arouond all day doing nothing whilst the man goes out to work ;) :lol:

[BIGSTEVE]

I'll rock the boat here no doubt, but I dont think 8 months is long enough to truely know you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with someone.

8 Months is still in your honey moon period where you tip toe around each other not trying to upset each other in my opinion.

I accept your opinion for what it is, sound advice! I agree and would usually rule this kind of thing out as for many it is too soon to really know your other half. The difference hear is that we pretty much live in each other pockets, whether i stay with her or she stays with me. We have only spent 1 week apart in the last 8 months so we have really got to know each other and our annoying habbits. I truely love this woman for all that she is and for the person she makes me so in this instance i'm throwing the rule book out of the window.

Life is too short in my opinion.

[hongman]

I've been with my over half for 9 years in 22 days, we met and got together at 16.

We both agree that marraige would be "nice" but are of the view that it IS just a bit of paper at the end of the day. Our ultimate commitment to each other is with our 2 children.

Recently she had her name changed to Mrs + my surname, as a stop gap. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and only cost £40 or something.

We are engaged, but a wedding will not be on the cards until we are financially stable. If anything forcing a marraige will have more of a negative effect on our relationship from the financial burden.

Saying that, it is something I would like both of us to experience at some point in the future :)

[Quedos]

I think its how the two people feel - got friends married young, got some not married at all, but 95% happy

been with Indy for 10 years - engaged for 5 and still with intention of getting married but we ain't that bothered when it happens - a wedding could cost the same as new bikes and we both know what we would rather have.
I would rather use the money to have fun together - life is too short to worry about having the same name etc (beside any kids are having my name I've lived with it so they can too)
to be honest - I've already been A Whiting. signature sorted (as is the wedding in my head)

[hongman]

I accept your opinion for what it is, sound advice! I agree and would usually rule this kind of thing out as for many it is too soon to really know your other half. The difference hear is that we pretty much live in each other pockets, whether i stay with her or she stays with me. We have only spent 1 week apart in the last 8 months so we have really got to know each other and our annoying habbits. I truely love this woman for all that she is and for the person she makes me so in this instance i'm throwing the rule book out of the window.

Life is too short in my opinion.

Only you will know mate, if it feels right for you now, go for it.

Bear in mind though what you feel right now can and does change, be it for better or worse!

I think I cannot possibly love my woman more than I do right now, and yet it still grows ;)

I have had the reverse of that though, previously.

All experience my friend :)

[BIGSTEVE]

Only you will know mate, if it feels right for you now, go for it.

Bear in mind though what you feel right now can and does change, be it for better or worse!

I think I cannot possibly love my woman more than I do right now, and yet it still grows ;)

I have had the reverse of that though, previously.

All experience my friend :)

been there and got the t-shirt, its not nice when it goes bad. Having come out of a loveless relationship (the last 3-4 years of a 10 year relationship) its horribel to experience but i never married that one. It never fealt right. But now with a clear mind and knowing im happy about being me, i am ready for someone to share that with me. Like you, my love grows for my lady each and every day, even when you think it isnt possible, somehow it does!

[hongman]

I hope she goes through my emails and reads this, might earn me some brownie points LOL.

Im such a soppy bastad sometimes.

[ophic]

:pukel:

[Stu]

(beside any kids are having my name I've lived with it so they can too)

An unmarried couple I know, their children have their fathers name. Their mother's reasoning was that the identity of the mother is always less in doubt than the father's. As a man I thought it was a nice touch.

[dizzyblonde]

Just because I have an engagment ring on my finger does not necessarily mean we will get married( although we might). It shows a level of commitment to each other and thats enough for both for now. Having one come from a marriage and one coming from a relationship that was pretty much married without the paper, whys the rush and why do we have to prove anything by doing it just because people think you have to?

I know of one person who has been happily unmarried for 40 years has children and grandchildren, which suits just fine.

[Jayneflakes]

I hate the phrase "civil partnership". I fully support the idea, but it's just such an unwieldy name. What is the 'equivalent' of "married"? Civilly partnered?

You are right, the whole concept is the same as married and has the same legal status, but it has to have a silly name to appease the religious bigots who view my love for Carol (and that of every Gay couple) as some how morally corrupt or lesser than the love between a man and a woman.

Interestingly, a lovely couple of girls I know who had a civil partnership about two years ago are soon facing the very real fact that legally they must have a full legal split, despite still being very much in love. Once the split is fully legal and the paperwork signed, they can actually get married. I wont go into it, but it has been a long hard journey for them and I truly hope that they make it.

This country has strange laws.:smt104

No matter what though, the important factor is that love is present.


I think I cannot possibly love my woman more than I do right now, and yet it still grows ;)

I so enjoyed reading these words, because I can identify with them, despite only being with Carol for nearly three years. Your girl is a lucky lass Hongman. :smt061

[dizzyblonde]

An unmarried couple I know, their children have their fathers name. Their mother's reasoning was that the identity of the mother is always less in doubt than the father's. As a man I thought it was a nice touch.

My son has his dads name, I was always insisted on that, it takes two and all that. Just like I have no hesitation about whos surname bump will have either.

Besides my surnames rubbish, much better to have an interesting one:rolleyes:

[flymo]

marriage isn't just a piece of paper, if its important to you then great. If it isn't then equally great. Its a personal thing between you and your partner to decide.

[dizzyblonde]

I think I cannot possibly love my woman more than I do right now, and yet it still grows ;)



Heres one to make Ophic puke;), I think the saying goes...

'I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow'


in fact I think thats too mushy even for me!!

[ophic]

Heres one to make Ophic puke;)
again :mad:

[hongman]

I just showed this thread to my missus and all I got was "Heh, you're lucky to have me"

LOL so much for brownie points

[Viney]

My son has his dads name, I was always insisted on that, it takes two and all that. Just like I have no hesitation about whos surname bump will have either.

Besides my surnames rubbish, much better to have an interesting one:rolleyes:
DizzyBlonde Rubbish! Interesting. Do you come from a long line of Rubbish?

[Dicky Ticker]

A marriage certificate is only a permit for the female to take you to the cleaners-------and thats while you are together. I would have happily settled for 50% when I got divorced but I probably ended up with 15%.
Once bitten twice shy,thats why I have been with my present partner 40years on 16th Sept and I have no intention of getting married.

P.S. It makes no difference--I still get taken to the cleaners:)

[Specialone]

I'll rock the boat here no doubt, but I dont think 8 months is long enough to truely know you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with someone.

8 Months is still in your honey moon period where you tip toe around each other not trying to upset each other in my opinion.

I beg to differ there G me old mucka.
I was in a on off relationship for going on 7-8 years, split up, met clair about 6 months later, asked her to marry me about 6 months after that and we have been married 11 years Feb just gone.
It was a decision i have never regretted and she is truly the best woman i have ever met (so far lol)
The key is to fart in each others company asap, gets the boundaries moved so you get to know each other quicker.

IMO, not getting married shows a final lack of committment, but dont leave it either as stats show long term co habiting couples that then get married have a statistically good chance of splitting soon after marriage.

People i know who spent a small fortune on their wedding have split within a few years so dont spend money you dont have.

G, remember its the committment of marriage that is important not how much you spend on the days itself, we married for less than 5k.

HTH

[Dicky Ticker]

I think Dizzy was talking about me earlier,so I will clear up the happily unmarried bit,
I was married for 17years before 15 of them very happy-------I never saw her and still haven't to this day
My view as a sort of moral person was that when I took vows in a church it had meaning ,but apparently not,so what is the point of doing it again. I have made a personal pledge to the person I am with and she has rings to wear if she wishes,but the material things don't make a relationship----hard work and understanding does.

[Sally]

:pukel:

Ditto

[dizzyblonde]

I wasn't going to say who it was Mac...but as you insist;)

[Red Herring]

Like many things in life I do not see a bit of paper as being worth much.

It's not the piece of paper that has the worth, it's what your prepared to do to keep it. Getting married is the easy bit, staying married needs application, loyalty and patience, all values seemingly scares these days.

(I'll get off my pedestal now, and go and cook the dinner ;))

[missyburd]

P.S. It makes no difference--I still get taken to the cleaners:)
You need an escort just to go to the laundrette? What are you, a celebrity or something?


:p

[Bri w]

Marriage... Now there's a difficult one to explain. I think it means different things to different people, and I think different people give it different levels of respect.

I'm a live and let live sort of guy, judge unto others and all that sort of stuff. If you want to marry, or feel there's a need for it, to complete a relationship then go for it. Equally if living together is enough of a commitment, then again, so be it.

Whether its 'straight', gay, monogamous, bigamous or any other mouse that's up to you and yours. I couldn't give a toss whether or not you shove burning joss sticks up your nose just so long as you are a nice person, and treat your partner with respect. - Anyway, where is the old bat, I'm hungry.

[Razor]

no. never. won't. can't make me.

[fizzwheel]

staying married needs application, loyalty and patience, all values seemingly scares these days.

I think though you could say that about any relationship, to make it work and stay together needs all those things you mention, whether you get married or not.

[Biker Biggles]

It's not the piece of paper that has the worth, it's what your prepared to do to keep it. Getting married is the easy bit, staying married needs application, loyalty and patience, all values seemingly scares these days.

(I'll get off my pedestal now, and go and cook the dinner ;))

All that certainly scares me,:(
Or were you trying to suggest those values are rare?;)

See me after school for a spelling test anyway.:cool:

[Electro]

Our decree absolute is due anyday.

Even having said that, I wouldnt rule out marrying again, I will just need to be absolutely certain first and that wont be easy, the longer i live alone the harder i think it will be to live with someone again.


Got mine recently, I know what you mean but I will not rule anything out just yet lol

[Lozzo]

An unmarried couple I know, their children have their fathers name. Their mother's reasoning was that the identity of the mother is always less in doubt than the father's. As a man I thought it was a nice touch.

My eldest daughter has used both mine and her mother's surnames, she's settled on mine now and changed it by deed poll when she was 19 (jeez, that's 10 years ago), but christ knows why because mine is weird and her mother's is quite nice sounding... if a little bit Welsh (despite being full on proper Co. Cork Irish)

[kitkat]

our household has 3 different surnames - my 2 kids have their dads name, I went back to maiden name after I divorced him (12 years married) and my youngest has her dads name. I personally will never get married again as I see no need, plus DD would rather stick needles in his eyes and burn his dangles with a soldering iron, we are committed to each other (having a kid can do that) or maybe we just need committing - either way, we are doing ok, still early days though - only been together 6 years and living together 2 years.

[Lozzo]

FWIW I was married at 28 and that lasted 3 years - 6 months after we seperated and before the divorce came through I'd moved in with a gorgeous young widow called Jane and inherited her three kids. I felt closer to Jane after 6 months than I ever did to my ex-wife but something in the back of my head kept telling me not to marry again because my ex-wife had been a complete bitch in every respect (long and traumatic story), so I kept saying no way whenever the subject came up. Jane was a lovely, beautiful, decent woman who was perfect for me and kept us all on the straight and narrow, and I still love her dearly and always will despite being split from her for 10 years now. Jane wanted to marry because she saw that as our family complete, and that would be her settled for the rest of her life. As she wasn't married she still felt lost and insecure, even though we lived together as man and wife for the best part of 7 years and the kids call me their dad - it was because of this insecurity that we split. Had we got married I think things would have been very very different.

Not marrying Jane is the biggest regret of my life, and I don't usually ever regret anything. I came out of it broken and I don't know if that can ever be fixed - I still love Jane (even though she has now remarried), I still love and see the kids, still call them my kids and they still call me their dad, but it's not the same as it was and in all truthfullness I am deeply unhappy about that.

Marriage isn't something I am against, it completes some couples - it has its pitfalls, but on the whole I now see it as a good thing.

[Dicky Ticker]

MYK,---No not a celeb,I'm "Speshul":D

[thulfi]

The key is to fart in each others company asap, gets the boundaries moved so you get to know each other quicker.

lmfao
:winner: - the key to every healthy and long lasting marriage eh?

If I collected it in a bag and presented it to her a few days before proposal would this guarantee success?

[Specialone]

lmfao
:winner: - the key to every healthy and long lasting marriage eh?

If I collected it in a bag and presented it to her a few days before proposal would this guarantee success?
I probably wouldnt recommend any bagged or cupcakes that early on mate lol

If a woman sticks around after some right hummdingers then its gotta be love :smt008:smt040.

Dont do the duvet over the head either until you're married, that really pi55es them off.

[lily]

For me and drew marriage was always going to happen, we are both believes in that we want our children to be born in wedlock (please don't read that as in we don't argee with children being born out of it, its just our choice) We also wanted to be married for a few years before children come along, so that people don't think it was a shot gun marriage because of the baby.

Been married now for a year, and I'm not going to say its all been rosy cause it hasn't, its been work, and we have had huge rows which I sure we would of had if we were not married. But in our circumstances its not so easy to walk away, its worth the fight.

For me personally being married is a great thing, I love Drew more than I did when I married him last year, but god he annoys me sometimes (luckly the love is bigger than the annoying part!) When things have gone wrong in previous relationships I've walked away, when me and drew have fights I can't just walk away, I have a home, and bills etc with drew the security of being married and what that brings with it. (For us)

May I ask why the question rai?

Also G in terms of the cost. Both me and drew have said as much as we loved our day, we wouldn't do it like that again.... it was a circus (luckly that cost my parents mainly not us).

[Roberrrrt]

Dont do the duvet over the head either until you're married, that really pi55es them off.

German sauna? :p

[ophic]

...pervious relationships...
oh arrr? :shock: :smt029

[lily]

oh arrr? :shock: :smt029

dam my **** spelling and dyslexia! :(

edited! ;)

[ophic]

dam my **** spelling and dyslexia! :(

edited! ;)
humph. I thought this thread had just got interesting :(

[lily]

humph. I thought this thread had just got interesting :(

Sorry to disappoint

Talking about my pervoius relationships before drew is a whole other thread ;)

[Stig]

I've been married twice.


Me too. 12 years both times.

NEVER getting married again. EVER.

But I am expecting to spend the rest of my days with my lady. :)

[Milky Bar Kid]

Unfortunately I have a habit of attracting twonks who tend to be seeing 57483 other girls at the same time as me but I hope that when I do find the right person they will want to marry me.

I think for me getting married is the icing on the cake. I think I probably would be fairly happy to be with someone whilst "engaged" for ages, but I would like the wedding at some point. But at the same point as I am not with the right man, perhaps things will change when I am?

[Fizzy Fish]

This is very much a matter of personal opinion, essentially only you can decide what you want, nd I'm sure others will differ with my views.

For me though it was always something I anticipated would happen, and I suppose being brought up with my parents/friends parents/relatives in stable married family units probably was an influence.

I do think there are some real positives though, it's far more than just a piece of paper:

It is a commitment to eachother, and TBH if you are sharing finances, kids, etc and can't make a lifelong commitment, that starts to raise some serious questions.
It makes for a clearer family unit, e.g. same surname/for kids too. May be just beaurocracy to some, but it's more than that to me.
I do think it makes you less likely to walk away from the situation if things get tough - for a start it's far harder/more expensive to get out of! But there's a psychological element too. I know several people whose marriages have come back from a few years of seemingly dire and irreconcilable issues to turn around totally and they are now very happy together again. If not married I'm pretty sure most of them would have walked.
From a practical perspective, there are issues around inheritance, financial rights/protection if you aren't married.
Can't say for sure how much of this would have been the case if I hadn't got married, as have never had another very long-term relationship, but I know it wouldn't have felt right to me.

Oh, and in answer to the points about getting married too soon, etc - I got married after 6 mths, brought forward by the need for a visa to live in the same country, but didn't have any doubts about what I was doing. Nothing wrong with making a decision and going for it!

In hindsight maybe at 25 you don't always know exactly what you want, but then maybe you never know yourself 100%! And 8 yrs on it seems to be working just fine :)

Getting married is the easy bit, staying married needs application, loyalty and patience.

Very true! They left that bit out of the fairy tales...

[dizzyblonde]

MYK,---No not a celeb,I'm "Speshul":D

Well according to the Essex boys, I thought it was Peg that was 'speshul' ;-)

[ixlr8]

Quality of marriage depends on the quality of the relationship, i.e. the marriage bit is the non-determining bit. A bloke not allowing himself to be dragged, oops, persuaded into marriage can sift out the partner who wants to be married per se rather than be with you.
Credentials; formerly 20 years married and 20 years psych provider. The experience might have provided some knowledge or maybe not :???: but I doubt very much I'd remarry. (also one of the taken-to-the-cleaners brigade)

[Rai86]

Thank you all for you input. There are some very good views here and also some interesting ways of thinking of things that ive not thought of before!

Cheers orgers xx

[BernardBikerchick]

Since we have a wealth of knowledge and experience here on the org....a question for you...

Do you think that a relationship is complete when said people are married? Or can a relationship be just as fulfilling without being married?

If you feel comfortable, please post your opinions

hi hun ..... do i hear bells >!>!!?!?!! :smt008


well in my honest opinion it doesn't make any difference if you're with the right one and to be frank if it does go wrong when ya wed its a hell of a lot more money to sort if ya married than if not ! trust me !!! 20k in my experience lol !!!!
having said that the idea of one and one only for the rest of your life is a wonderful beautiful rare special thing and if marriage helps that happen then go for gold !! ....... just maybe get a pre nup done lol !

bbc divorceeeeeeeeeee lol

[Rai86]

Can i marry you bbc?xxxx

[ophic]

Can i marry you bbc?xxxx
Isn't there a queue? :confused:

[Rai86]

Isn't there a queue? :confused:

yeh but i picked up a gold bonus card which means i can jump to near the front :smt040

[BIGSTEVE]

As said on a previous post in this thread by myself, I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Good bit of news........... I asked last Monday by loch avich an she said yes :)

[hongman]

Congrats!

Say goodbye to sex, life, friends, bike...







Just kidding, happy for you! :D

[Fizzy Fish]

As said on a previous post in this thread by myself, I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Good bit of news........... I asked last Monday by loch avich an she said yes :)

Congratulations!

Congrats!

Say goodbye to sex, life, friends, bike...


Oh and if it's any consolation, my bike collection got bigger after I got married... :D

[Von Teese]

Oh and if it's any consolation, my bike collection got bigger after I got married... :D
That's not all that got bigger!

(you have a larger fishtank collection too now... ;) )


[Edit] Big Congrats to bigsteve!

[BIGSTEVE]

Thanks guys, muchly chuffed!