View Full Version : i'm a grandfather
timwilky
09-05-06, 06:33 PM
My son has just announced it, we have checked and one of his girlfriends gave birth on Sunday. We did not even know she was pregnant. My wife has just talked to her on the phone and she says she did not even know herself until last month.
The girl is still at school, she is about to take her GCSEs. I don't know whether I want to be sick or give my son a bloody good hiding. This is 3 young lives ruined. We always joked that having ensured our daughters had their contraception sorted that it would be him that would mess up. True to form, he has.
He has a pathetic job, his bosses expoit him and he currently earns £125 a week as an apprentice. How the hell can he accept his responsibilities.
I just want to cry. I had expected more of my kids.
kwak zzr
09-05-06, 06:37 PM
:roll: err :roll: congratulations :wink: always support your kids mate.
My son has just announced it, we have checked and one of his girlfriends gave birth on Sunday. We did not even know she was pregnant. My wife has just talked to her on the phone and she says she did not even know herself until last month.
:shock: :shock: :shock:
How manys he got?
Seriously though, sex education in this country has a lot to answer for if you can go 8 months of not having a period and not have an idea somethings wrong. Or for not using contraception - by BOTH parties. Dont forget this girls as responsible as your son here.
The girl is still at school, she is about to take her GCSEs. I don't know whether I want to be sick or give my son a bloody good hiding. This is 3 young lives ruined. We always joked that having ensured our daughters had their contraception sorted that it would be him that would mess up. True to form, he has.
He has a pathetic job, his bosses expoit him and he currently earns £125 a week as an apprentice. How the hell can he accept his responsibilities.
I just want to cry. I had expected more of my kids.
Ok, the reality is its happened. Feeling sick or disappointed wont help your son, and may alienate him in whats an already stressful situation.
End of the day, no matter how much you expect of your kids, you have to remember theyre young and human and dont have the benefit of a lifetime of mistakes to be wise from like we do.
Only thing I can say, is no matter how you feel, you need to be there for them. Try and help as much as you can. Is she going to keep the child? Would she consider adoption as an option? So many major decisions they both have to face - will be easier if they have your full support. Not presuming they wont, but if they feel like theyve let you down they wont be as open about it as you would like them to be.
Tim congratulations!
He's young, everybody makes mistakes. I'm sure he'll step up to his responsibilities.
I feel for you!
Trouble is it's too late now,and all the shouting and ****-kicking won't change the situation.
Is the Baby definitly His?
Hope you get it sorted,someway or another!
Speedy. :pale:
Spiderman
09-05-06, 07:02 PM
I feel for you!
Trouble is it's too late now,and all the shouting and @rse-kicking won't change the situation.
Is the Baby definitly His?
Hope you get it sorted,someway or another!
Speedy. :pale:
what he said.
Good luck
I understand how you're feeling, but what's done is done. :? There's nothing to be gained by worrying about what has happened; it's what happens next that's important.
Sometimes the best outcomes come from the most unlikely or most unattractive of situations.
Best of luck.
timwilky
09-05-06, 07:09 PM
The annoying thing is that as soon as we found out that they were sleeping together, we immediately ensured he had sufficient condoms. My wife had a quiet word with her mother, who was first in denial and had to be told that her little girl was having sex.
Over the past year he has repeatedly told us that she was taking the pill.
I had one girlfriend in the 70s who never took a break because she did not want to have her periods, I can only assume this girl may have been the same, assuming that they have been honest all along.
I said one of his girlfriends as although she is the longest in duration he has currently 3 on the go. The worse thing being that one even knows about the other 2 and is competing for him.
He asked us for cash last night and with the amount of debt he currently has we told him to get lost. Now we realise why. The possibilities are the poor girl has nothing prepared in terms of baby clothing, bath, pram even nappies.
Her own parents are split and she lives with her father. I can envisage us getting involved, but tbh he has to grow up very quickly and they need to be honest with us in terms of requirements, intentions etc.
Well I am now off to the pub where I know her father will be. (He is there every night). I just hope that we can make this as pleasant as possible without recriminations
Just to add what the others have said - being there for them is the most important thing in the short term.
I know someone who caught out young and with help and support from the family it seemed to make the best of a bad situation.
Oh Tim I feel for you.
I think that when theshock has subsided and the dust has settled a bit you need to have a family chat and bash into your lad's head that a child is for life not just for Christmas. I'd make an appointment for him with the DSS or whoever and see what benefits mother, father and baby are entitled to. Get everything you can.
I really hope that there won't be a sea of recriminations, as Cronos has said you need to look forwards.
dirtydog
09-05-06, 07:29 PM
er congrats i think!!
As everyone has said try and make the best of of the bad situation. put aside your anger etc and put the best interests of your grandchild first.
Hope it all turns out ok.
Fizzy Fish
10-05-06, 07:45 AM
sounds like you did as much as you could have done to prevent this happening - at the end of the day you can't control someone else's life totally and kids do make mistakes. If it helps I know of a few teens who've had kids and it's tough but they've made a good job of it & are happy.
anyway I hope things pan out OK for you all, and look on the bright side - you're a grandfather!!
hoodlum
10-05-06, 09:11 AM
My Dad used to say that Life is not a guided tour, it's actually a bit of an adventure
None of the things that have happened to your family are thankfully life threatening. I hope that you and your son, his girlfriend and their family can look at this as a challenge that needs to be dealt with sensibly and with thought for the youngster involved in all this.
Your last post was touching, and I think if you said those words in there to both the teenagers involved, that could help a long way; your boy needs to be honest with you, and he needs to understand what his responsibilities are. You have had a longer innings than he has, and I can see that your son, on turning to you for advice will get it, and sensible stuff at that. It's already been said, but support is your role now. I don't (just) mean financial, I do mean emotional, and guiding support.
Make sure he knows where else to go for advice and help, what other external agencies are available to help them with their situation, and where extra sources of dough might come from.
Alternatively, you could kick him in the plums until they're incapable of further use ;) Hope some of that stuff helps. I have the feeling you know all this, but understandably feel frustrated that your offspring has let you down so badly.
Good luck mate.
Don't wanna be a killjoy but make sure they have both signed a 'Parental Responsibiltiy Agreement' (it will have to be legally witnessed)
Otherwise your son will have no rights to the child.
(Though of course he will be held fully accountable by the CSA) :wink:
Messed up system :twisted:
But I hope the outcome is better
Good luck things will seem easier once the dust dies down
havin had a scare before now! when it would have made life an uphill struggle at the time, and told my mum I must say u appaear to be acting more sensibly than that!
Alex's mum sed that he was stupid and how did he know that, that wasnt all I had wanted from him and my mum said she was going to take it off me and that she'd fight the courts to make sure she got it or else I would have to have an abortion!! :sick: I was so very frightened and felt so very alone,
in my experience the first thing to remember is that they will still have a life, it will be different from the one they would normally have had and maybe not the one you and her parents had hoped for, but it will be a life and with a supporting family the situation will be far more bearable.
with regards to your son and his other 2 girlfriends, he needs to decide what he wants and maybe a friendly chat from dad about responsibilities and stepping up to the plate might help.
Dont forget who your son is and try remember that this girl is alone!!!
who knows one day you might look at your grandcild and realise what a blessing they are!
kitten xx
p:S: hope it all works out :grouphug:
My son has just announced it, we have checked and one of his girlfriends gave birth on Sunday. We did not even know she was pregnant. My wife has just talked to her on the phone and she says she did not even know herself until last month.
:shock: :shock: :shock:
How manys he got?
Seriously though, sex education in this country has a lot to answer for if Or for not using contraception - by BOTH parties. Dont forget this girls you can go 8 months of not having a period and not have an idea somethings wrong.as responsible as your son here.
The girl is still at school, she is about to take her GCSEs. I don't know whether I want to be sick or give my son a bloody good hiding. This is 3 young lives ruined. We always joked that having ensured our daughters had their contraception sorted that it would be him that would mess up. True to form, he has.
He has a pathetic job, his bosses expoit him and he currently earns £125 a week as an apprentice. How the hell can he accept his responsibilities.
I just want to cry. I had expected more of my kids.
Ok, the reality is its happened. Feeling sick or disappointed wont help your son, and may alienate him in whats an already stressful situation.
End of the day, no matter how much you expect of your kids, you have to remember theyre young and human and dont have the benefit of a lifetime of mistakes to be wise from like we do.
Only thing I can say, is no matter how you feel, you need to be there for them. Try and help as much as you can. Is she going to keep the child? Would she consider adoption as an option? So many major decisions they both have to face - will be easier if they have your full support. Not presuming they wont, but if they feel like theyve let you down they wont be as open about it as you would like them to be.
Lynne my mother didn't know she was pregnant with me as she had a period until i was born and even tho. she was slim built she never showed.
Tim just give him some support this is gonna be a big change for all concerned
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