My Lost/Stolen Thread

[Fallout]

I thought I'd start a thread in which I can vent about the continuing disappearance of my various belongings due to thieves, and the tidy fairy. Hopefully this will somehow allow me to deal with it, rather than further building up my internal rage which would one day result in me going postal and literally killing everyone in the whole world.

There are many items that have gone missing over the years, so I'm just going to start with the recent ones.

- Sony Camcorder vanished from dinning room table on the weekend of the 4th of August. Searched entire house including garage. Suspected theft. (FOUND!)

- Brand new axle wrench tool arrived Saturday 11th. Was unwrapped and packaged and left on lounge coffee table. Never used and not seen since. Searched lounge, my office and brief look in garage. Suspected tidy fairy. (FOUND!)

- New lighter from LPH came home with me from my night out last night. Last seen when I put my smokes on the window ledge, complete with lighter, as I always do. Came down this morning, some fags taken and lighter vanished. I'll never see that again. Lighters are lost at a rate of about 1 every other day. (FOUND!)

More later, without a shadow of a doubt ...

[pookie]

memory ...lost never found again
virginity....had it once may still have it but cant remember see above :)

[Owenski]

Simon my leige you need a "DUMPING DRAW" - Bare with thins post dude its worth it!

I had the exact same problem with my misses as you have with yours. Like you I leave things in a place where I'd be either reminded of something or somewhere that I specifically know I left it. Eg, wedding ring always sleeps near the toothbrushes so in a morning I brush my teeth and remember to pop my ring on.

Anyway, I have often had the same frustrations you're on about and always when I NEEDED something right there and then. I go to where I knew I'd placed it last only to see the shelf/windowledge/mantal/sideboard etc all suspiciously clean. Then the fun begins (and this is a specific example).
Me: "Wife, where are my sunglasses?"
Wife: "Not seen them"
Me: "I left them on top of the microwave, they're not there now"
Wife: "You must have moved them"
Me: "I did, I moved them to be on top of the microwave so I'd know where to find them, you must have moved them from there to somewhere new"
Wife: "I tidied up last night, they'll be where they're supposed to be"
Me: "they're SUPPOSED to be on top of the microwave, where I left them! Where exactly have decided they needed to be?"
Wife: "I dont know, have a look by the TV in our bedroom"
Me: *thinks, wtf would they be there for? - goes to see, no glasses - "Nope, not there"
Wife: "Erm, I may have put them with the hats and spare keys by the front door"
Me: *thinks, wtf would they be there for? - goes to see, finds glasses - "Yeah, got em"
Wife: "Maybe now you'll put your own things away"

This comment was ignored by me until I later landed back on the topic, the result was the invention of the "Dumping Draw" the rules are simple. If I have something in my possession which has no need to be "put away" but is equally likely to be tidied away if left out then I drop it in my dumping draw. If I happen to leave something out and Wife decides its in need to relocating then she too must deposit said item into the dumping draw.

The benefit to utilising the dumping draw is instant, and its fool proof in its simplicity.
If an item is relocated and the dumping draw is not its new home then the s*** is free to hit the fan.

NB: The dumping draw will need emptying from time to time - secondary benifit to this is that in those moments where you need to get the feck out of the company of your live in womble you can go remove the draw and carry it upstairs sorting through it in great detail, these "dumping draw sorting sessions" become the new "I think my mums calling me, bye"

Its a win win win win win win

[Sir Trev]

Me: "Wife, where are my sunglasses?"
Wife: "Not seen them"
Me: "I left them on top of the microwave, they're not there now"
Wife: "You must have moved them"

This is spookily familiar... Or how about:

Me: "Darling, where are the car keys?"
Wife: "Probably where you left them."
Me: "But you drove the car last, so where did you put them?"
Wife: "No idea. Try my handbag."
Me: "Where's your handbag?"
Wife: "No idea."
Wife "Why are you repeatedly hitting your head against the wall again?"

I'll add a missing item to the list - the guest airbed. We've found the box it used to live it but have searched the house, garage and shed. Either the dog has burried it or we have a poltergiest.

[Fallout]

Matt, that is a sound plan. I fear my Mrs may not be able to adhere to it, but it's worth a try. Chances are she'll a) forget, or b) not bother, or c) put her own **** in there, but I will give it a go. We have a poooooooof which opens up and you can put stuff inside, and it is indeed full of craap, but I can empty that out and give it a go.

The camcorder was nicked though. Not much I can do about that, except perhaps make a torture draw for putting the thieves in when I catch them.

[Littlepeahead]

You already lost the birthday present I sent you?! Well that is just rubbish.

I don't usually tidy Stu's stuff. The only thing I occasionally do it put his clothes away in the wardrobe which means he'll spend a while looking for something and when he moans he can't find it anywhere I'll ask if he's checked in the wardrobe and he'll look puzzled and ask why on earth his clothes would be in there.

I did keep tripping over his third bass guitar which was in a case in the bedroom. With 2 others cluttering up the house I said he should sell this one as he never plays it. He argued that he does, all the time. Well I sneaked it into the loft the weekend of AR when I got the tents out and he's yet to notice that it has vanished. But at least I know where it is and it's quite safe up there.

[Fallout]

I didn't lose it. It has been taken. And when I ask for it back tonight, she won't be able to find it. So unless you expect me to build a fort knox style vault in my house and put everything I own in there, and check it out when I want to use/wear something, and check it back in when I'm finished with it, things are gonna go missing. Really liked that lighter too!

As for the bass guitar, no man needs 3. You made the right move Clare. See, at least you know where you're putting things. It's not just a mindless fit of spasticated "cleaning" where the grap-item-then-throw-into-dark-corner movement is completely disconnected from the brain. I could live with you.

Why did they discontinue Wife Swap?

[SoulKiss]

Why did they discontinue Wife Swap?

Surely you are wanting "Partner Dump" not Wife Swap ?

The S... erm Cooking, cant be THAT good to live in the misery you seem to be condemned to.

[Littlepeahead]

Stu's argument with the bass guitars is that I have lots of camera gear but I say that most of it fits in one bag, and it mostly lives in my office. Along with my shoes and handbags. I have a huge 4 drawer filing cabinet in the office, and you might be mistaken for thinking I file important documents in it. But no, it is a cunningly disguised shoe and handbag storage unit.

[Owenski]

I've gotta be honest pal, as I assume your misses mates are female and thus violence is out of the question but I'd be kicking up a proper s**t storm about this camera, her mates would most certainly be banned from coming near the place until its returned.

Doesnt matter the excuses I'd have zero tollerance for someone:
a, knicking it and
b, others pretending nothings wrong with that

Doesn't matter about anything else, you worked to get the money to buy that camera no one has any excuse for taking it. You're misses is free to see her mates away from the property but until the camera is returned no one who was there that night is allowed back in. Simple.

[Thunderace]

So a plan.....

Purchase new camcorder,

Await news of impending arrival of said pilfering female,

Just prior to arrival place camcorder on show in prominent position, coat surreptitiously with super glue,

Sit back and wait for the undoubted hilarity that is bound to ensue!

(I have a knackered one, looks perfect but wont power up.)

[Fallout]

@SK - I do all the cooking. I am the best in bed. I don't know why I put up with it either. Oh yeah. She's the major bread winner and is better looking than me. See, it all evens out.

@Matt - I can't kick up a fuss because of this culture of my **** going missing. It's impossible for me to say for sure that I haven't lost it (though I am 99% sure because I never misplace anything but the most minor of things), or more likely, that the Mrs has 'tidied it' because that has happened so many times. So I can't accuse someone of theft in a house like this.

Ya know, if I wake up tomorrow and find a big steaming dump in the puppy's cage, and it looks a lot like a human dump, and one of her unstable mates stayed over last night ... as likely as it is that this lunatic friend has seen fit to take a dump in the dog cage, the fact the dog has previous form means I couldn't accuse her. Cos the mrs surely isn't going to jump in the friend accusation bandwagon when it's a dump in a dog cage.

There's nothing I can do without evidence. Accusing people of theft, even if you don't involve the police, is a very serious thing in terms of trust and friendships. So without being certain the Mrs hasn't thrown it in the bin, buried it in the garden, or removed a brick from the wall and pushed it into the cavity, I can't go down the theft route, even if it seems like the most likely explanation to me.

@Clare - Stop buying handbags! You only need 1.

[Fallout]

@Nathan - I'd be tempted to rig up a hidden camera looking at it, ready to catch them in the act, but you'd have to be a fool to steal the same thing twice, right?

[phi-dan]

As for the bass guitar, no man needs 3.
Heresy!

Anyway, back on topic, you need a man draw
RgUpDGAIdds

[Spank86]

@Nathan - I'd be tempted to rig up a hidden camera looking at it, ready to catch them in the act, but you'd have to be a fool to steal the same thing twice, right?
what if they steal the hidden camera?

[Thunderace]

@Nathan - I'd be tempted to rig up a hidden camera looking at it, ready to catch them in the act, but you'd have to be a fool to steal the same thing twice, right?

Yes it would be foolish, but then I do recall in another thread you mentioned she is somewhat "damaged"!;)

[Littlepeahead]

So basically you are a wh0re...

See that is a man thing to say about bags. I need an everyday bag for work to fit in book/water/purse/phone/stolen beer glasses from the pub, then a variety of other bags to suit different outfits. Everygirl needs at least one vintage lizard skin kelly bag, a simple black patent for evening dress posh dinners and funerals, something pink pretty for a wedding and of course a glittery clutch - not to be confused with a glittery crutch - which is a vajazzle.

[femaleacid]

Everygirl needs at least one vintage lizard skin kelly bag, a simple black patent for evening dress posh dinners and funerals, something pink pretty for a wedding and of course a glittery clutch - not to be confused with a glittery crutch - which is a vajazzle.

Is it strange I dont own and don't want to own either of these things? :/

[maviczap]

You need to mark your valuble stuff with some stuff like this, a gel or paste is better than this powder. Put the item somewhere only where it needs to be hunted for and see what happens.

http://www.crimescene.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=54&products_id=76&zenid=77jadfentssfnff58q99jp5465

[Littlepeahead]

Is it strange I dont own and don't want to own either of these things? :/

Well I don't really get the vajazzle thing either.

But I do like my vintage bags and get them from the charity shops near work. St John's Wood is uber posh so they have s steady flow of bags donated by the families of very rich and now very dead old women.

[Fallout]

Why is my winge thread being turned into a thread about bling bling vadges and handbags?

@MavicZap - So is the idea you powder your stuff then look at the thieve's hands afterwards to see if they touched any of it?

[maviczap]

Yes, but with the flouresent powder or paste you'd need to use a uv light to see who'd toched the item.

We used to use gentian violet powder, which turns purple on their fingers, but it gets eveywhere and can be seen by the suspect, and then washed off.
There's also some health risks to using it, minor, but still a reason not to use it.

[femaleacid]

I had that Alpha Dot crap on all my things in my house e.g. Laptop, phone, TV so if it DOES get stolen you know the exact location. Oooooosh.

P.s. Vajazzle's are just weird... Its a turn off.

[Spank86]

P.s. Vajazzle's are just weird... Its a turn off.

What if it's only there to hide the alpha dot?

[maviczap]

I had that Alpha Dot crap on all my things in my house e.g. Laptop, phone, TV so if it DOES get stolen you know the exact location. Oooooosh.
.

Don't think its quite that advanced, it would need GPS to be able to track its location, helpful to get your stuff back if stolen, but doesn't help fallout with who is stealing his stuff.

[femaleacid]

What if it's only there to hide the alpha dot?

ROFL they should Alpha Dot peoples virginity.

[femaleacid]

Don't think its quite that advanced, it would need GPS to be able to track its location, helpful to get your stuff back if stolen, but doesn't help fallout with who is stealing his stuff.

It has its own 'mark' and you register that mark with the people who put the liquid on your items. You can report it stolen and they can trace it.

[maviczap]

It has its own 'mark' and you register that mark with the people who put the liquid on your items. You can report it stolen and they can trace it.
Yes, I fully understand the concept, but they can only trace it if it turns up in stolen property and someone runs an Alphadot scanner over the item.

They cannot locate the item by satellite tracking, you'd need an electronic lump for that to be possible..

[femaleacid]

Ahhhhhhhh I understand what you mean now. Yeah, that's true!

[maviczap]

The penny finally dropped :p

[femaleacid]

I'm a natural blonde, I have a excuse :D

[Littlepeahead]

Why don't you get a lock on your office door and put all your stuff in there?

[Spank86]

Or move into the garage.

[Owenski]

@Matt - I can't kick up a fuss because of this culture of my **** going missing. It's impossible for me to say for sure that I haven't lost it (though I am 99% sure because I never misplace anything but the most minor of things), or more likely, that the Mrs has 'tidied it' because that has happened so many times. So I can't accuse someone of theft in a house like this.
.

The power of suggestion is a wonderful thing, your misses knows its missing by now so let her know you're certain its her mate - be some what sympathetic about it and she'll feel the need to clear her mates name. she'll turn the place up side down to find your camera. If she doesnt find it she'll know its been half inched. Then you can ban the sticky fingered bitch.

[dizzyblonde]

- New lighter from LPH came home with me from my night out last night. Last seen when I put my smokes on the window ledge, complete with lighter, as I always do. Came down this morning, some fags taken and lighter vanished. I'll never see that again. Lighters are lost at a rate of about 1 every other day.

More later, without a shadow of a doubt ...


Do you have a cellar or a loft? Coz I'd start looking for beardy weirdo intruders that are living in them, and coming out at night stealing your smokes and stuff.....not to mention stuff in the fridge!

[The Idle Biker]

Do you have a cellar or a loft? Coz I'd start looking for beardy weirdo intruders that are living in them, and coming out at night stealing your smokes and stuff.....not to mention stuff in the fridge!

I was thinking that maybe there were "3 in this marriage"?;)

[Fallout]

Well, it's a good day for finding stuff. I went looking for my jotter pad which I do all my designing work in. Vanished! Now of course, I know this hasn't been stolen. You'd have to be a proper pikey to steal A4 plain paper, so I went on the hunt. Looked in all the usual places and couldn't find it, so instead went into the cupboard under the stairs for a hardcore rummage.

Had to move about 10,000 things, but eventually I found a bag with my jotter sticking out of it. Pulled it out and low and behold there is my camcorder! Of course the Mrs swore she'd left it on the table, but "left it on the table" or "put into a plastic bag, put into the closest cupboard and then piled loads of stuff on top of it" is pretty much the same thing. Glad I didn't start accusing people of theft.

Then I put some of the Mrs's washing on, and I hear the usual clatter of items she didn't remove from her pockets. Have a peek at the machine and there is my lighter sitting at the front of the drum, waiting to be retrieved.

So a successful day of hunting for my own possessions! :)

[femaleacid]

Maybe you should of done a cupboard clearout tutorial :D :rolleyes:

[Runako]

Kleptomania is a terrible thing ... ;)

[Fallout]

Maybe you should of done a cupboard clearout tutorial :D :rolleyes:

Chicken and Egg scenario there! To make a cupboard clear out tutorial I need a camera, and to get a camera, I need to clear out the cupboard. :rolleyes:

[femaleacid]

You're a disappointment FO :'(

[Spank86]

You'll have to draw a cartoon tutorial of you finding the camera.

[femaleacid]

You'll have to draw a cartoon tutorial of you finding the camera.
This! ROFL.

[Fallout]

I've actually been doing some ridiculous chain and sprocket changing antics, but forgot to film it. Might be a bit late now. Angle grinders, various bodged tools and lots of ".... ahhh .. bollox" moments too. Nevermind.

[Littlepeahead]

So how many lighters do you now have from me?

[Fallout]

Three. Two stored away as backups! :)

[Littlepeahead]

I love playing with angle grinders. And chain saws. And guns.

[Fallout]

The angle grinder made me deaf.

[Thunderace]

The angle grinder made me deaf.

Sorry again should have warned you!

[Fallout]

Not really dude! After a few seconds of deafening sparks I could've chosen to get some sort of ear defence, but I was having too much fun. My fault. :)