If I was Prime Minister...

[Littlepeahead]

Yes we'd all sort out the NHS, immigration, education, employment, the housing crisis and economy. But once you'd done all that what else would you do to make life better for everyone?

Here is my manifesto:

All concert venues would be height graded so tall people have to stand at the back gradually going down in size until the little people get to stand at the front and everyone gets a good view. Also taking videos at concerts, firework displays and other events would be made illegal so people have to live in the moment, not view it through a rubbish screen.

Ugg boots and Crocs would be banned. No one looks good in these. As a nation we could be far more stylish. There would be a higher rate of tax on saggy tracksuit bottoms to discourage people from wearing them.

Anyone caught letting their dog poo on the pavement and not clearing it up would be imprisoned in a phone box that smells of wee for at least a week.

Footballers would be paid a maximum of £25 for each minute they are on the pitch each week with deductions for any time spent rolling around pretending to be in agony when not actually injured. They could have a small bonus if they score a goal, such as a Curly Wurly.

Over to you...

[andrewsmith]

Police trained by army PT's

[pookie]

if you use government services you pay for them .. road will all be smooth and pot hole free.
Free vitamins to everyone should cut the nhs bill :)
Make parliament virtual and save a bundle.

[Bibio]

tell lies lies and more lies, waste all the money on making the unemployment figures look lower, let all the prisoners out of jail early, terrorise other country's that have oil and call it helping them.

[timwilky]

I would stop subsiding poor employers by raising minimum wage to £10/hour. Raise tax threshold to £20,000 and scrap tax credits. So if you work, even at the minimum rate, you are still better off than sitting on your backside claiming benefits.

Oh and if you are thinking of sitting on your backside, forget that 40hr of community service/week gets you your benefit. Hmmm work might be better after all.

Then help those unfit to work. those too fat/idle will get free compulsory motivation with exercise and movement.

Drug/alcohol dependance will not be an excuse. you too will be subject to the above motivation.

Now girls, your entitlement to benefit and a house by turning out a sprog is gone. Back to the mother/baby units for you. plus compulsory contraception so no repeat of that crime. new mums work in the unit looking after the sprogs whilst the mums of over 6 months go out to work in return for their room, safe in the knowledge there is child care in place.

Borstals are back. The criminal justice system will punish then rehabilitate. Experience tells me, those who went through the 60s system did not want to go back. So lets save the tax payer a fortune and sack the social workers who lack any real world experience.

Now those, too ill/infirm. Pensioners, etc. Your life will be a lot easier, plenty of people on community service to help you.

[shiftin_gear98]

it'd bring back firing squads, make a big list and get cracking...

[TamSV]

Now those, too ill/infirm. Pensioners, etc. Your life will be a lot easier, plenty of people on community service to help you.

Don't worry Mrs Pensioner. We've had to send your pregnant granddaughter to the workhouse but we're sending a drug addict round to help you out. ;)

[Sir Trev]

I would ban people from owning off-the-road 4x4 vehicles unless they had a documented requirement to drive off road. I would also classify them, pretend 4x4s and all pickup trucks, as utility vehicles, restricting them to 50mph, ultra low ratio gears, and 50hp to stop show offs and knucle-draggers using their size to push regular road users around. They will all have to be bright pink too so tatooed thugs in sleeveless hoodies, Timberland boots and cargo shorts who pull out in front of you from the Screwfix carpark will be too embarrassed to turn round and confront you in said carpark for not letting them go first (can you guess what happened to me this afternoon?).

[maviczap]

I would re introduce a refund on any plastic soft drinks bottle, say 5p per bottle

In that way folk would hold onto their bottle, instead of chucking it in the road.

10p per Mountain Dew bottle

[Balky001]

I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace throughout the land

Alternatively, bring a maximum income cap (any excess goes to community projects, R&D, investment in infrastructure), help stop people thinking money is the root to happiness and success, educate on tolerance and base pride on the good things we do for others and not what we have/own. Anyone who is not very nice goes to behavioural school. Peace and love. :)

[garynortheast]

My two favourite answers. A spot of testosterone free compassion and common sense. Won't go down well with the right wingers though.....


Balky, you're showing your age. The New Seekers indeed....


I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace throughout the land

Alternatively, bring a maximum income cap (any excess goes to community projects, R&D, investment in infrastructure), help stop people thinking money is the root to happiness and success, educate on tolerance and base pride on the good things we do for others and not what we have/own. Anyone who is not very nice goes to behavioural school. Peace and love. :)


I would re introduce a refund on any plastic soft drinks bottle, say 5p per bottle

In that way folk would hold onto their bottle, instead of chucking it in the road.

10p per Mountain Dew bottle

[squirrel_hunter]

The will be a tax on "Selfie Sticks". The tax will be a public beating with said stick.

Personalised number plates will be maintained. However any vehicle displaying one will be crushed.

"Boy Bands" will be disbanded, there hasn't been a good one since the Monkees and there is no indication there ever will be. Anybody upset by this will be assessed under the Mental Health Act.

[maviczap]

One more

No more career politicians, to be an MP you must have done a normal job for a minimum of 3 years, including a zero hours contract job. No more going to Uni & then straight into politics.

[Matt-EUC]

i'd like to build the world a home

and furnish it with love

grow apple trees and honey bees

and snow white turtle doves



i'd like to teach the world to sing

in perfect harmony

i'd like to hold it in my arms

and keep it company



i'd like to see the world for once

all standing hand in hand

and hear them echo through the hills

for peace throughout the land



alternatively, bring a maximum income cap (any excess goes to community projects, r&d, investment in infrastructure), help stop people thinking money is the root to happiness and success, educate on tolerance and base pride on the good things we do for others and not what we have/own. Anyone who is not very nice goes to behavioural school. Peace and love. :)


communist!!

[Balky001]

communist!!

Well maybe more humanist than communist.

Garynortheast - I could say I know the song from the later coke adds but you are right, I'm old(ish) and remember the original :)

[maviczap]

I'd ban Tv programs such as Eastenders,Corrie, Flog It, Strictly come dancing,Bargain Hunt and most of the low budget fly on the wall series.

Bring back Tomorrows World, Dixon of Dock Green & Z Cars, UFO, Space 1999 & maybe Charlie's Angels

[Amadeus]

I'd ban Charles De Gaulle and aubergines.

[maviczap]

What about eggplants

[Biker Biggles]

Id ban authoritarian politicians.

[Amadeus]

What about eggplants

Aren't they what aubergines are called in the colonies (USA)?

[maviczap]

Yep, but it would be a legal loophole if you didn't ban them under that name

[Amadeus]

Ok, thanks for the tip. Eggplants are banned as well then!

I might make you my advisor.

[thulfi]

Well maybe more humanist than communist.



More like herbalist:smt033

[andrewsmith]

I would ban the pc bridge

[jambo]

I'd ban Andrewsmith...

:D

[andrewsmith]

Lol

I'd ban cricket

[Littlepeahead]

I think you'll find that some of England's to order already play as though a ban is in place!

[Bri w]

I would ban the pc bridge

But how would we log in without a pc?:(

[squirrel_hunter]

I would ban the pc bridge

I want to know where the bridge is and where it goes?

[maviczap]

I want to know where the bridge is and where it goes?

Over troubled water

[garynortheast]

Just take it to the bridge.....

[keith_d]

I'd start by reforming several key parts of our government finances.

1) Simplify the tax system. Everyone earning more than £25k pays basic rate, above 100k higher rate. Thresholds to be index linked. No loopholes, no allowances, no special cases. If the government wants to encourage an activity it should use explicit payments, not fudge the tax system. This creates the wrong kind of incentives.

2) Merge national insurance and income tax. There's no benefit to having two income taxes. It just creates unnecessary paperwork for both employer and government.

3) Get rid of vehicle duty, and tax fuel based on fossil carbon content. So if you pollute more you pay more. That would make running a vehicle on renewable fuel almost tax free (only VAT on fuel). Vehicles bringing more than 100 litres in from abroad would pay duty on whole amount.

4) Flat tax per unit on booze, again no special cases and index linked. Ban on selling for less than the tax. Similar regime for tobacco.

5) GDP linked cap on government borrowing, which includes pensions, contingent liabilities and local government borrowing. The current pension arrangements (both local government and civil service) are effectively a vast government overspend which they don't account for in any meaningful way.

[Luckypants]

I'd vote keith_d!

[andrewsmith]

I'd vote keith_d!
Seconded

Keith while your on make bikes tax free

[keith_d]

Seconded

Keith while your on make bikes tax free

See item 3. All vehicles are tax free, you just pay tax on the fossil fuel you use.

Taxes should be:

a) simple
b) hard to avoid
c) easy to collect

[ophic]

but if you make things simple, you'll put at least 50,000 people out of work!

[Bibio]

only thing i disagree with Keith is higher rate of tax for high earners over 100k. why should they pay more, think about it if someone is getting paid £100k they are already paying in more tax than someone earning £40k.

0-6k = 0%
6-12k = 10%
12-18k = 15%
18k> = 20%

i would also do away with rebates of VAT and Duty for business. why should a business get a rebates when workers cant on such things as fuel. only exemption to this would be raw materials for manufacturing and trades and the company will have to have a VAT exemption certificate and when buying raw materials they wont be charged VAT at source.

raise company profit tax in line with personal allowances.

i would also reclassify VAT on a lot of the goods that i would consider a necessity in this day and age, such things as washing machines and sanitary towels for instance.

raise base rate interest rates to 5% but cap high street rates to 20% on any borrowing inc credit cards, finance, 'pay day' loans etc.etc

ban adverts for gambling.

[Littlepeahead]

How about increasing VAT on unhealthy food and decreasing it on things like fresh fruit and veg, dried pulses, etc. Make it cheaper for people to eat healthy food.

I know there would still be plenty of people getting fat and moaning that they haven't got the time and inclination to cook, but I think a lot of that is down to education.

My nan taught me to cook, I also then went on to study food and nutrition at O'Level which I really enjoyed but that was optional. A bit like being able to change a plug or a car tyre or a tap washer, if you don't learn at school and your parents never learnt at school we will grow with generation after generation of useless people who can operate a mobile but not an oven. So I'd re-start practical lessons at school.

[Bibio]

ermmm i think i would have 0% on all foods thanks.

[maviczap]

I'd start by reforming several key parts of our government finances.

1) Simplify the tax system. Everyone earning more than £25k pays basic rate, above 100k higher rate. Thresholds to be index linked. No loopholes, no allowances, no special cases. If the government wants to encourage an activity it should use explicit payments, not fudge the tax system. This creates the wrong kind of incentives.

2) Merge national insurance and income tax. There's no benefit to having two income taxes. It just creates unnecessary paperwork for both employer and government.

3) Get rid of vehicle duty, and tax fuel based on fossil carbon content. So if you pollute more you pay more. That would make running a vehicle on renewable fuel almost tax free (only VAT on fuel). Vehicles bringing more than 100 litres in from abroad would pay duty on whole amount.

4) Flat tax per unit on booze, again no special cases and index linked. Ban on selling for less than the tax. Similar regime for tobacco.

5) GDP linked cap on government borrowing, which includes pensions, contingent liabilities and local government borrowing. The current pension arrangements (both local government and civil service) are effectively a vast government overspend which they don't account for in any meaningful way.

Sorry far too sensible

[keith_d]

only thing i disagree with Keith is higher rate of tax for high earners over 100k. why should they pay more, think about it if someone is getting paid £100k they are already paying in more tax than someone earning £40k.



From a practical perspective, when you get to £100k you've met all the necessities of life, even in London. At that point you can afford to contribute a little more to society. Currently the top 1% of earners contribute around 30% of income tax (The Guardian, January 2014) so clearly society as a whole has accepted that idea.

I don't subscribe to the philosophy that the rich should be taxed "til the pips squeak". I would prefer a simple system which is hard to avoid and doesn't favour people who can afford an accountant to find loopholes and avoid paying their taxes.

[Amadeus]

It would be great to have an application that allowed you to specify a tax rate, threashold and it would show you how much tax was generated. I have wondered where it would have to be to allow for one tax rate and generate the same amount of money for the government coffers

[keith_d]

It would be great to have an application that allowed you to specify a tax rate, threashold and it would show you how much tax was generated. I have wondered where it would have to be to allow for one tax rate and generate the same amount of money for the government coffers

If only life was that simple. Changing taxation in any significant way affects an enormous number of economic variables.

There is a group sponsored by Ernst and Young called the ITEM Club (Independent Treasury Economic Model) which runs the same economic model as used by the government. But even with 40 economists and a stack of computer power they can only run a range of scenarios and give you some likely outcomes. Predicting things like consumer sentiment when faced with tax changes is notoriously difficult.

[Bibio]

dont matter it the grand scheme of things as the treasury need a certain amount of money flowing in to keep the country afloat. they can juggle all the figures they like but the public will still be paying what they are paying or more just in different ways.

if a shop keeper reduced the price on a loaf of bread he will off set this by raising the price on butter in the hope that the customer will buy both at the same time. the customer thinks they are getting a deal on the bread and blame rising prices of the butter on inflation. the shop keeper still makes the same money when all the bread and butter stocks are depleted as one offsets the other.

[Trev B]

Does anyone know if any other country in Europe has a PAYE system,here in Spain you can do it yourself OR through an accountant,Tax year 1st Jan - 31st Dec!!!

[orose]

only thing i disagree with Keith is higher rate of tax for high earners over 100k. why should they pay more, think about it if someone is getting paid £100k they are already paying in more tax than someone earning £40k.

0-6k = 0%
6-12k = 10%
12-18k = 15%
18k> = 20%

i would also do away with rebates of VAT and Duty for business. why should a business get a rebates when workers cant on such things as fuel. only exemption to this would be raw materials for manufacturing and trades and the company will have to have a VAT exemption certificate and when buying raw materials they wont be charged VAT at source.

raise company profit tax in line with personal allowances.

i would also reclassify VAT on a lot of the goods that i would consider a necessity in this day and age, such things as washing machines and sanitary towels for instance.

raise base rate interest rates to 5% but cap high street rates to 20% on any borrowing inc credit cards, finance, 'pay day' loans etc.etc

ban adverts for gambling.

I'm not sure I agree with you on the VAT rebate thing - the problem is that things which are luxuries for citizens are sometimes required for the business to operate.

[Trev B]

All the suggestions up to yet are fine,but how would you collect it PAYE or self assessment ???,

[BanannaMan]

A fecking Yank as Prime Minister????


There'd be rioting in the streets!!!!!

[maviczap]

A fecking Yank as Prime Minister????


There'd be rioting in the streets!!!!!

Dunno Bill, sometimes it feels like we're the 51st state. Lots of our old British companies are US owned, Cadbury, Tate & Lyle etc.

Personality wise I prefer Obama to Cameron.

[ophic]

dont matter it the grand scheme of things as the treasury need a certain amount of money flowing in to keep the country afloat. they can juggle all the figures they like but the public will still be paying what they are paying or more just in different ways.
Whilst this is true, it doesn't take into account the inefficiencies of having an unnecessarily complex system - mainly the extra hours invested in administering it. This affects business owners who have to spend time calculating their tax, and also requires a huge number of people employed by the government to process it all.

Make it simple, this expenditure reduces and we could all pay a bit less.

[maviczap]

Whilst this is true, it doesn't take into account the inefficiencies of having an unnecessarily complex system - mainly the extra hours invested in administering it. This affects business owners who have to spend time calculating their tax, and also requires a huge number of people employed by the government to process it all

Whilst some of this is true, so much of the admin of managing tax's (VAT & Income) by humans has been removed & either automated, online or ignored.

With some of the things in the pipeline, even more so.

[Heorot]

A fecking Yank as Prime Minister????


There'd be rioting in the streets!!!!!

Well Bill, we could have a Yank as prime minister in a few years time. Boris Johnson was born in New York, so, technically, he can be considered a Yank. Of course, since he was born in America, he's eligible to be your president too, unlike Obama.

[BanannaMan]

Well Bill, we could have a Yank as prime minister in a few years time. Boris Johnson was born in New York, so, technically, he can be considered a Yank. Of course, since he was born in America, he's eligible to be your president too, unlike Obama.


It really doesn't matter who is president of the US.
It's what party is in power.

The party that supports mega corporations and helps the nations poorest 1% and expects the working class to pay for it.
OR
The party that supports mega corporations and helps the nations richest 1% and expects the working class to pay for it.

We're screwed either way and headed for eventual collapse of the system unless things change.


Meet the the new boss....same as the old boss.

[ophic]

I can see that we're as good at wasting time arguing as any politician. Perhaps we should form a party and run for government? I think Bibio should be Minister of Industry and Gadgets. Any other cabinet recommendations? :D

[garynortheast]

I'm happy to take on the very important portfolio for idling and dog walking.

[Littlepeahead]

If I was Prime Minister, which I'm not as David Cameron appears to have nicked that job, I would have Katie Hopkins and Russell Brand put in a sack with some bricks and dropped off the end of Brighton Pier.

[pookie]

Thats a bit harsh.. Brand has better facial hair. Maybe they could send Hopkins to I'm a celebrity and lose her in the outback.
I expect the unemployment figures to go up this quarter .. lots of ex Mp's with no work experience on their Cvs, a couple of ex political party leaders and a slightly overweight baldy guy.

[Spank86]

If I was Prime Minister, which I'm not as David Cameron appears to have nicked that job, I would have Katie Hopkins and Russell Brand put in a sack with some bricks and dropped off the end of Brighton Pier.
But what if they breed on the way down and somehow escape with their offspring? The horror.


Far safer to use two sacks,

[keith_d]

If I was Prime Minister, which I'm not as David Cameron appears to have nicked that job, I would have Katie Hopkins and Russell Brand put in a sack with some bricks and dropped off the end of Brighton Pier.

Tide in or out??

[Biker Biggles]

If I was PM Id nip round and see the Queen then have a cabinet reshuffle.I might even do a bit of gloating.

[Amadeus]

If I was PM Id nip round and see the Queen then have a cabinet reshuffle.I might even do a bit of gloating.


I think after all the bitching / negativity that goes on around elections, I'm surprised there isn't more.
I have yo say, I I was Cameron, I'd gloat at Sturgeon!

[Matt-EUC]

If I was Cameron, I'd sack myself and replace myself with someone who doesn't intend to drive the country into the ground for their own profit.

[Spank86]

Well that wouldn't be a labour candidate then.