View Full Version : Warning: really really bad jokes
Two parrots standing on a perch.
One says do you smell fish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What's blue and fluffy?
Cold pink fluff.
:takeabow: No need to tell me I'm a comedy genius. :roll:
[quote="Law"]
A fsh
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
quote]
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
What do call a deer with no eyes no legs and no penis?
Still no f***ing idea.
Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
Cos they can't get the wrapper off.
What's pink and hangs out your pants?
Your mum.
Please....someone....make it stop.....or shoot me in the head.
:smt066 ..... so scoobs which one is to get it first.. Law or Cuffy???
valleyboy
01-09-06, 11:30 AM
:smt066 ..... so scoobs which one is to get it first.. Law or Cuffy???
You have a gun in each hand.. I suggest you learn to shoot both at the same time... less chance of victims running away in the meantime then! :lol:
Spiderman
01-09-06, 12:20 PM
Please....someone....make it stop.....or shoot me in the head.
Or we could always shoot Scoobs.
Maybe it'll be more fun than getting Tazered eh mate? ;)
El Saxo
01-09-06, 03:20 PM
2 fish in a tank, one says "how do you drive this thing anyway?".
Sorry everyone, couldn't resist... :lol:
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a swimming pool...........
Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims the English Channel.......................................
Clever ****.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug
What do you call a man with the spade removed from his head?
Douglas
What do you call a man you dig up out of the ground?
Pete
more fun than getting Tazered eh mate? ;)
Don't knock it till you've tried it my lycra clad friend.
more fun than getting Tazered eh mate? ;)
Don't knock it till you've tried it my lycra clad friend.
like Lipton Iced Tea? :?
more fun than getting Tazered eh mate? ;)
Don't knock it till you've tried it my lycra clad friend.
like Lipton Iced Tea? :?
:smt078
more fun than getting Tazered eh mate? ;)
Don't knock it till you've tried it my lycra clad friend.
like Lipton Iced Tea? :?
Pervert!
Bluepete
02-09-06, 10:24 AM
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack....
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?
......................
Warren. :roll:
What's brown and sticky?
:nomore:
Jester666
02-09-06, 11:58 PM
Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
Cos they can't get the wrapper off.
Sorry to bring a sensible note to this daft thread.
Polar Bears don't eat penguins 'coz there are no penguines in the Arctic!
Yeah Yeah I know I'm a smarty pants spoilsport!!! :lol: :lol:
What do you call a man in love with two school bags?
A Bi-satchel
2 Snowmen in a field, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?"
Stormspiel
03-09-06, 09:36 AM
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the
road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially
inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
12. A
man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I
can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
16. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
racoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
17. Two fish swim into
a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says "Dam!".
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
19. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron,"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm
positive."
20. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
21. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out
of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
22. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."
23. These friars were behind on their
belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the
friars
to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if
they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
24. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...
..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
All stolen from a recent email :lol:
20. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
:winner:
Michael Owen walks into a bar. He grabs a womens tit and says "You're comin' home with me."
The woman says, "You're a little forward, aren't you?"
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