An open letter to the Motorcycle industry

[Berlin]

Dear Motorcycle industry peeps,

Please stop making motorcycles more powerful then fitting anti wheelie, traction control and mode buttons.

Its stupid!

Just make them less powerful!

Love and kisses,

Carl

[andrewsmith]

:drink::smt038

Well said!!!

or turn off the gimmicks. I would

[davepreston]

Dear Motorcycle industry peeps,

Please stop making motorcycles more powerful then fitting anti wheelie, traction control and mode buttons.

Its stupid!

Just make them less powerful!

Love and kisses,

Carl
dear carl

thanks for your letter, but we feel we must correct you on some points
yes we make more powerful bikes but are fully aware that there are plenty of muppets who cant ride them (see left)

we add these anti power ranger devices for such spastics whom want a nice expencive shiney shiney but then think they are rossi even tho they put 60 miles on the clock a year

as im sure your aware anyone with half a brain cell can disengage these systems with nothing more than a screwdriver and black nasty, but this situation obviously stops the aboved mentioned morons from doing so.

we hope this has answered your questions to why we use the anti retard devices for said weekend warrior, dumb ass, can ride fecking stupid pr1cks

yours
people from the motorcycle industry

[jambo]

Dear Motorcycle industry peeps,

Please stop making motorcycles more powerful then fitting anti wheelie, traction control and mode buttons.

Its stupid!

Just make them less powerful!

Love and kisses,

Carl
Dear Carl,
When people stop demanding Rossi's bike with all it's gimicks, we'll stop making them. Have you considered one of our dirt bikes? They're pretty simples.

Love & Kisses
The Motorcycle Industry

[Berlin]

Dear Motortcycle industry,

You may indeed find that people would rather have the bikes cheaper at the expense of the gimmicks.

After all, several of your members now offer a lesser model from the top model that doesn't have all the bells and whistles.

I presume you agree or wouldn't have allowed Aprilia to launch their lesser model or Ducati to launch theirs.

With full traction control now available on bikes with "only" 137 bhp (new MV 675 F3) ist a downward spriral.

Perhapse you should have a little chat with your friends over at the Motorcycle Racing Rules industry and see if you can agree that it was a mistake to put traction control on everything so it can be used in racing classes where it will force those who don't have it as standard to introduce it to compete on the track. We are now likely to see a whole raft of 600 bikes with traction contron, just to keep up with MV Augusta on track.

This will cost them, then us a lot of money and the prices are likely to be hiked again!

Fluffy bunnies, Carl

[simesb]

Dear Motortcycle industry,

You may indeed find that people would rather have the bikes cheaper at the expense of the gimmicks.

After all, several of your members now offer a lesser model from the top model that doesn't have all the bells and whistles.

I presume you agree or wouldn't have allowed Aprilia to launch their lesser model or Ducati to launch theirs.

With full traction control now available on bikes with "only" 137 bhp (new MV 675 F3) ist a downward spriral.

Perhapse you should have a little chat with your friends over at the Motorcycle Racing Rules industry and see if you can agree that it was a mistake to put traction control on everything so it can be used in racing classes where it will force those who don't have it as standard to introduce it to compete on the track. We are now likely to see a whole raft of 600 bikes with traction contron, just to keep up with MV Augusta on track.

This will cost them, then us a lot of money and the prices are likely to be hiked again!

Fluffy bunnies, Carl

Dear Carl

I am glad you acknowledge the success of our business model. Whilst we strive to keep costs down to increase profit margin, we will continue to increase the price of bikes as long as people keep buying them. We could make cheaper bikes if we tried, but what is in it for us?

Regarding racing, we would be delighted for you to buy a new bike in order to keep up with TC bikes as obviously the technology makes them faster. Remember, second hand sales are not great for our business.

Yours

The Motorcycle Industry

[timwilky]

Dear Carl

Over the past 15 years, we the motorcycle industry have been striving to refocus our target customer form the traditional motorcyclist who owns a motorcycle because he is too poor to buy a car, to our new target motorcyclist who has the money to buy state of the art motorcycles and this allows us to generate a return on investment from the research and development we put into motorcycle racing.

We are delighted, young and aspiring motorcycle racers such as yourself see the benefit we are bringing to your sport and thank you for the investment you inturn make in our industry in order to remain competitive.



Yours


The Motorcycle Industry

[Red Herring]

Dear Carl,

There's a great little bike out there that we think will fit all of your requirements. It's called a Suzuki SV650, you may even have heard of it.

Kind regards,
The Motorcycle Industry.

[Biker Biggles]

Dear Carl.
You can always buy a five year old superbike for a pittance without the bells and whistles.You will certainly enjoy it just as much if not more than a very expensive new one.You are the sort ofr person that p1ss us off no end,
Yours The Motorcycle Industry.

[Paul the 6th]

Dear Carl,

thank you for your enquiry but we are sorry to have to inform you that we no longer make Firey Jalapeno Lubricant, nor the Lemon and Lime ball gags, however we do have a comprehensive range of new and improved novelty sex toys available through our retail outlets in the UK.

We like to reward out loyal customers, so please find enclosed 2 x VIP passes to the "Pink Flamingo Bondage Club" opening in Cramlington on December 3rd 2010.

Kind regards, Bobbins bits for boys

[Bluefish]

There's always one, that's this thread gone.

[andrewsmith]

theres alway one but its laugh!
Nice 1 paul!

[monkey]

Dear Carl,

I suppose you'd like us to start making sports bikes that real men of a manly frame and stature can ride without crippling up after 50 miles? Well it ain't gonna happen.

[Daimo]

Dear Carl

How the hell are we supposed to pay these pesky motorcycle racers if we dont put on the gimmicks to sell the bikes? Please think logically, or change brand to another lesser manufacture that does not include said safety aid.

Regards

Motorcycle industry.

[littleoldman]

so please find enclosed 2 x VIP passes to the "Pink Flamingo Bondage Club" opening in Cramlington on December 3rd 2010.

I live in Cram any chance of two tickets, OK just one cos I got no mates

[davepreston]

I got no mates
dont worry neither does paul ;)

[Berlin]

Dear Motorcycle industry.

My Duprilia 1600 GSRi has just been through its first winter and both Gyros have rotted, can you let me know how much I need to remortgage by, so I can replace them?

Also, the Integrated anti everything system needs recalibration. How many children will I need to sell?

Thanks,
Carl

[simesb]

Dear Motorcycle industry.

My Duprilia 1600 GSRi has just been through its first winter and both Gyros have rotted, can you let me know how much I need to remortgage by, so I can replace them?

Also, the Integrated anti everything system needs recalibration. How many children will I need to sell?

Thanks,
Carl

Dear Carl

For safety reasons the Gyros on your Duprilia 1600 GSRi are not replaceable. However, if you contact your local dealer he will be happy to sell you a new bike so that you can benefit from Gyros v2.0 which we believe can provide benefits of up to 0.01s/lap.

Regarding the Integrated Anti-everything, we regret to inform you we can only accept cold hard cash. (note that some dealers may take children in p/x if they are female, attractive, and aged 16+)

Yours

The Motorcycle Industry

[timwilky]

Dear Carl

Your gyros have not rotted, you are using them incorrectly. Their purpose is to maintain your stability, however this is related to the orientation of the gyros and their induced turning forces. In short, you are not going fast enough or cranking it over far enough. You have invested in the weekend warrior variant of the Duprilla and failed to use the wet weekends reading the instruction manual. The anti everything recalibration can easily be achieved by polishing your knob on a regular basis whenever you give the 1600 GSRi its weekly visual inspection.

Yours grasping for a better excuse

The Motorcycle Industry.