View Full Version : The perfect D**P :-)
slark01
15-09-10, 06:31 PM
Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect d**p, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.:p
Amen.
Ste.
Wideboy
15-09-10, 06:33 PM
oh dear :lol:
Specialone
15-09-10, 06:35 PM
It would have to stand up in the water like a proud iceberg to be perfect :)
BigBaddad
15-09-10, 06:47 PM
And it slips round the u bend without a trace.
Personally I quite like a well aimed splash, certainly wakes you up.
AndyBrad
15-09-10, 07:46 PM
lol
widepants
15-09-10, 07:47 PM
:smt056
-Ralph-
15-09-10, 08:12 PM
Can you describe the perfect w**k?
andrewsmith
15-09-10, 08:16 PM
haha
uber smut tonite on the ze org
Personally I quite like a well aimed splash, certainly wakes you up.
pmsl loads.
Sat there at 6am on a cold winter's morning praying it doesn't splash coz you know it will be so cold you leave fingernail impressions in the ceiling.
-Ralph-
15-09-10, 08:22 PM
haha
uber smut tonite on the ze org
Smut?
Start Monday with a midday meeting somewhere local so I don't have to drag my a**e out of bed 'till 11. Tuesday working at home and surfing the org, until the wife comes in feeling frisky. Wednesday a midday meeting in London so i can spend mid mornng and mid afternoon asleep on the train. etc, etc, etc...
What did you think I meant by the perfect w**k?
andrewsmith
15-09-10, 08:22 PM
phail!!!
DarrenSV650S
15-09-10, 09:21 PM
:lol: it is strangely satisfying lol
metalangel
16-09-10, 08:12 AM
Can you describe the perfect w**k?
You don't use your hands... a pair of t*ts instead. ;)
PsychoCannon
16-09-10, 09:35 AM
You may want to be more specific about that last point or bear may supprise you at the next AR :)
timwilky
16-09-10, 09:41 AM
Oh dear
The org has descended to toilet humour. For me perfect is when you have to beat it down with the bog brush to get the lid down.
Not my fault the wife says put the lid down when you finish. Now she also adds and make sure it gets round the bend.
andrewsmith
16-09-10, 09:44 AM
hahahaha
quality Tim
Jayneflakes
16-09-10, 10:12 AM
Am I so alone in being hugely offended by this?
How very dare you state that a good fart should be not be a part of a good payload drop. A huge trumpet should leave you feeling your tummy shrinking back down and the noise still reverberating in your ears, a sudden gust should leave your cubical fragrant of muck spreading and Pig farms after heavy rain.
I shall write to my MP about this, again!
Why does this thread make me laugh so much, iz it coz I iz common? ;-)
metalangel
16-09-10, 10:13 AM
You should come visit my office Jayne, it's not unheard of for someone to lift one leg slightly and let one rip before declaring 'More tea, vicar?'
slark01
16-09-10, 10:26 AM
Why does this thread make me laugh so much, iz it coz I iz common? ;-)
Well I was hoping it would make people smile, when I started the thread. :-)
Ste.
Amanda M
16-09-10, 10:30 AM
Chuckling away here :p Nowt more satisfying than a ghost poo ;)
i think a good challenge to set yourself is to try getting your shi-ite rebels to reach the water before the cut-off point ;)
Jayneflakes
16-09-10, 11:29 AM
You should come visit my office Jayne, it's not unheard of for someone to lift one leg slightly and let one rip before declaring 'More tea, vicar?'
Aww, thank you for the kind offer. My Dad used to say "more Tea Vicar!" I never understood where it came from. :cool:
Well I was hoping it would make people smile, when I started the thread. :-)
Ste.
Well, worked for me. I can honestly say that despite my rather good and very expensive education, I have not at any time in my life laughed quite as hard as I do with a good fart joke! I am not a complex woman... :D
Aww, thank you for the kind offer. My Dad used to say "more Tea Vicar!" I never understood where it came from. :cool:
Thanks Jayne, you really know how to make an old man feel old. I remember the gag on TV.
dizzyblonde
16-09-10, 11:35 AM
Prefer total annihilation myself.
Let rip and gas anyone within arms length.
I'm with Jayne.
Better out than in:smt045
dizzyblonde
16-09-10, 01:38 PM
ergh @ dizzyblonde
And I suppose only you and the Queen don't fart?
All women don't fart. Please don't ruin my sweet little image.
dizzyblonde
16-09-10, 01:59 PM
Only real women, who aren't shy, fart.
You saying you couldn't imagine
<<<<<<this burd, not being able to stifle a thunderous trump?
On a different note, I hate farting on a bike, your gear feels all warm, cause it doesn't escape.
And you blokes really can't say you haven't thought this when out on yours!
andrewsmith
16-09-10, 02:10 PM
yes and I've gassed meself on the move
Nothing like a good blokey fart on a cold ride I can imagine ;)
Burping isnt much better whilst riding either. Your helmet means you smell your stomache.
metalangel
17-09-10, 07:57 AM
All women don't fart. Please don't ruin my sweet little image.
This. Women's bums are there for two things: to look nice, and for sexual purposes. Nothing EVER comes out of them. You're all pristine goddesses.
Jayneflakes
17-09-10, 10:00 AM
This. Women's bums are there for two things: to look nice, and for sexual purposes. Nothing EVER comes out of them. You're all pristine goddesses.
One morning only last week, my partner awoke to find her arms wrapped around me and my head nestled into her shoulder, it was a beautiful moment for her and she gently kissed my still sleeping face.
To which, I turned over, snuggled into my pillow and farted like a fog horn!
:-dd
slark01
17-09-10, 10:06 AM
One morning only last week, my partner awoke to find her arms wrapped around me and my head nestled into her shoulder, it was a beautiful moment for her and she gently kissed my still sleeping face.
To which, I turned over, snuggled into my pillow and farted like a fog horn!
:-dd
LOL :-)
Ste
Drew Carey
17-09-10, 10:11 AM
Hehe....this thread has made me laugh. Thank you.
On the subject of farting in leathers....anyone ever done that and thought, "Best stop, else my pillion might feel that"!!!! :D
I have also had the thought on a ride out, after having chilli the night before....."Best not, else I might have an accident". Can't be nice in leathers in 25oC!!!!! :D
dizzyblonde
17-09-10, 11:46 AM
Hehe....this thread has made me laugh. Thank you.
On the subject of farting in leathers....anyone ever done that and thought, "Best stop, else my pillion might feel that"!!!! :D
I have also had the thought on a ride out, after having chilli the night before....."Best not, else I might have an accident". Can't be nice in leathers in 25oC!!!!! :D
Sometimes it does make you wonder
'oh god thats too warm for just a fart, surely?'
As for accidents, the best person to ask about that is Smudge, hes not keen on remembering a certain North Wales rideout.:mad:
xXBADGERXx
17-09-10, 09:28 PM
Jeeeeeesus , outta here
widepants
17-09-10, 11:31 PM
I have an allergy to onions ,and it takes about half an hour for the magic to work.
monday It was fried onion time.
Was I a bad man to laugh when the misses gagged out loud
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