Tuesday laugh at the expense of the USAF

[rwoodcock01]

Not sure if anyone has read this, but being an old RAF hand, this made me chuckle!

Enjoy :wink:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05/02/raptor_swalloes_pilot/


Rich

[mudge32]

:laughat: What a great bit of technology :lol:

Click the linked article "uceromoniously sawed open".

Does he look embarassed or what :roll: :lol: :lol:

[lynw]

"Emergency teams moved in after 5 hours" :shock: :shock: :shock:

Remind me never to need them in an emergency then :P :lol: :lol: :lol:

Seriously, how long does it take to work out the thing really isnt going to open? Bet 4.5 of those hours were on the Lockheed help line. :twisted:

But I do like the end bit:

"We look forward to the rumoured sequel to Top Gun which will feature Tom Cruise trapped for five hours in his F-22." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Grinch]

What was that phone call to the lockheed support team...

I'm trapped in the F-22...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

Yes...

Could you try again....

Didn't work...

OK...

Let me put you on hold...

music....

Another techie joins in...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

YES...

Could you try again... but slower...

Didn't work... Can you Wait 4.45 hours for a engineer to arrive?

OK...

Much Later...

Engineer arrives with his new special bit of extraction kit... a chainsaw.

[lynw]

What was that phone call to the lockheed support team...

I'm trapped in the F-22...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

Yes...

Could you try again....

Didn't work...

OK...

Let me put you on hold...

music....

Another techie joins in...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

YES...

Could you try again... but slower...

Didn't work... Can you Wait 5.45 hours for a engineer to arrive?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The engineer probably turned up after 4 hours, pursed his lips and whistled, then said he didnt have the right tools for the job and it would cost to get it fixed. Then returned an hour later with said chainsaw. :wink: :lol:

[Anonymous]

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!? :?

Edit - perhaps not. Having actually read the article properly.. they made the good choice.

Pretty risky still though, those det charges used to clear the bolts for the canopy in the event of an ejection dont stand up well to that kind of interference.

Rich - being in the RAF you'll have heard the deal with the Red Arrows and their golf clubs.. resulting in the current "send off" process for ground crews.

[Grinch]

What was that phone call to the lockheed support team...

I'm trapped in the F-22...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

Yes...

Could you try again....

Didn't work...

OK...

Let me put you on hold...

music....

Another techie joins in...

Have you tried rotating the the mechanism?

YES...

Could you try again... but slower...

Didn't work... Can you Wait 5.45 hours for a engineer to arrive?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The engineer probably turned up after 4 hours, pursed his lips and whistled, then said he didnt have the right tools for the job and it would cost to get it fixed. Then returned an hour later with said chainsaw. :wink: :lol:

Ah much better then my revised version...

[lynw]

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!? :?

Im sure they may well have tried it if it was possible. Maybe their concern was for a pilot in a chair exploding upwards and the canopy STILL not opening. I suspect because they couldnt guarantee it opening they werent prepared to have the pilot commit suicide. :?

[rwoodcock01]

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!? :?

If memory serves, and I am going back a bit, there was an unofficial policy in the USAF that they where not keen to bail out a zero feet.

I so want to read the engineers log for this one :wink: :lol:

Cheers

Rich

[Anonymous]

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!? :?

Im sure they may well have tried it if it was possible. Maybe their concern was for a pilot in a chair exploding upwards and the canopy STILL not opening. I suspect because they couldnt guarantee it opening they werent prepared to have the pilot commit suicide. :?

The seats have probes fitted to them which shatter the canopy in the event of the canopy not clearing when the ejection handle is pulled. The charges go off, then the probes in the seat extend. Thats why that scene in Top Gun where Goose hits the canopy is funny.. it wouldnt happen. 8)

[Anonymous]

Ok just an observation.

If they've taken a chainsaw to it the aircraft is gonne be U/S for quite some time, if not totally written off.

Why didnt he just bang out (eject)?

They are fitted with Martin Baker Zero-Zero ejection seats, meaning that sitting on the ground (zero altitude) moving nowhere (zero speed) they are still capable of banging out.

This would have resulted in FAR less damage to the aircraft than attacking it with a chain saw!? :?

If memory serves, and I am going back a bit, there was an unofficial policy in the USAF that they where not keen to bail out a zero feet.

I so want to read the engineers log for this one :wink: :lol:

Cheers

Rich

When you get it give it me.. i want to read it too. You get access to USAF signal reports? I used to but my contact has moved on. :-(

One question rich, those chainsaws.. bit of a risk with the charges for the ejection being there. Take it being ex RAF you'd have heard about the incident with the Red Arrows and their golf clubs some years ago. It resulted in the current send off proceedure the RAF follow for ground crews.

[Flamin_Squirrel]

Pretty risky still though, those det charges used to clear the bolts for the canopy in the event of an ejection dont stand up well to that kind of interference.

Arent there points on the aircraft specifically marked out for cutting pilots out? Indeed I was under the impression that's what the yellow 'rescue' arrows you see painted on are for.

[TSM]

From what i read around, older jets the canopy used to have to come off before the seats were ejected, on later things you see a zig zag in the canopy roof which i was told was an explosive charge to rid the canopy. Times move on, but ejecting would have cost huge amounts.

[Anonymous]

Its not a case of older or younger aircraft. Its in their design.

Some aircraft, like you say TSM, have det charges moulded in to the canopy glass.. when the black and yellow is pulled, these charges blow, a fraction of a second later, probes on the seats extend vertically (in case the charges havent cleared the canopy), at the same time, straps on the pilots flying suit retract, pulling his hands arms legs and body tighter than tight into the seat, it also means his hands arent flaying around the cockpit. Nano seconds later, the rocket engine ignites and the pilot is taken out of the aircraft. The rocket burns for about 2 - 3 seconds then shuts off. The whole process from pulling the handle, to being clear of the cockpit takes in the region of 1.6 seconds.

On other aircraft, the canopy is clear (no det charges) but the bolts which hold the canopy frame to the fuselage have det charges with them. In this case, pulling the handle has the exact same response as above, with the only change being instead of blowing the glass out, the entire canopy is disposed of. Again, the probes extend meaning that if the canopy was still in place when the seat left the aircraft.. the seat would just travel straight through the canopy with the pilot being unhurt.

:shock: Im not sure about USAF policy, but RAF policy is that you can eject no more than 3 times. Reason being that each time you eject, the force compresses your spine by a few inches. After 3 ejections you are deemed unfit to fly, and are discharged on medical grounds.

[TSM]

So its possable for the 'TopGun' hitting head on canopy issue to happen. If for some reason (and its possable) that the gas timing sequencer gets things wrong then its all doom. Considering that the canopies are quite strong and thick then even if the probes shot through the canopy and the back of the seat punched through, there is the possability that there is part of the canopy that has not broken and will cause bodly injury. Its well known that things like failed seats (very rare) or other freek things have happened.

Anyway, he got out, eventualy and at great cost. Bet he was bored.

[Mr Toad]

You have to remember that the cockpit is pressurised - that means no air can get in or out - I wouldn't have wanted to be stuck in there for 5 hours :sick:

[Anonymous]

You have to remember that the cockpit is pressurised - that means no air can get in or out - I wouldn't have wanted to be stuck in there for 5 hours :sick:

Not entirely true. They have Air Conditioning units they can plug in on the ground, and also the cockpits (as well as airliners) dont get pressurised until 8000ft ASL It would have been quite warm though, in the baking Virginia sun, in all that flight gear under that canopy.

I remember when i was doing my EFATO (http://www.aircentre.com.au/aircraft/efato.htm) (engine failure after take off) training at Linton, id spent 2 hours flying circuits in the summer sun, all we had was little DV (direct vision) panels which opened. They're about 2x2 inches and just open wards, but they dont bring that much fresh air in. I was hot, stressed, deydrated and getting pi55ed off. Whilst it was a nice day, there was a 15kt cross wind which made EFATO landings interesting. Also at different altitudes of your climb out, you do different things should the fan stop. It is important to note that at VGS we DO practice "turnbacks" above 500ft, and i once almost experienced that spin and stall he refers to in that article. :?

That old saying: "The propellor doesnt make the aircraft move, its there to keep the pilot cool. Dont beleive me, make it stop and watch him sweat!" :lol:

[Cloggsy]

Perhaps they're only meant as 1 way jets a la 2nd World War Mitsubishi Zeros :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[The Basket]

Ejection is a last resort. The pilots life was not in danger. I think the time scale was trying to find a solution without ruining the airplane.

He must have sweated in that cockpit...sweated even more when they brought the chainsaw out :D