Razor
23-07-06, 08:22 PM
1) The dustbin men not stealing our stuff.
2) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3) I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
5) I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6) I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7) I will not throw up in the car.
8.) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9) "Kitty box crunchies" although they are tasty, are not food.
10) I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the garden after processing.
11) The nappy pail is not a cookie jar.
12) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell.
13) I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14) When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15) We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16) I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17) The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum and dad's laps.
18) My head does not belong in the fridge.
19) I will not bite the constable's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license.
20) I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21) I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my bum.
22) I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.
23) Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way to say hello.
24) I will not hump a person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
25) I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26) I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bum across the carpet.
27) The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28) I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29) The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
2) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3) I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
5) I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6) I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7) I will not throw up in the car.
8.) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9) "Kitty box crunchies" although they are tasty, are not food.
10) I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the garden after processing.
11) The nappy pail is not a cookie jar.
12) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell.
13) I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14) When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15) We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16) I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17) The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum and dad's laps.
18) My head does not belong in the fridge.
19) I will not bite the constable's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license.
20) I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21) I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my bum.
22) I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.
23) Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way to say hello.
24) I will not hump a person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
25) I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26) I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bum across the carpet.
27) The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28) I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29) The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.