Nudist BBQ.* UPDATED*

[Peter Henry]

Well summer is really kicking over here right now and so the social season has begun to get underway.

Some rather wealthy friends who own a spectacular villa have invited us to attend a pool side BBQ next weekend. The only possible draw back is that it is a err hum naturist affair.

Apart from getting one's "things" too close to the burning embers is there anything else I should consider before accepting? Baring in mind there are likely to be a large number of extremely attractive females in attendance also?

Your suggestions and guidance would be greatly appreciated. 8)

[Ping]

Hmm... From what I've seen of naturists, they ain't all fit... :lol: Beware of everything else that'll be on display... :sick:

[Spiderman]

i can only advise you to not go in the sea like that mate.




The fish will be snapping away at your maggot :lol:

sorry, couldnt resisit.

[keithd]

make sure its a warm day/evening

cold can do embarassing things...

to some

[sharriso74]

High factor sun block on the old fella, just don't get carried away rubbing it in :oops:

[Filipe M.]

Cold showers, mate. Cold showers. And try not to stare at anything that may even remotely trigger your, erm, "umbrella carrying device". :P

[Peter Henry]

Ping...I accept what your saying,but you have not seen the guest list of who is attending this little soiree! :shock: :smt031

Filipe...that is a big concern obviously. I dont want to be seen as a mobile direction sign,(if you know what I mean? :oops: )

[Biker Biggles]

Don't take your Viagra until you are sure you mean it. :oops:

[DanDare]

I saw your thread subject and thought you were gonna invite everyone from Blighty over for it. 8)

Fit naked women about, no contest.........

.......But remember it only takes one ugly one to ruin it for all concerned. :lol:

[sharriso74]

Ping...I accept what your saying,but you have not seen the guest list of who is attending this little soiree! :shock: :smt031

Think about Maggie Thatcher in leather that should block any unwanted pop ups

[Ping]

I saw your thread subject and thought you were gonna invite everyone from Blighty over for it. 8)

Fit naked women about, no contest.........

.......But remember it only takes one ugly one to ruin it for all concerned. :lol:
It only takes one naked bloke to ruin it for all concerned.... :lol:

[Peter Henry]

BB..Viagra? How 1980's that is cute. Get with the programme fella Cialis is the way to go....and then some! :P

Ping...That depends upon where YOU insist on looking. :wink: :P

[DanDare]

Ping...I accept what your saying,but you have not seen the guest list of who is attending this little soiree! :shock: :smt031

Think about Maggie Thatcher in leather that should block any unwanted pop ups :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119 :smt119

My Eyes!

[Akula]

tie a piece of cotton round ur leg and round the ermm old man, that way you should be pretty safe :P

[Peter Henry]

I mean if err hum..the old fella does decide to stare at the most inopportune moment. Are people likely to ignore it and simply smile or are they not likely to make too much of a fuss over a little thing like that? :oops:

[Filipe M.]

I mean if err hum..the old fella does decide to stare at the most inopportune moment. Are people likely to ignore it and simply smile or are they not likely to make too much of a fuss over a little thing like that? :oops:

They'll probably turn to you in the middle of some conversation and say something along the lines of "hmm, dear Peter, you may have a point there!" :P

[Law]

:shock: Look everyone in the eyes, and don't be tempted to check out how big the competition is.

[DanDare]

PH you have so got to go and let us know how you get on.


Possibly post another thread in the photo section perhaps???????? :lol:

[Peter Henry]

Oh no! I can't believe I missed this bit! Apparently there is to be a "fun" mixed team volley ball competition to be held on the lawn. :shock: HELP! :?

Followed by poolside musical chairs...oh boy...I think I'm going to faint! :oops:

[Sid Squid]

High factor sun block on the old fella.
That seems like the best advice so far, sunburn there would be most unpleasant.

Cold showers, mate. Cold showers. And try not to stare at anything that may even remotely trigger your, erm, "umbrella carrying device". :P
I'm informed that this concern is generally unfounded, apparently most chaps experience a certain 'stage fright' when there's an audience and don't find themselves in possession of anything ermm...unwanted.

[Law]

Oh no! I can't believe I missed this bit! Apparently there is to be a "fun" mixed team volley ball competition to be held on the lawn. :shock: HELP! :?

Just be glad it's not rugby :lol:

[Ping]

BB..Viagra? How 1980's that is cute. Get with the programme fella Cialis is the way to go....and then some! :P

Ping...That depends upon where YOU insist on looking. :wink: :P
I can't help it.... :lol:

[Biker Biggles]

Are you sure these are naturists and not a totally more interesting group?Maybe Spanish Fly would be more useful,and you could tell us what happened.Don't get deported for lewd behavior or you may have to send a French letter.Best take one anyway.

[Filipe M.]

Oh no! I can't believe I missed this bit! Apparently there is to be a "fun" mixed team volley ball competition to be held on the lawn. :shock: HELP! :?

Hmm... bouncy balls all around, then. :wink:

[Peter Henry]

Felipe..But just think of the hundreds of potential accidental body contacts!!!! :shock:

[DanDare]

Oh no! I can't believe I missed this bit! Apparently there is to be a "fun" mixed team volley ball competition to be held on the lawn. :shock: HELP! :?

Hmm... bouncy balls all around, then. :wink:

PMSL :lol: :lol:

[Filipe M.]

Felipe..But just think of the hundreds of potential accidental body contacts!!!! :shock:

Accidental? Are you that clumsy?! :P

[Peter Henry]

I tell you there are just going to be a ridiculous number of stunning ladies from around age 25 to 40 at this event! I think I must phone in sick! :smt031

[DanDare]

Stuff it I'll go! 8)

[Biker Biggles]

Is there time for plastic surgury before you go?Don't want to let the side down.

[Peter Henry]

No Dan...last year's was the "members only" affair. you might not like this one! :P

BB if you think I am having it shortened to avoid any embarassment...forget it! :wink:

[Law]

Stuff it I'll go! 8)

Let's all go! :)

[Biker Biggles]

If it's "members only"how do these stunning women get in?

[DanDare]

If it's "members only"how do these stunning women get in?

I was beginning to think that unless..................Oh God............Noooooooo!!!!

[Peter Henry]

BB...your obviously getting too excited. Members only was last year! :smt031

[Spiderman]

If it's "members only"how do these stunning women get in?

Maybe Peter will find out that they are he type of lady who packs a piece everywhere she goes.

[sharriso74]

If it's "members only"how do these stunning women get in?

I was beginning to think that unless..................Oh God............Noooooooo!!!!

We've all seen the Crying Game :shock:

[Biker Biggles]

Right I off for a golden :oops: :twisted: I mean cold shower.

[Peter Henry]

Folks....I assure you that none of these are Ladyboys! :smt031

[Filipe M.]

Folks....I assure you that none of these are Ladyboys! :smt031

So tell us more about those "accidental" body contacts, then? :wink:

[Spiderman]

Folks....I assure you that none of these are Ladyboys! :smt031

Have you been oferring the "cough and drop" test instead of shaking hands, again?

[Peter Henry]

Well...Dashing about the court playing volleyball? I mean c'mon you've seen those Brazilian beach players? :shock:

And the musical chairs? when the music stops and you have to quickly get your **** on a seat or sumfink? :smt031

And there is the etiquette to consider. When mingling if the gap you want to move through is a tadge small, and contact is unavoidable....do you ensure the contact is made with anything but the excitable chappie? :smt031

[Filipe M.]

And the musical chairs? when the music stops and you have to quickly get your @rse on a seat or sumfink? :smt031

Don't forget: always go for an unnocupied chair. :wink:

[Law]

And the musical chairs? when the music stops and you have to quickly get your @rse on a seat or sumfink? :smt031

Are you worried you'll sit on a bloke and enjoy it too much? or vice versa :P

[Spiderman]

And there is the etiquette to consider. When mingling if the gap you want to move through is a tadge small, and contact is unavoidable....do you ensure the contact is made with anything but the excitable chappie? :smt031

I guess it depends on who's gap it is, just how tight it is and just how much enjoyment you want to get out of it. ;)

[Peter Henry]

Law...I am more conscious of ungainly contact with some of the beauts in attendance. :smt031

And heaven's above..what if I have claimed the chair and a fair naked maiden sits on me?! :shock: :smt031

[DanDare]

Law...I am more conscious of ungainly contact with some of the beauts in attendance. :smt031

And heaven's above..what if I have claimed the chair and a fair naked maiden sits on me?! :shock: :smt031

Erm.... :? .... Where's the problem?? :?

[sharriso74]

Law...I am more conscious of ungainly contact with some of the beauts in attendance. :smt031

And heaven's above..what if I have claimed the chair and a fair naked maiden sits on me?! :shock: :smt031

Erm.... :? .... Where's the problem?? :?

When Peter doesn't let her go when the music starts again

[Peter Henry]

But Dan the idea is not to go around skewering kebabs, despite it being a BBQ! :P

[cuffy]

Just tuck the ol fella between ya legs and say your on of those pre-op transexuals...just dont turn around or bend over though...people think your piles have taken a turn for the worse :D

[sharriso74]

Just tuck the ol fella between ya legs and say your on of those pre-op transexuals...just dont turn around or bend over though...people think your piles have taken a turn for the worse :D

:pukel: :pukel: :pukel: :pukel: :pukel:

Got that image in my head now. Drink more Stella block it out....

[Viney]

And theres me thinking that you where deeply religious Mr H. Naked flesh is a sin isnt it ;)

[Peter Henry]

Viney indeed you are correct if said naked flesh is viewed whilst hosting improper thoughts. :wink: :smt031

[Viney]

Viney indeed you are correct if said naked flesh is viewed whilst hosting improper thoughts. :wink: :smt031
Oh dear..youd better not go then ;)

[Peter Henry]

Viney....This is for sure the cruxt of my dilemma! :?

[UlsterSV]

May I suggest that if you are indeed a religious man PH, a firm handshake with the good Bishop before proceedings may well help keep temptation at bay.

[Filipe M.]

May I suggest that if you are indeed a religious man PH, a firm handshake with the good Bishop before proceedings may well help keep temptation at bay.

Better yet, arrange for said Bishop to be there! :wink:

[Peter Henry]

Ulster not sure about the bishop but there will certainly be a bit of praying going on during my journey to the event. Also of course a fair degree of paniccy under the breath cursing if the periscope decides to break surface when least expected/ advisable. :smt031

[UlsterSV]

At least you'll have somewhere to hang your party bag.

[Peter Henry]

I just hope no-one decides to be a smart a+se with the onion rings from the buffet! Hoopla! :smt117

[Filipe M.]

I just hope no-one decides to be a smart a+se with the onion rings from the buffet! Hoopla! :smt117

PMSL :lol:

[UlsterSV]

Oh I don't know Peter, that may well work to your advantage.

"Excuse me Miss, can I interest you in an onion ring?"

[Filipe M.]

Oh I don't know Peter, that may well work to your advantage.

"Excuse me Miss, can I interest you in an onion ring?"

I've heard of that before, but with donuts... :? Don't know what would make the carrier feel better, though. I've always tought the donut story was a bit tight.

[Peter Henry]

And what if one of the ladies offers me a taste of her red snapper....from the sea food selection? :wink: :smt031

[Filipe M.]

And what if one of the ladies offers me a taste of her red snapper....from the sea food selection? :wink: :smt031

Does said onion go well with said snapper? If so, you've got no problem. If they somehow clash, then by all means remove said onion, you don't want to offend the aforementioned lady!

[Biker Biggles]

Having sorted out the condiments do you go for cabbages over the briney?
Bishop's finger being the drink of choice no doubt.

[sharriso74]

Given how warm it is over there a sex on the beach would be far more refreshing

[Filipe M.]

Given how warm it is over there a sex on the beach would be far more refreshing

See? Now you've gone and killed the thread! :cry:

[sharriso74]

TAXI

[Peter Henry]

Turning my mind back to the buffet, might their be things best avoided? Maybe stay clear of the hot dip for example? There is sure to be salad but at this event I feel sure even that will be without dressing!

Anything that might crumble and fall causing companions to follow the path of the waywood morsel, thus eyes inadvertantly to focus upon the likely miscreant of the occasion......just so much to bare in mind, what you reckon? :?

[Filipe M.]

Turning my mind back to the buffet, might their be things best avoided? Maybe stay clear of the hot dip for example? There is sure to be salad but at this event I feel sure even that will be without dressing!

Anything that might crumble and fall causing companions to follow the path of the waywood morsel, thus eyes inadvertantly to focus upon the likely miscreant of the occasion......just so much to bare in mind, what you reckon? :?

I reckon bare is still the keyword.

[Biker Biggles]

Don't eat that olive.












Not unless she says it's OK at least. :oops:

[Peter Henry]

Filipe...Bare? You must excuse the pun. :wink: And what about taking dips in the pool? Oh dear what about that game of throwing the beach ball with young lady on your shoulders? Oh now that could be a real test of my control. Will I be left with leech like marks on the back of my neck afterwards? This is all such an education. :smt031


Lordy.Lord.....My friend Karl who will be hosting the party has just called me. he now tells me that he is thinking of having a few party games also. He seems to very much favour the one where everyone lines up(alternating male/female) and have to pass a balloon through their legs to the person behind(oops little pun there...behind? fnaar). That person then passes it over their shoulders. Has anyone played this game? Is it suitable for such an occasion? :? :smt031

[UlsterSV]

Now I'm getting visuals. Somebody lift this thread out of the gutter while I try to do the same with my mind :shock:

[Filipe M.]

Filipe...Bare? You must excuse the pun. :wink: And what about taking dips in the pool? Oh dear what about that game of throwing the beach ball with young lady on your shoulders? Oh now that could be a real test of my control. Will I be left with leech like marks on the back of my neck afterwards? This is all such an education. :smt031

I think I'll refrain from any further comments, my sheltered life hasn't granted me any knowledge of such matters. :oops: :oops: :oops:

[Peter Henry]

You know I have to say that I am a little dissapointed that some of our ladies have not popped in to mark my card for me, you know give me a few pointers!(Mind you I guess a pointer is going to be one of my main problems! :P :smt031

[Jabba]

Turning my mind back to the buffet, might their be things best avoided?

Tacos?

[Peter Henry]

Good call Jabba. I think the chilli peppers might be best left alone also. Dont want any unbaffled brass choruses do we? :?

[UlsterSV]

You know I have to say that I am a little dissapointed that some of our ladies have not popped in to mark my card for me, you know give me a few pointes!(Mind you I guess a pointer is going to be one of my main problems! :P :smt031

Maybe they don't think there's any point worth talking about :lol:

[Filipe M.]

You know I have to say that I am a little dissapointed that some of our ladies have not popped in to mark my card for me, you know give me a few pointes!(Mind you I guess a pointer is going to be one of my main problems! :P :smt031

Maybe they don't think there's any point worth talking about :lol:

:winner: :lol: Sorry PH :wink:

[Peter Henry]

But I am not going to be wearing a Ulster, below the waste disguise am I? I am gonna be me....and I mean ALL me..Yer know what I'm saying ladeeees? 8)

[Biker Biggles]

As long as one of them gets the point who cares? :P

[Peter Henry]

In fact Ulster reminds me of when I joined the Ballet class at school. As a 13 year old I thought it was a great way to get a little closer to Jennifer Ashton,(she was hot...the first girl in our year to wear TIGHTS! How good was that? :wink: )

Anyway a couple of minutes in to the first class and there's me dressed like Rudolf Nuryev and Miss Sharples bellowed out from the front...

"Peter Henry what on earth have you got in there?" she was under the impression I was messing around and maybe stuffed a pair of footie socks down the front of my strides.

A little embarassed i replied..."You dont want to Know Miss, honestly."

"Nonsense boy, bring it hear this instant!"

Well from that day on Miss Sharples had something of a soft spot for me....for some peculiar reason! :wink: :smt031

[UlsterSV]

In fact Ulster reminds me of when I joined the Ballet class at school. As a 13 year old I thought it was a great way to get a little closer to Jennifer Ashton,(she was hot...the first girl in our year to wear TIGHTS! How good was that? :wink: )

Anyway a couple of minutes in to the first class and there's me dressed like Rudolf Nuryev and Miss Sharples bellowed out from the front...

"Peter Henry what on earth have you got in there?" she was under the impression I was messing around and maybe stuffed a pair of footie socks down the front of my strides.

A little embarassed i replied..."You dont want to Know Miss, honestly."

"Nonsense boy, bring it hear this instant!"

I then walked over to Miss Sharples, slipped my hands down my tights, and showed her the cucumber my mother packed with my lunch that morning. I told Miss Sharples that I had brought the cucumber to class for her, as there were no apples in the fruit bowl at home that morning. When asked why I chose to store it in that particular region, I explained to her that as my attire was rather lacking in storage space, I had to keep it in the one place I knew there would be plenty of room. With a look of pity on her face (at the time I was too young to understand why), she smiled and said the cucumber would be a nice change from the usual apple she regularly received from the other pupils.

Well from that day on Miss Sharples had something of a soft spot for me....for some peculiar reason! :wink: :smt031

[Peter Henry]

Poor old Ulster...the only guy I know that gets pangs of inadequacy when sat down for Christmas dinner and the cihpolatas are brought to the table. :wink: :P

But nay we digress....was only thinking.....will this be a "smooth" gathering? Will I have to go through the pleasure of waxing everywhere? And I mean everywhere sister's? :wink:

[Sudoxe]

Well summer is really kicking over here right now and so the social season has begun to get underway.

Some rather wealthy friends who own a spectacular villa have invited us to attend a pool side BBQ next weekend. The only possible draw back is that it is a err hum naturist affair.

Apart from getting one's "things" too close to the burning embers is there anything else I should consider before accepting? Baring in mind there are likely to be a large number of extremely attractive females in attendance also?

Your suggestions and guidance would be greatly appreciated. 8)

A BBQ with Bill Oddie and David Attenborough? Are you mad!

Dan

[Peter Henry]

Sudoxe....When it comes to the wealth question...your two boys haven't got a tiny stick between them to wave at my boy!$$$$$$$ :wink:

[UlsterSV]

Poor old Ulster...the only guy I know that gets pangs of inadequacy when sat down for Christmas dinner and the cihpolatas are brought to the table. :wink: :P

This reminds me of last Christmas when a relative commented on how big the meat was. Instinctively I replied, "Why, thankyou".

An awkward moment, indeed.

[Ping]

Up until today I didn't think any one thread could ever contain so much innuendo...

MAN was I wrong...

:o


:lol:

[BernardBikerchick]

:lol: :lol:

[embee]

I went to a naturist wedding once.


I WAS the best man. :cyclopsani:


As for the BBQ, watch those kebab skewers, you could have someones eye out.

Hear about the man who went to a naturist BBQ in the depths of winter? A woman asked if he'd like to slip into something cool, but he'd already got a chap on it.

:roll:

[Biker Biggles]

Innuendo?

Which end is it in oh. :!: :?: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :oops:



Taxi. :!:

[Peter Henry]

We are indeed a warm community of pervs. just look at the number of viewings since this thread started! I wonder if there will be cheese on the buffet? :?

BTW Ping has loitered for longer than could be reasoably be seen as just passing interest! :wink:

[mysteryjimbo]

To me this smells a bit like the old "parents getting married" scam...... :lol:

[Jabba]

Innuendo?

Thought that was a brand of Italian suppository? :?

[Peter Henry]

jimbo....just you wait until I post the pics then matey. Mind you I think the Mods shepherds crook will swiftly pull me from the stage and you will see me no more. We might have to do this by email :wink:

p.s. I know your just plugging for an invite. :wink:

[amarko5]

make sure the pool is filled with ice, and dive in when required :lol:

[Peter Henry]

You know before I started the thread I ran the idea by the Mod Police for clearance. The person in question was informed I was going to post about supporting my friends Summer BBQ/ball.

The Mod mentioned that due to the dress code there might be more than one ball requiring support on the day! :?

My mind is running amok with concerns. At a naturist gathering such as this, might be best to remain upstanding? I mean if one sits down there is the possibility of several problem as indicated below:

1. When one rises again, one's cheeks might be a tadge red...a rather embarassing situation and there for all to see?

2.Depending upon the material of any seating and the temperatures here now, one false movement when seated could cause rather embarassing though, innocent noises to be emitted? How can that be avoided?

3.If some of the food on offer is of a rather rich nature would it be best to hold in one's cheeks for the duration?

4.If I decide to remain upright all night, is that likely to be tireing? As always your guidance will be greatly appreciated.

[Biker Biggles]

Nice Post :oops:

[Peter Henry]

BB...Sorry to offend your sensibilites, but just trying to be practical here. :wink: