cuffy
04-09-06, 12:50 PM
I had a phone call on Friday afternoon from the captain of my old rugby club he started off with all the idle chit chat then started going on about the old days when we used to play together (Rugby...filthy lot)Then asked if i fancied a run out at the weekend. SoI ended up coming out of retirment and playing rugby on saturday...scored 2 trys and then proceeded to drink like it was going out of fashion, after copious amount of "apple juice" it was a trip to the kebab shop where i ordered a feast that would've fed a small south african township, after consuming half of the feast i thought it'd be a good idea to walk home,
Having got my bearings from looking at the night sky i then set off across fields of stubble and Farm yard creatures.
T'was then i encountered a small copse, now i had 2 choices...go through it or skirt round the outside...now it was looking very dense so i went for the latter option, so off i set, merrily swaying from side to side when i noticed a gap through to the next field...RESULT.....wrong...i was now heading down a 1:2 gradient faster than an alpine skier...kebab in one hand and trying to balance myself with the other, next was the satisfying sound of having the wind knocked out of me whilst i went on me backside then came the inevitable squelchy sound where i eneded up to my knees in cow **** :oops:
By this time i was extremlely ****ed off because i'd lost my kebab in the slurry, my anger then doubled when i tried to pull my leg out of the afore mentioned **** only to find my shoe had stayed in their, after much reaching around i finally retrieved my shoe, gingerly i made my way up the other side of the embankment when i could feel my footing going away from me.. :shock:
my survival instincts then kicked in when i made a grab for the fence only to find the bugger was of the electric variety which sent me backwards into the same pile of **** i just crawled out of, when i finally did manage to get to the top of the bank i realised the only way out of this place was to go over the electric fence, now being ratted my eye sight and level of judgement were in a very poor state, so the next phase of my escape was to try and stoop between the 2 power lines....FECK!! i managed to zap the top of my head :cry:
I was now getting more and more irate and being imprisoned like some animal ready for the slaughter so like a true pillock i tried to lift my legs over one at a time...you guessed it...one almighty shock to me jacobs which resulted in me lying on the floor rolling around in agony.
So there i was looking up at the stars again thinking my night couldnt get any worse.....MOOOOOOO! was the next thing i heard and one very angry looking bull was homing in on me....."think cuffy" what would Ray mears do in such dangerous conditions!? do i navigate the fence of death or do i try and out run half a ton prime rump steak? i opted to run....which luckily enough payed off.
So i finally got home in the very early hours of sunday morning, stinking of manure, covered in manure and to top it all off where my feet were so wet i think i got trench foot.
Just thought i'd share this with you all......not as worthy as scoobs tazering himself but amusing all the same.
Carry on :D
Having got my bearings from looking at the night sky i then set off across fields of stubble and Farm yard creatures.
T'was then i encountered a small copse, now i had 2 choices...go through it or skirt round the outside...now it was looking very dense so i went for the latter option, so off i set, merrily swaying from side to side when i noticed a gap through to the next field...RESULT.....wrong...i was now heading down a 1:2 gradient faster than an alpine skier...kebab in one hand and trying to balance myself with the other, next was the satisfying sound of having the wind knocked out of me whilst i went on me backside then came the inevitable squelchy sound where i eneded up to my knees in cow **** :oops:
By this time i was extremlely ****ed off because i'd lost my kebab in the slurry, my anger then doubled when i tried to pull my leg out of the afore mentioned **** only to find my shoe had stayed in their, after much reaching around i finally retrieved my shoe, gingerly i made my way up the other side of the embankment when i could feel my footing going away from me.. :shock:
my survival instincts then kicked in when i made a grab for the fence only to find the bugger was of the electric variety which sent me backwards into the same pile of **** i just crawled out of, when i finally did manage to get to the top of the bank i realised the only way out of this place was to go over the electric fence, now being ratted my eye sight and level of judgement were in a very poor state, so the next phase of my escape was to try and stoop between the 2 power lines....FECK!! i managed to zap the top of my head :cry:
I was now getting more and more irate and being imprisoned like some animal ready for the slaughter so like a true pillock i tried to lift my legs over one at a time...you guessed it...one almighty shock to me jacobs which resulted in me lying on the floor rolling around in agony.
So there i was looking up at the stars again thinking my night couldnt get any worse.....MOOOOOOO! was the next thing i heard and one very angry looking bull was homing in on me....."think cuffy" what would Ray mears do in such dangerous conditions!? do i navigate the fence of death or do i try and out run half a ton prime rump steak? i opted to run....which luckily enough payed off.
So i finally got home in the very early hours of sunday morning, stinking of manure, covered in manure and to top it all off where my feet were so wet i think i got trench foot.
Just thought i'd share this with you all......not as worthy as scoobs tazering himself but amusing all the same.
Carry on :D