View Full Version : Do you get angry
454697819
09-07-06, 01:26 AM
im not talking in general like when you cut urself, but when u feel like you have done something fundamentally idiotic u will neve be able to sort it out?.
plenty of stuff challenges me in life, like everyone, but i hate making mistakes, especially ones that are iraversable?
so can you just forget and move on regardles of what it is?
Or will you beat urself up for ever?
its 02.22 and im thoughtfull
Urs, curious of leeds...
UlsterSV
09-07-06, 02:15 AM
I know where you're coming from. I used to be like that. I was a terrible one for regretting things and getting myself really worked up about it. Now I don't regret a damn thing. What's the point? You do what you do at the time because something told you it was the right thing to do. IMO, to regret things is to regret the decision you made and by doing that you are regretting your very thoughts and feelings.
**** happens. If you ****ed up but have the chance to put it right and you want to put it right, then do so. If you can't put it right or don't want to put it right, put it behind you and move on mate!!
And yet again I'm awake to the wee small hours :(
philipMac
09-07-06, 04:25 AM
I just had a fairly unpleasant event to try and work out so, like everyone, I have an idea of the hopeless re-running feeling you have.
What's happened is past tense. There are things that you can patch up, and there are things that you can not.
You have to figure out if you can patch any of the situation you are now in and dont like.
If patching is possible, then figure out if it is worthwhile doing.
Regardless of what you decide to do, there is something that happens that you have no control over, ie that it changes you.
How much it changes you, or in what way you decide. But you are changed.
pegasus
09-07-06, 09:03 AM
i used to beat myself up pretty badly over things i regretted doing, but i think as you get older the regret turns into "what if's" what i mean is would your life be necesarilly better if you had taken a different path at a certain time, its all a learning curve and if we never made questionable decisions then we would never learn...think of the chinese yin and yang theory every black has a white and vice versa etc.
questioning your motives and intentions is not a bad thing, even after the fact.
of course this is only my humblest of opinions
one more thing, i kinda feel that any decision made will ultimately affect someone else as well, and you need to question wether or not this is what you are trying to achieve.
chin up fella
Hmmmm,depends really what I've made my decision about and on what grounds....generally though,yes,I get angry with myself,and either get wasted for a while or just ride it out on my bike,trouble with that though was I ended up taking serious risks.
BUT time is a great healer,eventually whatever initially causes so much pain and hurt DOES turn from a great big Dagger in your heart/pride to a tiny itch,that you end up scratching from time to time,and then forgetting for a while..........the itch will always be there,sometimes you will notice it,others you wont.
LOADS of things I regret doing in my 27 years,LOADS of things I dont regret!
E.g. I split up with my Ex a year ago in May,Now,I REALLY regret the fact that we broke up,BUT we broke up because I was standing up for myself (She was spending more time with her MALE friends than me,I got the ump and threw a wobbler!)I DONT regret the fact that I DID stand up for myself!
I tried to get back with her ever since,until 2 months ago,when I gave up,now moving on,I DO regret wasting my time trying,but there you go!
I have good days and bad days with my feelings for her,but I'm not waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep anymore!
TIME is working! :wink:
Chin up mate!
but when u feel like you have done something fundamentally idiotic u will neve be able to sort it out?.
I don't think there's any such thing. If it's broken offer to fix it or pay. Apologise for a slight to someone and work to make it right. Basically if you stand up and take it on the chin you can fix anything.
I could be talking out of my @rse, but trust me I've fooked my life up more than most. Including going out the window while the law are kicking the front door in, long story.
Everybody is still talking to me, except for those that have passed on...
JUICY LUCY
09-07-06, 11:59 AM
Well I know it's cheesy but time is a great healer and it is so true. I have done stuff in the past that I have deeply regreted that I would only divulge to my bestest friend.
I thought I would never get over it. Spent a great deal of time on my own going over what I'd done and how stupid I had been and how many people I had hurt. It is now just a bad memory that may pop into my mind for a split second and I don't feel that guilt or anger or stupidity any more.
I understand where you're coming from m8 and that horrible angry and regretful feeling is not at all pleasant, but believe me, it will feel better. You'll find you can move on eventually and just put it down to life experience.
Chin up m8, you'll be fine, you see :D
UlsterSV
09-07-06, 12:00 PM
Speedy you must've had it bad for her!
Regret is a word in a dictionary.
I beg to differ Razor, there are things that are unfixable - the lost of a life being one. But a moment for regret - no.
Memories - yes, but not regret.
To regret something is to refuse to acknowledge who you are. Everything you say and do has got you to this singular point in time. Do you like who you are now? If so then you have nothing to regret. Easy to say, hard to do - but it is true.
If you don't like yourself then you have the capacity for change. It's a wonderful thing that is pretty much unique to humans so enjoy it.
Still, there is no cause for regret - it's all part of the journey and if you can better yourself then you can be proud of who you are.
There are things that you could not have helped, some that you did because it was right at the time but in hindsight was stupid - then there are those things that you do deliberately, despite knowing what the consequences will be, whether out of fear, anger, pain or malicious intent.
But as long as you eventually learn from such experiences, you should leave regret where it belongs - in a dictionary.
Speedy you must've had it bad for her!
Yes,I did,(still do I spose! :roll: ),it's even harder because she has a little girl,unfortunately not by me,when we got together her daughter was still a baby,I used to get up to her in the night and feed her or just give her a cuddle to settle her down again,she has grown so quickly and there was such a strong bond between us,she knew exactly who I was after not seeing me for over 3 months!
So all that cuts deep!
Yep,I really loved them both,even proposed to Ex!
But hey ho,It's good to talk about it,and I AM getting over it,like I said time is a great healer! :wink:
UlsterSV
09-07-06, 03:00 PM
Got to give you your dues for looking after another man's kid. I suppose leaving her makes things doubly hard. Good to hear you're getting over it.
And it only took you a year :P :lol:
just kidding mate, just kidding :P :lol: :thumbsup:
Ha ha HAAAA!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Yeah,I'm 8) !
I beg to differ Razor, there are things that are unfixable - the lost of a life being one. But a moment for regret - no.
I dunno, never killed anybody. Not had anybody die through my actions either.
Is that what happened to numbers?
454697819
09-07-06, 05:11 PM
I beg to differ Razor, there are things that are unfixable - the lost of a life being one. But a moment for regret - no.
I dunno, never killed anybody. Not had anybody die through my actions either.
Is that what happened to numbers?
lols, no i havnt killed sumopne or been involved ina a fatal accident that was my fault, (touches all sorts of wood)
its really sort off just one of those things, but i just wanted to know i wasnt on my own for beating myself up for a bit, thats all really, :)
I beg to differ Razor, there are things that are unfixable - the lost of a life being one. But a moment for regret - no.
I dunno, never killed anybody. Not had anybody die through my actions either.
Is that what happened to numbers?
I don't know.
Personally I was illustrating my point of disagreement with your comment. There are many things that are not fixable - that being probably the most traumatic - and personally still not cause for regret.
Yet along those lines, many people simply regret things never said within someone's lifetime - it doesn't have to be a death caused.
Also for something to be fixed, it generally needs some action from another person. Either to accept an appology or offer of repair or even help. If the other person(s) refuse such offers is it still 'fixed' bacause you gave it your best?
Probably not because such people who are prone to regrets are also the type who would always wonder if their best was good enough. Maybe if they'd tried this or that. Almost in their nature as it were.
As for Numbers, maybe he was posting over an accumilation of things, maybe a single incident, maybe just being philosophical without cause. We're a strange lot us humans.
lols, no i havnt killed sumopne or been involved ina a fatal accident that was my fault, (touches all sorts of wood)
its really sort off just one of those things, but i just wanted to know i wasnt on my own for beating myself up for a bit, thats all really, :)
Ah, there ya go then.
Goddamn this posting at the same time as someone else! :wink:
You're not on your own. It's an attitude thing and many people share it.
Some grow out of it (I say 'out' not 'up' as I don't believe it's a maturity things, just a shift in perspective thing), and some people even grow into it. Life, experience, peers etc, they all have an effect on the forming of your attitudes to life.
The fact that you are questioning this action yourself means that perhaps your own attitude is ready for a change.
Or not! :wink: :roll:
No hard and fast rules I'm afraid. Unlike our bikes we didn't come with manuals written in Japanese! :wink:
Saint Matt
09-07-06, 06:28 PM
Don't really get angry, because if I make a decision it will be because of the situation, eg, the facts I know, my feelings and whats just happened so if I was put in the situation again I would have done exactly the same.
Alex - there are heaps of things I used to wake up in the night about, get really fraught and uptight. Personal things, work things - any number of them. I came to the conclusion that it's a bad thing to have a conscience. Carrying a shedload of angst around really isn't healthy. I realised this when I was about 30. What can you do about things once they're done? Yes you can reflect on what you would do differently but you can't change what you've done.
What K says - that you questioning the attitude means you're ready for a change - is really perceptive. Well from my own experience - that's what happened to me.
A few life rules:
The world is full of 'if only's
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Hindsight is a wonderful thing
Ed
andyaikido
09-07-06, 08:07 PM
I'm not going to go into to details here but it's nice to know people are in/have been in the same situation as me (spookily similar in your case Speedy).
Having just been through the worst few months of my life things are getting better, at some point they'll probably get worse too,but like K says the things you've done make you who you are and your mistakes should be used to improve things in the future, not to be dwelled on.
Happiness is a state of mind not a set of circumstances.
I beg to differ Razor, there are things that are unfixable - the lost of a life being one. But a moment for regret - no.
I dunno, never killed anybody. Not had anybody die through my actions either.
Is that what happened to numbers?
I don't know.
Personally I was illustrating my point of disagreement with your comment. There are many things that are not fixable - that being probably the most traumatic - and personally still not cause for regret.
Yet along those lines, many people simply regret things never said within someone's lifetime - it doesn't have to be a death caused.
Also for something to be fixed, it generally needs some action from another person. Either to accept an appology or offer of repair or even help. If the other person(s) refuse such offers is it still 'fixed' bacause you gave it your best?
Probably not because such people who are prone to regrets are also the type who would always wonder if their best was good enough. Maybe if they'd tried this or that. Almost in their nature as it were.
K don't be so negative. Everything can be fixed and everybody comes around, eventually. If they don't f**k 'em.
the_runt69
09-07-06, 10:15 PM
I have never got angry with myself about a desicion I've made, I have regretted a few and learned from them. If you repeat a mistake then you should be angry with yourself but to err is human. Learn from your mistakes and you will be a better person.
H
When I get angry, I give it some of this (http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode=chainsaw&url=http://forums.sv650.org/index.php)
:twisted:
TVR_Tracy
10-07-06, 01:01 PM
I am the worst person on this planet for "mentally beating myself up".. I like to think it's a girl thing, but perhaps it's not?... I try not to give myself such a hard time, but I find it difficult... I have a conscious, should I feel bad for that?
With respect to getting angry, I just bust some kickboxing moves... a few side kicks here and there (to innanimate objects only lol), never fails to make me feel better/more confident... Picturing my bosses head on the punch bag... :twisted:
sharriso74
10-07-06, 01:36 PM
Used to really bad so much so work sent me on an anger managment course. I think a lot of it stems from me being very comptative be it sport or work and my feeling of frustration used to boil over. Now I just take a quick break and then come back to it
Amanda M
10-07-06, 01:56 PM
I am the worst person on this planet for "mentally beating myself up".. I like to think it's a girl thing, but perhaps it's not?... I try not to give myself such a hard time, but I find it difficult... I have a conscious, should I feel bad for that?
You're not alone. I'm always doing that :(
so yeah well ok, it took quite alot of guts for me to read that actually, but anyways, erm yeah somebody said this thing..I think it was juicy but sorry if I'm wrong it was
"It is now just a bad memory that may pop into my mind for a split second and I don't feel that guilt or anger or stupidity any more. "
and I have to say I know about this feeling too.
hunny to have made it to your age before u had the real beating yourself for stupid mistakes problem, must mean that you don't make them too often (tee hee hee yeah cos your a really old codger!), u've learnt a lesson in a human way and I am proud of you...sorry for the cheese, but I mean it.
We all do the beating up thing, but you have to forgive yourself sometime, maybe you need to realise that you've punished yourself enough!!!
all the best tiddlywinks,
:cat:
I am the worst person on this planet for "mentally beating myself up".. I like to think it's a girl thing, but perhaps it's not?... I try not to give myself such a hard time, but I find it difficult... I have a conscious, should I feel bad for that?
You're not alone. I'm always doing that :(
you two are very alike - and thats meant in a good way
vBulletin® , Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.