Creating a plan to take over the world... can you offer any advice?

[Paul the 6th]

As above really, I've decided that it would probably be quite nice to take over the world. Anyone got any tips/ideas?

Has anyone tried doing it before? I think Hitler might have been trying to take over the world but ended up getting a bit sidetracked with other projects (i.e. volkswagen), and also, he didn't have the internet to help him when he got stuck. Thanks in advance..


p.s. I don't particularly want to be an evil overlord either - why do they always go that way? Probably prefer to be more like a friendly local radio DJ doing requests & favors for people - maybe even run a competition to win the moon?

[dizzyblonde]

http://beerepiphany.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/pinky_brain.jpg

[Reeder]

Write a really unrealistic book full of lies and untruths and call it a religion. You'll be sorted then.

[tom-k6]

pretty sure if you make a perpetual motion machine, you could do it. it'd take a while but the oil companies would eventually go bust and bankrupt and the world would go bankrupt and repeat for infinite profits. Problem?

[Amadeus]

I'd start off small - create a cult. From there you can create a religion, then a grow big moustache, then the world is your oyster.

[AndyBrad]

funnily enough i was thinking about this the other day. basically you need to create something that everyone wants and then control it. I was thinking water...

[dizzyblonde]

No, no, no......... Greek and German genes........... like the Royal family


Oh hang on a mo, we have them by the bucket load in this house......

# the world is mine # cackle cackle cackle :lol:

[Paul the 6th]

Cheers for all the replies guys - cults & religion, while successful at brainwashing people for thousands of years now, always end up being about some guy who appeared, but then died, but then will come back one day if we all bang on about him in our daily lives and read a book about it (incidentally most of these books were written by people who thought the earth was flat)...

Cults usually end up with a load of people taking poison at a mansion in the hills above california..

Andy - the oil companies, Apple and many car companies already do this and they're not running the world yet (although apple reported something like $8 billion of profits last year - they've overtaken Exon, the people who own esso oil refineries! and they don't even deal in basic commodoties & energy, just shiny gadgets!)..

On the surface, money seems like the way to go, but as banksy put it:
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4034/4535482960_b980f3b979.jpg


Could we control air or water maybe? That's gonna take a massive lab and lots of henchmen to get the ball rolling though..

[Bri w]

But would you really want to take over Lancashire!! Leave Brum out of it too.... that Specialone lives there.

Maybe just take over the good bits, like Yorkshire and Aberystwyth.

Woohoo............. pre meds great!!

[missyburd]

Maybe just take over the good bits, like Yorkshire and Aberystwyth.

:D:D:cool:

[Tom_the_great]

its simple, create a virus which put everyone under control :) not a deadly one but one that must be taken weekly or somthing that makes everyone happy and fall in line :) to get everyone to take it simply spill it in the water :)

[Paul the 6th]

going down the evil dictator route again there...

"Nice guys finish last...." when was the last time a really nice guy tried to take over the world?


We could launch a new energy drink! Monster and Relentless and Red Bull seem to be doing alright. Only ours could have a really addictive ingredient (like pringles but about 10x more potent) and be available for free, then reduce supply to increase demand but charge a fortune or exchange for commodoties/services?

[andrewsmith]

its simple, create a virus which put everyone under control :) not a deadly one but one that must be taken weekly or somthing that makes everyone happy and fall in line :) to get everyone to take it simply spill it in the water :)

Woowoo??

going down the evil dictator route again there...

"Nice guys finish last...." when was the last time a really nice guy tried to take over the world?


We could launch a new energy drink! Monster and Relentless and Red Bull seem to be doing alright. Only ours could have a really addictive ingredient (like pringles but about 10x more potent) and be available for free, then reduce supply to increase demand but charge a fortune or exchange for commodoties/services?

What like coca cola in the late 1800's?

[Amadeus]

Before you really get going, can you tell us what sort of person you find attractive? Generally people taking over the world, setting up a religion or cult end up shagging those found attractive. Any help I give will depend on your reply.

[Paul the 6th]

Hmmmm 9 milligrams of cocaine per glass before it was removed in 1903.. 10x more than that in Pemberton's original recipe (the guy who founded it).

Well that would sort out the recession - imagine how much work we'd all get done.

What could we use in the place of coca leaves? Laboratory developed ultra refined sugars which trigger an endorphine response and make you feel Grrreat?

[Paul the 6th]

Before you really get going, can you tell us what sort of person you find attractive? Generally people taking over the world, setting up a religion or cult end up shagging those found attractive. Any help I give will depend on your reply.


Cows are pretty? Ruth Jones from Gavin and Stacey... Suzi Perry.. Ralph.

[Bri w]

Cows are pretty? Ruth Jones from Gavin and Stacey... Suzi Perry.. Ralph.

You two timing hussy!!

[Amadeus]

Cows are pretty? Ruth Jones from Gavin and Stacey... Suzi Perry.. Ralph.

Mmm, ok, I think there are probably enough cows to share and Suzi will no doubt choose me over you any day, despite you being the most powerful person in the universe.
As I look like neither, you can now have my help.

Do we get membership cards?

[Tom_the_great]

ive had second thoughts the word is rather a big place and people seem to eager to ruin it. so i vote you take over the UK kick all the lazy/dole grabbing/criminals out then strap a few engines to each side of the island and blast us to some where warmer(preferably over some massive oil field to which we can make our riches and the world bow down either way with out the hassel of "maintaining it"

[Paul the 6th]

ive had second thoughts the word is rather a big place and people seem to eager to ruin it. so i vote you take over the UK kick all the lazy/dole grabbing/criminals out then strap a few engines to each side of the island and blast us to some where warmer(preferably over some massive oil field to which we can make our riches and the world bow down either way with out the hassel of "maintaining it"


Or we could just head over to Australia which is basically a pre-packaged box with everything you've described (have they got much oil over there in the pacific?)...

Actually we're gonna have to address this oil thing - it's running out guys, and we need to be one step ahead of the rest of the countries; they're all gonna be playing a game of last man standing (USA will do everything to win but the middle east will probably trump at the last post) so we need to already have the answer for when they've finished smashing the bits out of each other.

We should probably take china out of the equasion. There's a billion of 'em. Plus they're use of resources is increasing exponentially, so if we get rid of 'em now then it'll give us more time to work out how to safely extract hydrogen from water & store/transport it at room temperature.

This is coming together nicely, but has instantly picked up evil undertones. Better get myself an eye patch & a cat to stroke. Or a koala.

[Paul the 6th]

You two timing hussy!!

sorry bri. You can be my 'Director of Groupies'? - It'll be more of a co-operative dictatorship though, not looking to turn into some kind of Kim Jong Il tribute band. Although I did invent oxygen and the moon was actually my gift to the world.

[tom-k6]

or a hook.

[Paul the 6th]

Too inconvenient come toilet time.

[Tom_the_great]

haha could we make a mini me type situation as i find that offers so much more then an evil pet?

either way i agree we need to be one step ahead so we either fuel people or find a way to kill them faster ie all missiles are becoming stop-able maybe we need the "next" super weapon ???

[dizzyblonde]

Chem trails......instead of giving everyone the flu or sickness when they look up at a blue sky with aeroplane trails that are going the wrong way


They could put in a happy fog, that somehow reprogrammes peoples brains to do things without money, or things for you.......eeee its all going Doctor Who!

[manicjazz]

Buy: Microsoft
Google
Tesco
(...insert vehicle manufacture here...)

That way you could control everything and nobody would even know. No evil overlord stuff for you, you would just own them instead.

[Tom_the_great]

Buy: Microsoft
Google
Tesco
(...insert vehicle manufacture here...)

That way you could control everything and nobody would even know. No evil overlord stuff for you, you would just own them instead.

this takes time and money... come to think of it everyone uses money we need to create a new currancy... oh wait they tried that with the euro ...:smt046

[Paul the 6th]

LMAO @ euro..

I just thought about money - could we delete it and replace it with a new kind of currency? Or return to a medievil bartering system?

i.e. I'll swap my iPad 2 for that £500 golf gti davenumbers has posted

[Paul the 6th]

see, just like hitler I'm getting sidetracked already

[manicjazz]

VW is an overlord trap, you've had it mate!!

[Scoobs]

Hasn't Grinch already done this?

[Tom_the_great]

see, just like hitler I'm getting sidetracked already

this is it keep focus or you'll never make it !!

tbh maybe we just need to come up with a new type of insurance ie "human insurance" basicly you pay to live and everything is free :) the only catch is a type of three strikes system after 2 strikes you become either slave labour or just food for the living?

[tom-k6]

this is it keep focus or you'll never make it !!

tbh maybe we just need to come up with a new type of insurance ie "human insurance" basicly you pay to live and everything is free :) the only catch is a type of three strikes system after 2 strikes you become either slave labour or just food for the living?

organs for harvest whenever needed.

[manicjazz]

this is it keep focus or you'll never make it !!

tbh maybe we just need to come up with a new type of insurance ie "human insurance" basicly you pay to live and everything is free :) the only catch is a type of three strikes system after 2 strikes you become either slave labour or just food for the living?

Competition possibly from tom_the_great. (whispers) Sounds the conqueror type.

[Reeder]

Ever seen gamer? That dudes got the right idea. Just make sure you pay all the geeks very well so they don't rebel.

[Tom_the_great]

Competition possibly from tom_the_great. (whispers) Sounds the conqueror type.

nah seems like too much effort for me :) im a happy worker just want to enjoy the finer things :)

[Paul the 6th]

They did it in the film 'In Time' where everyone is born with an LED timer countdown on their wrist.. It's paused until you turn 25 years old, then it starts counting down from 1 year. After that year you die.


....BUT by working in your job you get paid in 'time' so you get like a week added back on for a weeks work, but then if you want to buy a cup of coffee it costs 4 minutes. A pint of beer is 10 minutes. All the millionaires are people who've got 1000 years left, and the poor people constantly live with only a day or two left, constantly striving to get more time through odd jobs... If the time runs out, you die.






Might be a little bit tricky to integrate this kind of technology - I had a hard enough time getting the rounded sump nut off my van for an oil change.

[manicjazz]

So if you had a day off sick with man-flu it would KILL YOU!

[EssexDave]

Become Chinese and wait for them to buy everything up. You'll pretty much have a shared ownership in the world then.

[manicjazz]

nah seems like too much effort for me :) im a happy worker just want to enjoy the finer things :)

Your ideas seem quite focused, perhaps even rehearsed, either way they seem to be coming very easilly to you.

[Tom_the_great]

infact the life we have alreaady is fine we just need to lock up people rather then give them a better life make punishment a punishment and make people work to make money that would solve alot ???

[Tom_the_great]

Your ideas seem quite focused, perhaps even rehearsed, either way they seem to be coming very easilly to you.

myself and people discuss this from time to time :) plus it helps i seem to have an over active imagination ???

Thread derail*
speaking of which does anyone play chess? im thinking of taking it up abit more serious ??

[Paul the 6th]

I suppose, if we took over the world we'd be responsible for fixing all the problems, or ignoring them while we sit in our lovely ivory towers.. Carbon fibre would be better though.

What about if we formed an underground fight club style society who break into jeremy kyle cast's houses and steal their xbox/ps3 remote controls, and mixed up the letters on their qwerty keyboards for good measure.

[Drew Carey]

I suppose, if we took over the world we'd be responsible for fixing all the problems, or ignoring them while we sit in our lovely ivory towers.. Carbon fibre would be better though.

What about if we formed an underground fight club style society who break into jeremy kyle cast's houses and steal their xbox/ps3 remote controls, and mixed up the letters on their qwerty keyboards for good measure.

Sssshhhhhhhh......rule number one.......you don't talk about it!!!!

[dizzyblonde]

Let them eat cake ;)

[Fallout]

I would love to read this whole thread, but I can't be arsed. Can someone who has been reading the whole lot condense down all the best ideas into a few short sentences so that I can (a) learn for myself how to take over the world, (b) be prepared for anyone who may attempt to take over the world, and finally (c) offer my own new and original ideas for taking over the world.

Much obliged. :-P

[manicjazz]

I would love to read this whole thread, but I can't be arsed. Can someone who has been reading the whole lot condense down all the best ideas into a few short sentences so that I can (a) learn for myself how to take over the world, (b) be prepared for anyone who may attempt to take over the world, and finally (c) offer my own new and original ideas for taking over the world.

Much obliged. :-P

Read the thread misty wuss!!

[Reeder]

I would love to read this whole thread, but I can't be arsed. Can someone who has been reading the whole lot condense down all the best ideas into a few short sentences so that I can (a) learn for myself how to take over the world, (b) be prepared for anyone who may attempt to take over the world, and finally (c) offer my own new and original ideas for taking over the world.

Much obliged. :-P

Basically we've all agreed to have plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.

[manicjazz]

Basically we've all agreed to have plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.
You already do!!

[Fallout]

Read the thread misty wuss!!

:smt089

Basically we've all agreed to have plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.

Great! I am in. I will get mine done tomorrow and then report back. Thanks for letting me know Reeder. You're a pal. :D

[Reeder]

Anything to help man!

[Bibio]

work out how to safely extract hydrogen from water & store/transport it at room temperature.



you only need to find a sustainable passive catalyst to crack the hydrogen from the water. once you have the hydrogen you can then combine it back with oxygen which creates heat and electricity and the end product is water again. you don't need to burn the hydrogen.

[_Stretchie_]

Write a really unrealistic book full of lies and untruths and call it a religion. You'll be sorted then.

Or Haynes
;)

Sent from my Desire HD using Tapatalk

[Bluefish]

Or the flatpack furniture guide ;)

[Messie]

You plan starts with an erroneous premise. Why try to to take over this world? As many suggest, its up the creek, whether you consider the problem from the economic, political, environmental or social point of view. There is really only one solution...

Get all the V Twins engines together that you can, strap then to an Vdub MK 1 body (suitabley strengthened) and sort out the odd squirt of nitrous.

Get your chosen few to wear all the ferkin leathers they've got...

and head for a new place. Straight past the moon, knee down on the lefthander, sparks flying round Mars, dodge the neglected black hole and park up with an almighty stoppie.



That'll impress the feamles of the new planet! :)

[Paul the 6th]

Did that last time messie - ended up stuck on a planet full of apes... They made a film about it.

[Messie]

hehehe lol!:cool:

[-Ralph-]

Cows are pretty? Ruth Jones from Gavin and Stacey... Suzi Perry.. Ralph.

Oh Honey, I'm so happy!

[Paul the 6th]

woof ding dang

[AZZ3R]

Worlds going to end in Dec 2012 so you better get a move on. :D

[metalmonkey]

Well you need to something like this, you have to impress people;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQJJjcrwXQE

Take over the world eh, well the media beat you to it control information control the population. Why do ya think Thames Tv didn't get a licence when it came through for renewal they broke a D-Notice or something very similar that was the end of them!

[blue curvy jester]

can you take it over next week i'm planning to do it on the weekend when i'm fed up you can have a crack

[Tom_the_great]

can you take it over next week i'm planning to do it on the weekend when i'm fed up you can have a crack

maybe you could team up and be a coalition ? oh wait there doing that one now and its not working?

[blue curvy jester]

Cool Paul can be like my Clegg an inefectual coq monkey who comes up with really stupid ideas that make my meglamania style ones sound normal

[Paul the 6th]

Good idea BCJ, I propose that we get rid of cows and pigs and dogs and cats, but keep goats - then over thousands of years we can breed 4 different types of goats until they each become a breed in their own right. At that point we can hold an election to decide the best goat, only rather than a straight forward goat voting system (can you see where this is going? someone stop me) instead it will be very complicated and serve only to confuse the general population but still make perfect sense for 2 of the goats.


We'll call it... the alternative goat.

[blue curvy jester]

Thats it thats the sort of ideas i need; but getting rid of sheep in wales may be difficult!

Not interested in voting though i want a dictatorship , a benevolent one possibly but still a dictatorship ( it must be the uniform thing)

[Paul the 6th]

But jester, with great power....



....... comes ridiculous dress sense.

http://africasacountry.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/gadaffi_style_01.jpeg?w=500&h=330

[blue curvy jester]

MMMMM shiny and blue and so slightly camp

perfick

[Paul the 6th]

Has he got a blue peter badge in there?

[plowsie]

There are 3 easy steps to taking over the world, fairly easy also:

1. Take one's iPhone out of ones pocket

2. Press the 'App Store' and download 'Take Over the World Pro'. Note: Lite version only allows scenarios.

3. Sit back with a mug of Yorkshire Tea, and watch the Carnage unveil

Sorry, not available on Android yet.

[Grant66]

I added "Find answer to world peace" to the jobs list on the fridge last year, so far I haven't been able to progress past this thing 'to do'.

Please don't find a solution or I'll have to "tidy up the garden" at the weekend.

[Paul the 6th]

Grant - part of the new world order is a free flymo for everyone who joins up without resistance.

Plows - is that a real app?!

[plowsie]

Plows - is that a real app?!
Couldn't tell you mate, I'm far too busy on Virtua Table Tennis to even look on the App store. Screw taking over the world...I'm beating countries willy nilly on this badboy

[blue curvy jester]

Grant - part of the new world order is a free flymo for everyone who joins up without resistance.


Flymo!flymo! do you think this new world order is made of money

every person get an Alternate goat to keep their grass short

that'll learn them that i am not only bountiful but also i give them free milk

[Amadeus]

every person get an Alternate goat to keep their grass short

But goats have their balls under their chin! Cows are a much better bet. And they have character too.

[blue curvy jester]

But goats have their balls under their chin! Cows are a much better bet. And they have character too.

I have to allow my deputy dictator and Nick Clegg clone paul VI something to do and his job is to breed with the goats to make an alternative goat ( sans ball chins)

[Paul the 6th]

I know we promised everyone a goat & said that under no circumstances would the goats be cancelled... but sorry guys the goats are now cancelled.

No more alternative goating either.

[blue curvy jester]

and kid benifit will be cancelled if you have more than 3 goats or 6 flymos

[andrewsmith]

what about sheep??

[Tom_the_great]

i want a cow dammit and if i dont get one were already going to have an uprising !

[blue curvy jester]

i want a cow dammit and if i dont get one were already going to have an uprising !


shoot him, shoot him now the take his bike and have it crushed, descent will not be tolerated

[Paul the 6th]

It's ok guys, I've enlisted some help!

http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com/

[andrewsmith]

shoot him, shoot him now the take his bike and have it crushed, descent will not be tolerated

You not got a one cow policy??

Two if your from the West Country

[blue curvy jester]

It's ok guys, I've enlisted some help!

http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com/

ronley i am so ronley


Feck the lot of you i'm abdictating

[Amadeus]

It's ok guys, I've enlisted some help!http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com/

If we're going down the Korean route, have you considered Ken Lee (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQt-h753jHI) as your national anthem? We can dub the mooing backing track on later.

[Bibio]

Basically we've all agreed to have plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.

i think MYC has already done that one (AR11)

[andrewsmith]

i think MYC has already done that one (AR11)

You mean James Bieber!

[DJFridge]

All you need is lots and lots of henchmen.

Like these for example
http://mtbs3d.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10002/dme-2.jpg

[Bluefish]

But jester, with great power....



....... comes ridiculous dress sense.

http://africasacountry.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/gadaffi_style_01.jpeg?w=500&h=330
Hey, it's Sgt Pepper :p

[andrewsmith]

But jester, with great power....



....... comes ridiculous dress sense.

http://africasacountry.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/gadaffi_style_01.jpeg?w=500&h=330

where you find that pic of me????

[Bluefish]

It's ok guys, I've enlisted some help!

http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com/
He's going to be a right B'stard if he gets older, you got competition there :rolleyes: