Your favourite funny lines

[Littlepeahead]

Out with the Selkenters last night we were giggling away at various lines from 'Blackadder'.

But a couple of people mentioned how they'd never found 'The Office' funny at all, or 'Little Britain'.

So I wondered what everyone's favourites were from comedies over the years?


My favourite can be found in this clip at 1'14" when Blackadder starts coming out with a load of made up words as Dr Johnson, who has just arrived with his completed discitonary, gets more and more angry.
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www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOSYiT2iG08 (http://forums.sv650.org/www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOSYiT2iG08)

Dr. Samuel Johnson: [places two manuscripts on the table, but picks up the top one] Here it is, sir. The very cornerstone of English scholarship. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.

Blackadder: Every single one, sir?

Dr. Samuel Johnson: Every single word, sir!

Blackadder: Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribularities.

Dr. Samuel Johnson: What?!!!

Blackadder: "Contrafribularites", sir? It is a common word down our way.

Dr. Samuel Johnson: Damn!

[writes in the book]

Blackadder: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.

Dr. Samuel Johnson: What, what, WHAAAT?

George: er, Blackadder, go fetch the tea, will you.

Blackadder: Certainly sir, i shall return.......interfrastically.

[yorkie_chris]

Almost the entire scripts of blackadder then, and snatch and lock, stock. And red dwarf.

[NTECUK]

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

[femaleacid]

Every single line Will Ferrell says.

Even if it wasn't made to be funny.

[DJFridge]

Father Ted gets me every time, this being a perfect example

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All Blackadder, Red Dwarf, Black Books, Friends. Not so quotable but MrsDJF & I take Coupling with us us whenever we go on holiday - can't really watch it when the kids are awake yet.

[Littlepeahead]

I never watched Father Ted, perhaps I should start as that made me chortle.

[Paul the 6th]

You can't shine shiit, but you can roll it in glitter.

[Supervox]

Just a few from Yes Minister / Yes Prime Minister that always make me giggle :-

Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the functions of government within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."
Jim Hacker: "You mean you've lost your key?"


Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
- The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"
Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big t**s"


Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, do you see it as part of your job to help Ministers make fools of themselves?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, I never met one that needed any help."


Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents, they could be captured and tortured."
Bernard: "You mean by terrorists?"
Sir Humphrey: "By the BBC, Bernard."


Jim Hacker: "Would you be surprised, for instance, if a British aircraft carrier turned up in the Central African Republic?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, I for one, Minister, would be very surprised; it's a 1,000 miles inland."

[maviczap]

Any ones out of Airplane, Blazing Saddles & Young Frankenstein

Froderick Frankenstein - Werewolves?

Igor - There wolves.

Another favourite

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[Joe Marcon]

Aviit sausage!
Joe marcons quote :)

[Bri w]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnzFx7-5hhY&feature=related

"Blessed are the cheesemakers..."

[The Idle Biker]

Eric Morecambe v Andre Preview:):):)

"I am playing all the right notes....."

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[Amadeus]

Dunno if this counts - it was a conversation I had when I was young with a colleague about my boss.

My boss Jane had phoned work to say that she would not be in today because her dog was sick. She often had time off for quite ridiculous reasons and I'd kind of started to consider it normal of her. She was also exceptionally tedious - when the team went to lunch we would try and find a table that did not have enough empty seats for her to join us. You wouldn't believe the things she could have a long conversation about.

A little later a (gorgeous) colleague popped round to see Jane and when she couldn't find her said to me "is Jane in today?".

I replied "no, her dogs dead" (no idea why I said that - it just came out; I was fairly laconic at that stage of my life)

She seemed rather shocked and said "oh, what happened?", thinking it had been run over or something.

I replied "suicide". We both cracked up and couldn't look at each other for the next week without laughing.

When I left, I got a card which everyone had written in, including Jessica who had written "sorry to see you go, thanks for all the laughs, I thought 'suicide' was the best one"
The card was on my desk as I was chatting and Jane picked the card up and started reading it and said to me "what's this line about suicide?". You could have heard a pin drop - everyone started sniggering to themselves and made a quick exit...

[daveangel]

My favourites from 'Blackadder' are in series 2, the ep. where they go sailing with Tom Baker's Captain Redbeard Rum. When Edmund is trying to pursade him to take them and he replies . .

'Sir, you have a woman's bottom. I'll wager that bottom has not been forced between 2 splintered planks to plug a leak!'

Later, 'Sir, you have a woman's purse, I'll wager that purse has not been used as a liferaft with 14 sailors t0ssing in it!'

How him and Rowan did it without falling about I don't know!

[keith_d]

I like Rowan Atkinson's monolog, "The Devil Sketch", (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91DSNL1BEeY). Here are a few excerpts from when he's organising the damned into groups...

"Fornicators, if you could step forward – my God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up
into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small
guillotine there."

"Atheists! Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of charlies."

"Okay, Moonies, maniacs, marmite eaters, male models, masochists, mass murderers and
masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - with the Methodists that is."

And finally, "Everyone who saw Monty Python’s “Life of Brian” – I’m afraid He can’t take a joke after all."

[barwel1992]

most of norman wisdoms stuff,farther ted,victor of dibley , only fools and horses ect

[NTECUK]

Red Dwarf.
" Broadcast on all frequencies and all known languages, including Welsh. "*

[Sir Trev]

Eric Morecambe v Andre Preview:):):)


Previn allegedly could not make rehersals for that show and if you watch Eric he is momentarily stunned when not only does Previn get his lines right but also ad-libs a bit, like the comment he makes about Eric wasting time by walking oddly. Priceless.


Romanes eunt domus. I need say no more... apart from He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.


Edit - if you like funny lines go to Blackpool. In front of the Tower they have installed the Comedy Carpet. A huge area of quotes and lines from comdey through the ages with some fabulous entries. You can wander about on it for ages giggling at the memories it brings back.
http://i1210.photobucket.com/albums/cc413/Sir_Trev/DSCN0838.jpg