Knee Slider grinding service

[Berlin]

Are you one of those people who has unused Sliders? Do you feel sexually inadequate because of this? Do you lie awake at night wondering if you'll ever be able to look your mates in the eye? Not having much luck with the opposite sex?

Well help is at hand with this new and efficient service. Simply send us your pristine knee sliders and we'll wear them in for you so you too look like a cornering demon.

There are three levels of service:

1) Lightly toasted. Just a few scratches, to show you could get you knee down if you want but you're sexually confident enough not to do it all the time. Suitable for those happily married or in a comfortable long term relationship.

2) Middle of the road. We'll wear them down for you so you look like its easy to grind whenever you fancy. *Care must be taken as you WILL be more attractive to the opposite sex. Those in a long term relationship should carefully consider choosing option 1) if they value their relationship!

3) Absolutely Buggerified! Yes, we'll use them down to the backing for you. You will of course have to stop regularly on rideouts to "service" all of the screaming fans! Please be aware that it's almost nettle season and jumping naked over hedges can lead to health and safety issues.

To take advantage of this offer simply post your knee sliders to us with an SAE and the poultry sum of £5 and we'll return your sliders to you at the level of wear you requested.

Please note: All returns are in plain brown packaging and anonymity and complete discression is guaranteed!

We can also do special requests such as multi directional scratches and even crash damage on request.

Thanks,
The Minitwiners
:D

[GixxerMatt]

lmao i could see this actually taking off in America

[G]

lmao i could see this actually taking off in America

knee sliders for shorts and sandles?

[Bluepete]

Ooh ooh!

I'll take a number three please!

I have plenty of anti-histamines to deal withnthe nettle rash.

Cash on delivery?

Pete ;)

[davepreston]

some ape raped my sliders at leeming, after using and discarding his own by mid session, the inhumanity

and if i send you a fresh set as tony has already used his crash quota for the year who would be servicing them
(abite i could do it myself for 100 times the price)

[Berlin]

As you are part of our V.I.P. program Dave, Your's have preferential treatment. In fact, we've done them before you've even sent them.

We pride ourselves on our service!

C

[davepreston]

roflmfao

[AndyBrad]

I used this service (i believe it was contracted out to paul the 6th) expecting to get option 1) When i actually recieved these back i believe there had been a misscomunication and i got option 3) Now im bloody engaged!

Has any quality control been introduced in the meantime as im concerned that using your service again may result in more unexpected expendature

:D

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg86/AJBRADBURY1979/kneeslider.jpg

appart from that i have found out that people have started to talk to me now at squires.

[Berlin]

We apologise most sincerly for your matrimonial sutiation. But under our terms and conditions, section 12a it clearly states, "If for any reason marriage results from our Slider grinding service, we are not bound by law to A) come to the reception, or B ) Be liable for any dowry arising from such situations, including, but not limited to Donkeys, Camels and Goats".

We have undergone a strict review of policies we now only contract to ACU licence holders and Paul the 6th is now freelance. As far as we know he only offers the "absolutely shaggnastied" service and does not run a VIP program..

We wish him the best in his new career.

C

[AndyBrad]

New sliders in the post :)

[Stig]

:lol:

[Paul the 6th]

I used this service (i believe it was contracted out to paul the 6th) expecting to get option 1) When i actually recieved these back i believe there had been a misscomunication and i got option 3) Now im bloody engaged!

Has any quality control been introduced in the meantime as im concerned that using your service again may result in more unexpected expendature

:D

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg86/AJBRADBURY1979/kneeslider.jpg

appart from that i have found out that people have started to talk to me now at squires.

(f**k me, I remember feeling the slider wear down real quick and then the tarmac scraping against the velcro patches! had to back it off and stop making contact with the floor 'cos of those things!)

I did stipulate beforehand that, because you had purchased cheap knee sliders made of cheesium (similar to the material which suzuki make all their bolts from) I could not guarantee which level of service you would receive. Although you were impressed with our demonstrator sliders, I did stress that these were premium Hein Gericke sliders (£15/set) which featured a more robust construction and use a harder more resistant polymer..

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/_c5nU_S1VtbY/TGvdaWJVfHI/AAAAAAAADws/bhQcYoe6iL4/s512/slider.jpg

We apologise most sincerly for your matrimonial sutiation. But under our terms and conditions, section 12a it clearly states, "If for any reason marriage results from our Slider grinding service, we are not bound by law to A) come to the reception, or B ) Be liable for any dowry arising from such situations, including, but not limited to Donkeys, Camels and Goats".

We have undergone a strict review of policies we now only contract to ACU licence holders and Paul the 6th is now freelance. As far as we know he only offers the "absolutely shaggnastied" service and does not run a VIP program..

We wish him the best in his new career.

C


LOL cheers carl, you thought I was getting my knee down on cold tyres during the first session of the day - I was in fact propping up the bike with my knee while I warmed the edges of the tyres :razz: (and I'd ridden the 30 miles from home so they still had a bit of resididual warmth in there :D)

So in summary, if you want a professional racer with varying levels of 'service' for your knee sliders, please get in touch with Carl...

If you want top quality filth and sleaze, the secret handshake is infact a squeeze of my leg and a stroke of my arm.

[_Stretchie_]

We can also do special requests such as multi directional scratches and even crash damage on request.


Hi

I have read about your service but have my own local monkey who does it in turn for 'favours'.

I have however also heard of some unscrupulous people who offer this last service, as highlighted above, only for the customers to receive the sliders back with a distinct curved scratched much like an angle grinder, (possibly provided by Sherman, but I'm sure they would be covered in blood as he would do it with them attached to his knee).


I would just like to clear up this matter and ensure that you are not these same people.

Thank you for you your time.

I look forward to your reply


Yours


Sexually Inadequate of Wiltshire

[dirtydog]

Ooooh where do I send them? lol

[Neeja]

...the poultry sum of £5...

So I'd have to send two small chickens as well? :confused:

[Specialone]

I've got my own person breaking in my sliders, Binky :)
He done mine at silverstone, so im ok thanks :)

[Berlin]

I'm sorry Specialone, but you may be getting your sliders done "On the cheap" but by sending them to us you can join our loyalty scheme.



Newly launched and proving very popular, for every 10 sets you can take part in our Helmet Polishing program! Satisfaction guaranteed!

C

[dyzio]

Perhaps you can extend the range of you services with a new one - getting rid of the chicken strips on your tyres?

;)

[Berlin]

We did consider that as an optional extra but the postage on a GSXR was prohibitive. And they can be damaged trying to get them through a letter box unless its the one that takes A4 envelops.

C

[Specialone]

I'm sorry Specialone, but you may be getting your sliders done "On the cheap" but by sending them to us you can join our loyalty scheme.



Newly launched and proving very popular, for every 10 sets you can take part in our Helmet Polishing program! Satisfaction guaranteed!

C

The polished helmet is tempting I must admit, I'll give it some thought :)

Tbh, I'm planning on wearing my own sliders down this year so I may be self sufficient .

[Bluefish]

I thought sliders were to protect your leathers if you came off, that's what preston told me, and he should know. I think this is a scam, leave well alone.

[The Idle Biker]

I've found that you can get equal effects and better value for money by strapping sliders to the knees of my cleaners when it is the day to scrub the York stone floors of my kitchen. Do you scrub floors too? No thought not. You wont be seeing my sliders pah!

[dirtydog]

Does this service extend to the sparky type sliders?

[Stig]

Does this service extend to the sparky type sliders?

I think this is where we see a flaw in the plan. :wink:

[AndyBrad]

I thought sliders were to protect your leathers if you came off, that's what preston told me, and he should know.


yes and weve all seen preson sliding along the floor like a five year old at a wedding on his knees :D

[TamSV]

I'd like my toe sliders and footpegs done too. Is there a "Riding God" option available?

Also, because I don't want to look silly, what grade of sandpaper do you recommend for my chicken strips?

[davepreston]

im sorry tam but to be a riding god you must also add road rashed leathers, so the service i would presume would have to be size dependant, are you a bit of a chunky monkey like berlin















come on come on theres got to be somewhere safe round here, hide

[Berlin]

Dear Tam, To achieve the scratches you require and many more beside, just run Supercorsa tyres in the wet! You will have more scratches than you can count. They may not however, be limited to the parts of the bike you wish them to be.

Regarding the SV chicken strips, there's really nothing we can do about that. Despite all of our best efforts we, the Track gods, still have chicken strips using a 160/60 tyre on a rim that it's too large for. (240 grade works well though ;) )

We recommend you buy a 110/90 profile tyre and fit that to your rear wheel. your chicken strips will be gone, just by riding in a straight line. Don't go round corners though!

[rodders]

Wow I'm new to this forum and I am very impressed with the thoughtfulness and genuine concern you have for us newbies.

I am happily married but I would like more female attention could you do just one?

I'm thinking I could just flash it every now and then for effect then hide it when the wife is looking, I would prefer left given the choice or else I will just look like I have been going round and round roundabouts.

Many thanks.

P.S. do you offer a t*rd polishing service I may have some work for you?

[andrewsmith]

b you've cheered me up no end :lol:

Is there a pit b*tch option? :smt040

[yorkie_chris]

Is there a pit b*tch option? :smt040

What you get them back slightly sticky and smelling of super T?

[andrewsmith]

haha thats the one :lol:

[kellyjo]

Im happy to volunteer my helmet polishing services, the East Anglian section will give me excellent references im sure ;-)