View Full Version : Parents.
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 03:33 PM
My mum and dad called me today as they had "some great news" that they wished to share with me. Apparently they have now decided to get married! :shock: WTF?!
Should I be pleased for them or angry and devastated in the knowledge that my life thus far has been a complete lie? :?
Finally, if living in Spain and having a 749 wasn't enough, and having to read all your stories about Moto GP at Jerez and glorious riding weather .... we now actually have a reason to call you a b*st*rd.
Only joking ... maybe this should be in the argument thread :P
Quiff Wichard
15-04-06, 04:45 PM
it gets worse Peter..
They rang me too..
I am your brother !!!
see you for Christmas... at yours of course... ! I will bring me shorts!
it gets worse Peter..
They rang me too..
I am your brother !!!
see you for Christmas... at yours of course... ! I will bring me shorts!
:winner:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
kwak zzr
15-04-06, 05:11 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:
That's the end of a beautiful relationship then! :lol:
Seriously though, does it matter Pete? Nowts changed. They're still mum and dad, you're still you and now your mates can call you a ******* legitimately (or is that illegitimately)? :lol:
Be made up for 'em. Make them feel a bit guilty though. See what you can get out of it. :twisted:
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 05:56 PM
Scoobs..well meaning as your words are, presently I think that they are a pair of lying c*nts. How can I ever trust them in future? I now have to pick apart everyting they EVER told me to try to figure out when and where the other occasions of lying were present! :?
GSXR Carlos
15-04-06, 06:03 PM
granted its a sore topic, but scoobs is right, there's no point worrying about it, bit late now anyway, do they live over here?
Scoobs..well meaning as your words are......
I've never been in the same situation as you, but I have friends who have children who aren't married. No-one thinks any less of them. In this day and age it doesn't really matter (IMO). I guess that ain't the point though is it? Or is it? What's really bugging you about it?
I think you are lucky to have both parents. As long as I can remember I have been part of a single parent family. Even when my M & D were still married. I haven't seen my dad for about 17 years.
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 06:10 PM
Carl Thankfully yes they live in the U.K. and I can tell you that the last week in Jukly/first week in August...they are going to find their normal holiday hottel has a "No Vacancy" sign in the window. :evil:
How could people be willing to caryy out such a lie for so many years? :?
How is your life a lie? Didn't they raise and care for you as a family? If you weren't as a family is there something that you feel they didn't give you?
That bit of paper is not an issue.
There are things in life to get upset about but I'm fairly sure this isn't one of them.
The way you deal with this now can affect your future with them and add years of bitterness and pain that really isn't necessary.
Chill out a bit and look at the larger picture and maybe you can be happy that they've finally got round to it - no matter what you've been told in the past. If there were lies you should look at WHY there were lies before you judge them.
They'll really want you to be happy for them.
Jelster
15-04-06, 06:13 PM
it gets worse Peter..
They rang me too..
I am your brother !!!
see you for Christmas... at yours of course... ! I will bring me shorts!
Oh that had me in stiches.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
.
Ping has written everything I wanted to say but so much more eloquently than I could have put it.
Ditto to Ping.
Anonymous
15-04-06, 06:20 PM
Peter, is certainly a hard time for you. I havent been in that position so i cant imagine how i'd feel or react, so what ever advise i can give, is academic anyhow.
However, you say your life has been a lie. Did your parents actually say that they were married before? Or was it just presumed that they were?
If they had said they were, perhaps you could question this lie, if it was just a case of assumption.... then dont worry about it.
Eitherway, id try and be pleased for them. Every person deserves to have that special someone in their life, and you should be happy for your mum and dad that they have found each other, and that they raised you in such a successful way they have.
They have a lot to be proud of, and you should be proud of them for their devotion to you over the years.
Like scoobs has said.. it could have been worse, there are many kids out there with either just mum or dad, or without any.
Whatever happens buddy, keep your chin up.... the world is a large place, and life is too short.
Scoobs..well meaning as your words are......
I've never been in the same situation as you, but I have friends who have children who aren't married. No-one thinks any less of them. In this day and age it doesn't really matter (IMO). I guess that ain't the point though is it? Or is it? What's really bugging you about it?
I think you are lucky to have both parents. As long as I can remember I have been part of a single parent family. Even when my M & D were still married. I haven't seen my dad for about 17 years.
Being a child of unmarried parents may not have the stigma it did - but that doesn't take away the fact that there once was alot of negative feeling towards this sort on thing once.
Peter, it could be that your parents started out by simply protecting you from such ignorant thinking; giving the outward world and yourself the comforting image of a 'proper' family.
I can only guess, but a deceipt like that - the longer it goes on the harder it may be to come clean so to speak. Perhaps that is why they didn't then tell you in your late teens perhaps, or early twenties.
You have my sympathies. It is harsh to feel betrayed by those you should have the strongest bonds of trust and honesty with. This is going to feel raw for some time to come - but going over an re-analysing everything they ever did and said is only going to prolong the bad feelings. Would it really serve a purpose too?
Scoobs, is having two parents who have decieved you better than having one who was honest? Personally I don't think so. Perhaps even having none at all can be the making of a person.
But then this is one of those deeply sensitive and individual issues that I feel should never be compared in this way.
Peter, talk with them, when you feel you can. Try to be accepting of their reasons - life's too short.
GSXR Carlos
15-04-06, 06:29 PM
Perhaps that is why they didn't then tell you in your late teens perhaps, or early twenties.
you are kidding right?
The way I see it, its nothing to do with having 2 parents is better than one and all that, its the fact that the parents have lied about something that is so important. Personally, if my parents had done that to me, I would be gutted. I would also question everything they told me as well. Its a big thing, and if they would lie over something like that for so long, how can you trust them again?
I'm sorry to hear whats happened, I can only imagine what it is like and thats bad enough. My sympathies.
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 07:03 PM
You are such good minded people this is true. But has no-one wondered why they did not take the right action in the first place? Well I sure did and I asked the question....I now wish I hadn't.
Oh yeah my mum with the quaint softly spoken Irish accent, who tuts should anyone mention the word "bloody" in her presence! Good catholic girl you see? What a sham!
The tale is far more colourful than I can cope with to be honest but apparently it goes a little like this,(if even any of this can now be believed!)
Young Irish girl moved to the big city of Manchester from rural Cork in the late 50's. Now like any girl from the sticks she is going to be impressed by the bright lights of a big city. When she left school and gained employment as a typist she would hear her workmates makng plans for nights out. Only mum couldn't join in due to grandads strictly run household and comments like "only a Jezabelle would want to be out until past 10.00pm"
This oppression gradually wore her down and secretly she arranged to share a bed sit with a work mate. Sharing the rent etc. But not long after moving in she found that once the rent and a few items of food were bought, not much remained for any kind of social life.
Another friend took her along to a club where if she sat and chatted with people and they bought drinks then she earned a commission. Nice deal it would appear? But gradually as the earning potential increased so did,(God Forbid) the services that she began to make herself available for. A "Hostess" I believe the job title was back then?
But during all of this she managed to meet my dad who was the captain of her local rugby club, nice chap and all and they began to see more of each other. However one drunken saturday night following a "do" at the rugby club it appeared that mum's err hum defences were allowed to drop...along with other things it would seem..
Smashed out of her head she lurched back to the house of one of the players were an impromptu party took place. Several of the first team players were in attendance and apparently more than one received his match "bonus" that night.
Therefore in a nutshell she had to get out the pin and try to select WHO to claim as the father of her forth coming child. My dad was selected despite not being the best of the rugby players,but one that seemed to have prospects and a caring nature.
All very comforting to me as you can imagine! :? :?
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 07:17 PM
Hmm...Even for the modern thinking folks of Sv.ORG the fuller story makes it less easy to offer words of wisdom,does it not? :cry:
And what do I tell my son? Say nothing to protect him as the truth is worse than the lie? But then I am consciously perpetuating the lie which does not rest easy with me.
His Easter Egg's have been posted over? My a*se!
Anonymous
15-04-06, 07:31 PM
Like i say peter, i would love to offer words of wisdom which would make it easier for you and your family, alas ive no experience of situations like this. Even then, the best advise i would offer you would be not to listen to any as only you truely know the best course of action.
As for your son.. how close was he to his "grand parents"?
Its going to be difficult thats for sure, but you will all get through this terrible time.
And it is important you remember one very important piece of information - they still love you. They devoted their time and effort into bringing you up to do the right thing, you've made a succes of your life, and they have everything to be proud of.
Dont hold any grudges over this, as life is way too short. You will surely only regret it if you did.
Hmm...Even for the modern thinking folks of Sv.ORG the fuller story makes it less easy to offer words of wisdom,does it not? :cry:
The outcome is ultimately in your own hands fella. I wish you well.
UlsterSV
15-04-06, 07:39 PM
Peter, I don't know you mate and I'm not going to sit here and tell you how you should feel. I'm guessing you're feeling like you've had a major kick in the teeth, 'cause I reckon that's the way I'd feel. You just got to ride this out and whatever happens, happens. Kinda sounds silly, but just feel what you feel and let your feelings take their course. From what I've read, you've a wife and a kid and that makes you're a lucky ******* in my book. Concentrate on your family, and your kid, 'cause he's the future. You look after them, they'll look after you. You will deal with it in your own way and in your own time. And life will go on.
I wish you all the best.
Now go stuff your face full of Easter eggs till you're sick.
Like I'm doing right now! :sick:
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 07:47 PM
Oh a further little telephone call from Mummy:
Mum. Hello son are you ok?
P. You know what mum I have never felt better as you can imagine!
M.Don't be like that son.
P.Don't be like what? Sorry if your joyful news was not taken as you had wanted.
M. But none of that really matters.
P. But that is where you are wrong,it matters a lot.
M. Your dad was saying maybe we should come over?
P.Spain's a big place, lots for you to go and visit.
M.You know what I mean.
P. Yeah I know that you pair are actually feeling a little guilty right now,but don't expect me to help you with it.
M. But we thought it was for the best.
P.The best for who exactly?
M.But we always gave you everything.
P.Everything perhaps apart from a basic value...truth.
M But we would like to see Lee as well.
P. Well that won't be happening any time soon as far as I am concerned.
M.But you know he means the world to your dad and me.
P.But do I really know that' Oh yeah it must be true cos you told me so,right?
M. You are being very hurtfull.
P.Live with it.
M.But we promised Lee we would come over and take him to buy his motorbike for his birthday.
P.Well if he is getting a motorbike for his birthday,his dad will buy it,ok?
P. What on earth are people going to think?
M. But why should anyone need to know?
P.It's a little too late for that.
M.What do you mean?
P.Well you know how they say,a problem shared is a problem halved blah,blah?
M.So who have you spoken to?
P.Well I mentioned it to friends on the forum.
M.Forum? What's one of those?
p.It's an internet facility where you can talk to people.
M.So you shared thus with strangers?
P.They are not all strangers actually.
M.But are they aware that you have a terrible sense of humour at times?
:P :P :P :P :P :P :P
Please don't hate me folks. You know I might have been a little naughty but this thread has shown me that there are some damn fine people on this forum! Thx for your input,although I was crying wolf!
I don't know what would have been worse, if this tale had been true or the fact that Quiff was my brother! :P :P
Perhaps that is why they didn't then tell you in your late teens perhaps, or early twenties.
you are kidding right?
No. But I think you misunderstand.
I do not mean Peter is that age now - just why they didn't tell him when he was that age - and more capable of understanding the a young child.
Please don't hate me folks.
You ****er!
:lol: :lol:
Hmm...Even for the modern thinking folks of Sv.ORG the fuller story makes it less easy to offer words of wisdom,does it not? :cry:
And what do I tell my son? Say nothing to protect him as the truth is worse than the lie? But then I am consciously perpetuating the lie which does not rest easy with me.
His Easter Egg's have been posted over? My a*se!
If anything Peter, for me personally, reading that tale makes it easier to offer advice.
I can only guess at the circumstances that led my mother to put me up for adoption. I know she was single and came from a strict family - so I can only guess at the pressure upon her in 1970 when she was pregnant without a husband - or even the prospects of marriage.
I know that my father was "in a populat band at the time" as that is detailed in my adoption records - but nothing else about him, not even his name.
So, was she a drunken slapper, or a woman in love who was left in the lurch? Was he a ******* or did the slim chance at a music career put everything else on hold?
I don't know. You do.
You know your Mum loved you enough to stick with you and give you the best chance she could for a full and happy life.
You know that the man who chose to call himself your father did so fro the same reasons.
Yes, they lied. That is wrong.
Yes, they continued to lie - which is possibly worse. They could have told you when you were adult enough to have understood - but I can see that by then it may have simply been to hard. And if you were happy - why risk losing a son so early in life as the potential result of 'coming clean'?
I am not condoning what they did - nor do I suggest you do. But think, when you can, of the reasons why you would even consider continuing this lie for your own son.
Are there not parallel with thoughts your parents may well have had for you?
Truth and honesty is best in all things - but not always best for all people.
My brother has never accepted that he was adopted - even now at 38 he refuses to even entertain the idea. So my parents and I simply don't mention it - and never have since I first told him 31 years ago!
The bottom line is that life is too short. Hate them now if you feel you need to, but don't do it for long. Losing someone you hate, when all you really want to say is "I love you" is the hardest thing in the world. Don't put yourself or your son through that.
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 08:30 PM
You know...Despite being a naughty boy. There has been some excellent advice and sharing on this thread from many good minded people. Should anyone have a crisis in their life in the future,(heaven forbid of course) referring back here or bouncing it off one or two of the peeps that posted,could prove of great value. 8)
Thank you.
UlsterSV
15-04-06, 08:33 PM
[-X
You know what happened to the boy who cried wolf!! :P
Peter Henry
15-04-06, 08:34 PM
Ulster...I'm feeling bad already mate. :?
I KNEW I should've followed my instincts after looking at this thread...
http://forums.sv650.org/viewtopic.php?t=36543
Peter, some of us have lived through more than that and witnessed others go through more than that. The boy who cried wolf indeed. You could be looking at some serious Karma repayment for this one. :P
It's a good job I don't reckon internet forums have a huge impact on the grand scheme of things.
:)
Anonymous
15-04-06, 11:03 PM
Not impressed peter. I had you down as being a respectable pillar of the community we have here at the .org.
Now i know im not exactly mr Good in many peoples eyes for my antics on the road, but jesus christ... this is disgusting.
Dont expect any words of advice from me in the future should you ask us for it.
:roll:
LOL! good windup, had me going thats for sure :lol:
Finally, if living in Spain and having a 749 wasn't enough, and having to read all your stories about Moto GP at Jerez and glorious riding weather .... we now actually have a reason to call you a b*st*rd.
Only joking ... maybe this should be in the argument thread :P
HA HA HA,
:lol: :lol:
northwind
16-04-06, 12:24 AM
Ah, bo**ocks. I was so shocked at Peter Henry's parents that i went over, beat the **** out of them, and burned the house down with them still inside. I feel I may have overractednow. Still, no hard feelings.
Peter Henry
16-04-06, 09:35 AM
Nah..No problem Andy! Just hastens my receipt of inheritance! :P :drink:
Not impressed peter. I had you down as being a respectable pillar of the community we have here at the .org.
Now i know im not exactly mr Good in many peoples eyes for my antics on the road, but jesus christ... this is disgusting.
Dont expect any words of advice from me in the future should you ask us for it.
:roll:
pull your head out of your **** mr Knee!
unless your joking!
oh jeez, we could be here all day doing this!! :twisted:
Anonymous
16-04-06, 09:51 AM
*Head duly pulled out of *****
Peter Henry
16-04-06, 09:53 AM
Well said Keith!
Come on Joe...don't be hitting me with a sense of humour failure! I am sure that a few peeps thought..."Peter you c*nt!" when they realised what was going on. No need to to carry it for the rest of your life mate. :wink:
Anonymous
16-04-06, 10:13 AM
Wasnt so much a sense of humour failure, rather than just not finding it funny at all.
If i found it funny i would have said so, but i cant see how making us all feel sorry for you and give you life guidance over such a sensitive issue is funny?
As has been referred to many a time.. boy who cried wolf?
Some things just shouldnt be joked about. I know people who HAVE had upbringings similar to what you made a wise crack about, its no laughing matter to them.
ANyway, whats done is done.
timwilky
16-04-06, 10:40 AM
Parent lies.
My cousin was brought up not knowing his mum and dad were actually his grand parents and that his sister was actually his mum. He only found out when he needed his birth certificate in order to apply for a passport to go on his honeymoon in the 70s.
He was devastated. He never talked to his mum (sister) again and did not even attend her funeral.
I can imagine why in those days kids were not told, but to continue the lie into adulthood is damm stupid.
I always remember my then six year old daughter coming home from school crying and saying she was the only kid in her class whose mummy and daddy were not married. Now I think some other parents had been telling their kids whoppers
However PH. Your parents could not be married. This was evident when we met last and I noticed the 5 fingers on each hand.
Saint Matt
16-04-06, 10:42 AM
Hehe, thats so harsh but I can't help laughing lol.
Quiff Wichard
16-04-06, 11:04 AM
it gets worse Peter..
They rang me too..
I am your brother !!!
see you for Christmas... at yours of course... ! I will bring me shorts!
Oh that had me in stiches.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
.
If I didnt know peter so well I wouldnt have written it...!!..
Will speak to peter on msn .. but serious, I wouldnt take the pee out of a situation such as this... unless I knew peter well enough ..
good avice guys , nice thoughts and comments.. this is a realllly nice place to be in times like this. ( or not :wink: )
GSXR Carlos
16-04-06, 11:34 AM
Peter you swine, if i had enough money i'd come over there and kick ten bells out out you
glad you don't have any family trouble
so Lee's getting a motorbike for his birthday is he then, lucky bugger
:lol:
and there was me worrying about posting some comments in bad taste, bravo :wink:
Well Oiled
16-04-06, 02:02 PM
My mum and dad called me today as they had "some great news" that they wished to share with me. Apparently they have now decided to get married! :shock: WTF?!
What - Peter Henry a ******* ??? :shock: :shock: :shock:
Thx for your input,although I was crying wolf!
Peter Henry - What a ******* !!! :P :P :P
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