I'm with stoopid

[Littlepeahead]

I've just been reading up on the Vehicle safety questions section of the driving test. A good idea for sure but it brought to mind a couple of examples of my friends and family being a little lacking.

My sister in law, for starters. Popping round hers to look at her battery as the car wouldn't start, Mr LPH asked if she had any distilled water to top up the battery cells. Oh yes, she replied, I already tried that, before waving the bottle of 'distilled' Evian water she had used.

My mother. We went out for a day and hit traffic so I asked if she had a map so we could work out an alternative route. I was handed a map so old that instead of showing the M25 which we were stuck on there was a thin dotted line with the words 'Proposed London Orbital Route'.

And a friend who when I said I thought her car radiator had sprung a leak replied, 'It can't have, my car doesn't have a radiator, I just have those little vents in the dashboard that blow out warm air.'

Please tell me I am not the only one spending time with the world's daftest!

:stupid:

[jambo]

You're really not.

A person close to me seized an engine that overheated. When asked why they'd not pulled over they stated that the temperature gauge hadn't moved up from cold so not their fault. A follow-up question on whether, of late the temperature gauge had EVER moved up from cold indicating that it worked were met with a puzzled expression.

Jambo

[timwilky]

Wife phoned me, the daughters car temp gauge has gone into the red, what should she do. STOP

When I got to where they should be they weren't. A further 2 miles up the road on a Sainsbury's car park.

Why you here? I told you to stop. Mum said it wasn't safe so lets go to Sainsburys until you get here.

One well cooked engine, thermostat pushed its way through the housing, new thermostat/housing didn't fix the problem. It is as if the pump ain't pumping, took pump off and the impeller dropped off the end of the shaft. New pump and sell car quickly.

[timwilky]

Again the wife phones me, the exhaust has fallen off her car but OK she has phoned the RAC.

She phones me back, the patrolman has just phoned to confirm her location, slip road exit of the M6 at J29 He wanted to know if she was northbound or southbound. She has told him northbound.


You are on your way home so you must be on the southbound exit!........wait for it......."But we live up north"

[Sir Trev]

Numpty I pulled up beside in traffic one blindingly sunny day. "mate, your rear fog lights are on." "The car hasn't got fog lights. It's not my car anyway so it's not up to me." "But you're the driver, so it is up to you..." "[getting annoyed] Look, it's not my car so it's not my problem!" I give up and ride off at this point.

[Spank86]

smash them.

then tell him its not his car, not his problem.

[Dicky Ticker]

Cousins wife topping up the engine oil taking ages-----------she was pouring it down the dipstick hole.

[dizzyblonde]

Distilled water?


Oh yeah....you live in the South where your water fills everything with lime(lyme) rendering it useless

[Sir Trev]

Distilled water?


Oh yeah....you live in the South where your water fills everything with lime(lyme) rendering it useless

My butler fills up the water carafe for me... He's not useless!

[chris8886]

My butler fills up the water carafe for me... He's not useless!

top quality answer to that one trev! good man, lol.

[Littlepeahead]

At least none of my friends have ever gone away for a biking weekend and taken textiles for rain, leathers for sun, 2 pairs of gloves, 2 pairs of boots.... and forgotten to pack a helmet! :compress:

Oh hang on....

[chris8886]

(middle finger smilie) :smt019

[Littlepeahead]

I didn't say it was you, but after that response now everyone knows!

Then again on the same trip, which was only a week after I'd got the GS, I did have a horrible 45 minutes on the M25 when I could hear a nasty rattly metallic sound coming from the rear of the bike on the way home. though it was running OK. Thought about pulling over but the M25 was really busy and I didn't fancy the hard shoulder.

Got home and checked the bike over, no sign of anything amiss. Opened up my left pannier and out fell the loose bottomed cake tin I'd used to transport a carrot cake to Paul 6th's. It was the loose base that had been rattling inside the tin. Doh.

[dizzyblonde]

I can never understand those people who go away for a biking weekend and put their bikes in the back of a van. Tour round destination on bike, put bike back in van, then go home :confused:

Getting there is part of the adventure :confused:

[chris8886]

I can never understand those people who go away for a biking weekend and put their bikes in the back of a van. Tour round destination on bike, put bike back in van, then go home :confused:

Getting there is part of the adventure :confused:

i quite agree with that, can't leave your essentials like helmet etc. cos you have to wear it! lol. but i think lph's elbow was playing up so van it had to be!

[Ceri JC]

I can never understand those people who go away for a biking weekend and put their bikes in the back of a van. Tour round destination on bike, put bike back in van, then go home :confused:

Getting there is part of the adventure :confused:

I can understand it in 3 particular sets of circumstances:
1) A track day, a long way away from home (where you want slick tyres)
2) Trail Riding/Enduro/Rallying away from home and you don't want to wear the knobblies out before you get there.
3) When you have very limited leave available and you have someone else deliver your bike there and you take a quicker means of getting there (usually flying).

[Littlepeahead]

i quite agree with that, can't leave your essentials like helmet etc. cos you have to wear it! lol. but i think lph's elbow was playing up so van it had to be!

Actually is wasn't my elbow. Simon wasn't sure if 'The Shed' would shake to bits on a long moroway drive, the forecast was awful - it rained all the way there - we had to take all our bedding, cakes, camera gear etc. and by the time we'd split the cost of the van 3 ways it was pretty cheap. Plus how would we have consumed 2 large bags of Doritos, a packet of Tangtastics, 3 gallons of cola and some pasties if we'd been on our bikes.

Good thing we took a van to Wales too otherwise Hong would still be shivering on a garage forecourt somewhere on the Welsh border waiting for a lift with a dead bike.

[dizzyblonde]

Maybe its just me then.
Track day I can see that reason for shoving in a van though.
I pack up a bike quite well for camping, a lady with comfort needs doesn't camp lightly. But then I've travelled afar with gear on the back for years, so consider myself an experienced bike traveller.

Currently planning a trip to Scotland which is approximately 370 miles in one direction, on very little time. Kids being looked after by grandparents comes at a premium. Up there Friday, back on Sunday.

[Spank86]

Currently planning a trip to Scotland which is approximately 370 miles in one direction, on very little time. Kids being looked after by grandparents comes at a premium. Up there Friday, back on Sunday.
I've done 1500 miles in a single journey with no non petrol related breaks and no I didn't put too many 0's in that.

I did it to do it, but I wouldn't do it to go on holiday and ride at the end of it. I could barely walk at the end, my back was screaming agony after the 300th mile or so and during the last few hundred I even had a dead arm from the constant wind battering on it.

I'd Van to Scotland especially at this time of year. as I wouldn't want to arrive wrung out and needing a break from riding. I could van up there and be raring to go the minute I touch the ground.

Not that I'm saying I WOULDN'T ride up there, I would if I was going solo but in a group, defo take a van.

[Sid Squid]

It's some time since I experienced anything truly, properly daft, but some low points in the past have included:

Car runs badly, makes strange bubbling noise. This started after the water was topped up. Cause? Full of water, really really full of water, right up to the filler cap - the oil filler cap. I was impressed it ran at all.
The reason for this? The dash light that says the screen washer bottle is low was on, amazingly it sounded fine after putting the right amount of the right fluid in it.

Endless amount of cars that handle funny, wear out tyres quickly or don't grip well - tyres at max rated pressures as written on sidewall. Very common that.

Owner drains out oil for an oil change, then realises they don't have any so drive off to get some. Result; dead motor in short order, predictably.
I've seen this twice - twice in one lifetime, two people who are that daft - can you believe it?

Brake linings made of hardboard? Check.
Brake lines made of aquarium hose? Check.
Battery with different terminals to std, connected with wodges of tin-foil? Check, (discovered after the fire, obviously).
Calipers held on with garden wire and bent nails? Check.
Handbrake cable made of nylon string? Check.
Dead vehicle after connecting the jump leads **** ways? Check.
Wheel nuts lost and replaced with Jubilee clips round the studs? Check.
People who have ruined perfectly good motorcycles by attempting to make them 'choppers' or 'streetfighters'? Check - there's so many of those I've lost count.

The only problem with this thread is where to stop.

[dizzyblonde]

I've done 600 odd miles in a day, in constant torrential rain. I had a date with a ferry.

This time its a date with a relative in a cemetery in May.
It's not the first time, it won't be the last. Although the only gear will be clothes and essential items.

[Littlepeahead]

Brake lines made of aquarium hose? Check.


I bet the fish weren't happy with that one!

[Wideboy]

I can understand it in 3 particular sets of circumstances:
1) A track day, a long way away from home (where you want slick tyres)
2) Trail Riding/Enduro/Rallying away from home and you don't want to wear the knobblies out before you get there.
3) When you have very limited leave available and you have someone else deliver your bike there and you take a quicker means of getting there (usually flying).

Not to mention its cheaper. My cars cheaper to run whilst towing than my bikes. I'm going away for easter and slinging the bike on the trailer.

For trackdays is just for tyre and rider condition

[DJ123]

I'll ride on a long destination to make it an adventure, i plan the travel days there/back as part of the holiday. Means you get to enjoy it and on't have to sit on a motorway (unless time needs to be made up)

[SIII]

A friend of mine borrowed his father-in-laws automatic car (Vauxhall Victor!!!), was driving home up the motorway and it was making a funny noise. When he got to the junction he pulled over and opened the bonnet just to check it was OK before he retuned the car. Stops, opens bonnet, jumps out and looks under bonnet. All sounds OK so he grabs the accelerator cable and gives the engine a wee rev to see if he could hear anything - he didn't !

He did get to see the bottom of the radiator!!!!! :rolleyes:

[keith_d]

I've seen a handbrake removed from a car with the ratchet worn away.

The owner always pulled the hand brake up without depressing the button, bzzzzp, and over some years wore the teeth away to the point where it would just release when it felt like it.

Hopefully these days the parts are hardened rather better than they used to be.

[Mr Speirs]

I once jacked my car up to check something on the rear brakes. I wanted to spin the wheel so I reached into the car and disengaged the handbrake only for the car to roll off the car jack. Drivers side door caught the kerb on the way down and bent slightly...oops.

Luckily the car had a massive solid suspension part below the disc so not damage to anything beneath the car...just the door.