Your Dumbest Bike Maintenance Moment

[Owenski]

Following on from a new members post which seems to have been a highlight of last week for many organs, I thought it would bring some light hearted cheer for you all to share with the rest of the org your biggest biking related facepalm moment.

To get the ball rolling, I could pick from a few but the one which comes with the luckiest escape has to be:
Fitted a new chain and sprocket kit prior to AR last year, during the ride down whilst exiting the motorway noticed my clutch lever felt a bit heavy so pulled over to inspect it. I found while pulling in the clutch the chain would bounce up and down. To my horror looking through the gap at the sprocket cover I could see my front sproket had come off, the nut completely loose rattling around staying on by pure luck.
Manged to get to a garrage thanks to AndyBrads blackberry where I had the finer points of a locking washer explained to me. Turns out in my haste to fit the front sprocket I never bent the washer over the nut... stupid really could have been a lot worse, but lesson learnt!

[dizzyblonde]

Suzy broke down yet again, only a short way from home, dark night off on the nighshift one cold November.

FOoking bag o sh1te!

Pushed her home.

Called YC after the weekend,

He came over to take a look

' Lou, what do you need for your bike to run?'

'eerrrr, dunnoo petrol'

#slaps head#

Wasn't totally stupid, her fuel sensor had got a little corroded, so the light failed.

DOH.

[timwilky]

damm you, you are thinking similar to me today with my inexcusable ineptitude thread. I wonder if we were prompted from the same source

[-Ralph-]

Don't think I've had a really bad blonde moment on the bike, but I once spent an hour with my head upside down in the engine bay, trying to figure out how to remove this engine cover

http://media2.blackfalconmedia.com/2006/6/medium/2060607.001.1M.jpg

removed all kinds of screws, clips, still it wouldn't come loose.

Went in the house to search the internet and the Seat Cupra forum gave me the answer,

"put your hands underneath it and pull like hell"

So, cover off I put it on the floor behind me, and serviced the car, until it came to replacing the air filter. Air intake is obvious, but it's just a open black pipe, couldn't see anything that looked like an airbox anywhere, so back into the house onto the Seat Cupra forum

"Can't find the airbox!"
"Did you get the engine cover off?"
"Yes"
"Where did you put it?"
"On the floor behind me"
"Then you've found the airbox - It's behind you!!"

Undid the clips, opened the engine cover, and there is the air box moulded into the interior shape of the cover, and a nice wee slot containing the old air filter.

Bl00dy modern cars... :mad:

[fizzwheel]

first one.

I had been doing some work on the bike, I think I had unbolted the clutch and brake lever to spin them around the bar a little to improve my comfort. Un did the bolts, moved the levers, went in doors put on bike kit and thought I'd go and try it. Went to start bike, ignition on, all the dash lights on, thumb the starter and it was dead as a door knob.

Cue 20 minutes of cursing and swearing, then I looked at the kill switch, set it back to the run position and off we went.

second one

Trying to remove the baffle from the blue flame can with circlip pliers, cue again much frustration and general throwing of tools around in a temper, Liz comes out of the house, picks the pliers up and takes the circlip off at the first attempt and then looks at me smuggly and goes back indoors again.

I dont help myself sometimes do I...

[AndyBrad]

Following on from a new members post which seems to have been a highlight of last week for many organs, I thought it would bring some light hearted cheer for you all to share with the rest of the org your biggest biking related facepalm moment.

To get the ball rolling, I could pick from a few but the one which comes with the luckiest escape has to be:
Fitted a new chain and sprocket kit prior to AR last year, during the ride down whilst exiting the motorway noticed my clutch lever felt a bit heavy so pulled over to inspect it. I found while pulling in the clutch the chain would bounce up and down. To my horror looking through the gap at the sprocket cover I could see my front sproket had come off, the nut completely loose rattling around staying on by pure luck.
Manged to get to a garrage thanks to AndyBrads blackberry where I had the finer points of a locking washer explained to me. Turns out in my haste to fit the front sprocket I never bent the washer over the nut... stupid really could have been a lot worse, but lesson learnt!

can i follow that up with the guy i was following on the ar also forgot to tighten his rear axle nut, i mean.... ;)


i think my greatest was on a mini, i used to take the wheels off regulary to clean under the arches (yes yes i know) and procedded to jump on the breaker bar to make sure the wheel nuts were nice and tight afterwards. Driving from barnsley to sheffield (and passing a school) all of a sudden i herd a clunk, followed by the car grinding its way down the road. Needless to say the wheel nuts had sheared off all within the space of a few feet and the front wheel popped off and under the car.


lesson learned about torque wrenches. :)

[STRAMASHER]

On my 1st bike, a Mean-Green KDX125SR, and my 1st (of many) punctures on it, I took the wheel out and over to a bikee mate to get the fairy liquid oot and start to get it fixed.

Job jobbed.

Put the wheel back in and could not get the rear caliper back on so I err,em... Sellotaped the caliper to the swingarm and rode the few miles to the local garage.

I feared the mechanic would split his sides when he saw it from laughing(and invited others out to see my bodginess.)

Turns out I had dropped a wheel spacer. Found it at the house and everything went back on fine.

And then my chain fell off going round a roundabout.....:rolleyes::)

[ChrisSV]

On me first 125, I pulled into the petrol station, as normal, filled up, payed etc. Then I set off as normal only to try and turn left out onto the road to find I'd left the sidestand down, then when I got home, I tried to put the bike on it's stand and realised I hadn't put the stand down, and duely fell over.

Next, on the day of trading in me 125 for me SV, I gave it a good clean, that included the brake disc, for some reason or another, I thought I'd clean it, so I picked up what I thought was a can of brake cleaner and soaked me disc in it, to find it was WD40...oops :D

[AndyBrad]

oooh bike. i think the dumbest was playing with the idle on the sv before leaving work. It didnt seem to be doing anything so i set off. As i got to the top of the ramp at work i realised i had actually lowered the idle and as my front wheel bounced down the curb it stalled. Thing is im quite short and the rear wheel was on the curb. thus i was paddling in mid air! bike on its side and infront of a load of people. Gutted. I tend to leave things to settle before riding off now :)

[Biker Biggles]

More a lack of maintenance moment but,
On an old Brit bike with cable operated brakes I had failed to notice the front cable was past its best and it duly pulled the nipple off at the lever just when approaching a 90' right hander downhill and too fast.

[gruntygiggles]

I'm just waiting to see what Stretchie and Squirrel_Hunter put up in here ;-)

[Rog]

Still bike related.

When I was 10, I started looking after my own pushbike maintenance and on one occasision had to take the front wheel to straighten the mudguard.

Job done, wheel on and off down the road I go. Imagine my suprise when on the first wheelie my front wheel comes off and as a desend and stop most abruptly with forks in the ground, I find out where face plants hurt so much in tarmac.

Having your front teeth smashed through your top lip is a painful reminder to make sure your nuts are tight enough!

[tactcom7]

Not really maintenance related but it really annoyed me at the time.
Had my curvy stripped down ready to sell. Engine was out and ready to be sold. Decided i'd best drain the thing first. So looking around the garage I spy a red plastic bucket 'looks sturdy enough' I think to myself. So I pop it on top and after a bit of a wobble and a mini collapse the bucket holds and I remove the oil and coolant plugs. Job jobbed.
So half an hour later my mate pops by to see what i'm doing.
'that bucket looks like it's going to collapse Si!'
'Ha you fool it's been like that for 30 minutes it's as steady as a...'
almighty crash followed by about 6 litres of oil and coolant tidal wave flowing over my mates garage and a cracked water pump cover just for good measure.
Gutted.

[andrewsmith]

Unlucky mate!!

Mine is the ye old snapped sump plug. I'm waiting for the gems to be put up!

DB and tactcom are joint leaders

[El Saxo]

I'm just waiting to see what Stretchie and Squirrel_Hunter put up in here ;-)

I might as well get mine in now before Stretchie does it for me! :lol:

First time DIY-servicing the bike, it wouldn't start after being stood for a few months. We set about checking lots of stuff, first of all the killswitch so being quite sensible at this point, despite being very hungover!

We took the petrol tank off to drain the old fuel out, spilling it all over the place in the process. At this point I spotted that the rear spark plug was now easily accessible and decided to test it.

The spark plug worked, and the resulting small explosion from the spilled petrol knocked Stretchie's pot noodle over! :lol:

[Littlepeahead]

I have a custom seat but when Mr LPH wrote his bike off I bought a standard seat so he could ride my SV as I was in a plaster cast with my broken elbow so was not riding it myself.

As I went to bolt the seat on using my one working hand I somehow managed to flick the bolt into the bike frame where it got wedged in a completely unreachable place. I spent ages trying to poke it with things to get it out, not helped by my cat sticking his paw in the way as he thought it was a new game. Most frustrating.

[cb1000rsteve]

My mate had been on a track day over the weekend and had wets on his road bike. as monday was a nice day we decided to go for a ride straight after work. In our haste to get the wheels changed over we'd over tightened the chain so as we left and he shut the throttle to turn out of the road he did the slowest high side i've ever seen!!!! and to add insult to injury it went down on the right hand side cracking his carbon akrapovic can, and scathing his new rizmo throttle and his new rearsets!!! Plus his house is the last on the street so the junction was a total of 20 yards from his driveway. Gutted didn't come close!!! Then during that same ride my mate took a stone through his radiator, who in turn through stones up into anothers screen smashing it, i chipped the paint on my tank and my mates new Guintolli rep Worx Suzuki 1000 GSXR took stone chips on the fender and bottom fairing. All in all a pretty crap day for all involved

[bluebird]

In my defense, I'm new to biking, I bought my first and only bike in April.

I fitted a 12v socket to my bike on a sunday afternoon and left the bike garaged till the following sunday. Got the bike out to go a ride but the bike wouldn't start, "how can I fit a 12v socket sooo badly that it drains the battery in 1 week???" Seat off, disconnect socket, seat on, still won't start. I Check internet to see if bikes can be 'jump-started', affirmitive!! I manage to Push the bike up the drive, jumps on, ignition on, rolls down hill and tries jump-starting......wheel locks, tried again....same happened, again, again. Now at bottom of hill, parks bike, runs up the hill (in leathers/boots/helmet), phones mate and tells him to bring his jump-leads. we get back to the bike. Seat off, jump-leads on, ignite...nothing!?!?!? I start wondering that if battery is sooo flat, why is the clock all lit up??? it suddenly dawns on me..........

......and I now know that the 'kill-switch' works properly DOH!!!!

[yorkie_chris]

Oh god, where do I start.

A selection, not including ones that ended up being injured or on fire;

Changing a tyre;
The morning after a seriously good drink lasting at least 15 hours.
Removed the wheel, broke the bead, removed the tyre. Fitted the new tyre, blew it up to pop the beads on. Thought "hmmm looks a bit bal... B*STARD!" refitted the old tyre again!
Broke the bead, removed the tyre, fitted the NEW tyre. Blew it up to pop the beads on, went to balance i... "B*STARD!"... tyre fitted the wrong way!

Gave it up as a bad job and went back to bed.


#2

Prepared to remove the front sprocket nut from an SV, all the previous ones been seized on to death. Using skilful bribery procured a Brother to stand on the back brake, bit of wood through the swingarm. 3 foot breaker bar and massive impact socket, JUMP on the breaker bar... Which swings with no resistance as the nut is barely more than finger tight... land on the floor in a heap and spill your brew!

[Dave20046]

Oh god, where do I start.

A selection, not including ones that ended up being injured or on fire;

Changing a tyre;
The morning after a seriously good drink lasting at least 15 hours.
Removed the wheel, broke the bead, removed the tyre. Fitted the new tyre, blew it up to pop the beads on. Thought "hmmm looks a bit bal... B*STARD!" refitted the old tyre again!
Broke the bead, removed the tyre, fitted the NEW tyre. Blew it up to pop the beads on, went to balance i... "B*STARD!"... tyre fitted the wrong way!

Gave it up as a bad job and went back to bed.


#2

Prepared to remove the front sprocket nut from an SV, all the previous ones been seized on to death. Using skilful bribery procured a Brother to stand on the back brake, bit of wood through the swingarm. 3 foot breaker bar and massive impact socket, JUMP on the breaker bar... Which swings with no resistance as the nut is barely more than finger tight... land on the floor in a heap and spill your brew!
#3? :smt039

[yorkie_chris]

Ahhhh #3 was likely adding a bit of "fork oil" and on thinking "hmmmm that seemed to pour a bit easily" realise it was actually premium unleaded and castrol TTS.

Wasting PREMIUM unleaded pouring it into forks... FFS...

[dizzyblonde]

Prepared to remove the front sprocket nut from Dizzyblondes yellow SV, all the previous ones been seized on to death. Using skilful bribery procured a Brother to stand on the back brake, bit of wood through the swingarm. 3 foot breaker bar and massive impact socket, JUMP on the breaker bar... Which swings with no resistance as the nut is barely more than finger tight... land on the floor in a heap and spill your brew!


edited;)

I shall never ever forget that, made me laugh after you'd spent nearly a week removing the exhaust studs.

Exhibit A....the said sprocket nut, top right corner.

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb45/loubi650/2008_01260010.jpg

....spot whats wrong with this picture

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb45/loubi650/2008_02080006.jpg

[dizzyblonde]

Not really maintenance related but it really annoyed me at the time.
Had my curvy stripped down ready to sell. Engine was out and ready to be sold. Decided i'd best drain the thing first. So looking around the garage I spy a red plastic bucket 'looks sturdy enough' I think to myself. So I pop it on top and after a bit of a wobble and a mini collapse the bucket holds and I remove the oil and coolant plugs. Job jobbed.
So half an hour later my mate pops by to see what i'm doing.
'that bucket looks like it's going to collapse Si!'
'Ha you fool it's been like that for 30 minutes it's as steady as a...'
almighty crash followed by about 6 litres of oil and coolant tidal wave flowing over my mates garage and a cracked water pump cover just for good measure.
Gutted.

Thats a bit like the Carnivore YPVS350LC restoration. Original tank, very old, very rare. I says
'oooo that looks like a rather big bit of rust love...'
'yes dear, don't feckin touch it, I need to treat it'

Two days later his mate Bishop says
' ooooo that looks like a rather big bit of rust mate'

'yeah Kev, don't feckin touch.....'

Too late, one big fat Bishops finger through the tank:smt103

Rather a long and stressful time trying to find a YPVS tank:(

[Dave20046]

Ahhhh #3 was likely adding a bit of "fork oil" and on thinking "hmmmm that seemed to pour a bit easily" realise it was actually premium unleaded and castrol TTS.

Wasting PREMIUM unleaded pouring it into forks... FFS...

There we go :)

Didn't know whether laugh or cry when I realised you weren't smelling the fork oil for some ghey engineering flourish pretending you could smell the viscosity or something...but in fact got a whiff of petrol.

I bet you've still got both the identical bottles next to each other!

[yorkie_chris]

I bet you've still got both the identical bottles next to each other.

Yah but I turned them round so I can see the side of the Pro-RSF bottle that has PETROL written on it in fat f***-off marker pen...

[barwel1992]

sticking one of those small (ish) bottles of redx in my moped, after putting it in i read the back.... it says should do 5 60l tanks, then thinking to my self hmm its only done one 8L tank :lol:

[andrewsmith]

sticking one of those small (ish) bottles of redx in my moped, after putting it in i read the back.... it says should do 5 60l tanks, then thinking to my self hmm its only done one 8L tank :lol:

Go bang?

[Bibio]

17 years old with a KH100 built from a basket case (brothers hand me down). beautiful summers day in Leith Links at the B&B i was staying in i decided to try and fix the dodgy timing.

engine casing off fly wheel out points and condenser out new points and condenser in gap set fly wheel back in and off we go. decided to take it down the end of the road and back, gets to about 300 yards away from front of B&B where everyone is gathered having a muck around when Lance decided to look down and see if the points are arcing out.

has a look a bit to long and when i looked up there was a Mini parked right in my way i tried to swerve but failed, crashed into Mini and went flying landing on my head in the middle of the road.

bloke on another bike stopped traffic and came to see if i was alright took one look at me lying there pishing myself laughing and picked me up shook his head walked back to his bike and off he went. meanwhile everyone gathered were on the floor rolling about in laughter and asked if i would do it again. my then girlfriends brother was not to amused as it was his Mini i crashed into and dented his new rear bumper.

i never did get that timing fixed and have only recently found out that my brother in his wisdom shaved the induction disc which resulted in the bike having the symptoms of a limiter.

[barwel1992]

Go bang?

no just surged like mad and cut out every 5 seconds !

drained the fuel out when i got home (2 miles)

[Dave20046]

sticking one of those small (ish) bottles of redx in my moped, after putting it in i read the back.... it says should do 5 60l tanks, then thinking to my self hmm its only done one 8L tank :lol:

Plonker!
Don't worry you're not the only one I've seen another chav kid do this, but he seized his within minutes :p

[barwel1992]

Plonker!
Don't worry you're not the only one I've seen another chav kid do this, but he seized his within minutes :p

cheeky fook lol, i was 16 and i put it in because bike was running lumpy after jetting though it was cr&p in the jet so got some of that but didn't read it before :p

ohh and it did seize about 2 months later (the crank welded it self to the bearings :lol: )

[lukemillar]

Couple spring to mind...

Getting fed up with peeling off scrutineering stickers of my windscreen, I decide to brute force it with some brake cleaner!The sticker glue disappeared pretty quickly to be left with a white frosty stain all over my screen :(

Bought a new bike a few days ago and go to ride it into work. Get the bike out the garage, starter turns, bike doesn't fire. Now, I figure that the battery might just be a bit weak and I live up a pretty big hill, so I figure I'll bump it! Cue 5 mins of rolling down the hill (its a pretty big hill with a lot of bends) and the feckin thing won't fire. Nothing. I get to the bottom and am now late for for work. About to ditch the bike ans start running back up to get my van, when I check the kill switch...

Seriously!? What retarded kill switch design just cuts spark, but not power to the starter motor!? I hang my head in shame. :oops:

[andrewsmith]

Seriously!? What retarded kill switch design just cuts spark, but not power to the starter motor!? I hang my head in shame. :oops:

A 1989 Honda VFR 400?

[lukemillar]

A 1989 Honda VFR 400?

That would be the one :wink:

[metalangel]

As mentioned in the other thread about stupidity, here is the full version of me removing a topbox mount from my CB500 in preparation for trading it in for an SV the next day:

Upon my arrival home today I immediately headed into the garage with a friend's socket and my own toolset, and an empty Magners box to put all the bits in. This is to remove the topbox bracket from the bike, as the dealer won't give me anything extra for it if I leave it on when I trade it in. The time is (or rather, was) 16:15, and I figure I could be done in well under an hour since I'm just doing it all in reverse.

16:20 All the bolts are out of the rear fairing, the handle on the back is off, the mounting platform thing for the box itself is off.

16:30 After rather a lot of struggling, I manage to get the fairing itself off. This is clearly not something that Honda intended for you to do regularly.

16:35 I recall that we had to disassemble the rear turn signals, but can't remember whether we disconnected them at the chassis (where there are a series of plugs) or by disconnecting the wires directly from the bulb mounts in the signals themselves. As I mull this over, I disconnect them at the chassis.

16:41 Having examined the signal (one of which is taped up with electrical tape, and was when I bought the bike) I decide to take apart the bulb mounts as this should be easier.

16:45 The signal is now taken apart into lens, bulb mount and housing, but with some alarm I note difficulty in pulling the wires out of the housing. Still, with the wires free I can now thread them through the holes of the box's mounting bracket, and remove the brackets altogether. I then thread the wires back through the bike's original grab rails, which it turns out I have to refit as otherwise there's nothing for the signals to fasten onto.

16:55 My worst fears are confirmed, as I now cannot get the wires to go all the way back into the housing.

17:03 After fighting with the signal for eight minutes, I take the housing completely apart and am bemused by a tiny rubber nipple thing which plops into the dirt of the garage floor. This presumably keeps water from getting into the bulb. It also explains why the wires were so reluctant to go up and down the housing.

17:06 Now that I know how it's done, it's a simple matter of pulling the wires through the housing, pulling them through the nipple, reassembling the housing once this is done, and then reassembling the rest of the signal.

17:10 I decide to ensure that the signal is wired and working correctly, before tightening all the screws back up.

17:10.30: The front signal goes crazy, while the rear one does nothing...

17:10.57: ...because I haven't reconnected the wires to the rear signals at the back of the chassis that I idly disconnected earlier and then forgot about as I was confused by rubber nipples and things.

17:12 Wires reattached, the signals work fine. Except, the wires don't wan't to plug back together very well. Indeed, after reattaching the orange wire a fly comes past and farts, causing the wires to come apart again.

17:14 I manage, with some discomfort, to force the plugs back together completely.

17:20 I notice, as I'm trying to reaffix the grab rail, that the rear screw is far too long to go all the way into the chassis. This is because it's the screw intended for the box's mount and not the grab rail.

17:21 I further note that I only have three of the original grab rail mounting screws, as one sheared off during the original fitting of the box mounts.

17:27 Six minutes of swearing later, I have searched every inch of the bike and there is nowhere else that uses these 12mm head/8mm thread screws.

17:30 In desperation, I grab my wallet and walk down to the local independent auto parts store, where the flamboyant proprietor advises me the only bolt of similar size he has is about three times as long. In desperation, I take it. 35 pence.

17:33 Back in the garage, it's apparent that the bolt is indeed far too long, and cannot be completely screwed into anything... neither of the holes for the grab rail will take it, as there's bodywork on the other side. At this stage I realize that the headlight is mounted with screws of appropriate size, and so remove one and discover it will indeed serve the purpose.

17:34 Alas, the screw I've just bought is too large to secure the headlight either, and I doubt I'd get to the M4, never mind Bridgend, without the headlight falling off.

17:35 I also remember, as I try to replace the headlight screw, the total nightmare I had fitting my headlight-mounted screen. As the headlight screw, in a delightfully ironic twist, is a little bit too short, and thus I need at least a third if not a fourth arm to hold the headlight steady, squeeze the bracket around it, hold the screen's mount in place, hold the bolt in place and turn the rachet to drive it back in. I can't really see what I'm doing (and couldn't find my flashlight), so I switch the ignition back on.

17:41 I've finally got the headlight more or less tightly fitted again. And my hands aren't too burned by it either.

17:46 Sawing at the new screw with the pathetic hacksaw from my toolset for five solid minutes produces sore muscles and an indentation of perhaps half a nanometer in the screw. I resolve to just go and find a proper sized screw from Halfords or B&Q or something tomorrow.

17:59 I successfully reattach the grab rail and signal on the lefthand side. The righthand side is rather trickier, as the wiring to the rear lights runs in a big thick cable along here, and it sort of interferes with the box mount/grab rail.

18:05 Second signal disassembled.

18:07 Second box mount bracket off, signal wire threaded through grab rail, grab rail held in place with one screw.

18:15 Discover I can't reassemble this second signal housing as the stupid cable is in the way of the screw driver.

18:17 Return with utterly crap but at least tiny screwdriver set out of posh Christmas Cracker, which enables me to reassemble the signal housing.

18:21 Second signal reassmbled and affixed to grab rail. I can't really do anything more at this stage, as I can't refit the fairing or anything until the grab rails are properly attached again. Begin packing everything up.

18:26 Notice that the headlight seems a bit dim. Realize that I've had the ignition on for nearly an hour, having not turned it back off as it's now dark and a bit rainy outside. Decide I'd better run the engine for a bit to charge the battery up.

18:27 Engine won't start. The lights all dim but nothing.

18:27.10 Nope, definitely not starting.

18:27.12 Panic begins to set in.

18:27.25 Turn off all the lights, try again. Starter motor makes a few pathetic clicks, and then all the lights go out until I release the start button.

18:27.40 Oh scruttocks.

18:29 Reattach seat and open garage door, with intent of push starting it in the lane behind the house. Realize I look incredibly dodgy in trackpants and windbreaker, pushing a partially dissassembled bike around in a dark lane.

18:34 After rolling up and down in the lane in the rain (in Spain) for five minutes, whimpering with frustration, have only managed one extremely faint, quarter turn of the starter motor. Letting the clutch out just stops it dead with no result. Put bike back into garage.

18:36 Walk back into house, considering the options. I have RAC, but will it cover the bike? Will they mind that my address is probably two or three houses ago? While I mull this over, read 'amusing' internet people's tales of push starting.

18:45 Decide to give it another go. But with help.

18:46 I go up stairs to find the missus happily puttering around the bedroom. Wearing ear****s. She fails to read the look on my face (a mixture of crushed distress and lingering panic) and puts the ear****s on me. I ask her to put her shoes on and come help me.

18:49 We wheel the bike back out of the garage, and down the lane onto the side road. After a car has gone past, the entire road is ours. Helmet and gloves on, I ask her to start pushing me as fast as she can.

18:49.20 We're moving. Bike is in second, clutch is in.

18:49.33 Just below 10mph, I let the clutch out quick...

18:49.35 ...and am extremely gratified to hear the engine give a brief but encouraging splutter. I shout to the missus to keep pushing.

18:49.41 I try the clutch again...

18:49.43 ...and the bike springs to life. I twist the throttle and take off down the street, and ride back to the garage where she is. Success!

18:51 I decide to take it for a spin around the block, to ensure the alternator has time to do its work.

18:56 Back into the garage after my run, I finish packing stuff up and leave it running for a few more moments.

18:57 I switch the engine off, wait a few moments, switch the ignition back on and, noting how much brighter the lights are again, press the starter to watch it thunder back into life immediately. Huzzah!

Tomorrow: buy a few more of these stupid bolts, and finish the job.

Wednesday: Swap it for the new 'un

[fastdruid]

Oooh where to start?

How about the time I was rebuilding a GSX250 and with the plugs out wanted to turn it over, so off with the kill switch and hit the starter. Nothing.
Start checking wiring and about 60 minutes of dismantling and testing later realise that on Suzuki's the starter doesn't run with the kill switch set to off...

Or starting the SV with the clutch activator off and seeing the low oil pressure light come on while at the same time noticing the spray of oil out of the side and growing puddle!

Druid

[Roberrrrt]

After carrying out a service on the SV, i noticed a bit of an oil leak in the form of tiny droplets under the bike after parking it up, realised it was coming from the sump plug.

Got home, tightened sump plug, proceeded to top up the oil in the dark.

Rode to work next day, gear changes felt a bit stiff, turns out I'd over filled the oil. Right, time to drain some.

So I find an old plastic container, stick it under sump plug, proceed to slacken nut off a little (the idea being to let some out and re-tighten the nut). I keep slackening it cos nothing's coming out, then plop, the sump plug falls out, into the container along with the oil. All of it. So that's pretty much two full changes of rather expensive oil the bike went through in as many weeks.

So I fish around in the oil, put the plug back in, realise I'd better measure out the oil using something more accurate than the view pane on the bottle of oil. Hmm, what do I have that I can use? I know! the blender!

So three oil changes and a sacrificed blender later, and I'm back in business.

Annoyingly I found out that I could've just unscrewed the oil filter a tad to let the excess oil out. Gutted :smt071

[AndyBrad]

There we go :)

Didn't know whether laugh or cry when I realised you weren't smelling the fork oil for some ghey engineering flourish pretending you could smell the viscosity or something...but in fact got a whiff of petrol.

I bet you've still got both the identical bottles next to each other!


lol tbh he should have just gone with the "yea doesnt smell right for your weight"

[davepreston]

lol tbh he should have just gone with the "yea doesnt smell right for your weight"
to which you hit him in the face and say "what should it smell of, cheese burgers and pizza you cheeky barsteward"

[454697819]

sprayed the discs in "brake cleaner" was my can of white grease... same colour trade cans.

[Dave20046]

After carrying out a service on the SV, i noticed a bit of an oil leak in the form of tiny droplets under the bike after parking it up, realised it was coming from the sump plug.

Got home, tightened sump plug, proceeded to top up the oil in the dark.

Rode to work next day, gear changes felt a bit stiff, turns out I'd over filled the oil. Right, time to drain some.

So I find an old plastic container, stick it under sump plug, proceed to slacken nut off a little (the idea being to let some out and re-tighten the nut). I keep slackening it cos nothing's coming out, then plop, the sump plug falls out, into the container along with the oil. All of it. So that's pretty much two full changes of rather expensive oil the bike went through in as many weeks.

So I fish around in the oil, put the plug back in, realise I'd better measure out the oil using something more accurate than the view pane on the bottle of oil. Hmm, what do I have that I can use? I know! the blender!

So three oil changes and a sacrificed blender later, and I'm back in business.

Annoyingly I found out that I could've just unscrewed the oil filter a tad to let the excess oil out. Gutted :smt071
Not to make you feel any worse, but you do know you could have just put the oil that you'd drained out back in don't you? (but preferably with a funnel with a gauze/filter on it).

I used to always drop the sump plug into the oil, it's the reason I always wear latex gloves for oil changes now as 1)the oil's usually pretty warm and 2)used oil's a bit carcinogenic


p.s . sacrificed blender! :lol:

[Suchy]

My biggest motorbike maintenance fail was when I was happily riding along on a 4 stroke 125cc cheap version of a Honda and my big end went managed to not fall over took it to the nearest house I knew and rang my dad so there was me my friend his dad and my dad all looking at the bike and saying I don't understand why the engine is broke then my friend goes when was the last time you put oil in it. I said I haven't what a laugh that was.

[G]

Not realising the caliper pistons were not held in by anything when pulling the lever.

[dirtydog]

Now where do I start...
1, had a cb1-400 import for a little while and the reg/rec went on me so I had to bump start everytime as it wouldnt charge. Fairly easy bike to bump start except for one time, was outside work and spent a good five minutes pushing the bloody thing up and down the road trying to bump it only to realise that I hadn't turned the ignition on at all.

2, just fitted new chain and sprockets after mine snapped after much swearing got it all fitted and decided to take it out for a quick spin. Got to the end of my road just about to turn out of the junction and the bike dies and I fall over with it, my feet still on the pegs. I'd managed to cut through the sidestand cut off switch wires with the chain.

3, fitting an undertay the sv I need to give it a bit of a push from the back, too much of a push and now it's laying on it's side on the gravel drive.

[Nobbylad]

lol! I have a few.

Funniest was when, after an off at Anglesey, Flymo and I bodged my bike back together so I could ride it home. Tried for ages to get it to start and we were about to start dismantling bits to check the tilt sensor when I realised the stewards had shut off the kill switch when they picked it up off the track.

Most recent was last night when attempting an oil change...the picture below speaks a thousand words, however suffice to say £3.50 on an extractor is one of the best things I've ever done.....(worst being overtightening the foooking sump plug in the 1st place obviously :( )

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a161/nobbylad/IMAG0417.jpg

[Neeja]

Two for me...

Firstly, when I very first started trying to do my own maintenance, took both fork-caps off my honda CG while trying to work out how forks came apart. Unfortunately they were still in the bike at the time, and it duly plunged forwards on the centre-stand.

Second was when my old SV was having its engine replaced for the second time. I was that frustrated with having to rip out another engine that I carried on taking off engine bolts long after I needed to, and removed the swingarm bolt by mistake.

[ManxMatt34]

Owenski i remember your legendary AR09 incident, mine has to be overtightening the chain on the SV before going for a lap, and actually managing to lock the wheel at an angle. Then going for a lap not knowing any better and destroying my chain. £150 mistake :(. Bad times.

[metalmonkey]

I was doing an oil change on the bike and couldn't work out why the dam filter wasn't coming off...if your going to undo something make sure you are undoing it rather than tighting it:D

When I had my 125 it had a fuel tap, I had just cleaned checked the bike ect so went out for a ride, going to down the road it concked out I was like oh that not good no engine in the third lane of busy traffic anyways I got stopped safley. I'm sure you can guess what I did!

I worked in place with a security gate, you had to stop to allow it open. Having got on my bike and made a bit of noise, I then managed to stall my bike with a yard full of people riding up to the gate who had no problem in laughting very loud at my mistake, like and learn eh!

[Viney]

The only Hand face moment that comes to mind is whilst putting some pads in the bike one dark evening with no torch (Done a few times, how hard can it be) anyway, fits the pads on one side, easy, second side is a little light when i put the calliper back on. I just think to myself that i haven't pushed the pistons in enough so twisted and squeeze them on. Roll the bike back *Scrape scrape* that doesn't sound good. Find torch, shine, and realise that someone i got both pads on one side of the disc! Doh!.

My Mates Jasons was good. He had an XJ1300 that he rode like he stole it. Anyway, there was a bunch of us that went out after work in the summer on a thrusday. So Jason turns up along with the others and off we go for a very spirited ride round the lanes of kent. Anyway we arrive at the pub and Jason looks a little shaken. I ask him whats wrong. 'Well' HE says ' Charlie pulled up all of a sudden after coming round a bend and i almost took him out, but that wasnt it, the back of the bike feels really wierd like its on ice' 'Well tis summer, thats not possible' So we look at the bike and find that after adjusting the chain before he came out he had forgot to tighten the nut up so the wheel was moving around all over the place! Scary but funny at the same time especially the speeds we where hooning around at.

[carelesschucca]

I've filled the garage floor with oil during a service having forgotten to put the drain plug back on...

I have a friend who will remain nameless who pushed his bike two miles to the local bike garage because his bike wouldn't turn over and the mechanic sorted it straight away by flicking the kill switch back on, unsurprisingly it was the mechanic that told me...

[dyzio]

Snapping a blot with a torque wrench :lol:

[benji106]

Not on the bike but I had a blinder in the car before Christmas. I was due to go back to my Parents having finished work for Christmas picking up my brother from the train station on the way. Had not driven the car for a couple of weeks as it hadnt been insured and the battery was flat. No worries Ill jump it off my housemates car. Tried for a good 20 mins and it just wasnt having any of it. wierd maybe the leadse are knackered. So we tried to bump start it, nothing at all. My mate had to go so I sat in the house scratching my head until another friend turned up to pick some stuff he had left at mine. We give it another go with his jump leads, still nothing. More head scratching until he says, "is there an imoboliser?" palm -face moment. blip the button try jump starting again and it starts instantly. felt like such a tool. Thanked my mate, he left, I go back in the house and see the stuff that he was meant to pick up!

[barwel1992]

trying to remove an exhaust bolt from a sv with over 20k on the clock ....

[tom-k6]

i managed to drop the nut+washer off the back of the exhaust can hanger down into the down-pipes, got it out with magnetic extendo thing tho =]

[kwak zzr]

lubing the chain with engine running and in 1st gear :-0 then i seen on org some months later that someone had had the ends of their fingers off doing the same thing!

[tom-k6]

might sound mental but i cleaned my rear wheel using this method :P

[yorkie_chris]

I do that all the time, I'd suggest that the actual dumbness is more related to sticking your fingers in the end of a moving chain...

[kwak zzr]

I do that all the time, I'd suggest that the actual dumbness is more related to sticking your fingers in the end of a moving chain...

lol yea thats about right but i was using a rag at the time too :rolleyes:

[Paul the 6th]

pete mason from north yorkshire bike police lost about 3 fingers doing the cleaning moving lubing chain trick

[barwel1992]

i clean my chain like that some times, with a tooth brush and parrafin also lube it up like that to

[Bluewolf]

.

[kwak zzr]

That man has skilllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



enjoyed the part where he try'd to weld his pet dog!

[andrewsmith]

Just don't do this:

http://www.ninja250forum.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=26&topic=3395.0

Right were's are abuse thread on that thread

[yorkie_chris]

Just don't do this:

http://www.ninja250forum.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=26&topic=3395.0

kawa owner, what you expect

[SV400Rob]

Is that guy real?!?!?! I think the number plate suites quite well ;)

[Bluefish]

That guy's quality, recon he could make me an underseat zaust? :mrgreen:

[ManxMatt34]

kawa owner, what you expect

I would argue the case seen i now own one. But seen it's me with my mechanical past.... put the petrol in and go etc... :P i won't.:smt040

[Specialone]

Just don't do this:

http://www.ninja250forum.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=26&topic=3395.0

Ive seen this a while ago, dont know if it was posted on here or another forum i frequent.
That guy needs to go back to licking the moisture off windows, i swear some of it has to be a wind up.
To take pics of your really crap work as well, well i felt like blowing my own brains out when i first seen it, the world is no longer a normal place to live.

[The Idle Biker]

:):):):):):):):)aaawww gawd, and then the next bloke to post says

"Added this to the knowledge base thanks skippi"

Knowledge base, what other gems might it contain?

And then Mr super brazer comes back and says my names not skippy it's skipII. arr ha ha!

Best thing I've seen all day. Thank you very much America.

[Mr Speirs]

What happened was sorta my fault but the embarrassing bit was done by the wonder legend which is Binky.

Went round his to change fork oil seals on grimey, or the other one I forget...after carefully measuring the air gap Binky stood up with the fork in his hand.

It was then that I noticed there was oil leaking out the bottom as I had forgotten to tighten up the damping rod bolt. I told Binky who then thought 'oh ****' and promptly turned the entire fork upside down, emptying the entire contents of the fork onto my toolbox.

[hongman]

Was lubing chain outside my house with no stand and no helper, so roll along, squirt, roll along, squirt. 3 or 4 times along I do not notice my side stand is catching the floor and is retracting slightly each time as I am pushing the bike forwards.

Sods law, couldnt pick the bike up myself and all my immediate neighbours were out lol.

[barwel1992]

Was lubing chain outside my house with no stand and no helper, so roll along, squirt, roll along, squirt. 3 or 4 times along I do not notice my side stand is catching the floor and is retracting slightly each time as I am pushing the bike forwards.

Sods law, couldnt pick the bike up myself and all my immediate neighbours were out lol.

top tip ...... roll bike backwards ;)

[5hort5]

oh dear, well the SV is a project bike and tbh I have had no experience before in any mechanics, soooooo ......


Fixing the oil leak on the engine cover, over tightened a bolt and snapped it off, **** myself but it came out fine with mole grips.

Drilling the rear calliper pins out, slipped and drilled through the calliper. That cost a calliper from a forum member.

Oh, and then there was the break cables that were the wrong size

running like a dog because I hadn't put the airbox on correctly, again!

Changing the CCT on the front cylinder, knocked a wire off the coil so the front cylinder stopped working along with the rev count, thought I had broke the front cylinder - Forum to the rescue again and one wire plugged back on.

Fitting heated grips managed to super glue the grip half way up, my fingers together and the tube to my fingers! Two hours later with my fingers in nail vanish remover managed to get all the glue off and then fixed the grips with help from oxford.

Changing the Reg/Rec left a lead off and the battery went flat on the M6, after dodging traffic from the fast line to the hard shoulder spent a couple of hours waiting for the AA. I just didn't plug the wire back in correctly!


Yer, I think that's about it, only had this bike for a year and a bit, plenty more time to blow it up!

[northwind]

I have never done anything stupid to the SV. Certainly didn't reach for the aerosol can of rubbing compound to remove a tiny wee scratch on the tank and accidentally pick up some black hammerite, oh no.

[Dave20046]

what happened was sorta my fault but the embarrassing bit was done by the wonder legend which is binky.

Went round his to change fork oil seals on grimey, or the other one i forget...after carefully measuring the air gap binky stood up with the fork in his hand.

It was then that i noticed there was oil leaking out the bottom as i had forgotten to tighten up the damping rod bolt. I told binky who then thought 'oh ****' and promptly turned the entire fork upside down, emptying the entire contents of the fork onto my toolbox.

quality

[Spanner Man]

Good morning all.


You should see some of the things I get to sort out, after a little owner participation.

My top three.

The ZX7r owner who fitted new pads & complained of a grinding noise. He's fitted the pads the wrong way round....3 new discs & pads later.

The VFR750 owner who tried to adjust his chain by undoing the big hub nut on the left. He forgot to unstake the nut, & took the threads clean off the end of the axle.....One secondhand axle later. His biggest complaint was that he'd spent money on a 46mm socket, & 3/4 drive breaker bar.

The chap who watched me fit bearings to his brothers FJ1200 front wheel. He asked me why I used heat. I explained that it helped make the bearings an easier fit because of expansion.
Two weeks later he had a go at the same job on his GT550. He managed to melt the wheel! The bearing recess was the shape of a teardrop! Apparently, he thought that because I use a propane torch that runs off a bottle he'd better leave his DIY blowlamp on for longer. So, he propped the wheel against the garage wall, set the blowlamp on it, & went & had a cup of tea.
It was hard not to laugh as I explained that his blowlamp was just as hot as mine:D

Some folks shouldn't be allowed to own spanners!


Cheers.

[andrewsmith]

I think we have a winner.

[busasean]

about 10 years ago I was coming home from work the chain on my Africa twin snapped, luckily no damage - got the bike recovered home and set about replacing the chain and sprockets with a spare set I had in the garage, once it was all done I went to replace the feed tube from the scotoiler as it had ripped off the end when the chain snapped, I couldnt find a set of snips so went and got a kitchen knife to cut off the old cable ties......
as I was squatting by the swingarm cutting off the (thick) cable ties using all my stregnth, the cable snapped and I stuck the knife into my thigh right up to the handle......
A trip to A & E and 5 stitches later........
a week later I hit a car head on near Stranraer and broke my shoulder and collar bone, got home went to A & E to be treated by the same nurse....

[454697819]

reached for the brake cleaner to clean the disks and picked my identicall can of white grease..

knob..

[curvy custard]

aged 18 replacing kwaka zxr400 front sprocket- forgot to put circlip back on in front of sprocket, few weeks later(dont know how it lasted that long) whilst going round a country lane left hander, sprocket comes off, me and bike slide across road missing an on coming car by not a lot at all, me and bike end up in field, bike gets sold cheap and i have clicky elbow still to this day, armour in leathers done its job thou. Due to mothers wishes i didnt ride again till last year when bought the sv aged 26.

[xXBADGERXx]

SV on Abba stand , fit rear wheel back after a spring clean and start the adjustment procedure . This involves me sitting on the floor with the wheel between my legs , put spacers in , lift wheel up and slide spindle into place with one Triangle shaped thingy already on the spindle , fling other Triangle thingy on the other side and throw the nut on and do hand tight . Next step is to yank on the wheel to take the slack out of the chain and spin the nuts on the chain adjuster so I am not there all day winding them in with a spanner . Yank on the wheel , as I look to my right for the spanner and SV tilts back off the Abba stand and right onto my Nut-Sack . Fortunately it just pinched the skin , I tried to yell to the Girlfriend for help but I just couldn`t do it as I was busy chewin on the back wheel in AGONY . Managed to tip it forward back onto the stand and mop my man tears with my forearm . Managed to stagger into the house where Girlfriend promptly fell about laughing when told what had just happened .

[barwel1992]

SV on Abba stand , fit rear wheel back after a spring clean and start the adjustment procedure . This involves me sitting on the floor with the wheel between my legs , put spacers in , lift wheel up and slide spindle into place with one Triangle shaped thingy already on the spindle , fling other Triangle thingy on the other side and throw the nut on and do hand tight . Next step is to yank on the wheel to take the slack out of the chain and spin the nuts on the chain adjuster so I am not there all day winding them in with a spanner . Yank on the wheel , as I look to my right for the spanner and SV tilts back off the Abba stand and right onto my Nut-Sack . Fortunately it just pinched the skin , I tried to yell to the Girlfriend for help but I just couldn`t do it as I was busy chewin on the back wheel in AGONY . Managed to tip it forward back onto the stand and mop my man tears with my forearm . Managed to stagger into the house where Girlfriend promptly fell about laughing when told what had just happened .

brill :D

[Elltg]

Girlfriend promptly fell about laughing when told what had just happened .

Just remember that if she ever asks if you want kids! :smt019

Glad you didnt suffer anything serious mate!

If you count filling up with petrol maintenance mine was as follows:

Ride up to pump.
Kick stand down.
Realise im a bit too far forward.
Take a few steps back on the bike.
Lean bike over to stand and go to get off in one smooth, and usually suave movement.
Realise that on my old dirt bike style 125 the stand is angled very far down and dragged along the floor as i wheeled back meaning it is halfway up and as i go to lean bike over it falls over, on top of me.
Whats worse is my mate was there, just got his 600, turns around for a sec then turns back and im on the floor, in a puddle, under the bike.... :mad:

[phi-dan]

this:
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/_CgDSoVU76u8/TXklFsdWCbI/AAAAAAAAAa4/Jvapytt9elU/s288/PICT3751.JPG

[xXBADGERXx]

The valve is ok , it`s just that you have the Wheel the wrong way around