Out of the mouths of babes!!!

[cb1000rsteve]

Senario:- father in law wants to buy a new helmet. Me and wife take him to local bike shop. his bike is Purple harley. I say i got a grey and carbon helmet as it looks cool and suits the bike.
The wife then asks the shop assistant if he has a purple helmet to which he replies 'thats a little personal isn't it?'
Me and the father in law in hysterics. Can't take women anywhere!! LOL

Shame really as she normally gets money off things for me. She managed to talk the salesman into knocking £350 off the SV i bought in april

anyone else got a funny wifey/girlfriend story. Please feel free to post so we can laugh too!!!

[tactcom7]

After hearing on the radio that the world cup final was currently nil nil the missus asks
'if it finishes a draw do they both win?'
got about a million more of these from her, bless.

[Specialone]

My firends mrs comes out with some good uns.
Last week while down wales my wife was buying sushi in tescos and asks her if she wants to share the bigger packet, she replies i like it but without the fish.

Also, in nandos, she says after eating her meal " this is the chickiniest chicken i have ever had"

[Dicky Ticker]

On a romantic break at the I.O.W. we were standing at the entrance to the cabaret room,my wife in front and me behind deciding whether to go in or stay in the bar.
If we are going in we will need another couple of drinks so I trot of to the bar leaving my wife standing there. On my way back she is profusely apologising to a man whose wife has tears running down her face.
Aparently she thought I was still behind her and had given me a gentle squeeze on the nuts.The poor guy had shot about 3ft in the air being groped by this strange woman.
She doesn't do it any more.

[mister c]

Mine is a son thing not a wifey one.
My son was about 4 & we went to buy a new bed. The assistant came over & said "can I help you?". I said that we were looking for a new bed.
My son......Bless him said "yes they do, their old one goes creak creak, creak creak, creak creak" I dint know where to put my face.

A pearler from the ex wife.
We were holidaying in Slapton Sands & I mentioned that it was going to be a pig to get home as it would be Bank Holiday Monday, she said that we would be ok as everybody else would be going the other way

[Biker Biggles]

Missus asked a work colleague if he could help her with a French letter.

[allantheboss]

My girlfriend saw me playing Black and White 2 (You play as God against the Aztecs), and she was convinced that the Aztecs were just fictional monsters in the game.

[hongman]

On a romantic break at the I.O.W. we were standing at the entrance to the cabaret room,my wife in front and me behind deciding whether to go in or stay in the bar.
If we are going in we will need another couple of drinks so I trot of to the bar leaving my wife standing there. On my way back she is profusely apologising to a man whose wife has tears running down her face.
Aparently she thought I was still behind her and had given me a gentle squeeze on the nuts.The poor guy had shot about 3ft in the air being groped by this strange woman.
She doesn't do it any more.

This was funny!

[Nick762]

Was walking through the Kitchen section of John Lewis a little while ago. Think the guy a bit ahead of us had been crop spraying and probably thought he had got away with it when suddenly my 2 year old pipes up with POOH! STINK! in an extremely loud voice. Poor thing, must have been just about at her nose level...

[Bri w]

My wife is happy to be 8 and a half stone but would hate to be 8st 7lbs...

There are a million of them

[wyrdness]

A few years ago we were decorating our bathroom with an aquatic theme. We were looking for a suitable handle for a cupboard door and Gemma said "I want a cheesy fishy knob".

[Gordon B]

Once when we were on holiday I told the wife she couldn't hire a push bike if she didn't produce her cycling proficiency certificate.

And she believed me.

Bless.

[Littlepeahead]

I reminded my mum-in-law before a family dinner that I don't eat pork. She replied - 'Nor do I, apart from sausages, and bacon, and ham, and the occaional pork chop'.

[Specialone]

I once told somebody my dad died 2 years before i was born and they believed me ;)

[cuffy]

Can anyone remeber Hansie Cronje? The disgraced South African cricketer and his match fixings.
Well when it was all going on, my ex asked what he had done wrong as he was always in the news.
"throwing matches" i said.

"Really! So what has he set alight too?" came the reply. #-o

[dizzyblonde]

Not GF or wife related but I had a conversation with my son last night who's 8, about adult hair. It went something like this

Me...All big people get hair everywhere, look at Peg
My son...Oh yeah, hes very hairy, but not on his head!!
#-o
Sorry but I found it hilarious, doubt you lot will.

[Messie]

This genuinely happened on saturday. Out shopping with a friend she paid for the stuff with cash. She then asked for 'cashback' as that would leave her short of cash. The assistant explained, very patiently, that cashback was only available when paying by debit card. Friend didn't believe her and left the counter in a bit of a huff. She didn't understand for ages when a) I thought she was joking and b)laughed at her - a lot

[tactcom7]

Erm my missus just asked me if penguins can fly??
She couldn't understand why I nearly wet myself...

[metalangel]

Mrs Metal thought that coyotes didn't exist, that Wile E. Coyote was fictional.

[tactcom7]

Just been asked...
What's the difference between star wars and star trek, they're both set it space aren't they??
Yes dear...

[Dave20046]

What is the difference?

[SoulKiss]

What is the difference?

Neither of them are Serenity?

[SoulKiss]

A few years ago we were decorating our bathroom with an aquatic theme. We were looking for a suitable handle for a cupboard door and Gemma said "I want a cheesy fishy knob".

And that is why you are now banned from Wickes ?

[keithd]

Mrs Metal thought that coyotes didn't exist, that Wile E. Coyote was fictional.

so are you telling me that Wile E Coyote is real?

[metalangel]

She thought a coyote was just something they made up to create his character.