PDA

View Full Version : So what's your best Put Down?


slark01
10-09-10, 01:01 PM
Here is a few :D:
I'll never forget the first time we met -- although I'll keep trying.
I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
You are a couplet short of a sonnet.
A mud pack is good for the complexion. I suggest you leave it on.
All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo.
All of your ancestors must number in the millions...It's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.
Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to the stupid people.
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
Don't let your mind wander - it're far too small to be let out on its own.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
Dont be ignorant all your life. Take a day off, why don't you?
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I can see why you are often lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory.:D
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
I fart to make you smell better.:D
I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes.
I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
Kindness to animals is really important...So please give that face back to the gorilla.
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
I love what you've done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?
I may be fat but you are ugly, and I can lose weight.
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ***.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be mass nuclear annihilation.
Is that your face--or are you breaking it in for a bulldog?
Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know you've got a palm.
Looking at you, I realize what a waste of skin you are.
No, a polygon is not a dead parrot.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
People have every right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege!
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish!
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".
We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
When I want your opinion, I'll rattle your cage!
When you get to the men's room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
The zoo called. The babboons want their butts back, so you'll have to find a new face.
When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
You have the intelligence of a bucket of rocks.
You have the warm personal charm of a millipede.
You know, I do understand you. I have a way with dumb animals.
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
Your face is a waste of molecules.


Ste.

timwilky
10-09-10, 01:07 PM
I used to have a work colleague who was fit as an egg and twice as runny.

We were all out in Manc chester one night, when somebody made the comment, what do they have to do to get in her knickers. Quick as flash she said

Sorry there is only room for one c*** in there. And turned round to me as he went red and limped off into the background saying.

I have been waiting 10 years to use that line.

I have been known to use
Were you born stupid, or does it come naturally?"

Viney
10-09-10, 01:13 PM
I have whey too many and are all relevent at the time.

454697819
10-09-10, 01:17 PM
I use in mid flow..." excuse me, are you still talking"

Paul the 6th
10-09-10, 01:28 PM
"I don't care what they say about you mate, I think you're alright"

or

"You know what I like about you mate, you're not afraid to make yourself look stupid in public"....

CheGuevara
10-09-10, 01:36 PM
If chatting up a girl in a bar, and she's a bit snotty while shooting you down:

"I may not be the best looking guy in this place, but I'm the only one talking to you."

To embarrass the guy at the urinal next to you:

"Hey that's like a p3nis only smaller!" (Warning: Best used on a mate so he doesn't try and knock you out. Actually checking out the goods is neither required nor recommended.)

Best backhanded compliment after a group ride:

"Wow you were really flying when I passed you!"

the_lone_wolf
10-09-10, 01:38 PM
http://www.moronail.net/images/stories/dg_pictures/0806/142.jpg

davepreston
10-09-10, 01:41 PM
ever heard of a oxymoron ,its you breathing
its simple less eating more moving
your parents must have been retards cos your special
*click fingers in thier face* "and sleep"

Owenski
10-09-10, 02:54 PM
F**k off before I get drunk enough to consider ruining both our nights.

Paul the 6th
10-09-10, 03:03 PM
How about a lovely cup of f*** off?

WeegieBlue
10-09-10, 03:17 PM
I'm a vet. My best put down was a Great Dane, January '86......

I'll get m'coat.....

BigBaddad
10-09-10, 03:20 PM
You look like slark.

WeegieBlue
10-09-10, 03:39 PM
You look like slark.
Nice

http://investor.shareholder.com/ceosignature/webcast.cfm?mediaid=31568&k=4CC2CBC96DCCFF4F63F779887648CBDA

:D

Mighty Boosh
10-09-10, 03:49 PM
Tis a case of mind over matter.

I don't mind and you don't matter.


Do you know the best sexual position for making ugly babies?

No!

But your parents do.


My favorite put down..

You're entitled to your own opinion...

As much as i'm entitled not to care for it.:-dd

Owenski
10-09-10, 03:59 PM
Clearly your not too bright, so concentrate on the following words for me "GO-A-WAY"

slark01
10-09-10, 04:07 PM
You look like slark.

Nice

http://investor.shareholder.com/ceosignature/webcast.cfm?mediaid=31568&k=4CC2CBC96DCCFF4F63F779887648CBDA

:D

LOL, not that good looking :-)

Ste.

davepreston
10-09-10, 04:29 PM
one girth told me he'd heard
can i have your number
sure its 0 1 2 1 fecking do one

Spiderman
10-09-10, 05:10 PM
A Marx Brothers classic.... madame i never forget a face but in your case i'm happy to make an exception.

And to the chick he's just had dinner with with the waiter hands him the bill...." my god, have you seen the prices here/ i wouldnt pay that if i was you" as he gets up and sits at the next table and starts chatting up another woman.

Paul the 6th
10-09-10, 06:12 PM
"I could stay here and talk to you but I'd rather trap my nob in a door"? That made Luckypants laugh in isle of man :)

Specialone
10-09-10, 06:15 PM
one girth told me he'd heard
can i have your number
sure its 0 1 2 1 fecking do one

0121 do one is a common brummie saying :)

I like... ' f**k you, you f**king f**k'

Or the clint eastwood classic...'f**k you and the horse you rode in on'

Mr Speirs
11-09-10, 04:40 PM
My favorite:

Oh my god!! You're still talking aren't you?

Messie
11-09-10, 04:57 PM
In these shoes? I don't think so

Suskie
11-09-10, 10:42 PM
'If I could care less... I would!'

Nelson
11-09-10, 11:04 PM
In mid conversation, put your hand up in universal stop position, and say with righteous indignation "Now, hold on a minute, I'll stop you there..." then instantly pretend to fall asleep, snoring loudly...

Works every time!

tonyk
12-09-10, 12:06 AM
A lady at work said to me i needed a shave, so i replied so do you....
found out late,r she was my new Supervisor.....no wonder every one around me went quite...:-dd

Kalessin
12-09-10, 03:03 PM
The only one that springs to mind at the moment (from Stand By Me):

Did your mother have any kids that lived?

Viney
12-09-10, 03:16 PM
Have i got something on my chin?

Which one?

mcgrimes
12-09-10, 03:17 PM
Recently Heard this, not sure were from but i like it;

Specsavers have got a 2 for 1 offer on, handy for a 2 faced ass like yourself.

yorkie_chris
12-09-10, 03:47 PM
A straight right to the jaw will do it...

Viney
12-09-10, 03:49 PM
:lol:

simesb
12-09-10, 03:57 PM
Just because you have hair on your face doesn't mean you can talk like a 'muff' (or variable thereof) ;)

Stonesie
12-09-10, 05:37 PM
The only one that springs to mind at the moment (from Stand By Me):

Did your mother have any kids that lived?


It was in Full Metal Jacket too, NOT WORK SAFE unless your boss appreciates excessive swearing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyC0BmTYTgI

3:52

A few seconds later
Your so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.


That's what I like about you mate... F**K ALL!! is a local one.

Or offer them 50p, there's a phone box outside, go call someone who cares.

seedy100
12-09-10, 06:44 PM
Your a wast of a good skin.
No sorry
Your a waste of a skin.

blue curvy jester
14-09-10, 10:53 AM
do one and stop stealing my oxygen

only works when 2 ugly birds come to chat , 'ok i give up wheres cinders' ( strangley this only happens at the beginning of the nite i only get chatted up by attractive birds after some beers )

Sosha
14-09-10, 11:55 AM
"To say I Will die tis true,
but for the love of you, No."


Also quite fond of the Dude's "Sorry What?"