View Full Version : I make no apologies for my temper.
timwilky
20-02-06, 09:09 PM
Whilst cooking dinner this evening. My daughter took Jasper for his evening constitutional. 10 minutes later she runs back into the house crying. Firstly my daughter is a big girl as in age 22.
Turns out that whilst walking Jasper a man walked quickly behind her and she pulled Jasper onto a tight lead whilst he passed. As he walked passed he hurled abuse at her. waved his hand threateningly and made to kick the dog. She turned round and ran.
On hearing this with a description of the miscreant I jumped into the car found my target, stopped and asked him for a word. He did exactly the same waving his hands/arms, shouting. I calmly pushed him against the wall and asked him what it was like to be frightened. I never got an answer as he ran away with a parting "Leave me f***ing alone. A passing couple who had seen my actions, stopped to enquire what he had done. It would appear that this chap was a medical student who had a breakdown about a year ago and has had serious mental health problems since. He is not known to be violent.
My wife has criticised my over reaction in going looking for the guy. I make no apologies, beyond not restraining him until the Police could be called. In his present condition I consider him a threat to others if not himself.
Opinions please. did I over react, after all she had not been touched, simply frightened. Was it temper as the wife says. Or the instinct of a protective parent?
it was both imo, and id have probably done the same thing, but im not a parent so i cant say...i say well done maybe its what he needed...although i may get flamed for encouraging you...
Andy
... if it was my daughter I wouldve done the same
fizzwheel
20-02-06, 09:27 PM
TBH Tim, I'd have probably done the same as well. Your daughter was obviously frightened by what had happened, hope shes OK.
Its all very well saying hes not know to be violent, but theres always that what if isnt there. What if next time he does turn violent.
Have you reported it to your local plod ?
... if it was my daughter I wouldve done the same
So would I. It's a parents natural reaction...............NO-ONE starts on our children, no matter how old they get!
You did the right thing Tim.
.
rwoodcock01
20-02-06, 09:51 PM
Have to agree with your actions, if it where my daughter I would have done the same, does not matter if she where two years or twenty two years I would have done the same.
Assuming this young man is still suffering from a break down, I would recommend letter the plod know, as if his temper goes un-checked what might he do in the future to someone else?
However I am likely going a little over the top
Your wife my have been a little hard on you, but I can also see her point of view. Don't be too hard on her.
He may well have had a breakdown but when was his last evaluation? Sorry the old psychologist coming out in me :oops:
Cheers
Rich
Biker Biggles
20-02-06, 10:02 PM
I think you showed admirable restraint.I don't buy this idea that because he has mental "problems" he should be allowed to go around behaving badly and threatening others.If he can't behave to an acceptable standard he should'nt be allowed out unsupervised both for society's good and his own.If he did that in one or two places I could think of round here he would end up in hospital or dead.
Plod won't want to know BTW as "nicking a nutter" is too much paperwork and just not worth it as a local copper told me.
454697819
20-02-06, 10:46 PM
at the end of the day you were not aware of his "mental State" untill afterwards, however despite what some say a "non correct Mental State" can not excuse bad behaviour that is threatening to other members of society,
he needs help and its a shame no one is giving it to him,
Tim, you were very restrained, i would probably be writing " so iv just been released from custord pie for kicking the **** out of this guy"
Regards
Alex
Sounds like a case of "don't care in the community" :roll:
Don't trouble yourself, you did fine. :thumbsup:
seedy100
20-02-06, 11:02 PM
My daughter is 20.
I would like to think that I would be as restrained as you were under similar circumstances.
Anonymous
20-02-06, 11:05 PM
Tim, I think Michelle is great (Jasper too), and not your average Barbie. I also think your wife is more than a bit special too.....and I can understand her feelings about your show of "temper".
But where I think she is wrong is this: if it had been HER who had the bejasus scared out of her by a nutter, she would have been pi55ed off if you hadn't stood up for her.
So what you did was right, should not be regretted, and repeated if it happens again, although Lynn might not agree (until it happens to her that is).
one of those situations where your never really sure how you will react. i think you showed admirable restraint under the circumstances. if that had been my daughter im pretty sure i would have done the same.
i would let the police know as the guy sounds like he has serious issues and could vent it on another inocent person. sounds like he needs help.
hope your daughter is ok mate and you also as circumstances like this can upset everyone.
21QUEST
20-02-06, 11:15 PM
Certainly nothing to apologise about. Perfectly normal. Admire the fact that you quite restrained especially as you did not know his mental state.
No offence but the two qoutes below IMHO are just rubbish.
I don't buy this idea that because he has mental "problems" .......
... however despite what some say a "non correct Mental State" can not excuse bad behaviour that is threatening to other members of society,
Regards
Alex
Cheers
Ben
i am not defending the guy who hurled abuse but if he has history relating to mental illness you dont know what frame of mind he is in. your poor daughter caught the brunt of him venting his anger by the sound of it. the police would do a check on this person if they found him which is why i think it may be relevant to let them know.
you didn't over react, just did what any protective parent would do. i'm sure your wife will understand this.
amarko5
20-02-06, 11:48 PM
Next time kick the **** out of him :twisted: :lol:
Sorry :P sensible head now , you did what any self respecting parent would do, and as such should have no regrets at all, explain to lynn that it's a father daughter special bond thing, I am sure she will understand :wink:
Perhaps your wife is giving you a bit of a hard time through fear of potential consequences. She may just have been worried that in his obvious state on 'unrest', to go looking for someone who may just lose it completely and react in an unpredictable & violent way is akin to simply looking for trouble - regardless of why you are looking.
Um... does that make sense? :oops:
I can see that side to it, but I can also understand the urges of male protectiveness (that sounds derogatory and clinical, but it's the only term I can think of at the moment and it's not meant that way) and gut reaction.
Try to get to the root cause of exactly why your wife is drilling you, and understanding that reason, rather than debating the rights and wrongs of something you've already done and can't be undone.
ethariel
21-02-06, 12:19 AM
Hmmmm
To be honest i'd probably have thumped him first :P
Yep - second - no - third - no oh you know what I mean - what they said - I'd do the same too - and have the missus upset one way or the other - it's just the way it is...good point about the 'care in the community' though, clearly this chap needs help...
I would've done the same Tim without a doubt
I agree with the majority, I would have done exactly the same, although I don't think I would have had so much self control.
I think the issue here is for the safety of the man. He was threatening and that alone is enough to get himself a good kicking. If the man has a mental illness and that his actions are to a degree not his fault, then surely he is a danger to himself if not others.
As I said, I would not have been so self controlled and would have given the bloke more than a push. As I am sure would plenty of others. With a mental state of mind such as his, should he not be in a hospital for his own safety :?: :?: :?
Agree with ya totally Tim, guy needs to be reported or something def.
454697819
21-02-06, 07:46 AM
Certainly nothing to apologise about. Perfectly normal. Admire the fact that you quite restrained especially as you did not know his mental state.
No offence but the two qoutes below IMHO are just rubbish.
I don't buy this idea that because he has mental "problems" .......
... however despite what some say a "non correct Mental State" can not excuse bad behaviour that is threatening to other members of society,
Regards
Alex
Cheers
Ben
Ben...
please can you tell me why you think this is rubbish...
i have my reasonong for this..
please pm me with ur reply if you wish
Cheers
Alex
I don't think you overreacted. You used no violence, just a bit of force. It was reasonable to think this bloke was a nasty ar*ehole as opposed to someone with psychological problems - he scared the wits out of your daughter, and made clear indications that he could be violent.
knowing the facts re his state of mind afterwards may have caused some guilt - but not necessarily justified guilt. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Erm, sorry but....
You're daughter is old enough to learn to stand up for a herself a bit more. Running away from someone dodgy is a good idea generally though (so well done to her on that instinct).
As for your actions, I wouldn't have done that. You never know what kind of a nutter he could have been, and I'm sure that your daughter would never want you to get hurt on her behalf.
Just my two pennies. Good excuse for a hug to let each other know you care though.
Halonic
21-02-06, 09:25 AM
hmmm
In retrospect? That you even ask the question hints to your own doubts on the matter. Yours was a very natural response and in the end no *actual* harm was done. So all in is in balance. It was a foolish set of circumstances and will pass as quickly.
But if it happens next again, there are people legally entrusted to do this kind of thing. Inform them. Its much safer for all concerned.
And hopefully I will never have to find out how I will respond in such a situation.
tinpants
21-02-06, 09:53 AM
A perfectly understandable reaction. I wouldn't advocate it as a usual response to something like this- you never know if the culprit is "carrying" or not. :shock:
A better solution, with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, would probably have been to call the polizei and make a formal complaint. A bit wishy-washy I know but sometimes you have to log these things officially. :roll:
Just for the record, on the "not known to be violent" thing, Charles Manson had the very same thing said about him. Go figure?! :wink:
timwilky
21-02-06, 10:01 AM
hmmm
In retrospect? That you even ask the question hints to your own doubts on the matter. Yours was a very natural response and in the end no *actual* harm was done. So all in is in balance. It was a foolish set of circumstances and will pass as quickly.
But if it happens next again, there are people legally entrusted to do this kind of thing. Inform them. Its much safer for all concerned.
And hopefully I will never have to find out how I will respond in such a situation.
I asked the question because I was so angry at the response I got from my wife. She knows that I will not walk away from a confrontation when I believe myself to be in the right. In the cold light of day, it was a foolhardy act on my part. To confront somebody on a country lane is silly and asking for trouble, my defence is simply that I was adrenalin fueled.
It has been pointed out to me that I know this young mans father, I shall be having a word.
Halonic
21-02-06, 10:12 AM
hmmm
blah blah blah
I asked the question because I was so angry at the response I got from my wife. She knows that I will not walk away from a confrontation when I believe myself to be in the right. In the cold light of day, it was a foolhardy act on my part. To confront somebody on a country lane is silly and asking for trouble, my defence is simply that I was adrenalin fueled.
It has been pointed out to me that I know this young mans father, I shall be having a word.
I think she sees the prospect of random nutter taking her husband away from her by (worst case scenario) either clubbing said nutter to death or yourself taking, quite righteous but ill advised, vengance on the nutter. I would expect no less a response from those that cared for me. And we All have done much under the red mist, that we later question. You did well overall.
But yes, having a polite word is probably the best course of action for both parties, very wise.
Look at it this way, you didnt retaliate to the extremes of your capabilities, no one has overly suffered and each party has been spooked by this. You have paused to reflect on this and you have seen a peaceful way to prevent this from occuring again. Damn fine result by the looks of it no?
Ceri JC
21-02-06, 10:47 AM
I think you showed admirable restraint.I don't buy this idea that because he has mental "problems" he should be allowed to go around behaving badly and threatening others.If he can't behave to an acceptable standard he should'nt be allowed out unsupervised both for society's good and his own.If he did that in one or two places I could think of round here he would end up in hospital or dead.
My POV exactly. People like that shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised. All it takes is for him to annoy a group of lads looking for a bit of a pagga and it's "lights out, lunatic".
Walk away from this - and be very grateful that you and your family can do so.
This breakdown is a tragedy for this young man and his family. They cannot walk away from it, yet have no real way to deal with it. I'm sure the family will have a view on the 'care in the community' programme.
Introducing more violence into his life (you might not see it that way) is very counter-productive, and I assure you that you do not want to be any where near if he decides that violence might work.
Do report it to the police and let them deal with it - they will probably inform his doctor, who may be able to help.
then go back to being completely unknown to this poor family.
I do understand your initial reaction - and I'm certainly not going to criticise you for it. But I also understand your wife's - was it she that told you about his breakdown ?
Warthog
21-02-06, 01:34 PM
I think it also depends on what you look like Tim. (wait let me explain). If you are 6 foot 5 and built like a huge hairy biker, then you are in less danger going to confront him than if you are a very small weedy nerd. I don't know you so I can't say if you were in danger really.
But I do know that I have been the subject of random outbursts, drunken attacks, vandalism on my bike etc, and I REALLY wish general members of the public would jump in to my aid more often like you do, as most of them turn a blind eye and walk off!! I have helped out random people who are being attacked before, sometimes to my own detriment, so I am glad there are people like you about. As someone said, you don't know in advance whether they are mentally ill or not, you just have to go on what you know.
Garfield
21-02-06, 08:25 PM
I would have done the same..... incidently sounds a bit like my neighbour - on saturday morning he's hanging out of his window as I start my bike *with race cans on* telling me to f*** off many times over..... apparently making too much noise for whatever he had sleeping in his bed.... :shock:
I raised up at him, told him.... :twisted: well lets just say he might think twice about swearing at me again.....
I'm sorry to disagree with the majority of the above but confrontation of most sorts usually ends up backing someone into a corner and making them behave in a way that they may not have done ordinarily... not to mention if you had confronted them and had a knife pulled out on you even though you were defending your own you would be the one out of action.
I understand that it was purely an emotive response and I dont have children to understand your feelings in this regards however I do think that perhaps your actions were a little over the top. Just my opinion.
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