Biking and being a parent

[shutdown]

A thought I had whilst on my hols...

I live in fear (as I'm sure many of us do) that something serious could happen to me on the bike and that be the end of it all

but just recently, my daughter and I are really starting to form a good realationship (she's only 3 but she's always been a mummys girl) and it's really made think about the "what if i wasn't here?" question.

I hoping i'm not alone in this thinking and it's really made me quite a scared rider now.

I know I could get run over by a bus tomorrow while walking through a town but I just wondered if others with kids (kids of any age I guess) had the same fear/thoughts

It's almost taken the fun out of riding.

Therapy session over, your turn :lol:

[The Basket]

I do 70mph in my automobile....not much hope of survival there....airbag or no airbag....

[Red ones]

If you are that worried then do some advanced training, read (and act on) Roadcraft etc.


Decreases the liklihood of accident+s, and promotes the idea of safety to teh little one.

Sorry about the spelling etc - (I have a 2 1/2 year on my knee he loves the bike!)

[Gidders]

Tricky one. My father in law gave up bikes the instant his kids were born, and has tried to make us do the same.

My wife and I both (and always have) ridden - bairns or no bairns.

A child is the most important thing in your life- but he or she is not all your life. It may seem like a good idea to stop riding now, but there's plenty of time to regret the decision, and maybe resent all the enjoyment you're missing.

Anyhow, bikes only tend to kill one parent at a time - unlike cars???

[Biker Biggles]

Don't let anything stop you doing what you enjoy,as it will make you a miserable git and that won't make you a good parent.
As for the other thing,thats what life insurance is for.****e happens and it could happen on a bus or train these days.

[Diveboy]

I dont have kids but every time I hear about someone getting wiped out on the bike I get a sinking feeling.

I was out with a mate on sat (he is a postman) on the same bit of road we went on only half an hour late a guy he delivers post to was killed.

Makes you think

[SVeeedy Gonzales]

After a big crash (third party fault) and a lucky escape in June a lot of people thought I was mad to go back to biking, then my son was born less than 2 weeks ago and I bought another bike just a few days before the birth and have been out on it a few times since.

Planning on doing a bikesafe or IAM skills for life course soon, and have plenty of insurance in place... wife and kids would be financially better off with me dead... but don't let them know that.

Don't let it get in the way of your riding... family thoughts should be ditched along with all other possible stress raisers before you ride. I don't mean that in a cruel way, just that I've had more than a few close shaves when I've been thinking of stuff instead of focusing on the ride.

It'll definitely make you regretful and possibly resentful if you give it up just for the family's sake. Focus on being safe - maybe don't go for that slightly risky overtake, or get sucked into racing some chav in a nova, and get more training, then you'll be as safe as you can and still enjoying bikes.

[jim@55]

yep my thoughts exactly......im ,,er,,,,36 now and recently returned to riding a bike ,but i do have a diff mindset now...when younger i despatched/rode like a looney with not a thought of 'what if'.....im a lot more aware now (i still go fast sometimes)but its with a lot of obs/awareness(for me )and a new respect for fast/SAFE riders i.e police and iam riders.you dont have to grow a beard/get a bmw /be an old fart ,just be careful out there .i thought about riding again for a long time and gave this a lot of thought btw i gave bikes up when my first sprog came on the scene ,,but im back now :wink:

[Big Bad Al]

I'm the same. Have a 10, 9 and 7 year old. Have been riding pretty stupidly this summer, but having just come back from hols and ridden for the first time back to work today, thought I'd try and ride by the book.
As it happens I nearly got taken out by two sports hatches determined to race each other onto the A40 from Perivale this afternoons rush hour......

I suppose something could happen whether your on a bike, in a car, on a plane etc. At least you are thinking of the family and that might make you ride a little more carefully than if it was just you. Hope I can get back to more sensible riding, but somethimes the bike just wants to go faster!

[Ed]

Hi Shutdown.

I have a 7 yo daughter. Last year I came off, it was bad enough but not life threatening. It did make me think though, and my daughter was in floods of tears to see me in hospital.

I have started IAM. It has been such an eye opener. They teach you things you never even think about. As a result I am smoother, safer - and faster. Sounds impossible, but no it isn't. It's only £85.

I'm with SVeedy Gonzales on this one. You mustn't think that you can't do anything for yourself, else you'd never get out of bed.

[streetos]

I've got a mini picture of the Wife and kids stuck to the flat bit on the left hand bar on my bike. It might be soppy but whenever the red mist comes down :twisted: I look at it and it calms me down no-end. 8)

[Haircut]

A thought I had whilst on my hols...

I live in fear (as I'm sure many of us do) that something serious could happen to me on the bike and that be the end of it all

but just recently, my daughter and I are really starting to form a good realationship (she's only 3 but she's always been a mummys girl) and it's really made think about the "what if i wasn't here?" question.

I hoping i'm not alone in this thinking and it's really made me quite a scared rider now.

I know I could get run over by a bus tomorrow while walking through a town but I just wondered if others with kids (kids of any age I guess) had the same fear/thoughts

It's almost taken the fun out of riding.

Therapy session over, your turn :lol:

Yeah, I try not to think about that to much 8-[

After all is daddy without a bike the same daddy?

[lawsoc]

I do have exactly the same thoughts I am 36 year old female with 7 year old twins and took up biking last year as my partner went back to biking. Every time I read or hear someone losing their life it makes me think is it worth it for that little bit of pleasure. My Mam certainly does not approve and you think am I being selfish ?? My partner has just signed up for the advanced and I plan to do the same. I don't go over 80mph and ride within my skill level certainly not racing about. Safety is always at the front of my mind when out on the bikes, but I belive in fate if your times up its up whether you ride a bike or not nowt you can do about it, so for the time being I will continue to enjoy them.
Claire..

[tinpants]

After a big crash (third party fault) and a lucky escape in June a lot of people thought I was mad to go back to biking, then my son was born less than 2 weeks ago and I bought another bike just a few days before the birth and have been out on it a few times since.

Planning on doing a bikesafe or IAM skills for life course soon, and have plenty of insurance in place... wife and kids would be financially better off with me dead... but don't let them know that.

Don't let it get in the way of your riding... family thoughts should be ditched along with all other possible stress raisers before you ride. I don't mean that in a cruel way, just that I've had more than a few close shaves when I've been thinking of stuff instead of focusing on the ride.

It'll definitely make you regretful and possibly resentful if you give it up just for the family's sake. Focus on being safe - maybe don't go for that slightly risky overtake, or get sucked into racing some chav in a nova, and get more training, then you'll be as safe as you can and still enjoying bikes.

Absolutely!! You can't afford to think about anything other than the matter at hand when riding. If you ride with the mentality that everyone else on the road, including bikers, are complete tw*ts it tends to sharpen the senses a bit. As for Roadcraft I would say "do it.". I had to take the Ambulance Service equivalent of the plod system and I feel I'm a better rider because of it. Head up, forward vision. Recognise the hazard before you get there.

[chutz]

I have a 5 year old son and he reminds me to not take chances lest I miss watching him grow up. It doesn't take the fun out of it for me, but thinking of him definitely reduces my risk taking. I also have a black ribbon on my mirror that has been on since my mate Dave's funeral. Another reminder every time I get on the bike not to ride like a ****

[joelowden]

I take both my kids out on the bike ( 1 at a time ) .My son's 14 and my daughter's 13 . They both love it and i don't think I could deny them the pleasure of biking . I just make sure they wear the best of gear .
This for me is a far more mentally onerous thing than my own personal safety when i am riding ; especially as my son likes speed .
Life's for living .......No dress rehearsals.

[sharriso74]

Some great help to me this site, after getting married last moionth my wife (still sounds weird) and I have have decided to start trying for a family. The other half says she's going to sell the bike and give up. My view is keep it, obviously give up while pregnant but she'll most likely want to go back and regret selling the bike

[Noufy]

A thought I had whilst on my hols...

I live in fear (as I'm sure many of us do) that something serious could happen to me on the bike and that be the end of it all

but just recently, my daughter and I are really starting to form a good realationship (she's only 3 but she's always been a mummys girl) and it's really made think about the "what if i wasn't here?" question.

I hoping i'm not alone in this thinking and it's really made me quite a scared rider now.

I know I could get run over by a bus tomorrow while walking through a town but I just wondered if others with kids (kids of any age I guess) had the same fear/thoughts

It's almost taken the fun out of riding.

Therapy session over, your turn :lol:

I think that will all depend on you and how you feel, no matter what others say.

I have a 5 yr old girl and a 1 yr old boy. I only started riding about 2 yrs ago. I cant wait to get my kids on the bike. Yes it is dangerous and perhaps more dangerous than cars/ buses/trains or whatever mode of transport replaces the bike. And you just have to decide whether you are prepared to take that risk or not. If you think not then stop riding. And as already mentioned perhaps some advanced riding training will help in deciding whether it's worth taking the risk or not.

I waited all my life to own a bike, my parents never wanted me to have one cos it was too dangerous, then I couldnt afford it, and whne I finally could my wife thought it was too dangerous. I finally managed to convince her that it's safe and even she is willing to give it a go, she is doing her CBT 2moro. Now that I have got a bike I am not willing to give it up. I believe in fate and if my kids are meant to grow up without their father then it will happen bike or not.

[jonboy]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I had small children I wouldn't ride a bike. Biking, wonderful and utterly addictive that it is, is a very selfish and irresponsible activity, it's extremely dangerous and let's not pretend otherwise. I realise that this is a very controversial statement but I believe it to be true.

My kids are now officially grown up and don't need me to anywhere near the extent that they did when they were small, but I do however still feel pangs of guilt when I think about the possible consequences, but we've all discussed it and agreed that I'm entitled to a bit of life at this stage of the game.

So while I'm not advocating that peeps with young children rush out and give up biking, I do urge them to fully consider the ramifications and also to thoroughly check the terms of the their life assurance policies. If you die through riding like a hooligan the chances of a payout are very slim.


Sits back resignedly awaitng the barrage of flames... :lol:

.

[Viney]

I dont have kids, but biking sometimes does put your own mortality into check. Then you can look at the fact you could have your precious life taken away at anytime by any number of things.

[shutdown]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I had small children I wouldn't ride a bike. Biking, wonderful and utterly addictive that it is, is a very selfish and irresponsible activity, it's extremely dangerous and let's not pretend otherwise. I realise that this is a very controversial statement but I believe it to be true.

My kids are now officially grown up and don't need me to anywhere near the extent that they did when they were small, but I do however still feel pangs of guilt when I think about the possible consequences, but we've all discussed it and agreed that I'm entitled to a bit of life at this stage of the game.

So while I'm not advocating that peeps with young children rush out and give up biking, I do urge them to fully consider the ramifications and also to thoroughly check the terms of the their life assurance policies. If you die through riding like a hooligan the chances of a payout are very slim.


Sits back resignedly awaitng the barrage of flames... :lol:

.

completely understandable comment and not worthy of being flamed.

Certainly interesting seeing how other people think on this subject.

[PBx]

Jonboy - why flamed? Can't see a problem with your point of view. I have a 3yr old, every morning he asks me to be careful when I leave to get on the bike. I can almost feel him sat behind me when I'm riding. Does having kids make a difference? you bet it does.

I think its a bit like getting married, if you think you can change someone - just like that, think again, you can't. It's got to be that persons call, try and force them and they will hold it against you for ever.

For me it has made me more risk averse. It spurred me to take my IAM (after years of threatening to do it but never getting round to it). I can't do much about the other t*ssp*ts on the road, but I can do something about me. It hasn't stopped me riding.

The one that worries me more is what I will do when he gets towards the age when he might want a bike of his own. I'm happy running the risk myself, but if he was hurt because he followed an example that I set, I don't know what I would do. Still, I've got a bit of time to get my head round that problem before it occurs.

[exduker]

Bizarre - I was having exactly this conversation on Sunday with the wife after taking a call from my dad telling me that my cousin's fiancee had just been killed on a bike :cry:

My wife is expecting our first child in November and I asked her straight: "should I sell the bike?". She said she wouldn't be the one to tell me to do that but that she was increasingly worried when I go out for a ride on my own at weekends (I'm a part-time leisure biker only) given our current situation.

I honestly don't know what my view will be when the little blighter arrives - maybe I get a severe mortality check and want to "take a break" from biking for a while, maybe it'll be the "breath of fresh air" that everyone needs every now and again to refocus and keep sane.....

Anyway, I said I'll wait and see what the situation is next spring and how I feel - I'll ride out this season, park up the bike for the winter, and then see what time I have and how I feel next year.

If I do continue riding, I'll just have to ensure my natural levels of caution and hazard awareness are maintained/improved to minimise the risks as that's all I can do - the rest is up to "fate" in my opinion.

[Red ones]

It's the wife who encourages me.

She just looks at Roadcraft when I'm reading it in bed and raises her eyes, calls me a boring old git, then gives me a hug. I occasionally have to remind myself who is at home when I am out on the bike - it's enough to make me pull back and be a little more sensible.

Would I encourage my son? No,, though I suspect I have already done that damage! I would discourage him just as my parents did (my dad used to ride, then took up motor racing) Their discouragement worked long enough for me to get some idea of mortality, responsibility etc.

I find riding actually helps me get life in perspective and helps me identify the prats on the road, and stops me from joining them

[Stig]

Where to start :?: :roll:

As most people on here know. I was extremely close to death just over a year ago after an accident on my bike. Not going to bother with injuries and what I did wrong as this is not the topic in this subject. But I spent a few days in the will he, won't he, pull through scenario.

My wife during this time obviously had no idea if my kids were ever going to see their dad again. I swore in the hospital when I finally came back to the world of the living that I would never ride again. Well as everyone now knows I am riding again. This was down to circumstance rather than wanting to. In fact, I was dreading the moment when Bucket was fixed up and ready to ride again.

Every single time I ride now, there are two things on my mind all of the time. First and foremost is how close I came to leaving my wife and children without a husband and father, following closely behind is the thought of the pain that would come if I chose to have an accident of the same magnitude as the last one. I say chose because in my opinion I chose to have that accident because if I didn't want to, then I would not have rode like I did that day.

I have over the months, built up my confidence again. I now ride in some instances the same as I used to. In fact some times I ride faster. The difference now is that every single thing I do on my bike is calculated. If there is a hint of a hesitation in making a manoeuvre, the manoeuvre is not done. If I have the slightest inkling that a particular vehicle may pull out, turn in, stop, anything then I will back off, look for an escape route etc etc.

I ride with my focus not on the corner I am travelling but at the end of the corner, seeing what is coming next. If I can see further than that then that is where my focus is. I don't need to worry about where I am now as I had that calculated way before I got there.

Every time I leave the house I look back and wave goodbye to the kids and promise to myself that I will be back and in one piece.

But the thing that keeps me at the most real when I ride is when Jo (Mrs Ape) rides with me. The thought of leaving the kids without either parent is smack bang at the front of my mind all the time.

I guess what I am trying to say in a really long winded way, is that yes I think about the dangers all the time, but that doesn't stop me. I have just now altered the way I ride to make sure that I arrive home at the end of the day.

Hmmm not sure if I have drifted away from the topic now or not. :? :?

[SVeeedy Gonzales]

Yeah, after my big off several friends said I should give up riding (and driving too) as it was too dangerous. I asked my wife what she thought and she was very supportive. She's been out with me and she knows I don't ride badly and take well calculated risks. 4 year old daughter is also keen to get a bike and I'd have no trouble with my kids riding so long as they know the risks and get proper training and so on.

The only times I've had offs or near misses were when I wasn't focused on the ride (mostly in my earlier months on a bike) or when it was purely down to someone else doing something daft. I'm pretty certain with more training I could have avoided both incidents where someone did something daft and I got knocked off, just by better positioning, etc. which wouldn't have given them the chance to take me out.

I'm sure that with good training and being focused on the ride, the odds of getting injured or killed on a bike are as good as the odds of it happening when in a car.

[Steve W]

Interesting thread... For the usual sort of reasons I gave up biking in my early 30s before returning about 18 months ago. My kids are 18, 17 and 15 and I think I would have felt differently if the children had been very young; maybe that was subsonciously one of the reaosn i didn't return earlier...

The main issue for me was Linda's (my wife) attitude. Although she won't go near a bike she could see I wanted to and that it would be good for me to have something to focus on (apart from work - sad git that I am). I do ride a lot more carefully than in my 20s but guess that may be as much to age as being a parent but given being a parent is such an important part of who you are it is difcult to be sure about what causes what!

The one thing I do fairly religiously when going ourt on the bike / or retruning form commuting on the bike is to let her know when I'll be home because I know she worries...

I have to say I would discourage my children from biking... my son (aged 15) occasionally talks about it and I say (with a smile) 'it's do as I say not as I do...' In reality I think I would support him if he persists but would need to check out with Linda first...