Mixed Emotions

[myfirstsv]

My number 1 son (twin boys aged 17) has an interview tomorrow as an army officer. If he makes the cut they will make a contribution to his University education (Unlikely as due to budget constraints you now have to be Royal to qualify for this).

More realistically, as in pretty much guaranteed, they will offer him a place on officer training at Sandhurst *when he gets his degree and pay him for training with the TA while he is at *University.*

But he doesn't just want the Army, he wants to be a Para. To the extent that he's been pacing himself and beating the Para fitness App - there is one - for the last year. And the Paras are the ones who get the toughest and most dangerous jobs.

I'm proud of him for what he wants to do but I'm also so scared as to what might happen if things ever go wrong at some point in the future.

You can't wrap your children in cotton wool forever but you never stop worrying about them.

[The Idle Biker]

Wow that really is a parents dilemma. Tough call mate.
Nothing to say other than you have bought him up right. Give yourself credit for that at least.

[FG1]

I'm possibly not the best to give advice here as I am a cold hearted git but, my belief is that your number is up when it is up, regardless of occupation, location age or any other factor.
Don't get me wrong, I do feel sympathy for those who have lost friends and family in the forces. I myself did 14 years in the RAF and worked alongside Paras and special forces etc. I suppose a comforting thought could be that they are some of the best trained and well disciplined troops in the world.
If it's where his heart is let him go with it.
On a lesser note, if he were to ask you to stop riding bikes because he thought you might die on one, would you ???
Life is a time for enjoying yourself, death is a time for remembering the fun you had on the way.

[ogden]

Life is a time for enjoying yourself, death is a time for remembering the fun you had on the way.

Now read your own post, and the line that follows it under your sig separator.

I entirely agree, mind. We're talking about a 17 year old, not a 7 year old. If it's what he wants to do, you either go with it or he'll most likely do it anyway.

[BanannaMan]

Time to let the bird fly from the nest.

If it's in his heart to do so, you should support him fully and put aside your own fears. (or at least make him think you have)

[missyburd]

By the sounds on it your son knows his mind and will be on to do it regardless. All you can do is sit back and be there for him, though it must be hard. 17-year olds can be very bloody-minded :lol:

One of our friends did a similar thing, attended TA having a whale of a time during his degree in International Politics, he is now at Sandhurst doing Officer training and hasn't looked back. Good on your lad for having the determination and the commitment if he can go through with it, doesn't make it any easier on you though.

And he'll be 20 by the time he gets to Sandhurst = probably even more bloody minded :-P

[Fallout]

If it makes you feel any better mate, if he does join the army, he will gain a massive amount of valuable life experience, and also get into arguably one of the most interesting and diverse careers out there. If he succeeds in the army and makes it through to the higher officer ranks, he'll be set up for life with a ludicrous pension and also able to retire much earlier.

Statically, though being deployed is obviously far more dangerous than driving an ice cream truck, it's still relatively unlikely he'd be killed or seriously injured in active duty. Couldn't give you a percentage, but I would imagine it's less risky than being a professional racing driver or show jumper (a really risky career), neither of which you'd probably feel many negative feelings about.

So I totally understand your concern, and I would definitely feel the same, but the benefits are potentially great. We all have to take risks in life. He could otherwise become a desk job 9-5er, and always wish he'd done something useful and exciting with his life. The opportunity to fix that is right here.

The only situation in which I would suggest you discourage him is if he has strong feelings about foreign policy and doesn't agree with Afghanistan or Iraq (another reason why I never joined). If he thinks those conflicts are wrong, he has no place as an officer in the army. He must have blind faith in the governments decisions to deploy troops because questioning the decision to go to war is completely against what an officer stands for.

[maviczap]

My colleagues son joined the Para's and has done at least one tour, he's very proud of his son and what he decided to do.

So even though its hard for you, its what he wants to do, but they don't all get through the selection process, its a long road.

[Sir Trev]

The only situation in which I would suggest you discourage him is if he has strong feelings about foreign policy and doesn't agree with Afghanistan or Iraq (another reason why I never joined). If he thinks those conflicts are wrong, he has no place as an officer in the army. He must have blind faith in the governments decisions to deploy troops because questioning the decision to go to war is completely against what an officer stands for.

There is nothing wrong in having opinions on things and several ex-forces officers I've worked with all said you cannot be a machine and switch off to what is around you. It would be dangerous to do so and counterproductive.

The blind faith bit is almost true though. You have to respect the chain of command and get on with tasks. Questioning orders can get you killed so the jump-to-it mentality is part of the life. If you cannot get on with this you don't get through selection.

[stewie]

At the end of the day he's an adult and will make whatever decisions suit him best, he may well get to Sandhurst and hate it but he has to make that choice for himself, best of luck to him though.

[Fallout]

There is nothing wrong in having opinions on things and several ex-forces officers I've worked with all said you cannot be a machine and switch off to what is around you. It would be dangerous to do so and counterproductive.

The blind faith bit is almost true though. You have to respect the chain of command and get on with tasks. Questioning orders can get you killed so the jump-to-it mentality is part of the life. If you cannot get on with this you don't get through selection.

I agree with you on that. I just meant, I personally feel the whole of the Iraq situation was bull**** (a discussion for another day), and it would've been wrong of me to join the army with that mentally. You don't have to agree with everything, but I think if you find yourself questioning what the hell the army as a whole is doing before you're even there, you're getting into the wrong profession.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be interested in the army if that was his mindset.

[carelesschucca]

I think he should go for it, yes its a hard life but the benefits he'll get are immense.

I wish I'd know more about the military life when I was younger if I'd joined when I was asked to by one of the majors I worked for I'd only be 6 years from retirement, a nice handy pay out and a pension.

You've just got to hope that Sandhurst doesn't affect his dress sense too much.

[kellyjo]

All my life Ive bumbled from job to job with no real direction and one of my biggest hopes for my kids is that they leave school with a sense of direction, which I didnt. If that means they want to join up then so be it, I'll support them 100%.

Whilst it would be understandably hard as a parent to sit back and watch, it sounds like your son knows what he wants and im sure he'll make you very proud!

[DJFridge]

If he knows his own mind, and it sounds like he does, then you've done a good job bringing him up. I hope our two have some idea what they want to do at that age and if it's the military life, then I'll just have to accept it and hope they stay safe. I'm currently trying not to think about Fallout's comments on showjumping as a dangerous career, as youngest is heading in that direction at the moment.