View Full Version : Out of the mouths of.........women?
A family day out at Crealy adventure park - great.
At the animal section there were some lovely little goats - nice.
Our little girl reached out to cautiously stroke one on the head - aahh so cute.
My wife advised "Keep your fingers near your arms!"
:shock:
:?
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Classic.
scooby2102
12-04-06, 10:45 PM
Nice one :D
Giving my youngest daughter (20 years old) a lift home on Sat afternoon and was driving past a windfarm next to my home which happens to be the biggest in the UK (at the moment) and she pipes up casually...wait for it...
"Dont really see the point in them Dad, all that money JUST TO MOVE WIND ABOUT" :shock:
total silence in car for next few seconds then she moves onto the next subject
I rewind then ask her to explain, she replies, "nope, it just dont make sense "
f*@k me, you just couldn't make it up could you :?
Ceri JC
12-04-06, 11:05 PM
Best one like that I've heard was a friends mum warning him, "don't come running to me when you get hit by a car and have both your legs broken", without a hint of irony. I had to turn away to hide my sniggering.
SVTONYB
13-04-06, 12:03 AM
"I'll draw my hand across your backside" :shock:
My family went out for a drive the other day, I was driving and chewing some chewing gum "Orbit Professional" and Talking to my mussis when my 4 year old son pipes up.... "Daddy, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full".... :shock: :wink: my wife said "well that''ll learn you"
Is that a Norfolk expression or What?
Mr Toad
13-04-06, 07:15 AM
A friend of mine had a notoriously 'dumb' girlfriend.
One day he got a new watch and was showing it off - it said 'Waterproof to 50m' on the back.
Girlfriend says 'but you can swim further than that . . .'
Yes, we're all mindless idiots. You'd NEVER hear a MAN come out with anything stupid. :roll:
Btw, my dad uses the phrase 'that'll learn ya'. It's supposed to be funny.
Spiderman
13-04-06, 11:11 AM
I was teaching an ex-g/f to drive a few years back.
She was learning clutch control this day. And she was doing really well with it too.
Then out the blue she says "If its in first gear but i wanna go backwards whats gonna happen? Will it break the gearbox?"
:roll:
Err, i had to explain that the car doesnt know, or care, whats shes thinking. It'll go forward if its in 1st!
In fairness she did go very red when the penny dropped :lol:
my wife said "well that''ll learn you"
Is that a Norfolk expression or What?
How yer gettin' 'arn?
Most certainly is :wink: :lol:
GSXR Carlos
13-04-06, 02:05 PM
Yes, we're all mindless idiots. You'd NEVER hear a MAN come out with anything stupid. :roll:
Btw, my dad uses the phrase 'that'll learn ya'. It's supposed to be funny.
i'll say it occasionally, tongue in cheek, but its absolutely crap english :lol:
GSXR Carlos
13-04-06, 02:07 PM
I was teaching an ex-g/f to drive a few years back.
She was learning clutch control this day. And she was doing really well with it too.
Then out the blue she says "If its in first gear but i wanna go backwards whats gonna happen? Will it break the gearbox?"
:roll:
Err, i had to explain that the car doesnt know, or care, whats shes thinking. It'll go forward if its in 1st!
In fairness she did go very red when the penny dropped :lol:
women in cars eh,
my girlfriend once asked if the car would stall while it was in neutral at the lights if she let the clutch out, she seems to have forgotten that's what you do for your test :wink:
howardr
13-04-06, 02:10 PM
One of my faves:
"Don't eat with your mouth full"
:shock: :D
Yes, we're all mindless idiots. You'd NEVER hear a MAN come out with anything stupid. :roll:
http://www.go1better.co.uk/images/products/00687_261x261.jpg
:D :D :D :D :D
took my mates lil lady for a spin on the bike many moons ago. whilst on a run, she shouts to me "i need to go to the loo and i can see a public toilet up ahead".
"left or right hand side" shouts i concentrating on the traffic in front.
"its on my side" she shouts :shock: :D :D
21QUEST
14-04-06, 08:35 PM
took my mates lil lady for a spin on the bike many moons ago. whilst on a run, she shouts to me "i need to go to the loo and i can see a public toilet up ahead".
"left or right hand side" shouts i concentrating on the traffic in front.
"its on my side" she shouts :shock: :D :D
Was she riding side-saddle per chance :? :lol:
Cheers
Ben
:-$ but whilst shopping the other week..mrs cuffy saw a van which in big red letters on the side said "CHIPS AWAY"...she asked if i was hungry cos she fancied some chips...i then had too explain that it was a mobile service that would come and remove stone chips from your paintwork #-o
Yes, we're all mindless idiots. You'd NEVER hear a MAN come out with anything stupid. :roll:
Btw, my dad uses the phrase 'that'll learn ya'. It's supposed to be funny.
i'll say it occasionally, tongue in cheek, but its absolutely crap english :lol:
That's the whole point of it... :P
Skullmonk3y
16-04-06, 12:51 PM
1
Peter Henry
16-04-06, 01:05 PM
A pal of mine has a very smart Spanish wife but even she got caught out one day. Having arranged for a courtesy car whilst his own vehicle was being serviced Rob and Maria decided to go out for a little spin.
Unbeknown to Maria the courtesy car had column touch controls for the audio system. As they drove along Rob drew Maria's attention to how clever the hi-fi system was.
"Have you noticed Maria?" he asked her...."You can give the radio verbal instructions and it will alter the volume." He then began to call out "Louder" and adjust the volume with his fingers. After several attempts with adjustment made to the volume, a question came to Maria's mind and she said to Rob, "I wonder if it works in Spanish also?"
Rob fighting against bursting out laughing said..."Well I don't know,why not give it a try?"
Apparently Maria leant forward to the in dash strereo system and instructed..."Mas alta"(higher) and Rob biting his lip adjusted the volume once more with his fingers. he glanced at Maria and the look of amazement on her face....just...made him loose it!
He just completely cracked up but did admit that he felt a little sh*tty afterwards!
I assure you that is a 100% true story! :P :P :P
GSXR Carlos
16-04-06, 01:52 PM
top man your mae rob :wink:
my sister is in the process of giving her dog to the police force as she doesn't have the time to devote to it, and her dog is a very tempermental creature to say the least. she told me
"they'll be able to look after her 24 hours of the day, give her all the love and attention she needs. its great cos they'll use her as a dog...."
which is handy, cos she'd make a crap settee :D
ps for the daft, she meant to say she'll be used as a police dog
A few years ago when workng not too far from a few farms during muckspreading. A lass wanders into the office lets out a heavy sigh and says:
"Does is really stink in here or is it just me" :shock:
UlsterSV
16-04-06, 07:30 PM
Once I was watching tv with my sister. She was 13 or 14 at the time, and I was 15/16. On the program, some girl was knocked down by a car. The force of her being hit flung the girl into a ditch on the side of the road and there she lay, motionless. The car driver stopped, got out, and started to look for this person he had knocked down. I don't know how we got onto it, but my sister said something to the effect of, "That's a hit and run accident." I says, "how is it?? Sure the driver stopped, got out, and looked for the girl!?!" The driver is now running around frantically looking for this person he knocked down, but can't see her. My sister says, "see, he can't find her. She got knocked down, then she ran away!"
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