A bit embarrasing!

[sv_rory]

Ok,

So I am a little embarrased, I am 28 and have just proved to myself that I rele can't cook for myself.

I have always had food cooked for me but now the family are all away I am stuffed.

I have just tried to do jacket potatos and that has turned into a total disaster.

Is there anything simple that I can cook up? Ive pretty much cleared the house of cakes crisps etc so really need to learn quick!

any easy recipies greatly appreciated:)

[andrewsmith]

Paging Grunty Giggles!

Simple one is Spag Bol or a Chilli

[sv_rory]

I love spag bol, one question tho how easy is it to make up?

[Bordtea]

Go to tesco and buy some ready meals and whack them in the microwave

[Nobbylad]

Mince, tinned tomatoes, honey, paprika, chilli, red wine, onion and spaghetti.

Or, mince, Dolmio sauce (other sauces are available) and spaghetti.

TBH - if you can't cook spag bol - you're fooked.

[JamesMio]

He's just admitted to struggling with jacket potatoes - as in, wash spud, put in microwave for 10 mins, eat.

How the feck's he going to cope with more than a single ingredient?!

[sv_rory]

Ok I'll give spag bol a go tomorrow, I might even take some pics for the orgs entertainment lol

[sv_rory]

He's just admitted to struggling with jacket potatoes - as in, wash spud, put in microwave for 10 mins, eat.

How the feck's he going to cope with more than a single ingredient?!


Ah crap, I didnt realise you could do spuds in the microwave, I got a big saucepan and sat there boiling them for aboput 20mins

[andrewsmith]

Not too hard

For 2 portions
- 1/2lb lean mince
- 1 tin of chopped tomatoes
- 1/2 to one onion
- Peppers (to taste I'm not a fan)
- Mushrooms
- Herbes to taste
- Fresh garlic sliced

Put a little bit of oil into a pan and warn it up, add the garlic and the onions into the pan and cook them off until caramelised, add in the tomatoes and give it a good stir to mix the onions in. Add the mushrooms and peppers and stir in, add the herbs in (more can be added later) let it simmer for about 15 minutes giving it a stir

Dry fry the mince with some garlic and a bit of onion until the mince is brown.

Here you can do it one of two ways. You can:
- Mix it in the pan and leave it on the hop for about an hour to 90 minutes (until it thickens the sauce)
- Put the sauce and mince into a casserole dish give it a good mix and put in the oven on about 170ish for about and hour or until the sauce is to taste

I leave the spag bol overnight to cool and serve the next day :thumbsup:

Hope this helps

[Spank86]

Baked potatoes are easy.

Wash, wrap in kitchen roll, microwave on full power for 3mins, turn over and repeat.

Stick knife in to see if it's soft throughout,,if not put in for another min.

Get a block of cheese to grate and a tin of tuna or tuna and sweet corn and you've got a meal.

[sv_rory]

Cheers guys Ill have a go at all! :) I was a bit naughty I invited a young lady over for dinner the other day and all I can say is she wasn't impressed when I asked her to cook it! woopsie! We ended up at the local pub for dinner

[Spank86]

I dont suppose you have a slow pot cooker?

[sv_rory]

I dont suppose you have a slow pot cooker?


It's a big range cooker with 4 ovens???

[Spank86]

Lol.

Forget I asked.

[dyzio]

It's really simple...


All you need is a take away menu and a phone...


;)

[andrewsmith]

It's really simple...


All you need is a take away menu and a phone...


;)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/images/clip/p003yzdb_640_360.jpg

[Spank86]

If you're completely incompetent there's always the option of buying pasta, a pot of sauce and a packet of ready cooked meat (chicken chunks or cooked and pealed prawns work well)

Just boil the pasta for 10mins or until soft and heat the sauce. Then drain the pasta and throw the lot in the pan with the sauce, stir up and serve.

[widepants]

Cheers guys Ill have a go at all! :) I was a bit naughty I invited a young lady over for dinner the other day and all I can say is she wasn't impressed when I asked her to cook it! woopsie! We ended up at the local pub for dinner
did u get your leg over though:smt031

[DJFridge]

Jacket potato (non-microwave version)

Put large potato in oven at about 200degC. Find something else to do for an hour and a half to two hours (I take our eldest to his swimming club). Remove from oven, cut it open and stuff with cheese or whatever. Eat.

Really simple pasta meal.

Get some fresh pasta, a pot of crème fraiche and some cheap smoked salmon (Sainsburys do packs of offcuts for less than a pound). Cook pasta for a couple of minutes, drain the water off, pour the crème fraiche and the salmon in, mix up over a little bit of heat and then serve. Yummy

[sv_rory]

did u get your leg over though:smt031
unfortunatly not, I will have to try again tomorrow, blow her away with some minging spag bol, surely its the thought that counts tho

[m15terroboto]

Ah crap, I didnt realise you could do spuds in the microwave, I got a big saucepan and sat there boiling them for aboput 20mins

haha quality!

That will be a par boiled potato with the skin on then! yum.....

[sv_rory]

haha quality!

That will be a par boiled potato with the skin on then! yum.....

It was probably the most minging thing ive ever eaten, disguising it with cheese just made a huge mess!

I will probably regret this tomorrow

[widepants]

can u boil an egg?

[sv_rory]

can u boil an egg?


yeah should be alright with that I supose, mind you I think there is an egg boiler thningy in the house,

[Littlepeahead]

Posh pizza - serves 2

1 full size ciabatta or 2 half ciabatta
2 packs of mozarella
1 jar pesto
Fresh tomatoes, preferably the vine ripened ones
Packet of fresh basil
Some salami or pepperoni

Put on oven, bake ciabatta as per instructions, usually about 10 mins

While it bakes slice up the mozarella and tomatoes, go for about half centimetre slices

Take bread out of oven, slice in half lengthways.

Spread cut part with pesto, will use about quarter of a jar, then layer with pepperoni, then tomatoes then mozarella.

Bung back in the oven until cheese melts. Remove from oven.

Tear basil leaves up. Sprinkle over top of ciabatta. Add black pepper.

Takes less than 25 minutes to make, looks lovely and is yummy.

And if Mr LPH can make it, anyone can.

[sv_rory]

Posh pizza - serves 2

1 full size ciabatta or 2 half ciabatta
2 packs of mozarella
1 jar pesto
Fresh tomatoes, preferably the vine ripened ones
Packet of fresh basil
Some salami or pepperoni

Put on oven, bake ciabatta as per instructions, squally about 10 mins

While it bakes slice up the mozarella and tomatoes, go for about half centimetre slices

Take bread out of oven, slice in half lengthways.

Spread cut part with pesto, will use about quarter of a jar, then layer with pepperoni, then tomatoes then mozarella.

Bung back in the oven until cheese melts. Remove from oven.

Tear basil leaves up. Sprinkle over top of ciabatta. Add black pepper.

Takes less than 25 minutes to make, looks lovely and is yummy.

And if Mr LPH can make it, anyone can.


Sounds yummy! this is definatly one to try :)

[widepants]

Sounds yummy! this is definatly one to try :)
and you might get :smt031

[sv_rory]

Posh pizza - serves 2

1 full size ciabatta or 2 half ciabatta
2 packs of mozarella
1 jar pesto
Fresh tomatoes, preferably the vine ripened ones
Packet of fresh basil
Some salami or pepperoni

Put on oven, bake ciabatta as per instructions, usually about 10 mins

While it bakes slice up the mozarella and tomatoes, go for about half centimetre slices

Take bread out of oven, slice in half lengthways.

Spread cut part with pesto, will use about quarter of a jar, then layer with pepperoni, then tomatoes then mozarella.

Bung back in the oven until cheese melts. Remove from oven.

Tear basil leaves up. Sprinkle over top of ciabatta. Add black pepper.

Takes less than 25 minutes to make, looks lovely and is yummy.

And if Mr LPH can make it, anyone can.


:D

[Bibio]

you have the internet.......

google is a good place to start as well as youtube. think what you would like to eat then google 'how to make ???'...

28years old and can't cook.. someone's a mummy's boy. bet you don't know how the washing machine works either :-)

[sv_rory]

you have the internet.......

google is a good place to start as well as youtube. think what you would like to eat then google 'how to make ???'...

28years old and can't cook.. someone's a mummy's boy. bet you don't know how the washing machine works either :-)

Actually I can do everything other than cooking! it's just one thing I just cannot do no matter how hard i try!

[Lozzo]

unfortunatly not, I will have to try again tomorrow, blow her away with some minging spag bol, surely its the thought that counts tho

Careful how much you feed her, last thing you want is her woofing her cookies as you get down to the co-joined epileptic impressions

[pinpoint_uk]

This thread has made me laugh since it started. Very brave to out on a forum.....

If you do want to learn the basics, Delia's how to cook is pretty good. Another great cookbook for you would be Jamies ministry of food. Takes you through basic recipes step by step and again goes through simple kitchen skills.

Google is good though for recipes but tbh if you think a jacket potato is boiled then I would start from the really basic skills and go from there. Good luck!

Rich

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

[Specialone]

I hate cooking but I can do it.

Basic cooking is very easy, most stuff cooks in a saucepan, oven or grill.

For baked potatos, best results...
Whack in microwave for 10 mins
Take out and wrap in foil
Put in middle of oven on high for about 30 mins,

Take out, cut in half, add plenty of butter and salt, add filling if required, EAT IT :)

[widepants]

For baked potatos, best results...
Whack in microwave for 10 mins
Take out and wrap in foil
Put in middle of oven on high for about 30 mins,


dont forget to ***** the skins

[YaelD]

Wash, wrap in kitchen roll
got a meal.

Just to check 'kitchen roll' is not to be confused with 'kitchen foil'. Foil in a microwave is a VERY bad thing

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[SuzukiNess]

I dont suppose you have a slow pot cooker?

It's a big range cooker with 4 ovens???

:smt082

[Specialone]

dont forget to ***** the skins

I'm no peasant, we buy 'washed' spuds ;)

[pinpoint_uk]

For baked potatos, best results...
Whack in microwave for 10 mins
Take out and wrap in foil
Put in middle of oven on high for about 30 mins,

Take out, cut in half, add plenty of butter and salt, add filling if required, EAT IT :)

I would argue for best results place in the embers of bbq/ open fire et. Yum! However probably not ideal for everyday cooking!

Rich

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[granty92]

i can one up all this, my cooking is so appauling that i invited my girlfriend round for dinner (was ages ago) and cooked so bad that she then had food poisoning :/ definate bad times, haven't cooked since

[The Flame]

if u want a piece of advice about cooking pasta and italian food (risotto, tortellini, ravioli etc) (not to be the "i know everything" but as i'm italian and i love cooking i can still stand out from the mass... hehe): be simple. we don't use loads of onions and spices as i keep seeing my brits housemates doing. A good recipe? well: take an egg, keep the egg yolk and just little of the egg white (let's say from 1/3 to 1/2), whisk it a little in a bowl till it's uniform and u can't see anymore between egg yolk and the egg white, add some black pepper and grated parmesan (i hate so much calling it permesan instead of parmigiano, because "parmesan" is the way italian rednecks use to call it in dialect after they moved to USA in the early 20s..... hehe). ok till this point? absolutely easy..
then take a frypan and quickly cook some smoked lardons (the one from sainsbury's is perfect), if u want to do it better cut them in cubes (they come in kind of stripes..you just want to have many even shaped pieces), then cook the pasta: don't put just a tiny bit of water as i always see non italians doing, put a good amount, make it boiling than add some rock salt (for 1 person and a 22cm pot filled for 3/4 i'd say 1 and 1/3 tablespoons max, remember it's rocksalt not ground table salt). add the pasta that u prefer and remember to stir it every couple of minutes (yes: every couple of minutes!), when you're close to the right cooking time take one piece of pasta and bite it in half: if u can see that inside is still "whit-ish" it needs a couple of minutes more, that's the trick to know when it's ready.
when even inside it's cooked (don't overcook it) drain it and put it in the fry pan together with the lardons and light up the fire again cooking it for a minute or two max, u just want to mix them properly.
then pour the pasta and lardons mix in the "egg bowl" and mix.
Mate u prepared an original Pasta alla carbonara!!(well u should use some pecorino romano instead of the parmesan but the one u can find in uk it's crap.... sigh..)
If u have issues about "raw" (they're not raw as they cook with the heat coming from the pasta) egg yolk (many american and anglosaxons in general are literally paranoid about that...and then eat a lot of junk food and fried things...lol) prepare the same thing (pasta, lardons, black pepper and parmesan) without the egg and, look: u made a white amatriciana pasta! sweet!
any comment or thing that could be taken as offensive is not meant to be like that... sometime i'm just shocked about the differences between italian and english way of cooking and thinking about food....

[metalmonkey]

I really don't get how people can't cook, I really did laugh at reading it. (sorry but it is quite funny) It does make me wonder how many people of adult age that really can't do basic things.

I'd look on youtube, decide what you want to eat then look up several videos about how do it. I did try to make cup cakes once, it being a US recpie I put too much sugar in them...what a rush.

[MisterTommyH]

:smt053

I can't cook either. Have tried numerous times and something almost always goes disastorously wrong.

(When I say cooking, I don't count pasta, or lasagna using bottles of sauce etc - I can just about manage those - I have to otherwise I'd starve).

For me it comes from a complete inability to time things correctly. Even with two oven timers - if something hasn't quite done in the given time I have no ability to improvise - and it's not something thats a problem anywhere else except cooking.

Suppose I was never involved in the kitchen as a kid, as it was a small place and I was under my mothers feet.... plus I come from home where all the cooking was done by mom.

Also, not that much of an interest in food, not that adventurous at trying new things so why would I learn.... I won't like it anyway (!) ;)

[sv_rory]

i can one up all this, my cooking is so appauling that i invited my girlfriend round for dinner (was ages ago) and cooked so bad that she then had food poisoning :/ definate bad times, haven't cooked since


You're almost as bad as me! This did make me chuckle! its like years ago when i was on a first date and smashed the car up on the way to the restaurant. I never did see her again!

[Paul the 6th]

fillet steak, get the pan screaming hot, cover fillets in a bit of olive oil & salt & pepper, throw the them in the pan and cook on one side for 1 minute, then the other for 1 minute (this is the 'sealing' bit which seals the meat and traps the juices in), then reduce to a medium heat and keep turning every minute for about 3-4 minutes for medium rar, 5-6 minutes for medium or 7-8 minutes for medium well.

Serve with some nice chunky oven chips and a bit of veg. Makes you look like a boss when it's really a piece of pish.